12:47 AM

"Kurt?"

The velvety, smooth words ran through the phone lines and into Kurt's ear, causing shivers to run down his spine, just like they'd always used to.

They'd also caused Kurt's heartbeat to almost come to a halt - just like they'd always used to.

Kurt couldn't speak. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't move.

He knew he'd have to eventually, of course, but right now? The voice was ringing through his head, falling, falling through his mind at top speed - and he himself thought he might collapse right here and now.

"Hello? Kurt?"

The voice was so loud yet so gentle, so soft and loving - even though Kurt knew for a fact that Blaine Anderson didnotlove him, not anymore. Not after everything.

There wouldn't be much left to love, anyway. Kurt was now a shell of a man - a heartless, soulless being. Blaine wouldn't care.

Blaine shouldn't care.

Kurt had to put on that mask. He had to act fine, act okay, just like he has been for so long.

"Blaine!" Kurt said, much too enthusiastically. They'd been away from each other for so long - Blaine shouldn't notice. He'd just act happy, apart from the small sniffles coming from his nose from crying before. From crying right now, actually.

He begged his eyes to stop crying, pressing the heel of his free hand into each of them. Right now? All he could really do is try, try, and try again.

"Um, hi," Blaine said softly, and Kurt could hear the confusion all the way from New York City. "It's been.. awhile?"

"That it has," Kurt said wetly, a small, humorless chuckle releasing from his lips. "Just wanted to say hi. I'm probably taking up most of your time, so.. I'll just get going, yeah?"

Kurt shook his head at himself.Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"Ijustanswered the call, Kurt," Blaine chuckled arealchuckle, his beautiful laugh thrumming through Kurt's eardrums. "Are you alright? You don't sound too.. good, I suppose."

Kurt let out yet another humorless laugh, rolling his eyes at himself. "Like you have the right to tell me howgoodI sound," Kurt said effortlessly, feeling fresh tears poke at the edges of his eyes. "How long has it been? Three years?"

"Kurt,youstopped talking tome," Kurt wanted to curse at Blaine for saying his name so many times. It sounded too fucking nice coming from that mouth. "Three years ago. Why are you calling me now, of all times? You've never needed me before, so why now?"

"I don'tneedyou. Who said that?" Kurt's thumb wavered over the 'end call' button. "I knew this would be a mistake. Just.. fuck. This was a mistake, Blaine. I'm sorry."

"Wait," Blaine said, and Kurt's eyebrows immediately raised. "Just.. shit, we're fighting already. Mistake or not, you called me."

Kurt let out a loud, audible sigh, and he clenched his eyes shut, releasing his thumb from the button. "You were right," He whispered, wiping a stray tear from his cheek. "I.. do. Need you."

Silence.

And then, "...Oh."

"Oh? That doesn't sound too good."

"It's just.. god, it's been so long, and.." Blaine trailed off, and Kurt's heartbeat slowed yet again.

"Are you still in New York? Like you said you'd be?" Kurt asked, knowing this was wrong, knowing it was all so stupid and childish andstop, Kurt.

Kurt knew Blaine didn't want to meet again like this, with stupid words and frantic sentences. But Blaine replied, leaving Kurt breathless and surprised, just as he always did.

"Of course I am. Still surprised that we've never run into each other," Blaine laughedthatlaugh. "...Why? Did you want to see me?"

Kurt paused, letting out a deep breath that he'd been holding much too long. "Yes," He said, gulping hard. "Yes, I do."

Another pause. God, why were there so many pauses?

"Then meet we shall," Blaine said, and Kurt could hear the smile in his voice. "When?"

"Can you - would you - tonight?" Kurt asked, his voice hurried, eyes bolting around the red stairs he'd grown to love. "I mean - I-I know it's late, and all, but I.."

"It's one in the morning, Kurt," Blaine said, and Kurt knew he'd have to do some amount of convincing. "I have to get to the coffee shop early tomorrow."

Coffee shop? He works at a coffee shop?

"I'll walk you there," Kurt said in a much too small voice. "In the morning. I'll walk you there and - and I'll even buy some coffee," He laughed for real, this time. Small but real. "Please? I don't - Rachel's out for the night, and.. I really,reallycan't be alone. Please, Blaine." Kurt honestly wasn't even sure if Rachel was out. He was having a near panic attack before just because he didn't want her to see him like this, but.. now that he'd realized it? She may be out with her NYADA friends.

That's where Kurt should be.

"I don't know.." Blaine trailed off, deep in thought.Say yes, please, say yes.

"We can catch up," Kurt said, voice cracking andno, no, don't start crying now. "We can."

Blaine must have heard the crack in Kurt's voice, because he caved. But that's something Kurt remembers - Blaine was always so easy to convince.

"Fine," He said, sighing. "I have to get to the coffee shop around 7."

"Okay," Kurt said, standing up from his spot on the steps, avoiding eye contact with anyone around him. He knew his eyes would be quite red, right now. "I live in Bushwick. 387 is the apartment number."

"I'll be there soon," Blaine said, and Kurt notices the lower tone of his voice. It was more calming, now.

Kurt nodded, though he was aware Blaine couldn't see.

"Blaine?" Kurt said after a few seconds of silence.

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry. For.. for ignoring you, all this time." Kurt voice was apologetic, and he knew that Blaine knew he'd really meant it.

Silence once more, and then, "...I'll see you soon."

Kurt didn't say anything more. He hung up the phone, slipping it back into his pocket as he started to make his way home.

But it wasn't home. Not really.

Kurt didn'thaveone. Home was somewhere you were always happy. Somewhere safe, somewhere you felt loved. He didn't have one of those.

He supposes that Rachel may very well be that for him, right now, but.. it wasn't the same as what Blaine used to be for him. Blaine was his rock, his anchor. His world.

But that wasn't Blaine for Kurt, anymore, and it surely wasn't Kurt for Blaine. Blaine probably had some beautiful boyfriend, some guy that swept him off of his feet. Maybe it was Eli - Sebastian, even.

But Kurt had no idea. Because he didn't know Blaine, anymore. They were distant. They were separate. They were apart.

It hurt to think about, so Kurt tried his hardest to push those things to the back of his mind, rushing through the sea of people on his way back to Bushwick.

He didn't bother taking the subway. He needed to walk - he needed air. He needed to learn to breathe again because he was still so angry at himself. He still wanted to cut.

He wanted to cut so badly that his wrists were stinging, as if it were telling him to reach for any sort of blade.

Blaine's going to meet you at your house, Kurt thinks.Blaine will take care of you.

Kurt had to calm himself down. He had to make himself seem at least somewhat presentable, somewhatokay. He didn't want to scare Blaine off.

He scared everyone off. That's why he's so alone, right?

Thankfully, he arrived back at the apartment before Blaine had, and he rushed inside, fumbling for his keys as he pushed the door open.

No signs of Rachel. Good.

He wanted to be alone tonight, and he knew that Blaine would respect that. Blaine wouldbethere, but he'd respect Kurt's boundaries.

Kurt tidied up, shoved away scattered books, magazines, etc. He made sure his razors were locked away under his bed, just like always. He hid most of the booze in the fridge, and he made his bed as quickly as he could.

It looked clean enough, and he'd finished right on time.

Knock, knock, knock.