I wonder if I'm fading. Maybe he can't feel my presence anymore. Maybe I'm only a shadow now. Maybe he's moved on. I don't blame him. It's my fault. He deserves to be with someone who is alive and that can make him happy. He shouldn't dwell on the past anymore. If only I could tell him that it wasn't his fault, this would all be over. I don't know if I have the strength to do that, though. Fuck, I miss him. I miss his touch, his love. The taste of his lips. He deserves so much more than the guilt I've caused him all these years. I hope he knows how sorry I am.

Blaine Anderson was hovering over his fiancee's body. He doesn't know what to do. God, what the hell is he supposed to do. What's happening. He doesn't understand. He's standing there with a blank expression on his face. After a few minutes he drops to his knees and begins to sob. It's still there, the slow, rhythmic beat of Kurt Hummel's heart. His hands on his chest, now covered in crimson. Pull it together, Blaine. Your soon-to-be husband needs you. He needs to get Kurt to the hospital, now.

*2 years earlier*

A phone call:

INCOMING CALL: Blaine

"Hey, honey."

"Hi, baby. How's work?"

"Stressful. I'm going to be home late tonight. Don't wait up, baby."

"But I like waiting for you."

"I know. Be home soon... hopefully."

"Hurry, please."

"You know it."

"Love you."

"Love you too."

Kurt's jean pocket was itching.  He could feel the razor blade up against his thigh, screaming at him.

Kurt... you know you want to, Kurt... it's been too long without me, Kurt... come on, just give it a try.  You know you love it.

He thought his high school days of cutting were over, but it had come back to haunt him right after his father died.  It had only been a month.  He hadn't cut yet, but he carried the blade around with him just for security and comfort.  Just so he knows that he has the option of using it if he ever needed to.  He knew we probably was going to need do it soon.  Blaine doesn't know... he can never know...

*A month earlier*

"Are you okay?" Blaine asked.

"Why?"

"I don't know, you just seem upset... and tense."

" 'm fine."

"Hm, okay. Want to go see a movie later?"

"No, not really. I'm tired, okay? Let's just stay in tonight."

"Sure thing, honey."

Blaine got up from the dinner table, walked over to his fiancee wrapped his arms around Kurt's neck and kissed the back it, just ghosting over his skin with his lips. Kurt smiled slightly and then got up from the table and walked slowly to their bedroom door and opened it. He sat down on their bed and sighed. Kurt didn't know what to do with himself anymore. He can't take much more of this, can't keep lying to his fiancee. He pulled out the razor in his pocket and stared at it for several minutes, deciding what to do with it.

One more time wouldn't hurt... I'll never do it again... I promise...