It wasnt the first time Blaine ended a date feeling incompetent. Feeling like a let down. Feeling pressured. The truth is Blaine is insecure. There are parts of himself, a lot of parts, that hes not comfortable with other people seeing. No matter how close he is to that person and how much he wants to share everything with them. Just not everything at once. Maybe one night Blaine would be ready to go all the way. He slipped out of the warm, candle light condo and jammed his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. He decided tonight was not that night.

The apartment was empty when Blaine got home; Kurt usually had the late shift on Saturday. He shed his hoodie, which was practically useless against New Yorks early November chill. Snatching his comforter off his bed and grabbing a match box from the draw near the fridge, Blaine climbed out to the fire escape. 

It was dark but the sky was clear for once, the only thing obstructing his view of the sky was his own cigarette smoke. Head tilted back, Blaine gazed at the balls of gas through the tobacco cloud. He pulled the large blanket around himself and hugged his knees to his chest, and not because he was fucking freezing. He did it because sometimes you really need a hug and theres no one around. Sometimes you just have to hug yourself.

Kurt loved the late shift, because the late crowd was always the best. Sure, it made him busier, but it also entertained him more than any other nights. Especially because its on Saturday.

Kurt was mixing a Pearl Harbor for some bodacious girl, who was really into everything, when he saw Adam stroll in. The bar was either near his work or his home, considering how often he was there. He appeared to be far less than dandy. As he sat in a bar stool, slumped shoulders and running a hand through his hair. Kurt finished the girls drink with the requested pineapple vodka, which he thought was overkill, and hurried to serve Adam before anyone else got the chance. 

"Can I get you anything?" Kurt inquired, startling the older man out of his gloomy focus.

His eyes were wide and pink spread through his face at the sight of Kurt grinning down at him. "Oh, hey Kurt. I guess just a Rusty Nail."

The bartender nodded, setting to work on mixing the drink. "Long night?" He asked Adam, taking in his bagged eyes.

"Uh, yeah. You could say that." The Australian ran a hand from his hairline to the nape of his neck. "As a performer, youd think rejection wouldnt get to me as much. But it really does depend on who rejects you. Does that make sense?"

Kurt nodded, stirring the Scotch and Drambuie together. "Yeah, I totally get what youre saying."

"Anyways..." Adam waved off the thought and got lost for a moment starring at nothing behind Kurt. God, was he gorgeous. Kurt couldnt take his eyes off of him, even as he finished the drink and slid it towards him. "Thank you." He acknowledged, coming back from wherever he was. It didnt look like a happy thought or a bad thought. It was just a thought. "How did your, uh, Nutcrakcer audition go?"

Kurt was astoundingly giddy that Adam had even remebered that. He bit his lip and shrugged. "Apparently not as good as I thought."

"What role did you get?" Adam asked, giving Kurt a sympathetic look.

"They really just threw me into any and every number that they could. So, a lot of chorus work, but they claim Im the Nutcracker understudy. Needless to say, Ive got a lot to learn."

"Needless to say, you only have to kill one person for the spotlight." Adam joked. Kurt laughed—now theres a thought—and Adam smiled big enough for the corners of his eyes to scrunch. "What are you doing tomorrow?" 

"Whatever youre doing." Kurt smiled warmly at the man across from him.

"How about you meet me at the record shop at four, when my shift ends?"

Kurt couldnt contain his joy when he said, "sure, Ill be there."

The apartment was basked in a golden hue as the sun rose over Manhatten, but Kurt and Blaine both missed it. Kurt was in his room, Lady Gaga blasting on his speakers, while Vouging in front of his full body mirror in outfit after outfit. It was still 9 hours until he was supposed to meet Adam and Kurt was jubilant. But, he refused to rest until he knew what he would be wearing for the date. Thats why his room was completly covered in not-quite-right-outfits. 

Meanwhile, Blaine was occupying their bathroom. He had hoped a shower would wash away the crummy feeling in his gut; it didnt. He stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom, the one he would usually avoid until he was fully clothed. Today, however, he stood their, clad only in boxers. He forced himself to look at his nearly naked body and it made him sick. It wasnt the shape of his body, he was actually rather fit. It was the skin that stretched over his comparable muscles. He loathed it. He wished he could crawl out of it and find a new one with less history. His fingers itched with the desire to scratch at it, to tear it off of his body. Instead, he just sighed and continued dressing.

Kurt and Blaine both had time to kill; Blaine wandered around the city, going to coffee shops and parks and stores, looking for whimsy to photograph. He was waiting for a time he knew they could be alone. They needed to talk about the previous night and Blaine wanted to apologize for how hed left. He hadnt meant to yell, it just came out before he could stop it. It was his mission to apologize.

Kurt spent his time in the apartment mostly. For awhile, hed pushed aside all of the furniture and made a little make shift dance studio. After practicing Nutcracker routines for nearly three hours, he showered and took a nap. When Kurt woke up, he had only four hours left. That was when he realized their apartment was the single most boring place in existence. They didnt even have a TV. Kurt considered getting on his computer and logging in to his parents Netflix, but the wifi was down. Again. He decided the next best thing would be a DVD that he could play on his computer, he knew Blaine had a multitude of old films. And he did leave his door open today, which he never does. Kurt saw it as an invitation in. And Blaine didnt have to know.

Blaines room was like a museum, except a little less organized and a lot less valuable. His walls were completly covered in photos, some taken by him, some of him and some that inspired him. And on every flat surface was some sort of gorgeous antique or knick-knack, each one looking more delicate than the other. On top of his bookshelf, Blaine had a collection of cameras and lenses. And the shelf its self, housed many books from Shakespeare to Cooking for Dummies. There were also his movies, intermingled with the books. Kurt was about to grab Breakfast at Tiffanys, when he saw one of the books next to it. Dalton Academy Year Book. Is that where Blaine went to school? Kurt slipped the book off of the shelf and opened it. 

Some names Kurt had recognized, like Jeff and Nick and Wes, from listening to Blaines vague tales and eavesdropping when he Skypes with Tina. He also found a picture of Tina loosely stuck in the book. It was a picture of her with Blaine, both of them in their uniforms. Tinas was blue and gray, while Blaines was red and navy. Kurt knew theyd gone to sibling academies, he just hadnt realized the schools were that pretentious. He also never put together that Blaine had gone to an all boys school. Not only that, but he had been in their Glee club. Kurt remembered his glee club days; it was where he met most of his friends. It had practically saved his life. Kurt liked high school Blaine. In the pictures he looked so chivalrous and composed. His hair was even slicked back. And if the signatures in his yearbook were any sign, he was rather popular too. The boy in the picture was not the same, introverted and moody guy Kurt lived with; he actually seemed happy. As Kurt was getting ready for his date—was it actually a date?— he couldnt help but wonder what had happened to Blaine.

Adam was standing behind the counter of the record shop when Kurt walked in, the bell ringing over head. He was helping other customers and didnt notice Kurt. While, he waited for the guys to leave, Kurt browsed the records, picking up a Beatles track that looked interesting. When the two pairs of blue eyes lined up, an excited grin slid onto Adams face. "Will this be all?" He asked taking the record from Kurts hands, the tips of their fingers barley touching.

"That and the date you promised me." Kurt replied, smugly.

"Oh, it that case its on the house." Adam handed the record back to Kurt and walked around the counter. A girl with both sides of her nose pierced was already there to take his place. He grabbed Kurts hand a tugged him out of the shop. "Was there anything you particularly wanted to do?"

"Well, since you asked..." Kurt grinned adorably. 

It was 4:15 when Blaine had finally made it to Rock and Eves. He stepped into the shop and walked up to the counter. "Is-"

"Left ten minutes ago." The girl deadpaned before Blaine could even finish his sentence. It wasnt the first time hed been here with the same question.

Blaine gave her a little nod, "thanks." Then he left, heading towards the condo that was next to the bar.

The pair stayed in Kurts apartment and ordered Chinese food. Then they camped out on Kurts bedroom floor, playing records on Blaines vintage record player, which Kurt had kidnapped from Blaines room while Adam was on the phone with the restaurant.

When the condo was also a bust and many phone calls went unanswered, Blaine decided to head home. It was only six, but already dark when he slipped into the apartment. He could hear some guy moaning in Kurts room. He knew it wasnt Kurt though. His roommate was kind enough to master the art of quite sex.

Blaine rolled his eyes to the ceiling. Did Kurt really have to bring someone home every night? And especially tonight, it made Blaine feel like shit. The best and only option for a decent night would be music, really loud music. But, as soon as Blaine entered his room, he could tell something was missing. Spinning on his heels, he stormed across the hall. He knew what was going on behind the door, but didnt matter at the moment. He pounded on Kurts door and then pushed it open, his impatience getting the better of him.

"Kurt! Give me m-" Blaine was mentally prepared to see his roommate pounding into or being pounded into (today Blaine learned it was pounding into that Kurt prefered), but nothing couldve prepared Blaine for the guy he was with. "The fuck?" He muttered, more to himself than anything, and spun on his heels to leave.

He tucked himself into the corner of the couch farthest from Kurts room and pulled his knees to his chest. Sometimes you just have to hug yourself, he reminded himself. Kurt came ripping out of his room, still wrestling into his pants and already yelling. "And whats the point of knocking if youre just going to barge in anyways!?" Kurt stopped in front of the couch, towering over Blaine. His face was red and he had his hands on his hips.

Blaine wanted more than anything to cower into the cushions and be swallowed by them. Instead he fought back. "He needs to leave." He insisted standing up and making himself as tall as possible.

Kurt still had a few good inches on Blaine. "Excuse me?" The taller boy snapped.

"You heard me. I dont want him in anywhere near me." 

"I dont really think its up to you."

"Stop being so fucking difficult!" Blaine shouted, bouncing on his toes to get into Kurts face.

Kurt rolled his eyes dramatically. "Oh, sure Im the difficult one."

"Kurt," Blaine growled, his eyes dark slits. "Get. Him. Out." Blaine emphasized each word with a finger pointed in the direction of the man who now stood behind the couch. He was wearing only a white stripped v neck and gray unzipped jeans that did little to conceal his remaining arousal.

The guy had wide eyes, they nearly popped out of his head, and he hung his head low to hide the blush on his cheeks. But, the moment Blaine had turned his feisty hazel eyes on the guy, he looked up. His mouth moved like he was about to say something. Blaine could see the B starting to form on his lips and before he could think about it, Blaine was jumping over the couch and punching the guy square in the face.

"What the hell, Blaine!" Kurts shrill voice broke the silence. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" He pushed Blaine back with ease, the small boy too focused on his shaking hands and bruised knuckles.  "Adam, Im so sorry. Are you okay?" Kurt asked, inspecting his friend. "Oh, god your nose is bleeding. Did he break your nose? Blaine! You fucking broke his nose!"

"Im fine. I think I should be going." Adam spoke, looking at Blaine more than Kurt.

"Do you want me to walk you home?" Kurt asked, handing him a dish towel to wipe the blood with.

Adam gave the seething Blaine another glance, "No. No, I should be fine."

"O-okay." Kurt thought back to what Adam had said about being rejected. He had never been more right. The Australian man disappeared in Kurts room, only to return moments later, this time fully clothed. "Im sorry." Adam said, looking to the left of Kurts head to the man on the couch.

"No, Im- Blaine is sorry, Im sure."

Adam nodded, "thanks." Then he left, taking their dish towel with him. Neither of them really wanted it back anyways.

As soon as the door was closed and locked, Kurt turned on his heels. "What is wrong with you?"

Blaine bit his tongue, fighting back tears. "You dont even know what you did, do you?"

"What are you..." Kurt began, but Blaine had already grabbed his cigarettes and was headed to the fire escape. Kurt scoffed, he was not giving in to Blaines tantrum today. "Pathetic."