#Blaine

Blaine grunted angrily when the alarm went off after what felt like only couple hours of sleep and he tried to suppress another grunt when he turned to his side to find Jack sleeping beside him. Realizing he did not spend the night in his room, he got up quickly from the bed, dressed and walked back to his room as quietly as possible.

He fell heavily into his own bed, kicking his shoes off and turning heavily to face the bed on the other side of the room finding Nathan sitting on its edge, looking half asleep and mildly annoyed at him.

"How long have you been here?" He asked, his voice still hoarse from sleep.

"Mm… pretty much all night."

"Sorry for making you leave the room." Blaine said with what was supposed to sound apologetic but mostly sounded amused.

"…Again," Nathan added.

"Again," Blaine nodded, chuckle to his lap.

"Lucky for me, I know that you have an empty bed and where you keep your spare keys," Nathan said sarcastically. "The other guys aren't as lucky."

"We'll try to be quieter next time." Blaine sent him one of his suggestive looks and winked. Nathan groaned loudly at that and looked even more irritated at him. "What's going on?"

"All these guys just… They're just using you. What's worse is that you know it and you don't even care," Nathan said angrily while looking sharply at Blaine, his eyes running wildly between his eyes as if looking for something. A moment later he lower his gaze to his lap. "You didn't use to be like that. I thought I knew you and then…"

Blaine huffed in annoyance and got up in one swift move, using Nathan's split second of hesitation to start talking himself, "Maybe what's really bothering you…" He walked slowly to the other bed, using his unrelenting gaze to keep the other boy quiet, "Is that the only one that didn't get to use me…" Blaine continued as he reached the edge of the bed where Nathan sat and opened his legs to straddle him, lowering himself on top of him. "Is you," he whispered to his ear and started nibbling it softly.

Nathan sighed involuntary and closed his eyes. "Is that really what you think of me?"

Blaine chuckled. "Well… You are a guy." His mouth moved to Nathan's neck while his hands roamed slowly over his torso. "…And I know what guys are like," he finished, lowering his hand slowly under Nathan's pajama pants.

Nathan forcefully pushed him off, making him stumble backwards.

Blaine huffed and raised his head to look down on him. "Yeah… I forgot. You're the only guy who wouldn't fuck me here," he said sarcastically and turned back to his bed.

"When you say it like that I almost feel special."

Blaine laughed half heartedly and turned back to sleep.

Two hours later Blaine woke up with a pounding headache from lack of sleep. He dressed in his school uniform, a pair of dark shades and headed to class. School life hadn't changed that much since last year. He only rarely heard nasty whisperings from other classmates about him. His closest friends didn't seem to care about his mischievous new habit, or at least didn't judge him, Nathan being the only exception. In the hallways Blaine walked tall and looked people straight in the eyes, putting on a mask of bravery. Today was no different when he passed in front of Jack and two of his friends.

"Look what we have here…" Sebastian called meanly at him.

"Isn't it the student body whore?" The third boy, whose name Blaine could not remember, spat towards him, making the other boys laugh.

"I wouldn't touch you even if you begged," Blaine retorted, shooting piercing looks at them.

"If I remember correctly… You're the one that begged to touch me last night." Jack raised an eyebrow, shooting a challenging look towards Blaine.

Sebastian looked startled back at Jack while the third one just laughed idiotically. Blaine stood there in shock for a split second and then marched away from them as quickly as possible until he couldn't hear the laughter behind him anymore. Those kinds of comments never got under his skin before, but then again, most boys had the courtesy to wait at least a month until they dared to look him back in his eyes. It took him by surprise that Jack spoke to him like that merely a few hours later.

"Good morning Blainey."

Blaine jumped, not noticing that Nathan was walking beside him. "You're in a chipper mood," He said grumpily, rolling his eyes.

"You know a cup of coffee always does wonders on me." He poked Blaine's ribs playfully with his elbow, offering him the second cup.

Blaine took a sip and sighed happily."Bless you."

"You always seem so grim in the mornings." He glanced worriedly at Blaine.

"Your roommate is a jerk."

Nathan laughed, almost choking on his coffee. "I've been saying that daily for about a year and a half." When Blaine didn't respond he added quietly, "it's like it doesn't matter anymore who's there beside you."

"Because it doesn't," Blaine answered angrily and picked up his pace, leaving Nathan behind him.

He dropped heavily to his usual seat in class and started to mentally write his next letter to Kurt. Blaine never meant to tell Kurt about what happened last year but when his letters grew colder and distant Kurt became really worried, sending him a letter almost every day with enquiries and words of strength. Eventually, one night when things became too heavy for him, he sat down and spilled everything from what happened to the fears and anxieties he had had since. Kurt somehow made everything brighter. He was always strong and supportive to him, writing him words of empowerment that made Blaine grateful for having him and looking forwards to his letters. Sometimes when Blaine had a rough week he wouldn't have the strength to write Kurt back but he would always get a letter from Kurt that simply said 'Courage', which quickly became his very personal favorite word.

Without knowing how he looked, what his voice sounded like after so many years or even if he liked boys, Blaine knew it was silly but he couldn't keep Kurt off his mind. Once he mistakenly cried out his name on a night with a random guy and on other occasions he found himself biting his lips to keep from chanting it. Blaine was pretty sure he was in love.

It was almost midnight. Blaine was trying to finish his assignments at the school library but his mind had been elsewhere for the past half hour. It would not leave what Nathan had said alone. He knew that Jack was an idiot but he still didn't seem to mind when Jack invited him back to his room. He knew some people frowned upon what he was doing but usually the resentment from others only made him feel more empowered, more in control. He thought that people would not be able to hurt him so easily again. He tried ignoring what others thought of him, never letting their opinions grab hold. This way, he thought, they'd never be able to hurt him again. Even though he slept around a lot, it was always just a physical act and he never let his feeling get involved, never letting himself lose control of his body again. He used the other boys. It was not the other way around. They did not use him. Or at least that's what he kept saying to himself.

Blaine decided to call it a day and gathered his things, heading out of the library when he saw Sebastian walking through the doors towards him.

"Are you lost, Sebastian?" Blaine said mockingly, walking pass him, not waiting for an answer.

"No. I was actually looking for you."

Sebastian's voice was too close to Blaine's ear, his hand holding the shorter boy's wrist forcefully.

Blaine froze in place, his head pounding and his legs about to collapse underneath him. He felt terror and rage simultaneously and he couldn't move a muscle or even breathe for a long moment. "B...Blaine?" He heard it as if it was miles away but it was enough to stop his paralysis and not a second past before he was running out of the door.

When Nathan used the spare key to get into Blaine's room an hour later, he found him sitting on the bed, holding his knees to his chest and staring blank at the wall.

"Blaine?" He rushed to him and tried to hold his gaze unsuccessfully. "Blaine! What's wrong?" He said louder, bringing a comforting palm to Blaine's face while checking for fever.

Blaine felt a sudden shiver run through him and he shook his head, finally recognizing the other present in the room. He was about to say something but the moment he opened his mouth a stream of tears started running down his face. A set of hands hugged him closely and rubbed his back for what seemed like hours while Blaine just let it all out of his system.

Finally Blaine raised his head, his face red and puffy, and looked back at the other boy. "I'm sorry," he said huskily with a crocked smiled.

Nathan held his hand to Blaine's hot cheek and he slightly leaned into the touch, but he still looked horribly sad. "Will you please tell me…?"

Blaine slowly shook his head, looking down to his lap. "I thought I got past this."

"Pass what?" Nathan's voice more urgent now.

"I tried to be brave…" Blaine continued, his hands seemed to grip his legs tighter. "Courage," he whispered and smiled to himself.

"What are you afraid of?"

Blaine cleared his throat and looked up. Nathan's hand still held him when he let go of his legs and mirrored the gesture. He moved forward, lips hovering over Nathan's before the other boy pulled him into a kiss. The only thing that Blaine could feel in that moment was relief from not seeing the looks of worry and sadness from the other boy but once they separated to catch their breath, he could see them crawling back to Nathan's feature and he wasn't about to let that happen. He straddled Nathan slowly and pulled on his dress shirt to draw him to a deeper kiss. When he ground his hips he could hear a broken moan leaving Nathan's lips into his.

He felt hesitant hands grabbing the hem of his shirt, prying it out of his school pants. He pushed forcefully out of the kiss, removing his shirt while biting his lip and looking hungrily at the other boy. Once his torso was bare he put a hand on Nathan's chest and with one push the other fell to the mattress, his breath leaving his chest in one take while his eyes staring hungrily at the newly exposed skin. Blaine smiled to himself, putting his hands on each side of Nathan's head and laid on top of him, keeping their faces distant. He held Nathan's gaze while he started moving his hips in slow, tormenting circles above him, moving faster only when the taller boy pushed towards him for more friction, his head pulled back, eyes closed and mouth moaning his name softly.

He could feel Nathan was close, now scratching almost painfully on his back. He stopped moving his hips and slid backwards, expertly removing Nathan's belt and starting to fiddle with his zipper. Nathan propped himself on his elbows and watched as Blaine pushed down his pants but before he got to remove the underwear, Nathan put one hand on his to stop him. Blaine looked up worriedly at him, afraid he pushed him too far, but instead the hand pulled him to a passionate kiss. When they separated Nathan's expression was full of emotions that Blaine was scared to think about. So he didn't. He lowered his gaze quickly and went back to what he does best.

The next morning Blaine found himself curled against Nathan's sleep heaving chest. He had to fight with all his power against the need to break free from the other's hold and run from the room because this was not him. Everything was too warm and loving. He doesn't do loving. He took a deep breath and tried to stop the mess in his head from taking control of his body until he felt Nathan's body stiffen against him and relax a few moments later.

"Good morning."

The voice against his ear was sweet and sleepy and nothing he had ever heard the morning after before. Blaine's eyes ran wildly, trying to figure out how he should respond when he felt a familiar growth pressing slightly against his thigh. Suddenly feeling much more confident, he smiled mischievously and turned around to face the other boy. "Good morning to you too," he breathed out against Nathan's lips, bringing his hand down to palm him through his boxers.

"Blaine…" Nathan whimpered when Blaine managed to get his hand around him and started to stroke. "I was actually thinking I could return the favor for last night," Nathan's voice shaking a little while he removed Blaine's hand, pulling on the hairs on the nape of his neck and kissing his way from Blaine's ear to his chest.

"Are you sure?" Blaine asked hesitatingly but the other boy just kept licking and nibbling along his chest, reducing Blaine to broken gasps.

"Oh god… I love you," Nathan whispered to Blaine's skin as he kept getting lower until he realized what he said. He raised his head to find a shocked Blaine staring down at him.

Blaine couldn't think of anything to say, once again trying to control the urge to run out of his own room.

"I'm sorry. You don't have to say it back," Nathan apologized, raising himself and sitting in front of Blaine. Avoiding Blaine's confused looks, he looked at his hands on his lap and continued, "I just hoped that after last night… maybe something finally changed." After several long minutes of uncomfortable silence Nathan got up and gathered up his school uniform that was scattered on the floor.

Blaine's mind was racing, trying to realize everything at once. He was about to say something but couldn't phrase anything that would make any of this right.

"Now I'm just like all of those other boys, aren't I? Seeing you hurt and broken yesterday but still... I didn't manage to stop it," Nathan talked while putting his uniform back on. Blaine stared at him miserably but when Nathan finished dressing and turned to look at him, Blaine diverted his eyes to the other side of the room, not willing to look at him and find, once again, worry or pity. "I don't know which of us I hate more right now," Nathan finally said and stormed out of the room.

During the following days Blaine tried to come up with an apology, hoping to get things back to how they were. He suddenly felt lonely, never realizing before how much confidence it gave him to know that come morning, Nathan would be there beside him no matter what. But this time he screwed things up really bad. Days turned to weeks and months but he never gathered the courage to approach Nathan.

Almost five months later Blaine stumbled drunkenly to his room at midnight. He had had a drinking night at one of his classmate's dorm room and had ended up making out with Gale in the boy's bathroom stall across the hall. A typical Saturday night. He wasn't prepared to find Nathan sitting in the hall next to his room.

"Nathan! I'm so glad to see you!" Blaine slurred at him, trying to give him a hug while still standing but almost falling over him.

"Hey!" Nathan got up to his feet, holding both of Blaine's shoulders to stop him from stumbling forward. Blaine held still and closed his eyes, trying to get the walls to stop spinning around him, opening them again only when the nausea and headache subsided.

"Are you here to stay?" Blaine wasn't sure what he was asking but he breathed more easily when he saw Nathan nodding at him. "Keys in my back pocket," he said cheekily and winked at a now blushing Nathan that in response curled a hand against his waist and tried to pry the keys out with a trembling hand. Blaine let him lead him into the room and to his bed, the taller boy standing tensed next to the bed not sure what to do with himself. Blaine brought his hand up to his and smiled, scooting over to make room. Nathan nodded mutedly and got under the covers. Blaine sighed happily and turned around, feeling the other boy relax and cuddle up against him.