Kurt shouldn’t.
He really shouldn’t.
He shouldn’t fall for him, he shouldn’t fall for the boy who had just that week transferred in and was already the most popular guy on campus.
He shouldn’t fall for the quirky boy with the patterned bowties, bright sunglasses, neon suspenders, and infectious smile.
He shouldn’t fall for the boy he spied on last year and ran away from as soon as the song he had performed perfectly ended.
The boy who took his hand and lead him down a hallway.
The boy who he couldn’t stop thinking of for weeks, the boy who he regretted not staying to talk to.
He shouldn’t fall for him.
But he already had.
A year ago when he first saw him, looking up at him with those eyes. No, eyes is not enough, all Kurt could see where pools of molten gold with little flecks of green scattered around.
All Kurt could think was how that moment, that singular second when that boy with the perfect eyes and the gelled down curls looked up at him, that moment was perfect.
That moment was everything and just that could get him through life, knowing he had once in his life met the perfect man, seen his eyes, touched his shoulder, been within talking distance of him.
That’s all he needed.
That’s all he wanted.
Then the boy took his hand and he ran with him down an empty fucking hall and told him not to forget his jacket new kid, and that he’ll fit right in.
Then he sang to him. Sang Teenage Dream just for him and smiled and danced and was absolutely perfect and Kurt had fallen. Kurt had fallen and he didn’t want to
So he did the only thing he knew how to.
He ran.
He waited until the performance was done, knowing how horrible it was to walk out in the middle of one, but as soon as that last turn was done and the last tonight finished echoing in the room Kurt turned around and ran.
Ran as fast as he could.
Kurt didn’t hear the boy scream out “I didn’t get your name!”
Didn’t see how the boys eyes fell and in that second watched as his whole world crashed when just a few minutes ago, in one second, when he saw those impossibly blue eyes looking down at him from the stairs, it had been built.
Didn’t see how the boy couldn’t stop thinking of him.
Couldn’t sing a song without thinking of him and choking up.
How the reason his group forfeit sectionals was because their lead singer couldn’t bear to sing a single note without stopping and slumping down, wondering why.
Didn’t see how the boy spent every night looking for him.
Going through facebook looking at the profile picture of every single boy in Ohio, hoping that maybe one of these nights he would see those piercing blue eyes on his computer screen.
Didn’t see how the boys face lit up when one night in the middle of summer he finally found him.
Didn’t see how the boy begged his parents for hours, days, weeks, to be transferred to a public school that “Yes, I know it’s two hours away but I think it’d be a good thing for me to go somewhere new so please, mom, please, let me transfer there.”
He ran and never stopped running.
Ran from the school.
Ran from the memories.
Ran from any and all thought of the boy and how he didn’t ignore him like he didn’t exist, how their hands fit perfectly together, how the smile he gave him while he sang looked like something he only ever give to him.
It was his.
It was Kurt’s smile, just for him and no one else.
But he couldn’t, Kurt couldn’t fall for him.
Kurt couldn’t fall. Period.
Being an openly gay kid in McKinley Hell High was bad enough.
Being in the Glee club didn’t help.
And then there was that whole “nerd” thing.
Kurt couldn’t help who he was. The way he was. Couldn’t help that no one would ever love him.
At least not like that.
So he settled with dreaming of Taylor Lautner and a field of lilacs.
Settled with pretending the boy didn’t exist, that he never met him.
It was starting to work. He was starting to get over him.
Then the first day of his last year of school came, and along with it came Blaine Anderson.
Blaine Anderson.
The name spread faster than a wildfire and every time Kurt heard it he felt a little twinge in his heart. He guessed it was just jealousy. Jealousy that a kid who just came to this school was more popular than Kurt could ever even dream of. But still, he felt just a bit more.
Blaine.
It seemed like something he heard in a past lifetime when he was too busy with something else to listen clearly to what had been said.
Blaine.
Kurt managed to go through the first 30 minutes before homeroom tolerating everything he heard of the new kid, the name nagging at his mind.
Then he saw him.
Standing in the middle of the hall surrounded by what seemed to be the whole school.
Kurt froze.
He had fallen and he had never gotten back up.
Blaine looked up and caught his eye but before he could react Kurt had run off again.
What if he doesn’t remember me? Blaine brooded What if I was nothing to him and that’s why he left? What If I made it all up in my mind?
Kurt ran to his homeroom and didn’t talk the whole time.
It couldn’t be.
He walked to his classes mechanically, nobody noticing him except for his few friends.
Him- the gay, the nerd, the invisible.
He almost laughed at the irony of Blaine being in half his classes.
Of course he scowled He’s from a private school, of course he’s ahead of his year.
In every class they had together, many of them AP’s, Blaine sat behind him, just a few feet away, but always surrounded by his admirers.
In one class he almost sat right next to Kurt but Rachel had swooped in just in time and took the seat.
A whole week passed by.
A whole week and Kurt learned to endure it.
Hearing his name all the time.
Hearing how he was also gay but that no one hated him for it because it was impossible not to love him with his bright smile and perfect manners.
Learned to endure how Blaine’s locker was right across the hall from his.
Learned to catch peeks of him at his locker by using the mirror he had mounted on his.
Learned to ignore the fact that every time he caught his eyes it looked like Blaine was about to tell him something, ready to run right up to Kurt and tell him something that was just for his ears. But there was always someone with Blaine.
Always someone that demanded his attention more than Kurt.
So Kurt just learned to endure it.
He opened his locker and looked in his mirror, sighing when he saw that Blaine was not at his locker.
He should stop.
He shouldn’t do this.
But he couldn’t stop.
So he just kept going on like nothing was wrong while inside it was all a mess.
Rachel wouldn’t stop asking what was wrong and Kurt wouldn’t stop evading her questions.
He took what he needed and put it in his bag then started his last quick scan to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything.
He started digging through when he realized he had forgotten his planner book. Thankfully, he always kept his locker very well organized and it only took him a few seconds to find and grab the planner.
“You know, I never did catch your name.” Kurt nearly jumped out of his skin when a voice came from behind his open locker door; it took him a while to realize that he had also dropped his planner book.
“Here you go new kid” Blaine picked up Kurt’s planner and held it out to him “Or should I say Kurt?”