Part One

Laughter fills the dimly lit room. A studio audience cheers as Kramer slides ungracefully into Jerry’s kitchen. Lively conversation echoes off the dull grey walls. Blaine huddles numbly under his blankets, not really seeing anything on screen. Tears slide down his cheeks in a steady rhythm. A persistent ache tugs on his lower back muscles, and his head throbs dully. The pain is constant and familiar now. Blaine is exhausted, but his mind will not allow him to drift down into an oblivious dreamscape.

Kurt is gone. Blaine will never hold Kurt in his arms again, or kiss him, and they will never have a second chance. The man he loves has moved on. Kurt Hummel is no longer waiting for Blaine Anderson to come home. Instead, Kurt has married a very handsome football player. The couple is always on the news and in headlines. Their relationship is notable due to the homophobic nature of the NFL. ESPN frequently showcases Kurt’s husband on their network. Debates arise between the anchors and various people at football games are asked about their opinions on gay marriage in sports.

Blaine is only vaguely aware of current events, but he remembers watching something about some divisive congressional bill passing the democratically controlled congress and white house right before Evan brought him to California. It’s still a sensitive topic in the United States. A new progressive law legalizing gay marriage isn’t going to erase rampant homophobia overnight. There is outrage all over the world for the courageous law. Blaine doesn’t really care one way or the other anymore. All he knows is that Kurt has married a football player.
It physically hurts to think about Kurt. At first, Blaine had been in too much pain to pay much attention to what the sportscasters and news anchors were actually saying about the boy cheering in the stands. All he wanted was a glimpse. Two days ago, while he was twitching with pain, he heard an anchor on ESPN 2 discussing Kurt’s husband. Blaine can’t remember the man’s name. It isn’t important. What really matters, he thinks, is finding a way to explain things to Kurt.

Evan beat him so badly after their move; he can barely walk around his tiny room, even though it’s been weeks since the heavy belt buckle collided repeatedly against his back. The pain never quite fades away. It’s always there. He can hardly sleep at all anymore. Kurt will come to him in his dreams and whisper empty promises into his ear. It’s useless. There’s no point. Blaine used to long for the hours he spent sleeping, because they were the brightest and best parts of his day. Now it’s too much for him to deal with. Kurt may wait for him in a vivid, bright dreamscape, but he has moved on from their relationship. Blaine doesn’t blame Kurt for it.

He remembers his twenty-first birthday, and how happy he had been to discover Kurt still waited for him. It brings a new ache to his body, one that has nothing to do with his injuries. Most high school relationships don’t last. It’s a given that people change and drift apart. Blaine hopes Kurt is happy and that Kurt’s husband cherishes him as much as Blaine does. Kurt probably wouldn’t want Blaine anyways, even if he did manage to earn his freedom. The drug has destroyed his mind and Evan has damaged his body. Blaine Anderson is nothing but a mindless, obedient robot.

A meal is left untouched next to the soft, queen sized bed. Blaine can’t eat even if it is expensive Italian take-out. Evan is actually concerned about him for once, having picked up on his absolute despair, and is making an effort to cheer him up. It’s ironic and completely unexpected. Blaine’s stomach rumbles noisily. The lasagna is a rare treat. He should eat it while he can. Pushing himself into a sitting position, he shakily slides over to the small table sitting there beside his bed. The fork feels heavy and cumbersome between his fingers.

The pasta is probably very good. It tastes like paste to Blaine. After a few meager bites, he drops the fork back onto the plate and slowly makes his way towards the bathroom. The light clicks on instantly. He steps up to the sink, splashing cold water on his swollen face. Evan had hit him for something (he can’t remember what) and left an ugly bruise on his right cheek. It’s faded to a dull yellow color. Blaine knows from experience that it will be gone in a few more days.

It’s a stranger’s face staring back at Blaine. The eyes are hollow, dull, and lifeless. His body is littered with scars and track marks are distinctly visible in the mirror. It’s a man’s broken, listless face. Blaine wonders if anyone would even recognize him, if they saw him walking down a street one day. Probably not. The water is cold and does nothing for his mood. No one misses him at all anymore. Too many years have passed. The world has forgotten Blaine Anderson.

This hurts most of all, because he still remembers them. Everyone. When Blaine is feeling particularly lonely he’ll sit in his room and whisper each Warbler’s name. They have long since graduated and gone onto other things. Sometimes he imagines what they’re doing, where they live, and what their children look like. After he remembers each Warbler, he’ll move onto other Dalton students, and finally New Directions. They are still very much a part of his life. Blaine can’t quite let them go.

When he’s extremely lonely, Blaine thinks about his family. They probably never even noticed his absence. It’s a bitter, harsh thought, but it won’t leave him alone. The only time they had shown any interest in him at all after he came out was immediately after the Sadie Hawkin’s dance. Blaine remembers eating ice cream with his older brother Luke in the hospital room while his parents and his older sister argued outside. Derek was in the Air Force and stationed overseas, though he had at least called. The days were awkward and tense. Hannah and Luke were on his side. Blaine remembers them advocating for his transfer to a new school. Even Hannah’s husband, Roger, argued for his right to be free from bullies and harassment.

It still warms his heart when he remembers those stressful days from his childhood. Luke, always the genius, had come up with a perfect solution. Dalton offered separation and peace from the constant fighting. Blaine wishes he could speak to his brother again, so he could say thank you. The television is his sole companion now. He doesn’t watch the sports channels anymore. It’s a cold, hard reminder of what he has become: Persona Non Grata.

The door clicks open sometime after midnight. Blaine doesn’t really bother to keep track of time, there’s no point, but Nick at Nite announces times for its old sitcoms. Evan swings into the room with a familiar black bag in one hand and an iPod in the other. Blaine blinks at him from the bed. It’s unusual for the actor to visit him after they have sex. The older man reaches for his hand and places the portable music player into his palm.
“I got you a present.” Evan smiles warmly at him, gently pulling out his arm. “I know how much you like music.”
“Thank you, sir.” He mumbles automatically, wishing Evan had given him a gun instead.

Evan picks up on his melancholy mood and frowns. “I thought you might want to go outside in the morning and eat breakfast by the pool. How does that sound?”
Blaine thinks about how much it will hurt walking up those stairs. “It sounds wonderful, sir.”
Being outside by the pool used to be his favorite thing to do with Evan. Before, making the painful journey up the stairs was worth some discomfort in his back. Now it feels like just another chore he has to perform for Evan.

The bag is opened and a rubber band is tied around Blaine’s arm. Evan carefully withdraws a clear liquid drug from a large vial. The needle is inserted into a bulging, noticeable track mark. Blaine feels a pleasant rush and wishes he could just be sad for a while longer. The extreme mood changes leave him breathless, drained, and exhausted. Evan kisses his neck and whispers a tender goodnight to Blaine as he steps out of the room.

Euphoria sweeps over him quickly, tightly gripping his mind. The grass is soft. Constellations twinkle above their heads like silent guardians, the only ones witnessing their intimacy. Kurt is underneath Blaine and looks directly into his eyes. Love swells his heart. Blaine stares deeply into Kurt’s beautiful blue eyes, his fingers curled around Kurt’s hands. Their bodies move slowly together. Being inside Kurt is amazing. Blaine can feel his nerves rocking against Kurt’s nerves.

It’s enrapturing. Nothing can touch them here except love. Blaine cries as he moves gently in and out. Their passion is intense, but slow and patient. There is no reason to rush. Muscles shift and relax. Kurt moans. Frogs sing them a symphony. Everything here is so alive. Blaine feels connected to the entire world around them. Waves of pleasure course through him, and he finally collapses atop Kurt’s bare chest.

They pant for a few breathless moments, riding out the remnants of their orgasms together. Kurt shudders and wraps his arms around Blaine’s torso. “I love you, Blaine.”
They’ve whispered this a thousand times, but now they can actually feel the words. “I get it, now.”
“Get what?” Kurt murmurs, playing with Blaine’s curls. “You’re trembling.”
“Love.” Blaine admits. “This isn’t sex, Kurt.”
“I’m pretty sure it is.” Kurt giggles softly, nearly choking at the realization of what had just happened. “I’m no longer a virgin!”
Blaine laughs and squeezes his sides. “No. You’re forever, Kurt.”

Kurt stills completely, tensing beneath his body. For a moment Blaine is certain he’s said too much. Hands run through his hair. “Blaine.”
“I mean it.” He promises, kissing Kurt’s fingertips. “What we have is magic.”
“I love you.” Kurt pulls Blaine’s fingers to his lips and kisses them. “I’ll never love anyone else like this.”
“Of course he will.” Dave Karofsky straddles Kurt’s hips and grinds down suggestively. “Once he gets tired of you and all of your issues, he’ll come running back to me.”
“No!” Blaine cries as he stands close to them, watching Kurt writhe in pleasure. “Kurt!”

“You can’t be serious.” Kurt huffs, standing haughtily at a tall alter, holding Dave’s hand. “God, you’re pathetic, Blaine. You’re so messed up. You can’t even give me a decent blowjob. Dave’s got a nice, big mouth. I know the real reason you don’t want to give me one. You liked sucking Evan off, didn’t you? I bet you liked sucking Frost too. I don’t even want your mouth on me, Blaine.”
“Please.” Blaine falls to his knees, oblivious of the crowd in the pews glaring at him. “Don’t leave.”
“Blaine.” Kurt’s blue eyes meet his and concern drips from his soft voice. “Hey, it’s okay.”
“Kurt?” Blaine blinks, rubbing warily at his eyes as a dark car comes into focus.

Gentle fingers caress his face. “It’s all right, Blaine. You’re dreaming. Go back to sleep.”
“Kurt.” Blaine reaches for those fingers and brings them to his lips. “You’re really here.”
“Of course I am.” Kurt whispers softly, turning down the radio. “I’ll always be here, Blaine.”

Tears trickle down his face as the car travels smoothly along the dark interstate. Desert sand stretches for miles, nearly invisible under a moonless sky. Blaine watches the cacti pass by and contemplates his dream for several minutes. The night he’d made love to Kurt for the first time had been perfect. Blaine remembers that hot, humid summer day well. For years he’d wished he could go back to that moment in time. They spent the warm night under the stars at Dalton’s silent and sprawling campus. The gates were easy to get past, especially if you knew the combination. Students had been sneaking onto the grounds for various illicit activities for decades.

“I want to go back to Dalton.” Blaine decides, staring at the small digital clock, realizing its well after one in the morning. “That’s where we should go next.”
“Okay.” Kurt smiles, keeping his eyes trained on the road. “I was going to take you to Lake Tahoe for a few days, so we can still stop there if you want, or we can head straight to Dalton.”

Blaine wipes his eyes dry, sniffles, and contemplates the decision. It’s a bit cool for Lake Tahoe. Fall is in the air. The leaves were just starting to change back in Oregon. He guesses staying at a lake this time of year will be quite pleasant. The idea of walking along an easy trail stirs his interest. Blaine sees the way Kurt’s fingers grip the steering wheel, and he’s certain that Kurt wants to go to Lake Tahoe. It will make the man he loves happy. Blaine smiles back at Kurt, hoping he’s making the right choice.

“That sounds great. Have you been there before?”
“No.” Kurt shrugs. “I’ve always wanted to go.”
“Kurt?” Blaine bites his bottom lip, still disturbed by his dream. “Did you love Dave?”
The SUV swerves slightly, but Kurt recovers the vehicle with practiced ease, and trains his blue eyes on Blaine’s face. “No.”

They have never really talked about Kurt’s marriage before. Blaine doesn’t like to think about it, and Kurt seems reluctant to approach the subject. Dr. Fox was unconcerned with the topic so he never brought it up. The brunette doctor isn’t around anymore to keep his runaway commentary and random statements in check. She’s been transferred to a different state, as an unofficial reprimand from her superiors. The physiatrist had protested their removal from the clinic very loudly, along with Dr. Wong and Dr. Hall. Unfortunately, all the board members could see was too much publicity and negative attention from the press. They politely kicked Blaine Anderson out of the clinic with an apology and sent a refund to Santana Lopez.

The clinic was meant for celebrities recovering from their drug addictions. Their patients desired a private, exclusive location. No one wanted to get their photographs plastered all over the morning news programs like Wilma had after a camera man had caught a glimpse of her in the gardens. They weren’t even interested in Blaine. The reporters wanted dirt on Evan White. They found plenty. Evan had contacted the clinic, claiming to be addicted to drugs and in search of a suitable rehab program. The clinic had completed the paperwork and had planned to admit the charming actor exactly two days before he was arrested.

Once the board members discovered the real reason Evan wanted to go to the clinic, they freaked out. Blaine’s name has never been mentioned to the reporters and for that he’s grateful. The press would be harassing him day and night if they discovered that he is the “former slave” Evan was searching for. America is gripped by the drama behind the human trafficking ring, mostly because it’s so horrifying. The ring operates on a consensual basis.
They avoided exposure for so long due to their clever contract scheme.

Parents in financial trouble sold their children to the group in exchange for money, and the children worked off their family’s debt. Of course, “working” entailed sexual exploitation and drug addictions. The kids don’t have much choice in the matter. Workers’ families and friends are threatened and intimidated by their child’s employers if they don’t comply. Blaine remembers hearing about a girl who had run away from the contract and how her entire family was murdered in a deliberate house fire as punishment. He doesn’t know if it’s true, but he believes it. The girls in Florida had terrorized him with stories about their employers and insisted his family would be killed if he didn’t comply with their wishes.

Evan’s obsession with finding Blaine had led to the actor’s brutal downfall from grace. The press had Blaine’s basic description thanks to Evan’s ranting diary entries. He wonders who found the journal and turned it over to the press. Several media organizations have offered him a generous reward for coming forward and providing an interview. Blaine stopped watching television altogether after a pretty reporter from Dateline practically begged ‘Evan White’s former employee’ to disclose his whereabouts and identity. He knows better than to acquiesce to their requests.

The reporters have hounded Evan’s former employee, Duncan (a straight man), who is more than willing to spill all of the actor’s deepest and darkest secrets. Sometimes Blaine feels extremely connected to Duncan. He’s perpetually thrilled that the man is shining a bright, burning light on Evan’s sociopathic tendencies.

Blaine stares at Kurt’s face as he drives and decides to find out more about his relationship with Dave. “We’ve always been honest with each other, right?”
“Sure.” Kurt smiles again. “It’s one of the reasons I love you.”
“Can I ask you something?” Blaine hopes he’s not crossing a line here. Kurt may be unhappy if he pushes too hard.

“Anything.” Kurt promises, catching his drift. “I’ll tell you what you want to know, Blaine. There shouldn’t be secrets between us.”
“Why did you marry Dave?” Blaine whispers shakily, afraid of the response. “I mean, why did you marry him if you never loved him?”

Kurt breathes heavily for a moment. The car swerves abruptly as he hits the brakes and pulls over onto the shoulder of the road. Yellow hazard lights warn any approaching traffic about the stopped vehicle. Blaine hasn’t seen another car for a while. Kurt puts the BMW into park and takes Blaine’s hands in his.

“You want to know why I married Dave?” Kurt rubs his warm fingers over Blaine’s knuckles. “Wes told me he thought he’d seen you at a baseball game, but couldn’t be certain. I spent all of my free time looking for you. I wanted to move to California, but I certainly couldn’t afford it at the time. Dave came by the coffee shop I sat in every day and asked me out. At first, I wasn’t really interested. Then he told me that some scouts had seen him play and invited him to NFL tryouts. I kept seeing him after it looked like the Giants or the Raiders were taking a serious look at Dave. I married him because he was drafted to the Giants. I even convinced him to buy a second house in Los Angeles, Blaine, so I could be closer to you.”

Blaine starts to cry again, though they are tears of happiness. “Every time Evan touched me, I pretended it was you.”
Tears fall steadily from Kurt’s eyes. “Every time Dave touched me, I imagined you.”

“I lied in the hospital.” Blaine confesses without hesitation. “When you asked why I never called, or tried to escape. My father didn’t threaten to kill me. He threatened to kill you.”

“I lied to my father.” Kurt breathes out. “And I drove to ten different states during school days to look for you. I only got caught because I stupidly stopped using cash. I wish I would have been more careful.”

“I think I saw Coach Sylvester once.” Blaine begins. “I saw her coming towards me, but Evan was right there. I knew Coach could have taken him. But I didn’t let her talk to me. I couldn’t let anyone hurt you.”

Kurt is shaking with sorrow. “I won a singing contest at my community college. Debbie promised to use the proceeds for charity and the winner got to guest host her radio station and also got to pick song lists. I was only supposed to host one time. When she saw my list of songs, she asked me why I had chosen them. I choose them for you. She said that was the saddest thing she had heard in a long time and offered me a guest spot on your birthday. I continued guest hosting the show, even in California. Dave even knew I did it. I told him I would never stop.”

It’s the hottest thing he’s heard in years. Kurt has always loved him, more than anyone else. Blaine leans across the console and smashes his lips against Kurt’s. The brunette kisses him back passionately. They kiss until they’re breathless. Blaine eyes the back seat, which is folded down and waiting. It’s more than just sex for them. He knows he couldn’t handle it with anyone except Kurt. When other people touch him, Blaine recoils and shudders from their well-meaning intentions. Kurt is the only person he trusts completely. He knows Kurt will never hurt him.
Kurt gracefully climbs over the console and Blaine follows. Gentle fingers slowly unbutton his shirt, running smoothly over his exposed chest. Blaine can’t believe he’s this lucky. Kurt will take care of him. They don’t need anything else. As long as they have each other, they can overcome any obstacles. Blaine relaxes into Kurt’s familiar touch and breathes deeply.

“I cherish you.” Kurt’s fingers begin to unbutton Blaine’s loose fitting jeans. “I always have.”
“I don’t need anyone else, Kurt.” Blaine holds onto Kurt’s hand for a brief moment. “I just need you.”
“Blaine.” Kurt kisses his belly button. “Is this okay?”
Blaine blushes, knowing what he’s asking. “Only with you. I trust you.”

Kurt’s warm mouth wraps around Blaine’s hard cock. He twitches with pleasure, bucking his hips upwards and moaning. Wet sucking noises fill the car. Blaine comes quickly, groaning in delight. Kurt lies beside him and pulls him into a tight embrace. Blaine reaches for Kurt’s dick, stroking it gently. It’s a shame he can’t bring himself to give his lover a simple blowjob. The first time he had tried, right before they had been kicked out of the clinic, it had triggered an unpleasant flashback involving Frost. There are some things Blaine simply isn’t ready for, even if it is Kurt on the receiving end of his attention.

He likes the way Kurt’s dick twitches and jerks with his fingers. Frantic breaths escape from Kurt’s quivering mouth.
“Kurt.” He growls. “Kiss me.”
“Blaine.” Kurt complies, running his tongue over Blaine’s teeth.

Blaine gives one final, quick tug and Kurt comes over his hand. Their kisses become slower. The car rocks as Kurt sits up and caresses Blaine’s face. “I think we should call it a night. I saw a sign a few miles back for a hotel at the next exit. We’ll pull over and I’ll get us a room. How does that sound?”
“Fine.” Blaine considers Kurt’s plans for a second and frowns. “I won’t have to leave the car until we get to the room, right?”
Kurt nods his head. “Yes, that’s fine.”

Kurt opens the car door and steps into the cool desert air. Blaine stays where he is, wanting to live in this moment a bit longer. Their bags are stacked on top of each other neatly in the back. He pulls his blue duffle bag out of the pile and reaches for his favorite stuffed toy. The black horse feels warm under his fingers as he puts his pants back on and climbs back into the passenger seat. Kurt smiles happily when he spots Lucille. Blaine leans against the window, letting the car’s smooth forward motion lull him to sleep.

A ringing cellphone yanks him out of vague dreams. Blaine blinks and looks around for Kurt, only to see the SUV parked in front of a well-lit Hampton Inn. Other cars fill the lot. The BMW is under a covered entry way, indicating that Kurt is inside obtaining a room. Blaine reaches across the seat and picks up the phone. It occurs to him that he hasn’t called anyone for nearly a decade. The thought quickens his breath. What if he says something wrong?

“H-hello?” He chokes, trying to control his breathing. “Kurt’s inside.”
“Who’s this?” Finn’s excited voice belts into his ear. “Oh, Blaine! Hey! How are you?”
“I’m fine.” It’s a lame answer, but he can’t think of anything else to say.

Finn might tell Kurt if Blaine says something he’s not supposed to. Maybe Finn will convince Kurt to leave him behind here. Blaine’s hands become clammy and cold. The phone nearly slips from his hand. Finn breaks through his coagulating panic.

“Dude!” Finn laughs in relief. “I’m a Dad! Mercedes gave birth---fifteen minutes ago!”
The shouting makes Blaine’s head ring, but he should say something. “Congratulations.”
“You’ve got to put Kurt on the phone!” Finn insists on the other end. “I need to tell him!”
“Kurt’s inside.” Blaine hears his voice crack as his throat starts to constrict painfully.

Soon he will not be able to breathe, and his muscles will twitch uncontrollably. The driver’s side door pops open unexpectedly. Kurt slides into the seat, frowning as soon as he sees the look on Blaine’s face. “Blaine? Who are you talking to?”
He can’t answer. It’s gotten too hard to talk so he just hands over the phone and slumps against the passenger side door. His breaths start to even out, though his heart still beats frantically.
“Finn?” Kurt watches him closely, but doesn’t end the phone call. “What’s wrong?”

Blaine can hear Finn holler the good news from where he is sitting. Kurt grins. “Congratulations, Finn!”
They talk for a few minutes. Blaine listens to Kurt’s lovely voice and eventually begins to breathe easier. Kurt relaxes as he sees Blaine’s chest rise deeply. “I’m sorry, Finn. I can’t come to Ohio just yet. I have to stay here with Blaine.”

Blaine smiles at him gratefully, amazed by Kurt’s devotion. Kurt smiles brightly and brushes off Finn. “I’ll ask him how he feels about it, Finn. I’ll let you know in the morning.”

Blaine reaches for Kurt’s hand and squeezes it, trying to fight his newly rising panic. “We can go now, Kurt. It’s all right.”
Kurt looks at him for a moment, staring into his eyes for confirmation. “Blaine is okay with it. We’ll drive out, so it will still take us a few days to get there. Tell Mercedes I can’t wait to hold your daughter in my arms.”

Finn rushes a happy goodbye and ends the call. Kurt turns toward Blaine. “We don’t have to go if you don’t want.”
“No, it’s okay.” He lies, hoping to make Kurt happy. “We can still go to Dalton, right?”
“Of course.” Kurt grins and opens the door again. “Why don’t we go upstairs and settle in for the night?”

“Okay.” Blaine shoves his shaking hands into his pockets, hating the nauseous feeling in his gut. “I’m pretty tired.”
“I am too.” Kurt says as he pops the SUV’s back door.

They carry their duffle bags to the second floor of the nice hotel and find a pleasantly warm room waiting for them. Blaine sinks onto the king size bed, trying to calm his racing heart. Exhaustion pulls him down into a calmer state. Kurt wants to go to Ohio, so that’s where he’ll go. It pains him to think about the dirty looks he’ll receive from Kurt’s family. Burt hates him. Blaine hopes he won’t have to be around the burly mechanic much.

Their impromptu, aimless road trip has finally ended. In a few days they will have a reason for going somewhere important instead of following their random whims for new places. Blaine likes being out here, on the road, where they can be alone and uninterrupted. A month of traveling doesn’t really seem like a long time because he’s been with Kurt the entire time. They have been exploring each other’s bodies again, eating whatever they wanted, and going wherever they pleased. He still has flashbacks and panic attacks frequently. It’s better out on the open road than anywhere else he has been in a long time.

Blaine doesn’t want to go to Ohio. He wants to stay here. It’s the closest he’s ever been to paradise. Sleep lulls him into restless dreams before he can tell Kurt the truth.