The drive seemed endless. They had taken Kurt's car and he was driving, having to restrain himself from speeding and risking an accident. Now that he had decided to do this, he simply couldn't wait. He wanted to see Blaine. Right now. He wanted to fix this. He had waited much too long already. Too much had gone wrong these past few days and he just couldn't let anything else get in the way. He missed Blaine so much. Having him in his life, knowing he was always going to be around, had become so normal to him, even though he could safely say he had never taken it for granted in the first place. Still, he had in no way been prepared for how sad and lonely it would make him feel to be so cut off from him – through a mistake he had made himself, which made everything feel even worse.

“Kurt?”

He snapped out of his thoughts, realizing belatedly that Rachel must have been talking to him all this time. “What is it?”

“I was just asking you if you wanted some water,” she said, holding up a bottle and giving him a worried look. “Are you all right? You look...”

Kurt laughed, the tension in his chest bubbling up, transforming itself into almost hysterical giggling in his throat. Was he all right? He didn't know. His heart was beating too fast, his knuckles turning white where he was gripping the steering wheel way too tightly, and he was shaking, nervous energy tingling under his skin.

“I'm okay.”

“It's okay if you're not, you know that.”

“What am I going to say to him, Rachel?” He kept his eyes on the road, staring ahead. “What am I going to tell him that’s going to make this okay?”

“Hey.” Rachel reached over, lightly touching his arm. “You two... you're still... you. Whatever you say, he’ll... you will find a way to make this better.”

“We would have, once,” Kurt agreed. “Before we went and messed everything up. Now everything has subtext and it's complicated.”

“I don't believe that.” Rachel shook her head resolutely. “Not for a second. You guys have a way of communicating that has freaked me out from the first time I saw you two together. He'll get it.”

“And if he doesn’t? He's my...” Kurt swallowed, searching for the right word. Everything. He's my everything. “He's my best friend and I can't lose him. How do I tell him that? How do I tell him that I love him, but if he doesn't love me back I'd prefer he'd forget I told him so we can stay friends forever, because having him in my life only like that is better than not having him in it at all?”

Rachel was silent for a minute, just staring at him. “You think it's even possible he doesn't feel the same way?” she asked. “I know I... don't have all the details, and I can't see into his head anymore than I know what's going on inside yours, but from what Finn told me, I gather he's been avoiding you since your coffee date when you kind of stepped in it?”

“So?” Kurt knew what she was saying, and nothing would keep him from doing this anyway. Still, Rachel made it sound so simple and hearing her talk was better than being trapped in his own head for even another minute.

“So, why would he do that if he didn't have feelings for you?”

“There could be a million reasons.”

“Look.” Rachel leaned back in her seat, her eyes never leaving Kurt's face. “If you don't want to do this, don't. But you're miserable and you won't feel better until you've talked to him. You don't have to know what you're going to say in detail. Just see him, see where it goes. Like I said, you guys have a weird sort of connection. It'll work itself out.”

Kurt sighed. “No, I am doing this. I don't need convincing. I'm just... freaking out a little. I miss him.”

“I know.”

“We're almost there.”

**

Kurt's palms were sweating and his heart beating way too fast by the time they finally pulled into the parking lot of Blaine's old school.

It was impressive – definitely a lot different from McKinley where Kurt and Rachel had spent their high school years. It looked big and old and... like a lot of money. Blaine had talked about it sometimes, mostly quite fondly, and Kurt had gathered that it was a rather beautiful place. Seeing it now, though, he thought he understood what Blaine meant for the first time.

He had seen pictures, back in his junior year when the bullying had gotten really bad and he’d dreamed of transferring. Lost in wonder, he asked himself what would have happened if he'd worked up the courage to ask his dad to let him go here.

He would have met Blaine a lot earlier, then. Would they have become friends? Would Kurt have been unscarred enough to just let himself fall in love with someone like Blaine? Someone who meant so much? Sighing, he shook his head sadly. He would never know. But somehow, he believed things would have been a lot different if they'd just met one or two years earlier than they had.

The one thing he did know was that he would never have had commitment issues back then – and even now that wasn't really the whole story of him and Blaine. He had tried committed relationships – well, he had tried one, with Patrick – but his subconscious had suppressed those kinds of feelings for Blaine from the moment they met. He had run, from Blaine, from himself, from his heart. When it came down to it, he was still afraid of getting hurt. And Blaine could hurt him more than anyone else ever had. Because with Blaine, he had never been able to put up his protective walls. Blaine moved past them with an ease that had shocked Kurt from the beginning – because it wasn't anything Blaine did, it was something he did himself. He had never even wanted, never even really tried to keep Blaine out. No one else had ever affected him this way.

“When do they start?” he asked Rachel, who had pulled a pocket mirror from her purse and was adjusting her bangs.

“What? Who?”

“The Warblers, Rachel. Isn't that why we're here?”

Rachel smiled at him, reaching over to pat his arm. “No, that's why I'm here. You're here for only one very special Warbler, if I'm not mistaken.”

Kurt nodded shortly, suddenly finding it difficult to breathe. Right. “So, when do they start?”

“Oh.” Rachel quickly checked her watch. “In about two and a half hours.”

“What?” Kurt whipped his head around, staring at her incredulously. “Why are we here this early?”

“Um...” Rachel looked at him like he was stupid. “For Blaine?”

“Are you sure he's even here?” Kurt eyed the building skeptically. “The place probably isn’t even open yet. I don't think they leave doors unlocked in a place like this. And if they aren't locked, do you think they have, like, security here? I mean. What if someone walks out with a … I don't know, a statue? Even the tables and chairs in there are probably worth more than my car...”

“Kurt.” Rachel's voice took on that soothing quality she always used when trying to calm him. Kurt hated it. “You're trying to change the topic. Besides, don't worry. It's open. Trust me. And Blaine is in there.”

“Okay. How do you know that?” Kurt slumped back in his seat, realization dawning, and rubbed a hand across his tired face. “You texted him, right? Asked him to meet you here before the show.”

“Kind of?”

He wasn't sure whether to be annoyed because she had planned all of this, or to hug her because she honestly cared enough to plan all of this. In the end, there was only one thing to say. “Thank you.”

“Oh, no.” Rachel shook her head emphatically. “It was nothing. Just do me one favor and go in there to fix this right now. Do you have any idea how down he's been these past few days? You're not letting him go on stage like that.”

Kurt looked out of the windshield, determined even though his head was swimming. “No. I've messed up enough. I just hope I won't make him feel worse.” Was it wrong to seek Blaine out before the performance? He still couldn't be sure they wanted the same thing here...

“Are you going to tell him you don't want to see him again or just be best friends forever?” Rachel inquired.

Kurt sucked in a sharp breath. “No. Nothing like that. Pretty much the opposite of that.”

“Then I'm sure he'll be just fine,” Rachel assured him.

“You can't know that.”

“And you're stalling. Again.” Rachel reached over to unbuckle his seat belt, pushing him toward the door forcefully. She was quite strong for someone her size. “Get going. You two have wasted enough time.”

Kurt didn't resist, didn't even bother to correct Rachel. She was wrong – he wasn't stalling. Not anymore. He was going to go through with this, no matter what was going to happen. He just liked to be prepared and he still had no idea what to say. But maybe she was right – maybe he didn't need a speech. Maybe he just needed to go in there and get this over with. Doing his best to suppress the remaining doubts and worries, Kurt got out of the car, slamming the door behind him.

He just wanted... he just wanted Blaine. To be close to him again, to hear him speak and see him smile. He needed him. More than anything.

Rachel walked him up to the giant front doors, then stopped walking. Kurt went on a few steps before realizing she was no longer beside him.

“Aren't you coming in?” he asked, confused.

“Nope.” Rachel grinned apologetically. “I don't think you'll need me there.”

“Oh.” Kurt swallowed. “No. Of course not. No. That would probably be... awkward.” Giving the doors a doubtful look he turned back to her again. “So... where do I go?”

“Inside.”

He rolled his eyes and Rachel laughed. “I told Blaine I'd meet him in the entrance hall – just go in and wait somewhere. We're a few minutes early, but he should be there soon.”

“What if he sees me and just... hides?”

“He's still your best friend.” It was Rachel's turn to roll her eyes. “And you drove all the way out here. That's going to mean something to him. Trust me, he's going to talk to you.”

“Well, I hope so.” Kurt took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself. “I guess I'll just... go in, then. Wish me luck.”

“That sounds like a brilliant idea,” Rachel said. “And you don't need me to wish you luck. It’ll be fine. Don't come out again without a boyfriend.”

Kurt gave her a smile, truly grateful for her support.

“If he tries to get away, which I doubt sincerely, give me a call and I'll hold him down while you confess your undying love.”

Kurt laughed, a real laugh for the first time in days. “I'm sure that won't be necessary. But thanks for the offer.” With a last look at his friend who was almost bouncing up and down with excitement now, he turned around to step through the front doors.

From the inside, the school building was almost even more impressive than from the outside. Everything was just so... big and expensive. Kurt didn't have eyes for any of it at the moment, though, only looking for a sign of his best friend.

Blaine was nowhere to be seen yet – in fact, the entire school seemed strangely deserted. It felt weird just standing there surrounded by all this grand old architecture and after a minute or so Kurt couldn't take it anymore... he probably looked incredibly lost just standing there. So he started walking, peeking around corners and checking a few random doors. This way, if someone walked past, it would at least seem like he had some kind of purpose being here, like he was heading somewhere specific.

There was a hallway at the end of the entrance hall and Kurt stood in the doorway for a good twenty seconds before hearing voices further down – torn between walking the other way and just checking out who else was there. Curiosity eventually won and he took a few steps forward. The hallway bent after a few feet, leading to a wide marble staircase with a big ceiling light overhead. It was beautiful – but not as beautiful as the boy standing on the bottom steps in a blue and red blazer, his back turned towards him, deep in conversation with another guy who was wearing the exact same outfit. Apparently, all the alumni were going to perform in their old school uniforms tonight – and Kurt couldn't help but think how excited he would have been about the show had the circumstances been different. He had never seen Blaine in his uniform before outside of old photos.

He hid on top of the stairs, too far away to hear anything that was being said, but near enough to keep a view of Blaine. Even though he couldn't see his face, he could tell that Blaine looked tired. His shoulders were slightly slumped and he wasn't talking with his hands as much as he usually did. Pain shot through Kurt's heart – he had done this to Blaine. To both of them. By being such an idiot who couldn't see what was right in front of him. But then, he doubted that Blaine had seen it much earlier than he had. They were both so incredibly stupid – had been for so long.

Or maybe, a tiny voice inside his head chirped up, Blaine was tired because he'd been at rehearsal all day – maybe this had nothing at all to do with what had happened between them. Maybe the reason he hadn't returned Kurt's calls was simply that he had been hanging out with his Warbler friends this whole time, getting ready for the performance tonight.

But Rachel had said...

Kurt pushed the thought away, seeing the other guy walking away while Blaine kept standing where he was, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket, probably to check the time and see if it was time to meet with Rachel yet.

Quickly making up his mind, Kurt hurried down the stairs as quietly as he could, until he was standing just a few steps above Blaine.

“Excuse me,” he said, surprised at how strong his voice sounded. “Can I ask you a question? I'm new here.”

Blaine froze, then turned around slowly as if he was afraid his eyes would confirm what he already knew.

“Hi,” he said, looking up at Kurt.

For the first time in days, their eyes met and suddenly Kurt wasn't afraid anymore. This was Blaine. His Blaine. And no matter how complicated things had become over the past week, they were still them – he could still read Blaine's face like an open book, he still felt the same affection looking at him that he had always felt, even if it was interlaced with something stronger, more tender now, something he had been suppressing for far too long.

For the first time he realized that maybe part of his fear had been that he might see Blaine differently once he admitted his feelings to himself, but no, this was still the same Blaine he had been friends with for over a year now. If anything, he saw him much clearer all of a sudden, felt him that much closer even though they were still several steps apart. They were still, above all, friends. They could survive this, no matter the outcome. He had to believe that if he was going to do this.

“Hi,” Kurt said back, a little breathless now.

“What are you doing here?” Blaine's voice was unreadable, but his face was expressive as always, the mixture of nervousness and hope making Kurt's hands shake a little.

His heart was already beating triple-time, it couldn't possibly go any faster anyway. “I missed you,” he said, the first words that made it all the way from his brain to his mouth.

“Kurt...”

“No, wait.” Kurt held up a hand to stop him from talking. It wasn't confidence he was feeling, it was more like need, the need to get this out, to open his heart in a way he had never allowed himself before. It was like an ache deep inside, the best-kept secret of his life, so secret he hadn't known it himself, and now he was going to let Blaine in on it.

“Let me say this. I've wanted to say this when we met the other day, but... No, that's not true. I wanted to say something like it, but I didn't know, I hadn't realized...” He groaned inwardly, taking a few steadying breaths before continuing. Maybe preparing a speech would have been a good idea after all. But here he was, and he was going to tell the truth. No more pretending.

“I've been doing some thinking lately and what I said to you in that coffee shop – it wasn't what I wanted to say. I didn't really know what I wanted to say at the time, but I never wanted to make you think that I regretted anything about that night. The only regret I have is shutting you out afterward.”

He descended a few more steps, needing to be closer to Blaine, and met his eyes fully when he started speaking again. “I was confused after what happened, and I know you must have felt the same and... I'm still nervous, but not because... Blaine, I thought it would be the end of our friendship and that scared me. I'm so sorry if I hurt you, you know that's the last thing I ever wanted to do.”

“Kurt – ” Blaine tried to interrupt, but Kurt talked over him quickly.

“You need to know. I'm in love with you.”

Blaine opened his mouth as if to speak but Kurt quickly shook his head and went on. “I think I've had a crush on you from the day we met at the airport, when Rachel tried to set us up. I was expecting to meet some kind of exhausting egomaniac – the type Rachel was into around the time she met you – and instead it was you. And you were so... everything I had ever wanted. You still are. But back then, I couldn't. I was too afraid. I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to fall for someone so hard. The thing is – I couldn't help it. Until that night, I could pretend you were nothing but my best friend, but I can't anymore. I'm sorry it took me so long to figure out, but I want to be with you. For as long as you'll have me. You're the best friend I've ever had, and so much more than that. I love you.”

He was silent then, breathing hard after baring his soul. Blaine just looked at him, the expression on his face unreadable for the first time since Kurt had met him.

“Say something,” he begged after what felt like minutes, clenching and unclenching his fingers, not sure what to do with his hands when all he wanted was to touch, to run his fingers over Blaine's face, around his shoulder, pull him closer and keep him there forever.

Blaine, however, was just... standing there and he was getting impatient – and a little bit afraid of what would happen next.

“God, Kurt,” Blaine said after another moment of silence. “Kurt, you can't just... after everything, after the last few days, you can't just come here and say... that. You can't...” Blaine looked up toward the ceiling light, where the last fading rays of sunlight were shining down on them.

“I'm sorry about the last few days, but I meant everything I said just now,” Kurt promised. “I know you might not want any of this, or maybe I'm too late, but you have a right to know. And I think... I think... no, I know we'd be good together. We always were. I understand if you don't... I just... You mean so much to me, Blaine, please believe me.”

Blaine just nodded slowly, his eyes shining like he was close to tears. He cleared his throat as if to speak, but just at that moment they heard a door burst open somewhere down the hall, a cacophony of voices drifting toward them. The rest of the Warblers, most likely.

“Come with me,” Blaine said, taking Kurt's hand and leading him down the hall in the opposite direction, around corners and through doorways until he stopped in a large, darkly furnished room that looked a lot like some kind of common area.

“Kurt,” he said, turning around, their eyes locking again, and there were definitely tears now in Blaine's. “I thought... I always thought... What do you want us to do now? This is so confusing for me... That night you were so... And then the next morning you couldn't get away fast enough. And that afternoon in the coffee shop... What am I supposed to think? I know I'm to blame too, here, but you can't just come waltzing in here saying these things like... What am I supposed to think?”

“That I'm an idiot,” Kurt said, voice pleading. “But I'm your idiot, I'm the idiot who's so in love with you he was scared to admit it even to himself. I'm the idiot who wants to hold your hand on the subway, take care of you when you're sick, wake up next to you every single morning. I love you, Blaine. Even if we can never get past this, I needed you to know that.”

“I... oh, fuck it,” Blaine said, moving in quickly and crashing their lips together, arms circling around Kurt's waist and clinging like he meant to never let go again.

Kurt froze, for just a second, expectation needing to catch up to reality, and then he was kissing back, finally, finally, and he felt like crying and laughing and dancing and just... exploding with joy all at the same time.

The kiss was slow but not too gentle, hungry in an almost desperate way. Kurt's breath hitched as he felt Blaine's wet lips moving against his own, his senses overloading with relief and Blaine, Blaine, Blaine, and oh thank god. He wrapped his arms around Blaine's shoulders, holding onto him, needing to feel him as close as possible.

“I love you too,” Blaine whispered against his mouth, drawing back just enough so he could speak. “Oh god, I love you, Kurt.”

And Kurt chased his lips, closing the few inches of distance again as quickly as he could. There would be so much time for talking later. Right now, this soul-lifting happiness his body could barely contain was enough.