Who didn't answer. Kurt let it ring until it went to voice mail, then tried again three times, but still no answer.

Chewing on his bottom lip, he put the cell phone on his dresser to finally take off his jacket before settling down on his bed. Had Blaine been telling the truth about that family dinner after all? Maybe he was busy. Or maybe, and that seemed the much more likely option to Kurt in his current state, he just didn't want to talk to him right now. Or ever again.

This was not acceptable.

He picked up his phone again, calling again, and again, and again, but every time, it went to voice mail.

In the end, he gave up, drafting five different versions of a text message to send to Blaine before finally settling on one.

Blaine – what I said today was not what I meant to say. I'm an idiot and I understand if you don't want to, but I really need to talk to you. Please call me back.

Phone in hand, he made his way downstairs where he found his dad sitting in the kitchen, staring miserably into a bowl of salad on the table in front of him.

“Carole thinks I’m a freaking rabbit,” he complained sadly as he saw Kurt, stabbing his fork into a piece of tomato and eyeing it skeptically.

Kurt laughed in spite of his worries. “It's healthy, you know? Eat.”

His dad pushed the bowl away, crossing his arms in front of his chest, giving Kurt a concerned look. “Not hungry. You're still not feeling better? Ready to talk about it yet?”

Kurt thought about it for a minute, then sat down across from his dad, rubbing his hands across his tired face. “I saw Blaine today.”

“And?”

“I think I screwed everything up between us. Maybe for good this time since he's ignoring me now.”

Burt just watched him for a few seconds, waiting, leaning forward so his elbows were resting on the table. “And what is there between you?” he asked when it became clear that Kurt wouldn't volunteer that piece of information himself.

“That's what we're kind of trying to figure out,” Kurt explained. “You know he's my best friend and I care about him. A lot. But lately it seems like... there might be... more than that? But I said something really stupid when we met up today and now he won't take my calls and I...” he broke off, feeling like he might cry if he kept talking.

“Well, this afternoon wasn't that long ago. Maybe he just needs time,” Burt said.

“Yes, maybe.” Kurt couldn't keep the resignation out of his voice.

“What did you say that was so bad anyway?” Burt asked.

“I kind of indicated that I didn't have feelings for him,” Kurt said, his insides clenching painfully at the memory of it. “Because I was afraid he didn't feel the way I did, and I... don't know. I guess my subconscious wanted to make sure I got to reject him before he could reject me.”

Burt nodded, reaching out to squeeze Kurt's arm gently. “You've been hurt before and that sucks.” He let go, keeping his eyes on Kurt's face. The look told Kurt everything he needed to know: I hate that you're feeling like this, I wish I could make this go away, I'm listening if you want to tell me more. “But now you think he wasn't going to reject you?”

Kurt sighed. “I still don't know. I just know that he couldn't get away fast enough after I said it and he looked so hurt... I've tried calling him, but he doesn't answer. I don't know what it means. But I... I have to... I have to do something, dad.”

“Kurt.”

The very tone of it made him look up, meet his father's eyes across the table.

“I know you. I know what you've been through. This stuff – the emotional stuff – it's always hard. But you never do anything half-way, Kurt. You never have. It's always all or nothing with you. So if you know what you want – and you probably do already, you're a smart kid – you'll just have to go for it.”

“What if that makes everything worse? What if I lose him?”

Burt shrugged. “Then you'll deal with that too. No, hey.” He raised a hand, cutting off Kurt's protest. “I'm not saying it'll be easy. But you're not happy now, are you?” He waited for Kurt to shake his head before he continued. “In that case, I'm sorry, kid, but all I can say is you'll have to try to make it right. And either it'll work out or it won't. I'm here for you either way, you know that, to be happy for you or to let you cry on my shoulder. Whatever you need.”

“Thank you.” Kurt got up, hugging his dad on his way to the door. “I think I'll just try calling him again.”

“It'll be all right,” Burt assured him, giving him an encouraging smile before turning back to his salad with a disgusted expression.

Kurt walked back up to his room, cell phone still clutched tightly in his hand. Okay, then. One more try.

One more of course became two, and when Blaine still didn't pick up the third time, Kurt gathered all of his courage and waited for the beep to leave a voice mail.

“Blaine,” he started. “Hi. I've been trying to call you, but you won't answer, so I assume you're either too busy, or don't want to talk to me. If it's the first, please call me back as soon as you can. I really need to talk to you. About today. If it's the second... I understand. I'm so stupid, Blaine. What I said today, the way I said it... You have to know I didn't mean it like that. I don't... I don't regret anything that happened. I just... Please, I need to talk to you, okay? I'm so sorry if I hurt you. I was scared. I'm still scared. You're my best friend. You mean so much to me. But that night... Don't tell me it didn't confuse you too, a little bit at least. I just... We need to talk about it again. But really talk this time. There's so much that I want to say to you, but not like this. So please, call me. Please.”

He hung up, just sitting still for a few minutes, his body tingling with nervous energy. He just hoped Blaine would actually listen to his message before deleting it. Or maybe even call him back. Well, if he didn't, Kurt would spend the next few decades trying to make this right, if he had to. Because his dad was right. He couldn't give up, even if it ended in heartbreak. He actually felt a little better after leaving the message – it wasn't like him to sit around and worry when there was actually something he could do.

Finally, he got up, taking his phone with him into the bathroom as he showered and went through his skin care routine. He changed into his pajamas, taking his time because it wasn't that late yet and also, he was still hoping for that call.

Half an hour went by, and another half hour, and finally Kurt simply ran out of things to do. He had planned his outfit for tomorrow, flipped through the pages of old magazines, checked his email twice and even texted back and forth with some friends from New York for a while. He was actually getting tired now.

Keeping the phone close to him on the night stand, he finally turned off the lights and slipped under the covers, his heart heavy with the events of the day.

It took another ten minutes before his phone vibrated with a new message, and he sat up straight, almost falling off the bed in his haste to get to it.

Blaine. It was from Blaine. Finally.

He read it quickly, his heart sinking as he took in the words.

I got your message. Can't get away for the next few days, though... Let's talk after Christmas?

Kurt let himself fall back onto the bed, resisting the urge to scream in frustration. What had he expected? He just... missed Blaine. So, so much. And all he wanted was the chance to make this right. In person. Somehow, he didn't think the realization that you were in love with your best friend should be shared over the phone, especially not with said best friend and not after everything that had happened. He texted back quickly, needing Blaine to know that he'd do everything in his power to fix this.

Just let me know as soon as you have time. And I really am sorry about today.

He waited, after that. For a reply, just some sign that Blaine was thinking about him too. Nothing came.

**

The next few days went by slowly, endless minutes and hours filled with waiting, hope, regret, fear and worry.

Everything reminded him of Blaine, even if it was completely unrelated. The thought of Blaine was in every cup of coffee, in every movie and every song, in every laugh he heard around the house and every time a phone rang in another room. And it was slowly driving him insane, the way only a slowly breaking heart can. He'd had it broken before, he knew the feeling. But so far, it had always been a clean, quick break, sharp stabbing pain that took his breath. This time, it was gradual, drawn-out, like ripping a piece of fabric in slow motion. Every hour made it worse, every hour he didn't hear from Blaine the squeezing pain intensified, only ebbing away for long moments of overwhelming numbness. He needed Blaine. So much.

Wednesday was Christmas Eve, and Rachel, who had come back to Ohio that morning, came over in the afternoon to exchange gifts with Finn.

Kurt was feeling depressed and had shut himself in his room, not in the mood to socialize. Rachel still didn't know what had happened between him and Blaine – and he didn't feel up to the task of telling her right now. Because Blaine still hadn't called or texted back. It wasn't that he and Blaine hadn't gone without speaking to each other for days before, but it had been different then. It had been both of them busy with school and other friends and assignments, and the silence had never felt like distance because they had both known the other would still be there when things calmed down, or come rushing at a simple message if needed.

This time, the silence was screaming at him, hurting him, burning a hole into his heart. Because there was no guarantee that it would ever end.

He was lying on his bed, too emotionally drained to even read or watch TV and not really looking forward to Christmas morning at all. Last year, right around this time, he had been downstairs in the living room watching the Muppet Christmas Carol with his family and texting with Blaine who was watching the same movie at home. They had shared their favorite scenes, and even now Kurt couldn't help but smile at the memory of Blaine's text full of smiley faces as the Ghost of Christmas Present appeared and the endless rows of sad faces when Tiny Tim died.

They had only known each other for a few months at that point, but it had all felt so natural to him. Maybe that should have been his first clue that there was something more between them at least on his side, he thought, unable to stop being angry with himself.

He could hear Rachel and Finn talking in the next room, laughing, whispering, and he pressed his hands over his ears, trying to drown out the annoying sounds of happiness. They deserved it and he loved them and wanted them to be happy, but right now he couldn't handle hearing it.

It was a few minutes later when he heard a soft knock on his door and before he could decide whether or not to pretend that he was asleep, Rachel poked her head around the door frame.

“Hi,” she said. “How are you doing?”

Kurt sat up, putting on his widest smile. “Rachel. Hi. I didn't know you were here. I'm fine, thanks, how are you?”

“Kurt.” Rachel closed the door behind herself, walking over to sit on the edge of his bed. “What's wrong?”

“What do you mean?” He did his best to pretend he had no idea what she was talking about, but Rachel just rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh.

“Finn says you've been moping ever since you came home. He's actually really worried about you. And... did you have a fight with Blaine?”

Kurt's eyes widened in shock. Rachel had a talent for sticking her nose where it didn't belong, but how the hell could she possibly know about him and Blaine? “Why would you think that?”

“Because, Kurt, he's my friend too and I talked to him on the phone earlier. And yesterday. And the day before. He's really upset about something, but he won't tell me what it is. And then I come here, and I haven't heard from you in days because you have ignored all of my messages, and Finn tells me you spend all your time holed up in your room and barely eat anything. Doesn't really take a genius to put two and two together.”

Kurt was actually speechless – Blaine had been talking to Rachel? It didn't surprise him, the two had been friends before Kurt had even met him. Still... Kurt didn't want him to be upset, but if he was, did that actually mean... Had he interpreted the signs correctly? This had the potential to be good news, didn’t it?

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Rachel asked.

Kurt shrugged. “I don't know...”

“Oh, well.” Rachel flipped back her hair, grinning a little. “I'll just try to get it out of Blaine tonight at the concert.”

“Concert? What concert?” Kurt gave her a confused look. What was she talking about?

“The Warblers, Kurt. Blaine didn't tell you? It's some kind of alumni thing, they're singing tonight and of course Blaine will join them. He invited me to come and naturally I said yes. I assumed he’d told you about it.”

“No, he didn't.” Kurt shook his head, throat closing up as he held back the tears. “We haven't really spoken much lately.” His voice sounded raw, scratchy, and he cleared his throat before continuing. “I tried calling him, but then he said he needed time and I... God, Rachel, I was this close to just driving over to his house so many times because I can't stand this, but he said he needed time and I wanted to give it to him, but it's killing me, I can't...” He couldn't speak anymore, needing all of his breath to hold back the sob that was threatening to break free.

Rachel took his hand, patting it soothingly. “Oh, you boys. Why does everything always have to be so complicated with you? He misses you, I know he does.”

“How do you know?”

“He told me.”

Kurt felt his heart skip a few beats, breath hitching in his throat. Blaine missed him. “Then why won't he talk to me?”

Rachel hugged him quickly, then got up. “I have to go now, okay? To Blaine's concert.” She looked at him, apparently expecting some kind of reaction.

Kurt just nodded, confused, a little hurt that she would rub it in his face like this that she got to see Blaine and he didn't.

“It's a really long drive,” Rachel went on. “And it's going to be dark by the time I have to drive back. I don't like driving in the dark. I just wish I didn't have to go alone.”

“Sorry?” Kurt tried. “Ask Finn if he can take you...”

“If only I knew someone who cared about Blaine as well and has been waiting for a chance to see him again...” Rachel's eyes were still fixed on him, her expression somewhere between amused and frustrated, and Kurt finally caught on.

“Give me ten minutes to get changed? We're taking my car.” He jumped off the bed and Rachel bounced up and down on her feet, clapping her hands excitedly.

“I'll be in Finn's room. Hurry up, we don't want to be late.”

“No, I'll be quick.” Kurt waved his hands at her, signaling her to leave him alone for a few minutes. This was his chance. He was still afraid, but after two days of silence, he was also more than ready to take a leap and just try. He had to. “Oh, Rachel,” he called after her when she had almost reached the door.

“What is it?”

He walked over quickly, pulling her into a firm hug. “Thank you.”

“Anytime,” Rachel said, beaming at him when he pulled back. “I just want you to be happy. Both of you. And now find something fabulous to wear, you have a boy to impress.”