Chapter 23

It had been two months since their visit to LA and after they got back, the boys only saw each other at Blaine’s apartment. A few weeks of not seeing Blaine around Kurt and Rachel’s place or interacting with the girls had been enough for the paparazzi to start suspecting a break up.

Something else had added to that and Jenny was the only one responsible for it. After Kurt had explained both girls the situation, Jenny had taken her phone out and unfollowed Blaine on Twitter. Rachel did so later that night. A day after, and under Jenny’s instructions, Blaine unfollowed both of them. Eventually, the fans realized and that was the end of their public relationships.

Blaine had started to film for ‘On Our Own’, as the show with Zooey Deschanel and Lucy Hale was called (Blaine had learned who was going to be his fictional twin before shooting started after all). Being a fan of acronyms, Blaine was a little upset at the name of the show, he had settled for ‘O cubed’ but he couldn’t get it to stick on anyone. He and his new sisters had bonded quite quickly and he was having a lot of fun working with them.

Kurt knew that things were well and that he should be happy - and he was, to some extent. However, since their conversation in LA, it was as if something inside him had woken up and wouldn’t go back to sleep. One single word that Blaine had said two months ago had become like a mantra to him.

Soon, he would repeat himself. Soon.

He would tell himself that it wasn’t that he just wanted Blaine to come out, but the truth was that he was becoming impatient. With only being able to see each other in one place, and having to be so careful about what they implied about Jenny and Rachel, he was tired. He could put up with it, but that was the problem. It was no longer something he understood, but something he just put up with.

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He entered the coffee shop and got himself a non-fat mocha, scanning the room for a certain familiar face. He spotted a head of carefully messed blonde hair that rested on an Alexander Wang t-shirt and walked towards the monstrosity.

“Hi, Els.” He greeted as he sat across from his friend.

“Hey you!” Eli said happily.

They caught up on their lives briefly, until Eli asked, “ So, how’s Blaine?” In a tone that insinuated there was something being unsaid.

“Fine.” Kurt answered with slight irritation in his voice at where the conversation was going.

“Coming out any time soon?” Eli asked with an expression that indicated he knew the answer already.

Kurt was a little defensive when he answered, “He’s going to do it when he’s ready and I’m ok with that. You already know this, Eli.”

“Ok, ok, fine. I was being a jerk. Let me rephrase” Eli looked down at his coffee before continuing, “ We just aren’t sure you’re so okay with it anymore.”

Kurt’s eyebrows went up, “We? I told you, I’m fine.”

Eli grunted. “Maybe I’ve discussed this with Rachel. But it really means there’s something up with you if we’ve both noticed.” He reasoned.

“Fine.” Kurt said irritated. “Maybe I’m a little impatient. That’s what you want to hear? It’s not exactly something I’m proud of.”

“Of what? Feeling?”Eli challenged.

The boy rolled his eyes. “You’re not helping here, Elliot. Are you going to take what I say seriously?”

“I actually mean it, Kurt. So what? You want him to come out and stop with all of this hiding and sneaking around? No, it’s not the most compassionate thing you could think, but it doesn’t matter if that’s what you’re feeling. Don’t dismiss it as nothing just because you don’t think that’s what you should feel.”

“I’m not going to pressure him.” Kurt stated. “You should get this better than the girls.” He backfired.

Eli leaned closer over the table, “That’s not what I’m saying. I know it’s hard and I know there’s more than one reason it’s more difficult for him, but just talk to him, Kurt. Tell him how you feel. He’s probably going to realize by himself sooner or later.”

Kurt leant back on his seat, thinking. “It’s the most awful timing.”

“Yeah, but you don’t have to do it today or this week. Just don’t bottle it up until you snap.”

“I’ll think about it.” He sighed.

“That’s enough for me.” Eli said, going back to his coffee.

“It won’t be enough for Rachel” Kurt playfully added.

“That’s why you are the one telling her how this went” Eli replied with a smile.

Kurt groaned.

“Okay, that’s enough about your famous pretty boyfriend. Let me brag, which is what I actually invited you for.” Eli said, leaning forward and crossing his hands over the table.

Kurt laughed. “Sounds fair. Now tell me all of Marc Jacobs’s dirty secrets.”

It was Eli’s time to laugh. “Secrets I do know because he gets there every morning and asks for the new boy who does patterns so he can talk over coffee with him.”

“Naturally.”

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Kurt went to Blaine’s home later that afternoon. A couple of hours after he got there, Blaine had to get ready to leave. Kurt advised him on his outfit, picked up a bow tie for him and kissed him by the door when it was time for Blaine to go.

Suddenly, Blaine was holding tighter to his waist and kissing him one more time, harder than before. “I wish I could take you with me. I feel like such a coward.” He said with a sadness in his eyes that Kurt hadn’t seen in a while, since when was something he didn’t want to try to remember.

He embraced Blaine tight and warm in his arms, taken aback by the hurt in his hazel eyes. “It’s okay, love. We’ll get there when you’re ready. It’s ok. I’ll wait for you. I love you.” He whispered to Blaine’s ear as the boy stood buried in his arms for what felt like a painful eternity.

Blaine pulled away and the sight of his watery eyes almost made Kurt cry too. He produced a handkerchief from his suit’s pocket (in a different situation Kurt would have teased him for his antic ways) and wiped his eyes. He traced a hand over Kurt’s face, his temple, his cheek, his jaw. “I’m going to do it. I promise you. You’re the only reason I now feel like I can be myself. I love you so much, Kurt.”

Blaine kissed him again, with such need an emotion that it put Kurt off balance.

After he said goodbye and left to his new show’s premiere, Kurt stood in the same place, numbly looking at the door. He walked to the couch, curled up and cried himself to sleep.

When he woke up the following morning he was still there, Blaine closely pressed between him and the couch, hugging Kurt tightly to his body.

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‘On Our Own’ was an immediate success. Between Zooey’s hilarity and the great dynamic between the three main characters their numbers were getting better and better every week. That also meant that its stars were very much in the spotlight.

Blaine’s name hadn’t been mentioned on TV with that frequency since A&C best moments and, as much as that was great for Blaine’s career, it also had consequences on his private life.

It was common now to see paparazzi hanging out around Blaine’s place, just to get anything that looked like news and involved his face. Therefore, for Kurt to be there was harder than before. Between that and Blaine’s busy schedule, Kurt only went to his place on the weekends, when he didn’t have somewhere to be at an specific hour and he could wait for the coast to clear to head home. They dealt with their schedules the best they could and Kurt saw that Blaine tried very hard to find time for them.

A month passed since the show had started and Kurt still hadn’t talked to Blaine about how he was feeling. He keep telling himself it wasn’t the right time with Blaine being so busy and so exposed that he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it, but mostly, since the night of the premiere he had seen a Blaine who was craving for freedom and he kept seeing glances of that Blaine from time to time. He couldn’t focus on the small discomforts when Blaine was making such a change on himself, for himself. He truly believed Blaine was getting there and his place was to support him, to give him the strength. So Kurt waited.