Chapter 21

Over a month passed and the press was starting to slow down on the gossip surrounding the group of friends. Nothing else about Kurt had been said and the boy had let the hurt over the situation go.

It was July, already. Having finished school, Kurt kept working at the fashion magazine, getting a more permanent place there. Although he had once thought of getting into costume design, he was now sure his dream was to be a fashion designer and have his own line. Still, he enjoyed his job and it provided an income while he figured out exactly how to make that dream come true, aside from dressing his own friends.

Kurt finished advising Rachel on the styling of her outfit and went to the living room to see Blaine coming out of his bedroom. He was typing on his phone enthusistically. With a smile, he pointed at the undone purple silk bow tie around his neck and looked up at Kurt as in a question, going back to typing.

Of course, Blaine could do it himself but Kurt loved those little moments. He stood as close as physically possible and took his time to tie the knot perfectly, staring into his boyfriend’s eyes as he adjusted the collar of the shirt. Putting a hand on his lower back, he guided Blaine to his bedroom and in front of the mirror. He stood behind him and took in his suit, smoothing it here and there.

“You look great” Kurt said, placing a kiss behind his boyfriend’s ear.

Blaine turned his head to kiss him on the cheek, to which Kurt responded by wrapping his arms around Blaine's waist, his chin on Blaine’s shoulder. They stayed like that for a few minutes before Blaine looked back at his phone and chuckled. Kurt looked down and saw Blaine was on Twitter.

“Who are you ditching me for?” Kurt asked playfully.

“It’s Jenny.” Blaine answered, raising his phone so Kurt could see their exchange.

@BlaineAnderson: @MsJennyHendrick Break a leg, girl! Try not to make my head explode with your talent

@MsJennyHendrick: @BlaineAnderson Thanks, B. But I can’t promise that. See you in a bit!

@BlaineAnderson: @MsJennyHendrick I guess I’ll take the risk. You’d find me next to the girl turning green with envy and the boy looking just out of a cover of Vogue ;)

@MsJennyHendrick: @BlaineAnderson Those don’t sound very hard to spot. Haha

“Blaine!” Kurt said upset as he finished reading.

“What? I didn’t say flawless or stunning, which would have been more accurate.” Blaine replied with a playful smile as he turned to face Kurt.

Kurt kept a hard look until Blaine let go of his mischievous grin and spoke again, more serious this time. “Hey, you read between lines because you know there’s meaning behind, otherwise it just sounds like a fashion compliment. It’s innocent, Kurt.” He looked deep into Kurt’s blue eyes, speaking in a soothing voice. “Don’t worry so much.”

However, Kurt just couldn’t let it go. “Don’t act as if I’m the one being paranoid. These people are already everywhere. Can’t you just not feed anymore into the situation?” He was getting upset, tired of being the friend when Blaine was to supposed to be seen with the girls.

“Kurt, I...” Blaine started, but he didn’t seem to know what he had attempted to say.

“I’m not trying to pressure you, I’m not. But I’m not feeling great about this and I really don’t know if I can keep up with this deal any more.” Kurt said and took a breath to sooth himself and explain himself better. There were things he had been agreeing with that he wasn’t sure he was comfortable with any more.

It was right then that an over excited Rachel started shouting through the apartment that the car was downstairs and they really had to leave. Only then did Kurt dare to look back at Blaine, who wasn’t looking back. The sadness in his large eyes, usually sparkling with joy, shocked and hurt him. He replayed his last words in his head an caught up on what they had sounded like.

Kurt took Blaine’s arm, stopping him from leaving the room and went to explain, “I didn’t mean...”

But Blaine cut him off before he could say more. “Can we talk about it later?” His voice sounded empty, no emotion in it, in a way that was so not Blaine. Kurt felt the sound pulling at his heart.

Kurt desperately wanted to hold him, but at the same time he still had things he wanted to say and discuss, things he just knew he couldn’t continue to bottle up. It didn’t matter anyway, they couldn’t do any of that. Rachel had taken the fact that his room’s door wasn’t completely closed as an invitation to enter and was almost dragging them to the front door.

As they made it to the stairs, Kurt let go of Rachel and took Blaine’s hand in his, Blaine just looked at him with those eyes for a second before dropping his gaze back to the floor. When they reached the building’s door he made sure to squeeze Blaine’s hand in what he hoped was a reassuring way before letting go to go outside.

Kurt couldn’t actually enjoy the play. He spent the entirety of it wanting to reach for Blaine but knowing he couldn’t. It pained him to need to be close to Blaine but not be able to touch him, even when they were sitting next to each other. His mind was spiralling, with fear of hurting Blaine and the things he had known he would need to say eventually and now just couldn’t keep buried any longer.

By the second act, he managed to remember that it was a huge moment for one of his friends, and he had to be happy for Jenny. He even had the presence of mind to worry about Rachel and throw a little concerned look her way (Blaine sat in between the two). He was pleased to see she seemed content for their friend.

The play ended and Jenny had nailed it. Kurt turned to look at Blaine to find him looking broken and lost. But the second Blaine noticed Kurt’s eyes on him he hid any trace of emotion. The three of them went backstage to meet Jenny, both Kurt and Blaine acting completely normal as their congratulated her.

“You are sure you can't even come for a few minutes? Please?” Jenny asked Blaine as the girls got ready to leave for the afterparty.

“Not really. I’m already pushing it right now.” He said apologetically.

Both of the girls pouted and Kurt looked away, preparing himself.

As everyone grabbed their coats, he couldn’t avoid it any longer, so Kurt spoke. “Girls, I’m actually going to accompany Blaine to his place before he leaves.”

The three others turned at him, the girls looking annoyed, Blaine looking puzzled.

“Seriously, Kurt. You can say goodbye to him here. It’s not like he’s going to war.” Rachel retorted.

“Yeah, you’re not even going to the airport.” Jenny added.

Kurt hissed. He knew they were going to react like that but he was tired and worried and he wasn’t in the mood to deal with them. He tried to find Blaine’s eyes with his but he couldn’t decipher what was going on in Blaine’s head. At least now he was showing some emotion. He looked vulnerable, but Kurt thought he saw a little bit of hope in there too. Still, Blaine was not telling him not to go with him and he decided to take that as a good sign.

The girls kept complaining but Kurt gave both of them a hard look that they knew meant ‘stop it’ and they, albeit reluctantly, complied. Rachel looked at him questioning as they said goodbye, but Kurt just shook his head surreptitiously for only her to see.

The boys walked to the car, that was waiting for Blaine, in silence. Kurt kept his eyes on Blaine but the other boy never raised his head completely.

Once in the privacy of the car, Kurt took Blaine’s hand from his lap and held it in between his own. “Please, look at me.”

Blaine sighed painfully and finally looked up. Kurt put a hand on the side of his face, keeping their faces close. “I didn’t mean what you think I meant. I didn’t mean us. I’m more than okay with us.” He kissed Blaine’s lips softly and then his forehead. “I love you so much, Blaine.”

“I love you, too.” The shorter boy replied, his whole body visually relaxing in relief. He pulled Kurt into a warm hug, holding him as he could disappear in any moment.

They stayed like that until the car stopped. They walked in silence into Blaine’s apartment and Blaine held him close again as soon as they were in.

“What did you mean?” Blaine finally asked with a tight grip on Kurt’s hips.

Kurt sighed. “This whole thing with the girls. I know I agreed to it, but it it’s so...” He paused to look for the right word, “degrading to be that flamboyant friend who hangs around.” He continued, looking over Blaine’s shoulder and away from him. “And all the flirting... I know it’s just a show, but I can’t even touch you when we’re in public and I have to put up with that. I know it isn’t like that, but it feels as if everyone is making fun of me, you know. I’m tired.”

Kurt knew it wasn’t Blaine’s fault but he couldn’t help how it all made him feel. He couldn’t hold it anymore.

One of Blaine’s hands cupped his face to make him look at him. “I...Ok.” He said as his other hand loosened its grip on Kurt’s hip, playing nervously with a belt loop of his pants between his fingers. He let out a deep breath. “I ask so much of you.” He stated in a sad voice. “I don’t care about the cover, we’ll figure that out. I just want you to be comfortable.” He said, caressing Kurt’s jaw.

Kurt leant forward to kiss him. Their bodies were pressed together, so Kurt felt Blaine’s phone buzz from the other boy’s pocket.

Blaine groaned as he pulled away. He took the phone to his ear without checking the ID, but said “Allyson” in an annoyed voice as a greeting.

Kurt took Blaine’s other wrist and checked the time on his watch. They were really cutting it short.

“In my appartment” Blaine said to the phone and Kurt could hear Allyson yell “Blaine!” in response. “I’m going, I’m going.” Blaine assured. He hung up a little after that.

“I have to go before I miss my flight.” He said, hugging Kurt close one more time.

He kissed Kurt again, hard. “Come with me to LA?” He asked out of the blue.

“I have to work, I can’t...” Kurt started, Blaine already knew that.

“I know, but for the weekend. You could fly out after work on Friday.” He explained. “I don’t want to wait for two weeks to see you again. Please?” He asked with that adorable, irresistible pout of his.

Kurt sighed playfully; as inconvenient as it was, he couldn’t say no to Blaine when he looked like that, even less with the emotional roller coaster their night had been. “Ok.”