Chapter 19

Blaine looked up at him instantly but stayed sitting, not saying anything. He was still wearing the same suit from the night before; his hair was a mess, as he had probably run his hands through it way too many times. It was clear that he had not slept that night. His lips curled up in a tiny, insecure, sad smile in Kurt’s direction. It broke his heart.

Kurt had to blink a couple of times to avoid tearing up. It had taken him one look at his dishevelled boyfriend to get emotional. This was going to hurt so much; he loved Blaine, but that’s why he was going to let him go if that was what he needed.

Then Rachel stepped into the living room from the kitchen. She was wearing a robe and she had two cups of tea in her hands. Her sleepy eyes opened a little more when she saw Kurt standing there, still next to his door. She put the cups in the coffee table in front of Blaine and said, “I’ll be in my room” in a tiny voice as she disappeared through the door.

Both boys watched her go until Blaine turned to try and catch Kurt’s eye for the first time. Kurt allowed himself to look back but still didn’t move. There was something almost pleading in Blaine’s gaze as he asked, “Could you sit, please?” His voice was raspy and it went straight to Kurt’s heart, resonating in his chest.

He moved slowly, not going to sit on the couch with Blaine but, instead, he sat on the coffee table in front of the other boy. That way they were close and in front of each other, but by not being on the couch with him, Kurt was a little less tempted to just fall into Blaine arms. Blaine sat straight but didn’t try to move closer to Kurt. His voice didn’t have his usual sweetness, but was less rough than before when he looked up and said, “She’s not telling.”

Kurt let go of a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. He allowed himself a little bit of hope. His mouth opened and closed; he wanted to ask: Who? How? What happened? But he couldn’t form words. Instead he leaned a tiny bit closer and laid a hand on Blaine’s knee, squeezing it, while trying to catch his eye, but Blaine’s gaze was on Kurt’s hand.

Taking a deep breath Blaine shifted and, in one movement, leaned forward and took Kurt’s hand in between his and in between them. He looked up and now they were really close to each other and looking into each other’s eyes. Kurt realised then that Blaine had been feeling as scared and lost as him until then. Somehow, his touch had changed that.

He kept his eyes on Kurt’s as he began to talk.

“The girl who walked on us was Kiara, Michael Rosado’s daughter. She’s fifteen and her dad is the director and executive producer of the movie. She’s not telling.”

“She freaked out when she saw us. She ran to her dad and told him she wanted to go but wouldn’t tell why. That’s why it took us like two hours to get Michael to answer the phone. She wasn’t telling her dad because she thought I was going to hate her for telling. She’s actually a fan of mine, that’s the only reason she was allowed to go to the party for a couple of hours.”

“After I got to explain everything to Michael, I went to their place and talked to her and when she calmed down we made sure it was clear she couldn’t tell anyone what she saw. Then Wes and Allyson got there and all that time I was convinced you were with them. I had asked Wes to find you but they just said you had run away from Allyson. We spent another hour of Wes making a detailed list of the reasons why she shouldn’t tell her best friend. I understand quantum physics better than I do teenage girls, so I’m not going to pretend I understood what that was, but Wes has two teenage sisters so we just let him do all the talking.”

“When we left at around three, Allyson insisted I went home and slept. But you hadn’t answered one of my calls and all I knew was that Jenny had told Allyson you were home. So I drove here and stayed in my car until I couldn’t anymore. I texted Rachel and she let me in and I was going to sleep in your couch until you talked to me.”

His gaze fell to his lap. “You haven’t actually done that yet.” He looked so tired and sad and so not like himself.

Lost in his own fears, Kurt hadn’t thought about Blaine’s interpretation of his silence until then. He put a hand under Blaine’s chin to make the other boy look back at him. His own eyes closed, like gathering strength. “I...I’m sorry, I freaked out. I thought I was going to lose you.” His thumb inadvertently caressed the slight stubble forming in Blaine’s jaw as he still struggled to keep his eyes on Blaine’s. “I’m not losing you, right?” He asked, still needing the reassurance.

“Of course not, Kurt. I’m not going anywhere.” Blaine’s hands made their way to Kurt’s knees and upper legs, pulling him closer as he sat on the edge of the coffee table.

Blaine’s eyes were intense on his. “I’m sorry I didn’t handle things well. But please, just don’t close up like that again. You scared me. I love you, I’m not running away from you. Please, don’t run away from me.” Kurt barely managed not to gasp but Blaine still caught up with what he had just said. Kurt could see in his eyes opening wide the moment he realised and for a second he feared Blaine was going to take it back. But he didn’t and Kurt was done hurting Blaine because he was scared.

“I love you, too.” Kurt said softly, obliging himself to keep looking at Blaine in the eye. Blaine’s lips were on his as soon as the words left them. He pulled Kurt to his lap and hugged him to his body. After a while, Kurt kissed Blaine softly and pressed his forehead against his. They both smiled. “I love you.” Said Blaine again, trying the words out on his lips.

Changing positions, Kurt sat on the couch between Blaine’s legs with his back to Blaine’s chest and let his boyfriend hold him. He buried his face in the crook of Blaine’s neck. They stayed like that for a while, Blaine running a hand along Kurt’s back, Kurt placing small, tender kisses in Blaine’s neck.

“Kurt,” called Blaine eventually, when Kurt was minutes away from drifting back to sleep.

“Yes, love?” He asked, secretly enjoying the new pet name. He raised his head to look at Blaine when he stopped stroking his back.

Blaine ran a hand softly through Kurt’s messy bed hair. “I am going to come out. I can’t promise you when and I can’t tell you that I’m ready yet, but I’m going to do it. And when I do, I’m going to take you to all of these events and show everyone how proud I am to be with you.”

 Kurt smiled softly. “When you’re ready, I’d love that.” He kissed Blaine’s cheek and then his lips. Standing up, Kurt extended his hands to Blaine.

“Come on, love. You have to sleep at some point.”