AN: Couldn't fall asleep for hours again last night (Kurt, can I have some of your Ambien?) and started reading Struck by Lightning. It's hilarious and makes me want to write my next story in first person as well. Just wanted to get that out before I left you with this.

Warning: Underage drinking and misuse of prescription medication

And sorry if you like Twilight ;)

Chapter 15: Fade to black

Kurt

"Mom?" Kurt asked a few days after Christmas. His mom raised an eyebrow in question and so Kurt soldiered on. "My friends Rachel and Mercedes have invited me to a sleep over and I was wondering if I could go. You are out of town till Thursday so I'd just be on my own anyway."

When asking something, Kurt had learned he had to make sure he didn't sound like he was accusing her of something and to make it sound like he was doing her a favor.

"I can have her parents give you a call, in case you are worried," he added, because he knew how much his mom hated to deal with other parents. Blaine's dad was enough for her already.

"Fine, but I expect the house to be clean when I get back," she finally agreed after probably having weighed the pros and cons.

"Thank you, mom," he told her, trying not to let his excitement show about his first sleep over since he was a kid, and that one hadn't ended well.

The next night found him in Rachel's bedroom, which to his horror was pink through and through. Mercedes was lounging on Rachel's bed as well, a bowl of popcorn on her lap.

"Alright white boy, spill. What's going on with you and Hummel?" she asked after she had swallowed a handful. Kurt blushed and toyed with Rachel's comforter.

"I for one believe Blaine's in love with him, but Kurt won't listen," Rachel interjected before Kurt could get a word in.

"Okay, maybe there's a tiny possibility that you are not wrong," he finally conceded and Rachel clapped excitedly. "Something happened over Christmas, didn't it? Oh, this is so romantic."

Kurt shook his head. "He didn't say anything per se, but he got me a car for Christmas, Rachel, a freaking car. I mean it's not new, but he rebuild it for me."

Both girls were staring at him before Rachel launched herself at him and hugged him tight. "I knew it," she exclaimed.

"Yeah, but wouldn't he have said anything, if you are right, Rachel?" Mercedes interrupted and Rachel glared at her.

"Well, there was something else," Kurt interjected before an argument could start. He let them stew for a few seconds before he elaborated.

"He kept staring at me a lot during the night and then he walked me up to my door and kissed my cheek." He looked at them, expecting them to be all excited for him, but both girls frowned.

"That's big. He had never done that before, not even when we were kids. The hand holding yes, but never a kiss." He had filled the girls in about his and Blaine's history, because they had been curious to know why the new kid had managed to drag him out of his shell when Rachel had never succeeded.

"So are you going to tell him? I mean, I really like Blaine but I'm starting to think he is too stupid to make the first move," Rachel said after a pause.

Kurt nodded. He had been thinking about nothing but the way they had said good night after Christmas and had come to the same conclusion. Either Blaine liked him and was waiting for him to make a move, or he didn't and it would be awkward for a while but he was hoping that ultimately they would find a way to get past it.

He needed to know what was what because no knowing was killing him.

"New Year's Eve. Blaine said we should spend it together if nothing else comes up. I mean, wouldn't it romantic if we shared our first kiss at midnight," Kurt fantasized, the girls looking like they were caught up in their own fantasies as well.

Rachel was the first to snap out of it and jumped of the bed to pick out a DVD. "I vote for 'Twilight'. Edward is so dreamy." Kurt immediately shook his head. "Absolutely not. Blaine made me watch a bit as part of my pop culture education and this is one of the stupidest things I've ever seen. No offense."

Mercedes shrugged, but Rachel looked offended.

"What about 'True Blood'?" Kurt suggested, ever thankful Blaine had introduced him to the TV series as well. "Trust me, the guys are so much hotter in there." Mercedes immediately nodded and Rachel huffed.

"Fine. I think my dads actually own the first season," she told them before leaving the room to hunt down the DVD.

Kurt leaned back against the headboard, reveling in the fact that so much had changed in the past few months. He was at a sleep over with friends, and no one had beat him up for admitting he liked to watch something because of the hot guys in it.

Now all he had to do was get Blaine to proof things could work out for him as well.

"You know we expect you to tell us all the dirty details once you and Blaine are done, right?" Mercedes told him while they were waiting for the DVD player to load the next episode.

Kurt was sure there wouldn't be any dirty details, but he nodded nevertheless, because that was what friends did. They shared the important things happening in their lives.

Blaine

"So, whose the guy?" David asked when Blaine came back from the kitchen and handed Wes and David their sodas. Blaine blushed. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, come on, Blaine. We know you and you are definitely wearing your ' I have a crush' expression." Blaine sighed. So much for spending a relaxing evening with David and Wes, while he was in town, to clear his head from Kurt related thoughts.

"Please, tell me you are not still seeing that guy from the mall. He was way too old for you and that hair was just hideous." David shuddered and Blaine was certain his face was beet red by now.

"It's not him. It's Kurt," he confessed and David and Wes both stared at him. "The guy you were friends with when you were a child. The guy you are helping out at your new school?"

Blaine had told Wes and David about Kurt when they had found an old photo album of his in his dorm room at Dalton and had kept David up to date when he and Kurt had met again.

"Yes. It's complicated though. He comes from a really dysfunctional family and I didn't think he was ready for a relationship after some bad things happened, but now I think I might be losing him and I can't stand the thought."

Suddenly he was hit over the head with one of their throw pillows. "What was that for?" "For being dumb. Be glad I don't have the gavel anymore to hit you," Wes remarked before David took over.

"You can't dictate what other people are supposed to feel or not. It's not for you to decide if Kurt is ready to date someone, it's his decision. All you can do is let him know how you feel and hope for the best."

Blaine felt like he was talking to his dad again, who had told him the exact same thing.

"I know, I know. And I will tell him. New Year's."

Wes and David exchanged a look. "You should bring him to the party. And yes you are required to attend. Once a Warbler always a Warbler."

Blaine sighed. "But what if he says no. Then we'll be stuck together for a whole night with no way to escape."

"Then tell him to meet you before. Tell him how you feel. If he reciprocates, you have someone to make out with during the party and if he doesn't – just get wasted like every other person when they deal with heart break."

Blaine looked up and stared at Wes. Wes had always been the voice of reason in the Warblers. Making sure, parties didn't get out of hand.

"What?" Wes shrugged. "I'm in college now. Things change."

Blaine mulled it over, because Wes did have a point. He could meet Kurt earlier at the Lima Bean and see how things went from there.

"Alright," he told them and Wes and David fist-bumped. Blaine rolled his eyes. He never got why his friends were so interested in his non-existent dating life.

"And don't forget to tell us everything as soon as you're done," the tow boys told him and Blaine nodded. "Of course, I will."

Kurt

Kurt tried not to let his nervous get the better of him when the last day of December had finally arrived. Blaine had asked if he would be allowed to come to a party with him, and had told him he wanted to meet Kurt at the Lima Bean around noon because he needed to tell him something.

Kurt was sure he could get his mom to let him go somehow, but he hadn't asked yet because Blaine hadn't given him any details. He knew he had to seize his chance to confess his feelings during their noon meeting in case they wouldn't be able to spend New Year's Eve together.

He checked his reflection over in the mirror one last time. He was wearing his tight black jeans, his best pair of shoes and Blaine's cardigan over a shirt he had bought during his last trip to the mall with the girls. It was just too bad no one had had time yet to drive him to the mall so he could buy himself a new coat, he thought as he was eyeing the ratty old coat he owned critically. But Blaine had said things like that didn't matter to him and it wasn't like he had to wear it the whole time they were in the coffee shop.

His hair at least somehow resembled the coif Stefan had styled it into at the hairdressers and Kurt thought he was looking okay. Still not attractive in his own eyes, but hopefully nice enough so that Blaine wouldn't run away screaming.

It was snowing lightly outside and Kurt cursed when he saw how late it was already. He would never be able to make it on time if he walked there and he couldn't take the bus either because he had only enough money left for two cups of the rather expensive Lima Bean coffee, and he was set on paying this time.

Taking a deep breath, he walked upstairs, hoping his mom was still in the good mood she had been in for the past few days.

"Mom. Blaine and I are supposed to meet for coffee and I was wondering if you could drive me there. I promise to pay you back for the gas."

His mom eyed him critically before she shrugged. "You are lucky I need to head to the store anyway," she told him before she grabbed her keys.

Kurt couldn't wait for the moment he would take his driving test and would be able to drive himself wherever he wanted to go in his own car.

The first few minutes in the car were silent apart from his mom cursing other drivers. Kurt was pondering if he should tell her what was going on because if he and Blaine became boyfriends she would find out eventually anyway. She had been nicer those past few days and he was hoping that maybe she had made a few New Year's resolutions as well or maybe it had something to do with his dad's court date that was coming up in January.

"I'm going to tell Blaine about how I feel," he blurted out before he could stop himself. He flinched when his mom started to laugh.

"Don't come crying to me when he laughs in your face. I told you guys like him don't go for guys like you, but if you want to make a fool out of yourself, be my guest. Maybe it's finally going to teach you lesson and you start acting like a normal person."

Kurt swallowed hard. He could not let her get to him now that he had made up his mind. He had dealt with far worse, so he would be able to handle getting rejected by Blaine, right?

Blaine

Blaine was nervously playing with his napkin as he was waiting for Kurt to arrive. He had come in half an hour early, too anxious to sit at home any longer and listen to another pep talk from his dad.

At least there would be alcohol at the party later in case things didn't work out and Kurt didn't want him.

His mind was all over the place while he was trying to come up with the perfect speech for Kurt. 'You are the best thing that has ever happened to me' - too cheesy. 'You might think that I saved you, but you saved me' – did that even make sense? 'You move me Kurt' – yeah, no. Why was this so hard? It would be so much easier if he could just profess his feelings through song, but he didn't think Kurt would appreciate it if he serenaded him in a coffee shop in the middle of homophobic Lima.

God, he would probably have to wing it, and that was not something he was good at. Should he take Kurt's hand first and see how he reacted? Or should he just come out and say it. Or should he tell Kurt, he deserved better than Karofsky and he hoped he was the better option if Kurt was still, or was interested? That he had liked him for a while now but had been too stupid to admit it?

There were so many things he could say, but what was the right thing?

"Well, if it isn't Sex on a stick Blaine Warbler," a voice suddenly drawled next to him, and Blaine was pulled out of his Kurt related freak out.

"What are you doing here?" he asked as he stood up to face Sebastian fucking Smythe, who for all Blaine knew should still be in a boarding school in France.

"It's great to see you too, baby," Sebastian leered and draped an arm over Blaine's shoulder, holding him close. Blaine tried to push him away, but he also didn't want to cause a scene, so he just hoped Sebastian would lose interest if Blaine didn't react.

"I'm meeting someone here, Sebastian. So could you please just leave," he apparently was not above begging though.

"Hmm. I hope he is as yummy as you. It's been a while since I had a threesome."

Blaine shuddered, but apparently Sebastian thought it was good shudder as he pressed himself even closer to Blaine and leaned in to whisper in his ear. "I bet I could make you both scream my name."

Blaine hadn't thought it was possible, but apparently France had turned Sebastian into even more of a tool.

"I'm not interested," he reminded Sebastian, but the other boy just trailed his hand up his arm and Blaine looked around frantically, but apparently no one had noticed his predicament.

"I didn't buy the innocent act back then and I most certainly don't buy it now. Not that I don't think the bashful schoolboy act is hot, but we both know you are going to give in eventually.

Blaine tried to push Sebastian away again, because the last thing he needed was Kurt seeing Sebastian all over him. But some things never work out as planned, do they?

Kurt

Kurt got out of his mother's car as quickly as he could once they reached the Lima Bean and hurried across the street, narrowly missing getting hit by a car in his haste to get away from her.

As he looked through the window he immediately spotted Blaine – but he wasn't alone. A tall guy with a slimey expression on his face had his arm around Blaine's shoulder, his face pressed closed to Blaine's.

Kurt's heart sank. Was that why Blaine had invited him over? To introduce him to his new boyfriend before the party. Had he made it all up in his head? And why, oh, why had he listened to Rachel whose track record with relationships wasn't the best either.

He was ready to run away, but what good would it do him? If Blaine was dating this guy he couldn't avoid him forever, so better get it over with.

He held his head high and walked into the Lima Bean, approaching the boy who had his hands all over Blaine, who looked mildly panicked when he saw Kurt. He could feel the other boy's eyes all over him, and he suddenly felt incredibly self-conscious in his worn down second hand coat.

"You know Blaine, I think I'll pass on the threesome. He looks like something you have scraped off the bottom of a dumpster."

Kurt flinched and Blaine suddenly looked incredibly guilty. Kurt had never felt so betrayed by someone he thought he could trust. He couldn't believe Blaine had told the guy he only met recently about what was happening to Kurt at his school. Had they made fun of him because of it? He had thought Blaine was better than that but apparently he had been wrong.

Tears were welling up in his eyes, and Kurt whirled around, ready to leave before he could be humiliated even further.

"Kurt, wait! Please!" Blaine called out to him and he was ready to stop and listen to Blaine when he heard what meerkat face said next.

"Let him go sexy. We are going to have so much fun without him."

Kurt ran. Ran out into the parking lot, dodging a car, while tears were streaming down his face. A bus stopping close to his house rounded the corner and Kurt sprinted to the bus stop, basically throwing a dollar at the driver as he jumped in.

He could see Blaine running toward the bus, but luckily it drove off before Blaine could reach it.

Kurt couldn't believe how stupid he had been. He had thought that Blaine wasn't seeing anyone because he hadn't mentioned coffee guy anymore and because Rachel had said Blaine had told her he didn't have a boyfriend, but they had obviously been wrong. It was crystal clear now why Blaine had not wanted to kiss him under the mistletoe.

God, and he had made such a big deal out of a kiss on the cheek, when for Blaine it had probably been just a friendly gesture.

Maybe Karofsky was right. Maybe he should just give in, because what were the chances that someone would ever like him in the future?

Tears were still streaming down his face when he walked inside the house, straight into his mom, who took one look at him before she smirked. "Told you so. Not even a fag would want someone like you."

Something snapped inside him that moment, and he rushed into the kitchen and grabbed a nearly full bottle of Tequila. It had worked for his parents for year, drinking away their problems, so why shouldn't it work for him? After all, he was just a Lima Loser just like them.

"I hope you drink yourself to death!" his mom yelled after him as he stumbled down the stairs to his room trying to wrestle the bottle open. His mirror was mocking him and Kurt threw a book against it in his rage and watched in satisfaction as it shattered into tiny pieces.

The first sip of the strong liquid burned down his throat but Kurt kept drinking, hoping to numb the pain. When nothing changed and he still felt like a worthless waste of space, he popped open the container containing the rest of the pain meds from his injured ribs and swallowed them down with the Tequila.

He was a shaking and sobbing mess, but it didn't matter, because he didn't matter to other people either. If he did Blaine wouldn't have allowed his boyfriend to make fun off him, to humiliate him.

The alcohol was starting to show his effect as Kurt was starting to feel dizzy and the room started to spin. Suddenly he wasn't feeling so good anymore and he sat down on the floor, clutching his knees to his chest.

Someone was pounding against the front door but Kurt couldn't make himself move and before he could even lift his head, everything went black.

AN: 16 will be the last update for a bit because I'll be in London till Monday but without my laptop (if you know Ryan Air you know you have to pack light ;) ) I should have 16 up before I leave and will take a notebook with me so I can get some writing done on the plane :)