AN: In celebration of me finishing my 50 000 for NaNo you get the first part a day earlier. It was getting a bit long anyway, after I got past my mini writer's block.

Warning: Emotional abuse.

I know Kurt's mom is awful again, but her behavior will eventually lead to her being removed from Kurt's life.

Chapter 13: Mother Dearest - Part 1

Kurt

Kurt was humming to himself when he walked up to the front door after Rachel had dropped him off, Blaine having to run another errand for his dad. He had barely recognized himself when he had looked into the mirror after Stefan was done with him. He looked older, and more confident than he usually felt.

Rachel had convinced him after much begging to put on the new shirt so she could se what he looked like now and judging by the look on Blaine's face when he spotted them, he must have looked more than okay.

"My, my, aren't you pretty?" his mom suddenly brought him back to the present. "Did you finally find someone willing to pay for you to touch him?"

Kurt dropped the bag containing his old shirt and curled his arm around him. He was not going to let her destroy this amazing day, he told himself.

His mother eyed him critically, causing Kurt to shiver at the intensity of her stare.

"If you don't want whoever bought you that stuff to be your last customer, I'd watch it. You're getting fat – must be all the free-loading you are doing at that boy's house," she remarked coldly and Kurt's face fell.

He had been sure he looked good after his own make-over – Rachel had told him so and Blaine had looked shocked as well. But maybe Blaine had actually just been shocked because he thought Kurt should have kept his face covered.

He realized he was still just standing in the hallway, while his mother observed him coldly, and so he grabbed his bag and bolted downstairs.

Kurt hated how easily his mother always got to him with her words, but still he found himself standing on a chair in his bathroom to see his body in the mirror.

Was he really getting fat? Burt had told him he looked better now that he had put on a few pounds but maybe he had just tried to be polite. He had always thought he was too skinny, his ribs protruding and stomach curving inwards, but maybe he had actually been more attractive to people then. But then again, no one who mattered had ever found him attractive so how should he know? He was just skinny, had no muscles and was way too pale.

But maybe his mother was right, and people – Blaine, his brain substituted- would be even less interested in him if gained even more pounds.

He spent the rest of the evening in his bedroom, catching up on homework, and only went upstairs when his mother left the house to see a friend as she had yelled.

There wasn't anything healthy in the fridge and after having lunch from the food court already Kurt decided that junk food a second time today would surely make him explode. It had been a while since he had gone to bed hungry, but at least this way he wouldn't gain ten pounds overnight.

Luckily he didn't see his mom the next day before school either, and so he put his new shirt on again and tried to style his hair the way Stefan had shown him, with the hairspray he had gotten at the mall. When he was finally done, he walked upstairs and grabbed two slices of dry toast before he went outside where Blaine was already waiting for him.

Blaine smiled at him briefly before concentrating on the road and letting Kurt choose a radio station. Kurt felt like his biggest fears were coming true when Blaine pretty much avoided looking at him until they said goodbye at their lockers where Rachel is waiting for him already.

At least Karofsky must have liked his new outfit though, as he was pretty much openly leering at him when he and his cronies walked past, though no one else would interpret it as such probably. "What's up, pretty boy?" he sneered and Rachel leaned in closer to whisper in his ear. "His insults are getting stranger and stranger." Kurt nodded but didn't say anything else. He knew Karofsky would hunt him down if he ever found out Kurt had told someone about the locker room 'incidents'.

All day he felt Karofsky's eyes on him, and by the time fourth period came around he wanted nothing more than rip the shirt off of him, so Karofsky would stop staring. He suddenly felt dirty in the piece of clothing, he had spend close to an hour picking out and he hated the other boy for making him feel that way.

He had promised Blaine to stay in the classroom until he picked him up for lunch but his locker was right down the hallway and he was itching to cover himself up.

"Hummel's bitch," a voice called out to him just as he closed his locker and Kurt knew he had made a mistake going into the hallway alone. He turned around slowly, expecting at least half of the football team to be there, but it was just Karofsky holding a slushie cup in his hand.

"Who did you have to blow to get your fancy clothes," he taunted loudly causing a few other students to snicker and Kurt was sure someone had tried to 'subtly' supply Blaine's name but Kurt kept his focus on Karofsky, unwilling to show him that he was scared.

Suddenly Karofsky took another step toward him and lowered his voice so that only Kurt could here him. "I hope this is see through when wet," he whispered before Kurt got drenched in blue slushie. He crossed his arms over his chest instinctively, before turning on his heels and running away from Karofsky. He ran past Blaine who was calling out to him, but ignored him in favor of getting away as fast as he could.

He knew he was crying when he finally reached the slushie bathroom and was clawing at the buttons of the shirt to get it off. He felt disgusting, but not because of the slushie. If it would stop Karofsky from leering at him, he would never wear anything nice again, and maybe getting fat wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Suddenly Blaine was right behind him, just as Kurt got the shirt off and flung it toward the bin, because he knew it was ruined now. He quickly pulled the sweat shirt he had gotten from his locker over his head to shield himself from Blaine because right now, he didn't want anyone to see him exposed like that.

"It's going to be okay Kurt," Blaine told him. "I can get you a new shirt, if you want. It's really no problem."

Somehow Kurt saw red in this moment – sick and tired of always being the victim. "God Blaine, I don't need you to fight all my battles for me," he yelled at the other boy, ignoring the hurt look on his face. "I get that you want to help me, but I'm not a charity case, I'm not a project for you to work on so you can feel better. I knew it was a bad idea to wear something nice to school, but I did it anyway. So don't blame yourself for this and stop treating me like this weak little thing who needs constant protection from the big boy with the mean words."

Kurt was panting by the time he was finished with his rant, but it felt good to get things off his chest. Maybe it wasn't fair to blow up on Blaine and make him feel bad for wanting to help, but sometimes it was just too much and Kurt wished he was still anonymous, a nobody people didn't care about.

Blaine looked really hurt after Kurt's outburst, but Kurt wasn't ready to apologize for telling Blaine how he felt quite often. "I'll give you some space then," he muttered.

When Kurt finally left the bathroom as well, Rachel was waiting for him, obviously having been informed by Blaine to get him. He gave her a watery smile and was grateful she didn't ask any questions.

"Blaine wanted to know if you are still coming to Glee or if he should drive you home after classes, unless you don't want him to drive you," she told him as she walked with him to the empty choir room. He had told her he wasn't in the mood to go to the library and he was definitely not setting foot into the cafeteria, protection squad or not.

"I think I'll sit this one out in the library, but you can tell him I'd appreciate it if he drives me if he still wants," Kurt conceded because he really didn't want their argument to turn into a real fight.

The library was empty thankfully for the one and a half hours Kurt spent there and he gave Blaine a weak smile when he came by to pick him up. He was glad he could climb in the car on his own by now because he felt awkward being close to Blaine at the moment.

Instead of starting the car, however, Blaine turned to face him as soon as they were both seated.

"I'm really sorry Kurt. I think you are so strong and sometimes I tend to forget that because I hate to see you get hurt. And I don't think of you as a charity case – I just hated that Karofsky destroyed something you worked to pay for."

Kurt licked his dry lips. "And why is that?" he whispered. "Why do you care so much?" It was probably stupid to put himself out there like that, but he was sure he hadn't imagined the look on Blaine's face in the mall.

Blaine seemed to hesitate for a moment before he smiled at Kurt.

"You are my best friend dummy – of course I care."

Kurt tried not to let his disappointment show, because of course Blaine thought of him as just a friend. But he shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. Blaine had said they were best friends after all, but Kurt suspected it was only because Blaine didn't really have any other friends at McKinley apart from Rachel maybe, who seemed to love hanging out with the two of them.

They didn't talk during the short drive and Kurt hurried to get out of the car, before he embarrassed himself even further.

When he got inside, his mom was sitting in the living room, and Kurt paled when he saw what she was holding in his hand.

"Dear diary," she read mockingly. "Blaine's so amazing, I wish we could be more than friends. He would be the perfect boyfriend."

How had she gotten her hands on his diary? He had always been careful with it, though his parents had never really come into his room, but apparently he had gotten careless.

"Blaine held my hand today for a moment in Glee and it was magical. Why can't he see me as more than a friend," his mom continued while his heart sank.

"God, it's pathetic how you through yourself at this boy. As if a boy like him would ever be interested in you romantically. He's gay Kurt - that means he likes boys not girls like you. The only thing you'd be good for would be a quick fuck if someone were really that desperate, because people would be way too embarrasses to be seen with you in public," she continued taunting him and Kurt fled to his room, before she could say more awful things about him.

The worst part was that she was probably right. After all, he should count himself lucky Blaine even wanted to be his friend. The only person who seemed to be semi interested in him was a closeted jock who didn't see him as more as a fuck toy after all.

Maybe if he were more attractive, Blaine would actually like him. In a fit of rage he took the mirror of the bathroom wall and propped it up against the wall in his room before taking off all his clothes.

There was just nothing that would be remotely attractive too other people. His skin was too pale, his hips were pear shaped even though he had been really skinny for years, his stomach was flabby now that he had put on some weight and he had no muscle definition whatsoever. No wonder Blaine just wanted to be his friend. He wouldn't want to date himself either.

He didn't have much time to wallow in self-pity though because his mom soon yelled for him to start dinner. As always there was nothing healthy in their refrigerator and Kurt kept pushing his food around on the plate while his mom glared at him every few seconds.

"What? Our food not good enough anymore for you now or did you realize you are turning into a whale?" she spat and that was all it took for Kurt to completely lose his appetite.

"May I be excused?" he whispered but his mom shook his head. "I don't pay for your food so you can throw it out." Kurt felt sick to his stomach when his plate was finally empty but he drudged into the kitchen to do the dishes because he knew he wouldn't get out of that either.

The next morning he quickly climbed into Blaine's car before he could offer to help him and refused his help again when they arrived at school. He had decided that there would be no more touching between them, because it would only break his heart even more when Blaine found a boyfriend if he thought the touches meant anything.

Instead of going to the library he went to the empty choir room again, hiding out until classes resumed. Blaine had football practice that afternoon so it was easy to avoid him and thankfully Rachel offered to give him a lift home.

Wednesday was pretty much the same. He didn't actively avoid Blaine because he knew that would only make the other boy ask questions, but he did tell Rachel he felt too tired for Glee and walked off before anyone could follow him.

It felt weird having to walk home again, but it was for the best. Maybe he would get over his stupid infatuation with Blaine faster if he just kept his distance.

His heart though didn't seem to agree with his brain because as he was flipping through some sheet music he had copied at school, he came across a song that made him burst into tears before he even finishes the first verse.

Taking a deep breath he tried again, because according to Rachel, Glee club was all about getting your feelings out through song, and if that wasn't the perfect song for him right now that what was?

As he stood in the middle of the room, he imagined Blaine sitting on his bed, absentmindedly texting a boy he like more than just a friend.

Share my life, take me for what I am

'Cause I'll never change all my colors for you

Take my love, I'll never ask for too much

Just all that you are and everything that you do

I don't really need to look very much further

I don't want to have to go where you don't follow

I won't hold it back again, this passion inside

I can't run from myself, there's nowhere to hide

Don't make me close one more door

I don't wanna hurt anymore

Stay in my arms if you dare

Or must I imagine you there

Don't walk away from me

I have nothing, nothing, nothing

If I don't have you, you, you, you, you

You see through, right to the heart of me

"Oh my god, please shut up. It sounds like someone ran over a cat down there," his mom's voice suddenly brought him back to the present and imaginary Blaine disappeared from his bed.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you are home," Kurt told her dejectedly, pushing his sheet music away.

"Well I am and I don't want to listen to you butchering this song. God knows why they let you into that singing club. They must have taken pity on you because no sane person would want to hear you sing."

Kurt curled his arm around his middle, treacherous tear already streaming down his face again when the doorbell rang upstairs.

"Go wash your face. I can't let you be seen like this," his mom ordered and Kurt hurried into his tiny bathroom to splash some water onto his face. Once he was satisfied with his reflection in the mirror that was still in his room, he plastered on a fake smile and went upstairs.

Mrs. Hoffs was sitting on the living room couch when Kurt came upstairs and she asked him to join him.

"It's nice to see you again Kurt. Your mother just went to make coffee for us." Well that was definitely a first. "You look so much better already. How have you been doing?" the kind woman asked and Kurt hurriedly told her that he was doing just fine. After all no one was hitting him anymore so that had to count for something, right?

The woman who joined them a few moments later was a whole new person. She was polite and played the doting mother so well, Kurt thought she deserved an award. But he was too emotionally drained to rain on her parade and so he just sat back and enjoyed the few minutes where is mom actually behaved like a decent human being.

He didn't want to make a scene because he knew things could be so much worse than just a few harsh words that were probably true anyway.

Mrs. Hoffs left after half an hour, apparently satisfied because Kurt had managed to act like everything was fine, but as soon as she had left his mom dropped the act and glared at him.

"Get out of my sight. I really don't want to see your ugly face right now."

Kurt hurried back downstairs and flung a blanket over the mirror that seemed to be mocking him, before he fell onto his bed, falling asleep hungry and crying like he had so many times in the past.

Blaine

"You okay kiddo?" his dad asked when Blaine kept pushing his food around on his plate. "I know it can't be my cooking skills because we ordered in, so what's wrong?"

Blaine pushed his plate away and sighed. "It's Kurt. We got into an argument and I thought we were okay again after I apologized but he's been avoiding me since and when we are together he always makes sure to keep his distance. Today I tried to take his hand and he ripped it away as if I had burned him. I just don't understand what I did wrong," he confided in his dad who raised his eyebrow.

"You kids holding hands now?" he asked and Blaine shrugged. "We did when we were kids so I don't see why it should be a big deal." Well maybe he did, but he wasn't going to tell his dad that he just liked holding Kurt's hand. And Kurt didn't seem to have minded either until the slushie incident.

"Yeah, but you are not kids anymore. Holding hands is kinda what couples do. Is that what you want for you and Kurt?" his dad asked and Blaine immediately shook his head because it didn't matter what he wanted right now.

"What? No, we are just friends, you know that." "Blaine, it's okay if you do, but you should tell him because right now you are probably just confusing him with your behavior."

Was that what he was doing? He hadn't thought about that because he was sure Kurt only saw him as a friend.

"It doesn't matter if I want to date him or not. Kurt needs a friend right now, not a boyfriend and even if I did I'm sure Kurt doesn't like me this way," he finally said causing his dad to chuckle.

"What?" Blaine asked when his dad wouldn't stop laughing. "It's just, I thought I was oblivious when I first met your mom, but you are something else entirely. I've seen the way he looks at you when he thinks you aren't looking. I don't think you have to worry about Kurt not liking you."

Blaine perked up at that before he remembered that it didn't really matter. And his dad probably just mistook gratitude for something more.

"Maybe I'll talk to him once he had some time to come to terms with all that has happened," he told his dad, hoping to end the conversation. His dad sobered immediately.

"Don't wait too long, Blaine. Kurt is a nice boy and sooner or later someone is going to realize that. I wouldn't want to see you get hurt because you waited too long and Kurt found someone else."

Blaine didn't think that was very likely because they were the only gay kids in school, apart from maybe Santana and Brittany, and Kurt never went anywhere alone where he could meet another guy. No, he would give Kurt time to heal and if it looked like there was something more than friendship between them he would make a move then.

"Maybe I should invite him to see Rent with me at the community center," he mused. "He loves musicals, so he'll have to forgive me." His dad rolled his eyes but Blaine wasn't paying attention to him anymore.

He quickly put the rest of his food into the fridge and went upstairs to put his plan in motion.

Kurt reacted as expected when Blaine cornered him the next day and asked if Kurt would like to join him, before suggesting he'd ask Rachel to drive him to the mall so he could get something nice for it, emphasizing Kurt would have to pay him back after he got his next paycheck. He wouldn't make the same mistake again, after all.

Rachel stopped him at his locker a few days later, a serious expression on her face. "You have to tell him if you don't want this to be a date," she opened without preamble and Blaine looked around quickly to check no one had heard her.

"Why would he think it's a date? I never said anything," he whispered, his mouth suddenly dry.

"Seriously, Blaine? I was there when you asked him. The way you asked him. And then you told him to buy a nice outfit for the evening from the money you gave him. Hell, even I would think you were asking me out on a date."

Blaine eyes widened. Had he given Kurt the impression he was asking him out on a date? "Oh no, that's not good," he whispered.

"So you don't like him?" Rachel asked clearly wanting some gossip, though she looked weirdly sad. "We are just friends, Rachel," he reminded her because he was certain she would tell Kurt if he told her about his real feelings.

"Right," Rachel told him, before turning on her heels and walking off. Blaine looked after her, shaking his head. Girls were so hard to understand sometimes.

The next two days went by quickly and before he knew it he was picking up Kurt for their non-date. Kurt was wearing black skinny jeans, black shoes and a deep purple shirt under the cardigan Blaine had given him, but no coat.

Blaine quickly turned the heat up in his car, before he turned to face Kurt. "Jesus, Kurt. Are you crazy? It's November, why aren't you wearing a coat?"

Kurt blushed. "I didn't want to embarrass you at the theater if I showed up in that ugly old thing," he admitted while staring at his hands. Blaine decided to throw caution in the wind for a moment and put his hand over Kurt's.

"Hey, I don't care about things like that. And it's just community theater not the Philharmonics. So don't you ever feel like you are not good enough, okay?"

Kurt gave him a small nod, and Blaine was starting to regret he had told Kurt to buy himself a new outfit. He had just wanted to cheer him up, not make him think Blaine would be embarrassed to be seen with him in public if he wore his normal clothes.

He held Kurt's hand as they made their way through the theater, because he didn't want to lose Kurt in the crowd, but made sure to tell Kurt how excited he was to see the musical with his best friend. Emphasis on best friend. There was no way he would actually tell Kurt that this wasn't a date, because what if Kurt had never thought that in the first place, or worse what if he had thought it was one, and Blaine broke his heart or something. No he'd rather not go there at all, because even if Kurt liked him, he was still sure Kurt wasn't actually ready to act on liking someone.

"You make a cute couple," a young woman sitting next to them told them during intermission and Blaine, quickly withdrew his hand from Kurt's – and how had that even ended up there again? "We are not," he told her politely and she blushed. "Oh sorry. I shouldn't have assumed."

He made sure his hand stayed in his own lap for the second part of the show, walking a few steps behind Kurt when they went back to his car. This whole no touching thing because it could imply things was harder than he thought, but he knew it would all pay off in the end.

AN: Next Part: More Blaine being stupid and not listening to his dad :( But someone should confess feelings within the next few chapters...