Chapter 7

Kurt watches King Richard’s funeral on Dani’s couch and tries not to feel jealous about Lady Charlotte, Blaine’s ex-fiancée, getting to sit next to the Prince, when Kurt’s not seen him in person since Ohio because Blaine’s not allowed to be seen with him in public. It surprised him when King Cooper forbid it, because after years of reading Royal News and other gossip magazine, he expected Blaine’s brother to be a hip, cool King who’d happily embrace the LGBT community and would immediately abolish every discriminatory law still in place as soon as he ascended the throne. But so far, the Palace hasn’t even acknowledged Santana’s video and has declared Blaine’s admission a private family matter that would not be discussed with the press.

Kurt’s watched all the press conferences since King Richard’s death nearly three weeks ago and he’s read all the articles and every question about himself was answered with a firm no comment and called tasteless when the King had just died.

It’s a whole different ballgame online. There are Tumblrs devoted to Kurt and Blaine’s ‘whirlwind romance’, filled with photoshopped pictures of the two of them and stories about Kurt. There’s even fan fiction, describing how they met and fell in love against all odds and became dual Kings after King Cooper died unexpectedly.

And then there are the blogs that call him a ‘dirty, cock sucking faggot’ who’s corrupted the poor innocent Prince. One even goes as far as suggesting that Kurt must have slipped something in the Prince’s drink and that’s why the Prince went home with him, because in the video Blaine looks like he’s ingested more than alcohol. It’s anonymous of course, so Kurt can’t really report it, but what’s worse is that the entry already has more than two hundred likes and has been shared nearly twice as many times. He isn’t sure if the people who liked it don’t get that he’s being accused of raping the Prince or if they actually believe it’s a possibility. Whatever it is, he spends a good ten minutes dry heaving over the toilet after stumbling onto the entry.

The Prince gets a lot of hate as well, mostly from women who abhor how he’s treated Lady Charlotte, though there’s also a fierce debate going on whether she knew about Blaine’s sexuality or not, since she didn’t look too pissed when she was seen leaving the Palace the previous week.

“I still can’t believe you actually met them,” Dani joins him with a bowl of popcorn. To her, a royal funeral is entertainment like a royal wedding or a coronation.

“Unfortunately, I have video to prove that it wasn’t just a figment of my imagination. Otherwise, I’d be questioning my sanity right about now.”

It’s been five days since Blaine’s last call and Kurt knows it’s because he’s been busy preparing for his father’s funeral and couldn’t get away from his family.

“But he did say he wanted to meet after the funeral, didn’t he?” Dani asks and offers him the bowl.

Kurt shakes his head. It feels wrong to eat popcorn while he watches Blaine’s family mourn King Richard since he’s met parts of the royal family.

“He did.” Just then his phone rings, the display showing a number with a foreign country code. No one but his family and closest friends is supposed to have this number, so he answers the call, fully prepared for a hateful message that would make him change his number yet again.

“Hello?” he asks wearily.

“Kurt, hi, it’s Adam from Tisch. I got your number from Rachel since your old number’s not working anymore.”

He’ll have to have words with Rachel about giving his number out to people, Kurt thinks, even though he’s curious to find out why his former stage fighting TA is calling him. They’d gone out on one date once the class was over during which Kurt quickly discovered that the only interesting thing about Adam was his British accent. There were no hard feels fortunately, because Adam also didn’t want a second date.

“Adam, hi, last I heard you moved back to England.”

“I did and that’s what I’m calling. I’m doing this play called ‘Peter Pan Goes Wrong’ and they’re transferring it to New York. It’s gonna be off Broadway and they’re recasting a bunch of roles because not everyone in the cast could relocate for six months. So I told our director about you, because I think you’d make a great Peter Pan. I haven’t forgotten that show you put on in that old folks home your junior year. Unless, of course, you’re doing a show right now.”

Adam doesn’t sound like he knows what’s going on in Kurt’s life right now, which gives him hope that news of Blaine’s scandal hasn’t travelled around the world yet. Because he’d hate to get a call like this just because of what he did with the Prince.

“No, I’d like to audition. Email me the script and tell me when and where and I’ll be there.”

At this point in his life, it really doesn’t matter what the show is as long as it gets him on a stage and paid and thus one step closer to getting his Actor’s Equity card.

“Brilliant,” Adam replies and promises to send Kurt the info right away and to call as soon as he’s back in New York himself.

“I got an audition,” he squeals after hanging up the phone, the funeral on TV ignored for the moment.

True to his words, Adam emails him the script right away, and before long, Kurt’s laughing so hard, tears run down his face, while on screen, King Richard’s coffin is carried out of St. Patrick’s cathedral and loaded into a carriage drawn by six black horses, 5th Avenue closed for traffic for King Richard’s last journey. All Kings and Queens are buried in the Palace Gardens, at the southern most point of Central Park which is the only part of Central Park South open to the public two hours a day.

Dani leaves him on the couch to meet her girlfriend for coffee while he reads through the script again to get a better feel for the character he’s going to audition for. The sun is low in the sky when there’s a knock on the door and Kurt looks through the peephole because he’s not expecting any visitors. In front of his door is a young man who’s head looks like a dead animal’s crawled up there to die. He’s got arms like tree trunks that he’s showing off in a tight fitting T-shirt and a grim expression on his face. All in all, he’s the type of guy, Kurt wouldn’t want to meet out alone at night.

“Who is it?” he squeaks, his hand clutching the dead bolt keeping his visitor out.

“You Hummel?” the guy asks instead of introducing himself.

“What do you want?” Kurt replies, not about to give out his name before he knows who mohawk guy is.

“Oh for the love of,” a second guy pushes in next to the first guy. He’s got shaggy blond hair and the biggest lips, Kurt’s ever seen on a guy. “We’re here on behalf of Prince Blaine. So are you Kurt Hummel from Lima, Ohio or not?”

“Yes,” Kurt says immediately and then the two men step aside and reveal the Prince himself, dressed in baggy jeans, a hoody that’s two sizes too big on him and a Yankee’s baseball cap. His hair’s curly under the cap and his signature eyebrows are hidden by large sunglasses, but Kurt knows it’s him and quickly opens the door for the Prince and his guards.

“You alone?” mohawk guy asks and pushes past Kurt while the blond stays next to Blaine and tells the Prince to stay outside until Puck’s searched the apartment.

Kurt watches as mohawk guy, Puck, strides right into Dani’s bedroom before checking Kurt’s room, the toilet and the bathroom as well. Only when he calls ‘all clear’, does the blond step aside and lets Blaine walk into Kurt’s new apartment.

“I’ll take the fire escape and you can take the door,” Puck tells the blond before he climbs out of Kurt’s kitchen window and takes a seat out on the fire escape while the blond walks back out of the apartment and closes the door behind him.

“Hi,” the Prince rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. “So, those are my shadows Puck and Sam.”

Kurt looks at Puck, but the guard’s sitting with his back to them. The window’s open behind him however and so Kurt takes Blaine’s hand and leads him to his bedroom and closes the door behind them so they can have some privacy.

The Prince kisses him as soon as the bedroom door closes behind them. It’s a kiss fueled by pent up emotions and weeks of separation and Kurt doesn’t protest when Blaine pushes him against the door and kisses him deep and dirty until they are both breathless.

“Hi,” Kurt says when the Prince pulls back. “I take it you missed me too.”

“God yes,” Blaine nods and leads Kurt to his bed where they take a seat next to each other. “And after today, I just had to see you.”

Kurt wraps his arms around the Prince. “How are you feeling?”

The Prince on TV had looked like Kurt would look and feel if his dad had died - heartbroken and devastated - but Kurt knows it’s more complicated for Blaine who didn’t have the best relationship with his late father.

“I don’t know. One moment I’m glad he doesn’t have power over me any more and the next I feel guilty for even thinking that and sad because now he’ll never tell me he’s proud of me. I’ll never get to find out if he wouldn’t have accepted me in the end. And it wasn’t all bad. He was a good father until I got caught kissing a boy. I have a lot of issues with how he dealt with things as King, but he wasn’t a bad father when I was a child. Before he became King, he made time to watch me play piano and he taught me how to ride a horse.”

Kurt doesn’t really remember King Edward. He was six when Blaine’s dad ascended the throne, but it didn’t even register in his life that the country had a new King, because his mom was sick and his dad cried a lot. It’s hard to imagine King Richard as anything but King; but it’s different for Blaine of course, because before he was King, King Richard was his father.

“I’m really sorry, Blaine,” he tells the Prince, who’s eyes are dry, but downcast. “I wish he had accepted you when he was alive.”

There isn’t much else he can say because he isn’t mourning the King. He doesn’t think King Richard was a great King though he certainly has been an improvement over King Edward if his history books can be believed.

“I haven’t cried, not since Cooper picked me up from Ohio,” Blaine admits. “And I feel guilty because I haven’t. I felt like a fraud sitting in church and acting like my whole world has collapsed when it hasn’t. I’m still not free, but I really believe that Cooper will support me once he stops freaking out about being King.”

“Does he know you’re here right now?” Kurt asks because last he heard Cooper hadn’t allowed Blaine to see Kurt.

Blaine shakes his head. “But he didn’t say I couldn’t see you at all, just that I had to be discreet when I did. So, I’m being discreet,” he nods his head at the glasses and baseball cap on Kurt’s comforter.

Kurt wonders if this is how it will be from now on. Clandestine meetings in his apartment with Puck and Sam guarding his door and windows because they aren’t allowed to be seen together in public and Kurt not allowed to visit Blaine’s home.

Instead of worrying he tells Blaine about the play and how excited he’s about the audition.

“That’s great, Kurt. I’m sure you’re gonna blow them away,” Blaine enthuses and Kurt rewards him with a kiss.

When Blaine tries to lower them down onto the bed, Kurt stops him with a hand on his chest however.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t do more than kiss when I know they’re right out there,” he explains when the Prince frowns.

“We’re in your bedroom, I’m pretty sure they’ll assume it anyway,” Blaine pouts but Kurt shakes his head and pulls the Prince to his feet.

“Have you eaten? I could cook us a nice dinner,” he offers because he wants to spend time with the Prince even if sex is off the table for the time being.

It’s clear to Blaine that Kurt is uncomfortable being in his bedroom with Blaine after what he said about Puck and Sam assuming they’re doing it and so he nods and tells Kurt he could do with some food, even though he’s eaten only two hours ago after his father’s burial.

They keep their conversation light, aware that Puck can hear everything they say while Kurt boils rice and makes Blaine cut vegetables. Blaine tells him about the foal that was recently born in the stables and how he was teaching Puck and Sam to ride.

“Have you ever ridden a horse?” the Prince asks after setting the table for two while Kurt finishes the vegetable stir fry.

“My mom put me on a pony once at a carnival but I started crying,” Kurt confesses. “I haven’t had the opportunity since to try again.”

“Would you want to learn?” Blaine asks and pulls out a chair for Kurt after he deposits the pan of steaming food on the table. “I can’t take you to the Palace, but I spent a lot of time horse riding upstate when I was young. It’s a very exclusive club known for it’s discretion since a lot of celebrities frequent it.”

“I can’t promise I won’t make a fool out of myself, but yeah, I’d like to try. I need some more special skills for my resume anyway and it can’t hurt to know how to ride a horse.”

What he doesn’t say is that he wants to learn because Blaine seems to love it and going for a ride together sounds romantic.

“Then it’s a date,” Blaine smiles at him but his smile disappears when Puck clears his throat reminding them that they aren’t alone.

“I’m sorry Your Highness, but if you want to leave the city you’ll have to clear it with the Palace first. We are not allowed to take you beyond city limits without express permission from the head of security.”

Blaine looks like he wants to argue but then he squares his shoulders and nods. “I’ll discuss it with the King,” he acknowledges Puck and gives Kurt a forced smile.

“So it’s a date once I have my brother’s permission.”

It’s a strange situation, dating a man who has to ask his brother’s permission before they are allowed to go on a date, but it’s not like Kurt didn’t know what he was getting into.

“It’s okay. As long as I get to see you I don’t care where we meet,” he tells the Prince with a smile that’s only a little forced.

Blaine’s allowed to stay another hour after dinner which they spend watching a trashy reality tv show, sitting close together on the couch and holding hands until Puck interrupts again and tells the Prince they’ll have to take him home now because their shift is ending and they need to switch with Blaine’s night guards Mike and Matt.

When Puck’s back is turned, Kurt lets Blaine kiss him goodbye but they are interrupted by a commotion outside his front door that makes them quickly pull apart.

“What do you mean, I can’t go in there. I live here,” Kurt hears Dani protest and Kurt quickly pushes past Puck and opens the door because they are not keeping his roommate out when she was nice enough to take him in at a moment’s notice.

“That’s my roommate so you better step aside and let her in,” he glares at Sam who doesn’t move a muscle until Blaine orders him to.

“She’ll have to sign a NDA,” Puck tells the Prince after he finishes searching Dani while Sam looks through her bag and Kurt mouthes I’m so sorry at her.”

“I haven’t told anyone I live with the guy from the video, so you don’t have to worry about me,” Dani rolls her eyes, taking this much better than Kurt would. “And now if you excuse me, I’m gonna take a shower. It was nice to meet you Your Highness,” she adds with a smile in Blaine’s direction. “You’re welcome here any time.” And then she steps into the bathroom and locks the door behind her. He’ll have to send Elliott a gift basket to thank him again for connecting him with Dani.

Blaine promises to call him later tonight and kisses his cheek and then he’s gone, baseball cap back on his head and his eyes hid behind sunglasses as his guards escort him downstairs.

*=*

“What did I say about public dates?” Cooper says when Blaine asks him for permission to take Kurt riding the next day.

They are in what used to be his father’s office after Blaine was granted an audience with his brother. There’s new furniture and the walls are painted in a lighter color making the room appear friendlier than when it was his dad’s office.

“Come on, Coop, you know the Club. No one there is going to talk to the press.”

Cooper sighs. All his advisors have told him to pretend that Blaine’s video never happened. The Palace controlled media is too busy covering his father’s death and Cooper’s upcoming coronation anyway, and any other magazines are easily discredited. He’s already had a talking to from the archbishop who’s made it clear that as head of the Church of America, Cooper couldn’t publicly support homosexuality but should take a hate the sin, love the sinner approach to his brother. But Blaine expects him to eventually release a statement in which the Palace acknowledges Blaine’s relationship with Kurt Hummel or whoever his brother will end up dating. Which would mean openly defying the Church. Which doesn't bother Cooper, the civilian, but would make a lot of his devout subjects very angry with King Cooper.

He rubs his temples feeling a headache coming on. He’s twenty-nine, he should be able to let his brother gush about his first boyfriend not regulate his relationship.

“If I’m gonna say yes to this, he’ll have to be properly vetted by the Palace first. There can’t be anything in his past that would reflect badly on you and he would have to meet with Sue. There can’t be anymore drunken escapades if he’s going to be associated with you,” Cooper says sternly.

All his girlfriends had to be vetted - at least the ones he told the Palace about. He knows it’s hypocritical to be this hard on Blaine, when he has his own secrets, but he is the King and that means keeping his brother in line.

“That seems reasonable,” Blaine agrees. Kurt’s been very open about his past to him, so he doesn’t think there’s anything the Palace could uncover that would make Kurt an unsuitable match for him. “So you’ll have him vetted and Sue talk to him and then I can take him to the club?”

“And then I’ll make a decision.” He’s not going to promise anything when he doesn’t know if he can keep his promises.

“Fine,” Blaine huffs and when Cooper refocuses his attention on the papers on his desk, Blaine knows he’s being dismissed.

Outside, where Sam and Puck have been quietly chatting with Cooper’s guards, he sends a text to Kurt.

He didn’t say yes, but he didn’t say no either, so I count that as a win. The Palace needs to vet you and you have to meet Sue Sylvester - B

Should I feel scared? - Kurt

Kurt texts back promptly.

She’s just going to talk to you about you public appearance. - B

If you say so. - Kurt

*+*

Everyone knows who Sue Sylvester, the Palace’s chief of public relations, is. And so Kurt nervously waits for her visit since not even Blaine could tell him when to expect her. He distracts himself with cleaning the apartment daily and preparing for his audition which is set for the following week when the play’s director arrives in New York. He also tries not think about the vetting process because who knows what in his life might raise a red flag?

Blaine visits him again a few days later after checking with Kurt that Dani’s gone and together they cook lunch while Puck guards his front door and Sam takes the fire escape.

When Sue Sylvester arrives she doesn’t even knock. And she orders the Prince to go home. And to Kurt’s utmost astonishment, Blaine obeys her immediately, though he drops a kiss on Kurt’s lips before he goes and promises to call later.

“Sit,” Sue Sylvester moves one of the kitchen chairs in the middle of the room and points at it.

She’s got short, blond hair and wears a sharply tailored suit and when she glares at Kurt, he follows her orders immediately. Once he’s seated, she pulls up another chair and sits down opposite him.

“You assaulted a student in high school,” she says without preamble. “So first we need to deal with your anger issues. It can’t look like the Prince’s in danger of getting beat up when he’s with you.”

“My anger issues?” Kurt sputters. “That was self defense.”

“That’s not what the report said,” Sue Sylvester informs him but he won’t let anyone accuse him of being the aggressor in that scenario.

“It was self defense,” he reiterates and Sue raises an unimpressed eyebrow.

“Okay, what did he do to you? Because the report noted that you looked unharmed.”

Kurt promptly shuts his mouth because it’s one thing to tell Blaine what really happened but another to tell the Palace’s PR lady.

“I’d rather not say.”

“If we say he insulted your dead mommy and that’s why you hit him, is he going to contradict you?” Sue asks like she expected him not to tell her and Kurt shakes his head.

He’s pretty sure Karofsky will let him say anything as long as it isn’t the truth. Because even if he’s out these days it won’t mitigate the fact that he sexually harassed Kurt and threatened to kill him.

“Okay, next. You were drunk on school grounds when you were sixteen. Explain.”

Kurt’s face turns bright red because it’s a pretty embarrassing story.

“My choir instructor wanted us to participate in show choir competitions but we didn’t have enough members. So he brought back a former classmate who was a few credits shy of getting her diploma. She noticed that I was pretty down and gave me muscle magazines and this drink to make me feel better. I was stupid and didn’t realize what I was drinking until it was too late and threw up at school. One of the teachers looked through my bag and found the magazines and the bottle. I got detention for a week and grounded for a month.”

“I can spin that,” Sue mumbles and makes a note in her phone before she continues.

“Then there’s breaking and entering at a school in Carmel, Ohio.”

“The door was open,” Kurt protests but Sue continues unperturbed.

“But again, I can spin that as youthful indiscretion of a naive child. Here’s where it gets tricker though. Going to bars with a fake ID. I hope you’ve already gotten rid of it, but if not cut it up and flush it. There’s nothing I can do about that, but if it comes out, own up to it, apologize and make it clear you didn’t know it was an actual crime. Emphasize that you didn’t go out looking for one, but that it was given to you, but you’re not going to name names. Most importantly, apologize for making a mistake and do not say it’s nothing because everyone’s doing it.”

Kurt nods immediately, cursing himself for not even considering the fake ID a problem, because as Sue said, everyone had one. He threw it away when he turned twenty - the legal drinking age in the kingdom - but his first two years in the city, he used a fake ID pretty much every weekend when he went out partying with Rachel and Santana.

“Alright, that’s all we’ve found about you so far. Now I’m gonna ask you some questions and trust me, I’ll know if you lie.”

“Okay.” His hands are shaking in his lap because until he met Sue, he thought there was nothing bad in his past.

“You ever watched any illegal porn that could be traced back to your IP address?”

Kurt gapes at her. “Like what?”

“Any underage stuff?”

“Of course not,” Kurt shakes his head frantically but then Sue makes a note in her phone and he hears her mumble “watches porn” and he can feel his cheeks heat up.

“Every been arrested but let of with a warning?” He shakes his head.

“Ever recorded a sex tape?” He shakes his head.

“Anyone else ever record you having sex?”

“Um, not that I know of.”

“Number of sexual partners and when I say sexual partners I mean anyone who's ever made you come.”

“You can’t ask me that,” Kurt protests because this is really taking it too far but Sue just stares at him until she has him squirming in his seat and says ‘three’ through clenched teeth.

“Including the Prince?”

“Yes.” He may as well be honest since it looks like she won’t leave him alone until she’s got all the answers she wants.

“Ever had an STD?”

“No.”

“Ever been tested for one?”

“Yes.”

“Ever had unprotected sex?” He gives her an almost imperceptible nod.

“Ever driven under the influence?”

“No.” Not the way she means it.

“Ever consumed any illegal drugs and when I say illegal I also mean stuff that’s legal elsewhere?”

“No.”

“Do you have a blog that’s under an assumed name?”

“Yes,” he says through gritted teeth, because he’s pretty sure his Tumblr account has been found too by the way she’s looking at him.

“Delete it. Have you ever joined a protest?”

“I don’t know. I’ve been to Pride every year since I moved to New York.”

Another note in Sue’s phone.

“Have you ever stolen anything?”

“No.”

“Illegal downloads?”

“Yes.”

“What kind?”

“Music, TV shows, movies.”

“Delete them. If anyone ever hacks your computer you don’t want anything incriminating on it. No animal porn, no downloaded music and no naked pictures of yourself and most definitely not of the Prince. If you have any pictures that show him in an unflattering light, delete them now before I hire someone to hack your phone to check for myself.”

Kurt gulps but the only picture he has of the Prince is the one he shot for Blaine’s Twitter account. But just to be safe, he shows it to Sue and deletes it right in front of her.

“Alright, now let me tell you how you’re going to lead your life as long as you’re with Prince Shortpants. No roles that involve any nudity and that includes taking your shirt off. No roles that deal with controversial topics. No roles that involve kissing for more than five seconds. You won’t have a political opinion. You won’t have a blog. You won’t post anything about the royal family on your Facebook or Twitter or I will delete them for you. if you tell your family any personal stories about the royal family, you will make sure they don’t repeat them. You won’t get drunk in public. There won’t be any public displays of affection with Prince Blaine even if the Palace acknowledges your relationship. You won’t jaywalk. You won’t look at things online that you would be embarrassed about if people found out. You won’t give interviews without permission from the Palace. If you get approached you will inform Emma Pillsbury. In short, you won’t do anything that would make you look bad and by extension the Prince, understood?”

“Yes.”

“Good,” Sue smiles at him, but her smile scares him more than her glares. “I’ll report back to the King. How are your table manners? Do I have to put you in etiquette classes?”

“I don’t think so. I think I’m generally well mannered,” Kurt says because he’s no savage; he can distinguish a tea spoon from a coffee spoon.

“I’ll believe you for now.” Then she pulls a pamphlet from her suit pocket and pushes it into Kurt’s hand. Printed in bold is Court Ceremonial - How to behave in the presence of royalty.

“Read it, learn it by heart,” she instructs him and Kurt opens a page at random where the pamphlet talks about how various royals need to be addressed. “I’ll test you next time.”

It sounds like a threat and Kurt takes it as such. Then he squares his shoulders and looks her directly in the eye.

“Anything else?”

“Just behave yourself, because if you think King Cooper’s relationships were under heavy scrutiny, then you have seen nothing yet. It’s going to be much worse should the Palace decide to acknowledge the Crown Prince’s relationship with a man.”

Kurt swallows around the lump in his throat and nods. He’s under no illusion that a public relationship with Blaine will be easy, but he didn’t think it would come with so many rules. Blaine’s rules, he thinks, because he’s pretty sure those are the rules Blaine grew up with. Most of which he broke when he hooked up with Kurt and got caught doing it.

He nods again to show her that he understands and then watches in a daze as she pushes herself to her feet and strides out of his apartment without saying goodbye. It takes him a few more seconds before he gets up himself and moves the chairs back to the kitchen table. Then he picks up his phone and sends a text to Blaine.

Next time someone asks if they should be afraid of meeting Sue Sylvester, say yes. - Kurt

Then he snaps a photo of the pamphlet and sends it to the Prince as well.

Is she telling me that I’ve been misbehaving in your presence so far ;) - Kurt

Blaine must be holding his phone in his hand because he texts back immediately and when he does Kurt nearly drops his phone, because Sue Sylvester would so not approve of that kind of texting.

I don’t know, Kurt. I think you already have kneeling in front of royalty down. But I’d be  willing to come over and check your form again