CHAPTER 6

December 2021

Kurt dutifully accepts the kiss to his cheek when James comes through the front door. Long gone are the days when he'd drop off and pick up his husband at the airport for every China trip. It's too much of a hassle with the stroller and a baby but even if it weren't he is sure he wouldnt still make the effort.

He waits until James is seated on the couch with a steaming cup of tea to bring up what's been eating him.

“This, us, isn't working anymore. I'm so sorry, James, but youre never home and even when youre in New York, you are never here. Youre always hiding out at your office or have to meet important people for dinner, when Lexy and I should be the most important people in your life. I cant even remember the last time you actively spent time with us, not just coming to the park with us and continue working on your tablet while we were there. I know that you work a lot because the money is good, but what use is having all that money when we never do anything with it? We didnt even go on a vacation this summer even when we both could have had time off work at the same time. Im just sick and tired of always coming second to your work, and I deserve more. Lexy and I both do."

There, he's said it. It's out there and there's no taking it back. From now on, all he'll have to deal with is the fall out.

“I agree.”

Kurt gapes at his husband because this is the last thing he expected.

“Huh?”

“You're right. We've been growing apart and I recognize that it's mostly my fault with me being gone so much. But Kurt, when you had time off this summer, I asked you to come to Shanghai for a week so I could show you off to my coworkers and take you sight seeing. You said the flight would be too long and when I explained that I thought Alexandra could spend the week with her grandparents, so we could have a grown up vacation, you were pissed. I have all this money, but cant even take my husband to fancy restaurants because you feel bad asking the babysitter, who we pay to watch our daughter, to stay an hour longer. Its never just the two of us, no we always have to turn everything into a family thing when Im in New York and Kurt were in our late twenties, we should go clubbing on the weekends and then complain the next morning that were getting too old for this, before doing it again, instead of going to bed early and feeding the ducks in Central Park on Sunday mornings. So yes, I agree. Things havent been working for some time, and I doubt they will in the future if we stay together."

The only thing Kurt can do is stare at James; differing feelings waging a war inside of him. He's stunned, confused, but mostly, angry. Because if James felt this way, he should have told Kurt, sparing him from all the guilt he went through when he realized his feelings for Blaine.

“Why didn't you say something?”

He tries to keep his anger out of his voice, because he doesn't actually know how long James has felt this way. Maybe his husband hadn't consciously thought about breaking up before Kurt had brought it up.

“I thought I'd be an awful person asking you for a divorce when Alexandra is still so young. And I didn't want to seem ungrateful after what you did for me.”

Kurt crosses the living room to the liquor cabinet. After a moment's consideration, he pours a second glass of whiskey for James.

“I'll ask Brittany if Lexy can spend the night at their place,” he says when James eyes the contents of the glasses questioningly. Not that his husband should judge him, when Kurt's the one who's raising their daughter.

“So what? You kept your mouth shut because you were afraid you'd get deported if we split up?” Kurt continues, not bothering to hide his anger anymore.

James shakes his head frantically. “God, no, Kurt! I just felt like an asshole for even thinking about it. I mean, you married me so I could stay in New York and how do I repay you? I ask for a divorce when we have a baby. Sounds like a dick move to me.”

Kurt takes a deep drag from his glass. The whiskey burns his throat and simultaneously warms his insides.

“I'm in love with someone else,” he confesses quietly, because he feels like he owes James the truth. “I didn't mean to. I didn't go out trying to meet someone. It just happened. And I felt like the worst human being, staying with you when Im not in love with you in anymore.”

James refills their glasses. Kurt already feels lightly buzzed, but there was never a chance he'd get through this conversation sober. Even though in a way, it's going a lot better than he'd expected.

“I had offers in China - co-workers, business partners – but I couldn't. With some I was tempted, but I didn't want to be that kind of person who cheated on their spouse during a business trip. I was ready to stay with you, at least until Alexandra was older,” comes James' own confession in the wake of Kurt's, but he can't say he's surprised.

Actually, he's more surprised that James withstood temptation, especially because they haven't been intimate in a while. He isn't sure he likes what this says about him; that he expected his husband to cheat on him. He sighs.

“We would have been fucking miserable just because neither of us would have had the guts to call it quits. Maybe, in a way, it's good that I met someone and it made me question our relationship.”

James doesn't disagree.

“So what now?”

Because he's never thought beyond saying the words. Will he have to move out of the apartment? Will they fight about money? Will Lexy ever see her other father again once they are divorced? How does that even work; getting a divorce? Will they have to get a lawyer? And most importantly; can they even get divorced in New York when they got married in England?

After the wedding, James' uncle, who's a lawyer, had taken care of all formalities; getting their marriage recognized in New York and helping James get his permanent residency. And when Lexy was born, Santana's publicist had recommended a family lawyer to work out the contract regarding Brittany's surrogacy.

“I'm not sure,” James replies and it makes Kurt feel better knowing that his husband hadn't thought about the details yet either. That they are in the same boat. “We should probably meet with a lawyer after Christmas to help us figure things out.”

Fuck, Christmas. Kurt totally forgot about Christmas. They're supposed to spend it in Lima with Kurt's family and meet James' family in New York for New Year's.

“Would you rather I stayed with my parents this year?” James reads his mind.

Kurt immediately shakes his head. “No, unless you don't want to be there. But I want to give Lexy one last normal Christmas with both her parents.”

James nods. “What about Burt though? You think he'll still want me there once you tell him about the divorce?”

“He already knows,” Kurt admits.

“Why am I not surprised? I'm sure he was all for it.”

James sounds more resigned than angry, but Kurt still snaps at him.

“What the fuck, James? I needed my dad's advice and for your information, he told me not to do anything rash. To really think it over before I did something I might come to regret.”

“Oh. I thought your dad would be happy to get rid off me,” James sounds contrite.

It makes Kurt deflate because James hasn't had it easy knowing how much his father-in-law disapproved of him.

“My dad just wants me to be happy and if that had been with you for the rest of my life he would always have been in our corner,” he states simply.

“So we'll spend Christmas with your family and New Year's with mine. I'll be gone the first two weeks of January but I'll ask Linda to start looking for an apartment while I'm gone.”

Kurt nods before he adds, “and I'll ask Melissa for the name of her divorce lawyer so we can start sorting things out when you're back.”

Because they've always had a weird sense of humor, they toast to it with the remaining whiskey in the bottle. Kurt's well on his way to being full on drunk, nearly forgetting to give Brittany a call, when James says.

“So, how about we'll head to bed? One last time for old times sake?”

It's clear James isn't talking about just sleep and Kurt can't deny that he's horny. It's been at least two months since he and James had last had sex because he couldn't do it anymore after realizing his feelings for Blaine. Still, he shakes his head and ignores the way the alcohol in his body tries to convince him that a goodbye fuck is a good idea.

“I won't make you sleep on the couch, but no sex. I'm sorry.”

“Right. You love some other guy.”

There's no accusation in James' tone and Kurt wonders how they ended up like this. When they were supposed to be soulmates and he would have told his friends to revoke his gay card if he ever refused sex with someone as hot as James. Two years ago, not even three months ago, could he have ever imagined saying what he's about to say.

“I don't expect you to stay faithful to me until the divorce is finalized. As far as I'm concerned we're separated and if you meet someone, you should go for it.”

“You mean, take off my ring like you did?”

“I didn't think you noticed,” Kurt replies, barely hiding the veiled accusation.

“I did. But I thought you took it off for rehearsal and just forgot to put it back on. And I couldn't imagine you felt the way I did so I didn't bring it up. But yes, I noticed.”

“Do you want it back? I know your parents paid for part of it, so I'd understand.”

James shakes his head. “The ring is yours, so please keep it. Or sell it. It's yours, so do whatever you want.”

It feels wrong to hold onto his wedding ring and his engagement ring, but Kurt doesn't want to hurt James' feelings by refusing to keep them. Maybe he'll pass them on to Lexy when she's older.

“So bed?” he says instead, not bothering to check if James is following him.

They brush their teeth next to each other, sharing the sink like they have done countless times before, and once Kurt has finished his abbreviated moisturizing routine, James is already asleep, lying dangerously close to the edge of the bed. Kurt sighs and crawls under the covers as well, leaving a huge gap between him and James; a gap that symbolizes perfectly what has become of his and James' relationship.

January 2022

Kurt leaves his list of ‘fun facts' about New York divorce on the counter for James to find when he returns from China.

+ NO FAULT DIVORCE: the relationship between husband and wife (Seriously? They still haven't changed that???) has broken down irretrievably for a period of at least six months ??? (I'm not sure about the time frame, but this should apply to us, right?)

+ SEPARATION AS GROUNDS OF DIVORCE:

-       Judgment of separation: given by the court, for at least one year

-       Separation agreement; spouses have not lived together for at least one year and have signed an ‘Agreement of Separation'

+ UNCONTESTED DIVORCE: If all issues are decided between the parties they may agree to submit the papers to the court for approval. (So do we need a lawyer or not???)

+ RESIDENCY REQUIREMENTS (one of the following conditions must be satisfied)

1)    The marriage ceremony was performed in New York and either spouse is a resident of the state at the time of the commencement of the action for divorce and resided in this state for a continuous period of one year immediately before the action began.

2)    The couple lived as husband and wife (Oh come on, gay marriage's been legal in this state for nearly ten years, change the fucking language) in New York and either spouse is a resident of the state at the time of the commencement of the action for divorce and resided in this state for a continuous period of one year immediately before the action began. (That should be us, right, minus the husband and wife thing)

3)    The grounds for divorce occurred in New York...

4)   The grounds for divorce occurred outside of New York...

5)   If the parties were married outside of New York and have never lived together as husband and wife in the state... (well, technically, we've never lived in this state as husband and wife)

Residing ‘continuously' in the state does not mean that the party can not have left the state during the period of residency nor does it mean that the party does not have another residency elsewhere outside New York.

+ CHILDREN!!!!

1)    Child custody: - physical custody (where is the child's main residence) and legal custody (who makes decisions about the child) are the two elements of custody, Custody may be joint (shared by consent between the parties) or it may be sole as determined by agreement or by court order. (What do you want? I think we don't have an issues here, do you?)

2)    Child visitation: - the parent who does not have physical custody has either a) reasonable rights of visitation b) a specified visitation schedule or c) is limited to supervised visitation (we should talk about a and b)

3)    Child support: - in New York, the amount of child support paid by the non-custodial parent is based on an adjusted gross income formula. The payments are 17 % for one child. (How do I not know how much you make?!?!) Over and above monthly or weekly child support, the court is also able to award a child support ‘add on' for daycare if the custodial parent works, educational costs for the child (usually limited to collage, not private or religious elementary and high school) and medical expenses including the cost of medical insurance. (Should we send Lexy to private school? Did you like private school? I'm starting to realize there are a lot of things I don't know about you)

+ PROPERTY (we don't have any)

+ SPOUSAL SUPPORT (makes me sound like a money hungry gold digger)

A grant of spousal support depends on the facts of the case, such as disparity between the income of the parties, the duration of the marriage, the health of the parties, and the presence of very young children. In New York, spousal support is rarely granted on a permanent basis. (I don't expect anything from you)

+ LEGAL FEES: When one party to a divorce is unable to afford an attorney that party is allowed to request the court to order the spouse with the greater income to pay all or part of the other spouse's legal fees. (I asked for the divorce, but you wanted it too – so should we just split all legal fees?)

+ NAME CHANGE: (Never happened, but I promise not to start on it again)

James reads through the list the day before they are set to meet with their divorce attorney, making his comments on uncontested divorce moot, but at least his soon to be ex laughs at all the right places, making the prospect of divorce less scary and more like an inside joke about someone else's life.

***

“Mr. Hummel, Mr. Patterson. Please come in,” a tall woman in her mid-forties wearing a tailored, dark grey pant suit greets them on the twenty-ninth floor of ‘Steinman, Walters and Marks', a highly recommended gay divorce law firm, Melissa's divorce attorney had referred them to.

“I have to say it doesn't happen all that often that a couple seeking divorce shares a lawyer. You are certain this is what you want?” Carrie Marks, one of the senior partners asks them after an intern has dropped off coffee for Kurt and Mrs. Marks and tea for James.

Kurt and James nod. They hadn't seen a point in paying for two lawyers when they expected their divorce to go through smoothly, especially after Kurt had done his research.

“Alright. So how long have the two of you been separated?”

Kurt shares a look with his soon to be ex-husband.

“Well, James moved out two weeks ago, but we decided to get a divorce mid December.”

“And before that, we didn't see each other much either. I travel a lot for work; that's why I couldn't move into a new apartment sooner,” James takes over.

“It says here that you rent your apartment. Will you be able to afford the payments without Mr. Patterson's contribution?” Mrs. Marks addresses Kurt.

He's not a fan of this line of questioning, but he knew his and James' finances would come up during the divorce proceedings.

“Um, I'm in rehearsal for a new musical at the moment which doesn't pay much, but James has agreed to help out until we premiere so I can stay in the apartment with our daughter.”

“So I'm correct in assuming that Mr. Patterson has a higher income?”

James nods. “I work for Lieman Investments here in New York.”

Mrs. Marks looks through her files.

“I will need statements on your income to determine spousal support and if necessary child support.”

“I don't need spousal support,” Kurt interrupts the lawyer, his cheeks an unattractive shade of red.

“Mr. Hummel, with all due respect, you just admitted that you need help paying for your apartment. This qualifies you for spousal support until you get back on your feet,” Mrs. Marks gives him what he thinks is supposed to be a comforting smile. “Do you have any objections?” she turns to James who shakes his head.

“I still care for Kurt, so anything to make this easier.”

While Kurt avoids eye contact with the other occupants of the room, Mrs. Marks makes notes in her files before she smiles at both of them.

“That brings us to custody of your daughter Alexandra. I gather you've already come to a decision?”

They nod again. As expected, they were in agreement over what would be best for Lexy.

“I want Kurt to have sole custody of our daughter. He's been the one raising her so far and I believe it's in her best interest if we don't disrupt her life too much.”

“Do you agree, Mr. Hummel?”

Kurt nods, because, yes it's in Lexy's best interest if nothing changes. Even though he suspects that James agreed so readily because he doesn't want to spend more time with their child.

“So visitation. Do you want me to draw up a schedule?”

“I don't think that would work for us. I spend half of my time overseas,” James replies for both of them. “And I usually don't get much warning before a trip. So Kurt and I thought we'd just make decisions on the fly when I'm in New York.

Kurt's not too happy with this solution, because he fears that James will just find excuses when he's home like he had in the past.

“You don't agree?” Mrs. Marks asks him, correctly interpreting his facial expression.

He phrases his answer carefully, because he doesn't want an amicable divorce to get nasty.

“It would be easier for my own schedule if we could come up with some sort of timetable for when you're in New York.”

For a moment it looks like James is going to argue, but then he nods stiffly.

“What do you have in mind?”

“You take her to the park, the playground, whatever every Sunday afternoon you're in the city. Unless, we're not in New York, then we'll find a day to make up for it. You let me know about your travel plans and in turn I inform you if I'm going somewhere with our daughter. That's all I really expect from you; at least one afternoon a week unless you're out of the country.”

He'd ask for more if he were certain that James actually wanted more and with the way his ex is looking at him, Kurt's sure James is aware of how little Kurt thinks of him these days.

“I can do that,” James promises, a sad smile on his face.

“Alright, so I'll petition the court to award Mr. Hummel sole physical and legal custody of Alexandra Hummel. In detail that means that you, Mr. Patterson, can't take your daughter out of the city or the country without Mr. Hummel's permission. All decisions regarding Alexandra Hummel will be made by Mr. Hummel and Mr. Patterson has the right to visitation with the approval of Mr. Hummel. Mr. Patterson will pay child support for Alexandra Hummel until either she finishes her education or Mr. Hummel remarries. Should Mr. Hummel remarry, the issue of child support will be revisited,” Mrs. Marks summarizes for Kurt and James.

“Now as for property. Are there any items you disagree over?”

Kurt looks at the list he and James had drawn up over the past week, itemizing all their possessions.

“We've bought most of our furniture together, but I believe we're in accord over the division,” Kurt says and hands the lawyer the list.

Most things are already at James' new apartment, but there are items like the flat screen TV still waiting to be picked up. Kurt's readily given up the TV for the couch and the blue ray player for the espresso machine. He'd even thrown in the Tivo and all the living room paintings so he could keep the piano James had bought him for their first anniversary. James' new apartment came fully furnished, so Kurt still has their bed, but he intends to replace it as soon as he has time to stop by IKEA so he can really start over. Kurt stops himself before he starts picturing Blaine in his bed because now is neither the time nor the place for such thoughts.

Mrs. Marks looks through her files once more as Kurt tries to compose himself.

“I think that's it then. Once you've lived in separate apartments for six months, I will file all forms for you and you should expect to be served the divorce papers three to six weeks afterward. If all goes well, you'll be divorced in June.”

June seems so far away and Kurt had hoped they could deal with it faster, but what's there to do?

They shake Mrs. Marks' hand as they leave and avoid eye contact on the elevator down. For the first time since Kurt told James that they're over it feels awkward between them. Maybe it's because it's really final now; because soon-ish they'll be officially divorced and every legal form they'll fill out will reflect their new status until one of them remarries. If they ever will. Kurt most definitely doesn't have plans to get married again anytime soon. It's bad enough to be a twenty-eight year old divorcee. One failed marriage before he's even thirty is enough in his opinion.

To defuse the situation, he squeezes James' hand gently.

“Katie's watching Lexy till one. Do you wanna get a cup of coffee for old times sake?”

For a second he flashes back to an awful script and a crowed coffee shop. To a gorgeous man asking if he could sit with Kurt in this sexy accent. To being certain of happily ever after.

As if the coffee shop on the ground floor of the building senses his mood, intuits his nostalgia, an old song from Kurt's youth starts to play.

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry

You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you, tell you I need you

Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions

Oh, let's go back to the start

Running in circles, coming up tails

Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy

It's such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh, take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures

Pulling the puzzles apart

Questions of science, science and progress

Do not speak as loud as my heart

And tell me you love, come back and haunt me

Oh when I rush to the start

Running in circles, chasing up tails

Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy

It's such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be so hard

I'm going back to the start

Only, Kurt doesn't want to go back to the start, at least not with James. The future is wide open to him and for the first time in a while he's excited about all the new possibilities just waiting to be explored.

End of Part I