"Hey Clara," I greet. "How was your weekend?"

"Booze and bad TV. How does that sound?" she responds.

"Sounds like therapy."

"Pretty much," she adds. "How was yours?"

"Uneventful either," I tell, even though that is not entirely true.

I refrain from telling her the truth, though frankly I don't know why. The truth was that- over the weekend- I had tried what my good friend Wes had suggested; play the field. I'm not talking about dating, because I don't date, but I did try what my old self did- before my big realization about a person I rather not mention for fear of feeling broken again.

Over the weekend, or should I say for the past week, I have tried to drown myself with an endless stream of one night stands. I choose to believe that it's because I want to feel like myself again- in the words of Jason Mraz, I wanted to live life easy and breezy with peace in my mind- but to be completely honest, it's because it's a coping mechanism for me to deal with the heartbreak of said person I refuse to mention.

There is this moment, somewhere before, during and just a split second of the after my climax that I truly have forgotten about him, but then it sets in again. The pain of not being chosen- he comes in mind again, and then I have to get him out. It's best to forget about someone who does not care about you.

"What's wrong?" Clara ask, pulling me from my reverie.

"Nothing," I lie, because nothing is right these days.

"Okay hotshot," she rolls her eyes and I fear she knows I'm hiding something. "I'll email you your schedule today."

"Do we not converse anymore? What's with emailing my schedule when I'm standing right here right now?"

"Why should I tell you what you want to know when you're clearly not telling me what I want to know?" she smirks.

Shit.

"It's nothing, Clara," I sighs exasperatedly.

"Okay you know what," she snaps. "Truth time Anderson- you've been acting all down and sullen these days and I know something is wrong. Either you get out of your funk and tell me what's wrong, because sharing is caring, or you continue to be depressed in solitude and eventually will decide to jump out this eighty storey building. Pick."

I sigh defeatedly because even though I'm of higher rank, Clara truly is my boss. Here's the secret, fellas- behind every successful man, there is a confident, unchallenged woman. I inhale deeply and brace myself to tell the one person I've ever shared this with- besides him of course.

"I'm in love,"I confess.

"With me?" her eyes widen.

"Not you, idiot!" I snicker, because that was unexpectedly hilarious. "In case you forgot, I like dicks."

"Don't we all know that," she says. "Who's the guy?"

"Kurt," I tell.

"Kurt? Your bestfriend Kurt?" she presses, a little aghast.

"The one and only," I shrug. She takes a long second sitting behind her desk, studying me like a principal deciding punishment for a delinquent. She seems to be processing and contemplating my words.

"Makes sense," she shrugs. "He's been your rock for years."

"You're not- surprised?"

"At what?" she frowns. "I guess I never saw it before this, but yeah- it does make sense. He's been around since before I even worked for you. Practically everyone in the office knows him, even though he doesn't work here. I guess- it's natural to fall for your best friend."

"It feels anything but natural, to be honest," I tell her.

"Have you told him?" Clara ask.

"I have," I say.

"And?"

"He doesn't feel the same way. Make sense considering he has a boyfriend."

"Ouch," Clara says. "I'm sorry Blaine."

I pull a weak smile, because those are the kinds of smiles I can manage these days.

"So did you try to get him?"

"I don't see how I can," I say. "I've professed my feelings, but I don't want to force him to feel something that doesn't come naturally to him."

"You don't have to force him exactly," Clara shrugs nonchalantly. "You can try wooing him."

"Wooing?" I frown at her like it's a foreign word.

"Yes, woo," Clara says. "Show him that you're better than his stinky old boyfriend. Show him that you have more to offer. Show him- that you're the better man."

"And how do I do that," I say.

"By being the only thing the other guy can't be- yourself."

I smile at Clara, blushing at her words. She can be impossible, and the world's both best and worst assistant ever, but advise from Clara will always shape your perception.

"If that fails, show him how well you fuck. You'll come out winning- from your many many practices with sluts from bars."

"It was really poetic until it got to that last bit," I say. "But thank you."

"Of course," she smiles. "And I really hope you get him one day. Thinking about it now- you guys truly are perfect for each other."

"Thanks Clara," I say. "Now get back to your actual job- which is not being a therapist, but a goddamn amazing assistant."

"And you- stop being a moody teenager and go back to your actual self- a hotshot CEO," she winks.

--------

The rest of the day drags on in a pretty mundane sense. Loans, contracts and retrenchment reports for my approval flows in like a river in an upper valley. I've grown weary of signing my signature. In the afternoon though, an unexpected surprise pops up.

"Blaine, there is- urm- someone here to see you," Clara informs through the teleprompter. She sounds as if the president is outside- uncertain and surprised.

"Who is it?" I ask.

"Your- brother. Cooper is here to see you," she tells.

"Oh- send him in," I say. I am surprised, but not entirely considering I have only just met him a few weeks ago. The door creaks open and my brother enters- only this time, he really does look like my brother, but somehow different.

He wears a slick navy suit that is probably tailored to fit his masculine physique. His hair is slicked back with gel, but less mannequin like. He has a few locks falling off his forehead that makes him look humane. He is clean shaven this time as compared to his caveman look a few weeks ago. His eyes are not bloodshot and weary-looking. In fact, they look well rested and humble. But the most pivotal part of his entire get-up? His small, nervous smile that reminds me of his youth.

"Hi Blaine," he greets me, a little unsure of himself- I can tell.

"Coop, hey," I say ecstatically, because I am happy to see him. I walk around my desk, straight to him and surprise him with the biggest brother-love hug ever. God, how much I've missed my brother. I feel him go rigid, but he relaxes soon enough.

"Nice office," he says when we part.

"Ah- if anything, it's more stressful."

He walks to the tall glass window, looking down to the city. I know he's nervous to be here. I can practically feel it radiating off of him. Maybe I should put him to some peace of mind.

"So- I have a rough idea of why you're here?"

He inhales deeply and turns to face me. "I've decided- that if the offer still stands, I want to take the position of head of the legal department here."

"It doesn't," I say coldly, and I see his face fall immediately. "I'm just busting your balls! Of course it still stands you idiot," I laugh hysterically and he smiles. "Get over here, and welcome abroad."

He smiles gleefully and envelopes me in a hug- crushing me actually. It feels like the longest time since I've hugged Cooper like this. Despite our age gap, despite him being a d-bag sometimes, truly nothing can break the bond of blood bothers, and if you ask me if I have any reservations at all about hiring Cooper, my answer is a flat out No, because I know he's the best of the best- both as a lawyer, and frankly as a brother.

To look at one of his mistakes to judge his character was stupid of me, I see that now. I should have taken in consideration of our past- how he forced me to get the room at the far end of the house when my parents were going through a rough patch and they fought every night. He was keeping me in a soundproof room so I didn't have to hear any of the martial squabbles. My brother may be fifty shades fucked up sometimes, but some people need realizations before they start actions.

"Thank you Blaine," he says. "Seriously- thank you."

"It's no problem, Coop. I was thinking I'd break this office into halves so we both can share dad's old office-"

"No," he says calmly. "That's not necessary. I'm fine with an office on any level. You deserve this one, Blaine. Really."

"Cooper, I want you partnering with me on this-"

"No," he says again. "I'm being honest here. I don't want something I didn't earn, like you have for this job. You deserve it a thousand more times than I do. You always have."

Though I should argue, I understand that this is his morality and it's something he needs to do to have some inner peace. I respect his decision. It's admirable. "Okay," I sigh.

"But thank you, Blaine. Really, after all the things that transpired, I thought I was ridden out of the Andersons- then you reach out to me, and well- thank you," Cooper says and I swear I think I saw a tear fall.

"Like I said- you're family. Maybe we just needed time to deal with the shit that went down, but we did not, nor will we ever, rid you out the family."

He pulls a small smile. "I've also- called Denise."

"You have?"

"She wants to meet me tomorrow. I'm hoping with Camilla."

"She loves you, Cooper," I tell. "I know you think she's been cold to you, but I know she has missed you terribly."

"I know," Cooper sighs. "Still kills me what I did- believe it or not."

"I believe you," I say, because truthfully I do. I see it in his eyes. "Now, I'm guessing you want me to show you your office?"

"Sure," he says nervously, and though it's every fibre of reality, I know he feels that it's surreal- but I have no regrets over my decision, nor will I ever have regrets.

The legal department assembles into the conference room when I called for an immediate meeting. When I enter, their chattering dies down and I wonder briefly if they had heard rumors about Cooper. They eye him when we enter.

"Good afternoon everyone," I greet when I enter. "I'm sure you are all wondering why I called you all here on such short notice, so I'll put your questions at rest. May I introduce the person who you will be reporting to from now on. Your head of legal, Mister Cooper Anderson."

Soft murmuring follows and to be honest, they're acting like teenagers. Maybe they've heard stories of what happened, before Lord knows the news spread like wild fire around here. I hear a few applause though.

"Hello everyone. I'm very excited to be part of this team, and I hope we'll all take this company to new heights," Cooper says formally.

"I'll leave him to brief you then," I say because this is Cooper's team, not mine and I surrender it to him willingly.

"Blaine," Cooper calls after me in the corridor. I turn and am immediately attacked with a death hug. "Thank you- for forgiving me."

"Of course- but I ask for one thing," I say.

"Anything," he says when he pulls from me.

"Never call me squirm ever again."

He laughs aloud, and in that moment, the way his wrinkles crinkle and his smile wide and eyes riddled with content, I knew I did what was right- by hiring him into a position that he can excel in. His own turf, his forte. I have Kurt to thank for this.

"Deal," Cooper says with a gleaming smile.

-------

It's a late night again, and the bar is filled with people high on whatever they bought from that creep that trades blowjobs for unprescribed drugs. Not that I've ever succumb to that- ever. The bar is aptly named Tricks, a place I usually go to to pick up my guy-for-the-night.

I take my usual spot at the bar and order something strong. The bartender, a handsome fella who wears thick eyeliner hands me my glass and I take small sips, waiting.

"Hi," a random stranger approaches me. "You look pretty hot. Wanna dance?" he offers.

He's probably my age, maybe younger I can't tell. He has light brown hair, eyebrows trimmed to slight perfection, eyes, though stoned, are blue. Not as blue as my favourite blues, but it'll suffice. He has a skinny figure too- only nobody can defeat his physique.

"Better idea," I say. "Wanna get out of here?"

"Will you fuck me till the sun rises?"

"If you're worth that long," I say under my breath, inaudible to him.

I down my drink and deeply inhale for the night to come. I tell myself that I'm doing this to forget him, to get back to not being in love. This is why I do it. He follows me out the bar and we hail a cab. I tell Marcus to go home when I go out with this purpose. He drives me, not the sluts I bring home.

We arrive at my building shortly after the cab ride, in which the guy I picked up kept sliding his hand up my thigh, muttering "Lets just do it here." He is drunk, and high on something. I smell it in his breath.

"Nice place," he says when the elevator brings us to my level.

"Thanks," I say and he follows me up the stairs, to my bedroom.

I dim the lights, and I feel the guy coming up from behind me. He wraps his long arms around my torso and finds his way to my front. I exhale slowly and turn to face him, and in this light- all I see are blue eyes. That's all I want to see, because all my imagination needs is a small piece of similarity to piece the actual face I want to be looking at.

Beautiful brown locks- the color of woodland in a drought. Sharp, intense blue eyes that battles the colour of a daytime sky. Perfectly shaped lips, moist and luscious. Skin pale and translucent, but baby soft and gentle. That's the picture my subconscious forms.

"Hi," he tilts his head, and I hear his voice. His gentle, soft voice that calms the fire inside of me.

"What's wrong baby?" a different voice says now, and I am brought back to reality. He's not Kurt, no matter how much I try to convince myself.

"Lets not talk," I say.

He reaches for my lips with his but I gently push him away. I've never kissed anyone before- Kurt was the only guy I ever kissed since kissing Sebastian at Scandals way in the past. I wonder briefly- all this while, I thought kissing was bad and awkward because that's what it felt with Sebastian. With Kurt however- it was magical. It felt amazing, like being inside a room with all your favorite things in the world. I always felt fireworks exploding behind me when I kissed Kurt and now I'm wondering if that's only because maybe Kurt is a good kisser. Maybe that will explain my feelings- because he is a good kisser. What are the chances of another guy being as bad as Sebastian, right? Maybe if I kiss this guy- then maybe I can brush my feelings about Kurt aways as just a feeling I got from an actual good kiss.

With that though, I brace myself for a kiss with this stranger. He looks at me as I slowly lean forward towards him, gradually to his lips and catch him with my own. I try to forget my thoughts, forget my comparisons- forget it all and just focus on this kiss, but I can't, because I don't feel anything. It's not exactly the feeling of kissing Sebastain, because he was really bad and sloppy, but nor does it remotely measure up to how kissing Kurt feels like.

Magic, is an understatement.

I pull away, and momentarily feel perplexed. Literally- it felt like kissing a corpse, but soon I am pushed down to my bed and the stranger climbs on top of me and rips off my buttons. He plants wet kisses on my stomach, my chest and all around my abdominal. It's a good feeling, I won't lie- but every time I'm here with yet another trick, I can't help to feel guilty. Like I'm cheating on someone I love- which I am, only he doesn't love me back, so why should it matter,

I feel my zipper being tugged down, and a sharp intake of the stranger guy on top of me. I look down and he has his fingers wrapped- around my soft member.

"You're not hard yet?" he ask.

"Must be an off day," I say, completely embarrassed.

"It's okay baby, I can get you up," he winks and he lowers down to my member and takes it into his throat. Pulling in and out in a rhythmic motion. I try to forget his face that now forms inside my head. His face is all I see these days, I can't help it. I feel my member entering a moist cave every now and then, but I don't feel turned on- like at all.

"What's wrong?" the stranger says, his hand still grasping on my member. "Are you not into this?"

"I am- it's just," I say tiredly, because even I can't deny my conclusion. Now I know for sure then, that my feelings aren't derived from a first good kiss. I always try to find a reason to explain my feelings, but maybe that is because I fear reality.

"What's wrong baby? Am I not hot enough?" he mumbles.

"What's wrong?" I sigh. "I'm in love, that's what's wrong."

----------

Sunday, and it's the first time my entire family members will get together for brunch since the whole Cooper debacle. I'm strangely nervous, but I try to keep my cool and composure as I carry this blueberry pie I bought from a local bakery into the house. Nothing kills a maladroit room like pie, right?

"Uncle Blaine!" I hear Camilla squeal when she sees me enter through the door.

"Hello princess," I smile and pick her up with one arm, kissing her chastely on her cheek. "How have you been?"

"Fine," she giggles. "What is that?" she ask, her eyes wide with curiousity at the pie I'm carrying.

"Blueberry pie, but you have to wait until it's served at the table-" I try to say, but before I could complete my sentence, Camilla swipes her finger on the top crust of the pie and takes a finger full of blueberry filling. It reminds me of something Cooper always does.

"Blaine, hey," Denise greets me. She has on a floral dress that touches the ground. Her hair lose and flowing down behind her back. She looks flawless, basically.

"Hey Denise," I smile. "How are you?"

"Great," she says. "Right now, a little nervous but I'll live."

"Will this be the first time he'll see Camilla since- you know, everything?" I ask.

"Yes. I met him two days ago and he looked pretty good. Clean, put together- you know, like the man I fell for the first time. I told him to do one thing, if he wanted to see Camilla again."

"What's that?" I ask.

"To surrender himself to the police, for what he did with that sixteen year old girl."

"What?" I say, shocked. "You told him to do that?"

"Yeah," Denise says. "He has to take responsibility for his actions. What kind of message will he transcend to Camilla if he got away with what he did? No way, that is what I want him to do, and what he should do. Let the judge decide whether he should be found guilty for sleeping with a minor."

"But Denise, I mean I know it was a mistake, but is that not a little extreme? I mean, it'll be on his record forever."

"I know that," Denise says. "Then maybe he should have thought of that before he went and slept with another girl. I stand by my decision, Blaine. And he agreed to do it, so we'll just wait and see what will happen from here."

I guess in a sense I understand where Denise is coming from. Apart from wanting Cooper to set an example as a parent, I am sure what she's trying to get Cooper to do is part of her punishing him for what he did. She couldn't have possibly welcomed him back with wide, opened arms, right? Even though Denise won't admit it, I'm sure she feels devastated at what her husband has done to her, and now she's seeking an opportunity to get even- in a sense. I respect her decision though, but I fear what's going to happen.

I hear the quiet patter of stilettos descending the stairs. It pulls me from me reverie, and I see my mother- dressed in a white Sari like what Mother Theresa used to wear when she served Christ to help the poor in the slums. Only this Sari has ridiculous diamonds decorated all over the fabric. My mother just knows how to make something that could have been simple and elegant, to something bright, sparkly and terribly ostentations.

"Hi mother," I smile, hugging her lightly. "You look great."

"Thank you," she says. "And you're getting skinnier! What's wrong with you?" she pulls away from me and studies me from my toe to my head. She scowls at my figure. "Why do you look so skinny?"

"Been working out-"

"When you work out, you grow muscles. You look like you've lost bones. Seriously, have you been in depression?"

"What?" I burst out laughing. "Mum, that is a ridiculous question-"

"People who are in depression often drop a lot of weight! Tell me, what have you been depressed about."

Off the top of my head- falling in love with someone who does not love me back. Losing my best friend to a great romance. Having my heart broken into shards when the person I love chose the other guy. My brother almost going to jail- but I suffice with a less worrying response.

"Just- been working a lot," I say.

"Well you should eat more, seriously. No man would want to sleep with a scrawny guy-"

"Mum!" I scream in embarrassment. She literally said that aloud in front of Denise, Camilla and all the servers.

"What? It's true," she says casually.

"I can't with you," I say and I take refuge upstairs, in search of my father. I haven't told him of my decision to hire Cooper back into the company, so why not right now.

"Dad?" I call into his study.

"Blaine!" I hear my father greet cheerily. I push the door open and am momentarily stunned at the man before me. He looks nothing like the powerful, tailored suit and Rolex wearing man I have grown accustomed to respect. No- this man is wearing chino shorts that is slightly above his ankle, his hear grey and unkempt, stubble all over his chin and on top of that, he's wearing a floral shirt- the kind you get at Bali, or Hawaii.

"Did hell freeze over?" I laugh.

"What?" he says, looking genuinely confused.

"Your outfit- what are you wearing?" I ask, snickering.

"Ever since I retired, I haven't found the need to dress up as much. Do you know how comfortable shorts are?" she says, flapping the cloth of his lose bermudas. "I have a lot of time to do things that I've always wanted to do! Look- have you read this?" he ask, holding up a book with a black cover and a pair of hands holding out an apple.

"Twilight?" I ask, almost laughing again.

"Yes! Bella feels whiny most of the time but it's getting pretty good," he says.

"Even I haven't read it, dad," I roll my eyes. "Anyway, there is something I need to talk to you about."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, can we sit down?"

He finds his seat behind his mahogany desk and awaits for me to speak. I honestly cannot take him seriously. I'm glad he's more relaxed now, but he looks ridiculous. Maybe I need some time to adjust to the fact that my father looks like Tom Hanks in Castaway.

"Okay, well recently I went to see Cooper," I say nervously. I don't really know how he'll react, which makes it all the more unnerving. "And I've been thinking about it a lot, I didn't do this out of impulse, but the company was missing a head of legal and well- I offered the job to Cooper, and he accepted it."

I await for my father's response. He studies me for awhile, watching me with calm yet intolerable eyes. I breathe and breathe.

"Do you think you made the right call? Hiring Cooper again," he ask.

"Well, yes."

"Why?" he ask.

"Well, because of what you said about Cooper being family and how we should try to reach out and help him. Also, all personal aspects side- Cooper is a terrific lawyer. I asked his old firm for his employment record and frankly, I was impressed. I didn't only hire him to rekindle family ties or whatever. I hired him because he is the best of the best, occupation wise."

I keep my breathing steady because I don't want to shrink in front of my father. It's funny- he retired, yet I still feel like I should report to him with every decision that I make. But that is mostly derived from not wanting to basically put my father's life work into the shredder. I want him to approve of my decisions, like a guru.

He studies me for what feels like long heartbeats. No, do not cave, I tell myself.

"Well then it's the right call," he says calmly.

"It is?"

"Do you think it is?" he ask.

"Yes," I frown at him.

"Then it is."

He looks at peace, like he's not urging to slap me for doing what I did. I expected that kind of reaction. Cooper is risk and might put the company at a bad reputation, especially if word gets out
about his alleged intercourse with a minor, but I stand by my decision. What I don't understand, is why my father looks calm.

"How can you be sure?" I ask, like he's a magic crystal ball- wise and accurate.

"I don't know anything, but you seem to believe that it will benefit the company, and I trust the decisions you make, so yeah," my father says with a smile.

"But- but hiring him might also put us on a pedestal when word gets out about how he has slept with that sixteen year old girl. He might put us in jeopardy, and though I have no doubt about how he will excel and help take the company to greater heights, I also do have doubts that his personal life might conflict with the reputation of the company," I say.

"That's true too," my father says in an aggravatingly calm tone.

"But at the same time, I want to help him get through it," I say.

"Hmm," my father says.

"Okay dad seriously, why are you being so incoherent? Help me out here!"

My father snickers a little. He's amused, looking at me like I'm a poor kid that is way and over his head. It's annoying. "Blaine," my father sighs. "The reason I left the company to you was because I trust, with whole heart, that you will know what to do. You do not have to ask me on whether your decisions are right or not because I don't live in your heart, and I know that your heart will always make the right call. So whatever decision you make- hire your brother, or not- it will be on you and what you think is right, okay?"

I scoff. My father and his words of flattery. He laughs loudly at me. Seriously, I am in such a dilemma. I worked it out earlier when Denise told me about the agreement, so to speak, she has made with Cooper and even though I think it's morally correct, I can't help but to worry for the company. Will the clients, who are mostly parents of teenagers, leave when they find out a sex offender works here? Oh, the list of problems for a CEO just goes on and on. I breathe and try to come to a decision.

"I think I will keep Cooper on, even when he comes forward with the truth," I say. "I genuinely belive he did not know she was a minor, and he made a mistake. I'm choosing to forgive everything he has done and give him one final clean slate, which is a job in the company- so I'm keeping him on, based on personal aspects and also because I still believe Cooper will benefit the company."

"Good," my father grins. "My boy's all grown up now."

"Thanks dad," I roll my eyes.

"Now lets head down," he says. "I think I heard the doorbell. That must be your brother."

-----------

As we descend the stairs down to the foyer, I hear my mother wailing and incomprehensible words about how she loves my brother. We arrive at the scene and, much as expected, my mother is hugging Cooper with all her might, planting kisses all over his face. He smiles shyly and allows my mother to shower him with affection.

"Okay mum, relax," I tell her because otherwise Cooper's face would be covered in red lipstick. "Hey Coop," I greet my brother casually, hoping it makes him feel less awkward to be back here when someone has already relaxed into him. I don't know if he has made eye contact with my father yet, but neither of them has acknowledged each other yet.

"Daddy!" I hear Camilla squeal from far behind the house. Her small footsteps gains speed as she runs into her father's arms. Cooper picks her up and kisses her as if doomsday was tomorrow. I see tears in Coopers eyes then and the whole sight makes me smile wide. "Where have you been daddy!" Camilla ask.

"I've-"

"Daddy has been at the land of princesses, because he went to get you a crown," Denise interjects.

"You did?" Camilla's eyes go wide. "Where is it?"

"It's-"

"You'll get it once you've cleaned your room and change into something proper," Denise says again.

"Okay!" Camilla responds in a gullible gleam. "I've missed you daddy!" Camilla says and she kisses Cooper once on his cheek, one long, wet kiss that puts a smile so bright and wide of Cooper's a face. She follows Denise up the stairs then and I find myself watching Cooper, because you see it then in his eyes.

You see both his pain, and his gratitude in contrast with each other. You see the pain because he realizes now what a beautiful family, and a beautiful daughter he has and it kills him what he has done to them, but you also see the gratitude and the pure love and light. You see how he's grateful he's been given a second chance, and in that moment all my worries about Cooper's reputation possibly dragging the company down simply obliterates into thin air.

"Cooper," my father says in a semi stern voice, though with his outfit he looks the least intimidating. "It's good to see you," he says and he holds out a hand to my brother.

Cooper looks at it for a second, as if grasping it might either kill him, or might officially be his gateway back into this family. I hold my breath in anticipation, so does my mother. After what feels like eons, Cooper gently takes my father's outstretched hand and shakes it lightly. "It's good to see you too- dad," he says.

"Oh, Richard- just hug your son already so we can put everything behind us!" my mother yells from behind me. For awhile, I think that they're going to ignore my mother, but then a warm, contented smile forms on my father's face and he tugs Cooper forward and wraps him in a fatherly hug. My heart feels warm at the sight before.

"I've missed you tremendously, son," my father says in a shaky voice. Holy shit, is he crying?

"I've missed you too, dad," Cooper says in a voice just as equally shaky.

"Please don't ever pull shit like that again, okay? We all love you so much but if pull another bonehead move like that, your mother will smack you in the head," my father jokes- at least I think he's joking.

Cooper laughs gravely. "I'll try to avoid any bonehead mistakes in my endeavours."

As I stand just a few yards away from my enveloped father and brother, and my mother who is tearing and sobbing quietly behind me, I can't help but to feel proud of myself, because I made this happen. I was the one who took the step towards helping my brother, and everything else just unravelled and fit itself into place. I made this happen. This whole ball of loving energy going around the house right now, a sensation that has been missing for months, is now back and intact- I hope. And it's all because of me.

"Brunch time!" my mother yells over us. She stalks forward and hugs Cooper again, mumbles her "I'm so happy to have you back," and strides to the dining area to prepare for brunch.

Brunch lasted for surprisingly long, though it didn't really feel that way. I kept going back and forth, watching all my family members looking happy, and peaceful again. There is no dark energy that is clinging onto any of our backs anymore. Having Cooper here sort of exorcist that away, now everyone wears bright, gleaming smiles as we all listen to Camilla talk about her school, and her trip to the zoo at central park. She basically filled her father in on everything that has transpired in her life since that phase of not seeing him at all.

After brunch is over, frankly I'm not up to listening to another Camilla story, even though she looks adorable trying to get everyone's attention by snapping her little fingers. I venture upstairs, wanting to get some quiet time for myself- because these days, I kind of need time for myself to think or to simply just..wonder of possibilities.

Sometimes I forget that I have a room here. It was back when I had only just moved to New York, and I was searching for an apartment. I always slept at either of these two places back then and when- Kurt's apartment, or my parent's town house. I wonder briefly if my mother ever cleared my things away, so I push the white door with golden frame designs open and am immediately taken back to those times.

My old room looks pretty simple. Clearly my mother never touched most of my stuff, because my novels and storybooks and still in their shelves, my clothes are still hung nicely in the small wardrobe, the night stand still has that annoyingly loud alarm clock that I once threw to the floor because I really didn't want to wake up. I stroll inside, to the shelves on the walls that I placed a lot of photos on. I pick one particularly frame up, because it holds a picture of me and Kurt back in high school.

He wears a red sweater that wraps around him nicely, his smile an adorable, teeth showing smile that I realize now makes my heart skip a beat. His eyes a piercing, intense blue and his hair- of course, perfectly coiffed. There's me next to him, having my head on his shoulder, smiling back with my hair slicked back with gel and in my letterman jacket that Kurt hated. I find myself smiling at the picture. Simpler times, when there were no feelings- or did, but deeply buried and unknown- and all we were were best fucking friends.

"Hey," a voice from behind startles me. I turn and it's Cooper.

"Hey," I smile. "Shouldn't you be downstairs listening to Camilla's never ending stories?"

"Denise took her for a nap," he says. "Funny, in the past I usually couldn't stand her stories and most of the time I was listening, but never really- listening, you know? But after being apart from her for awhile, I just realize how much I love her stories."

"That's what separation does to people I guess. You just- realize things you never knew you loved."

"Yeah," Cooper shrugs. "Listen, I need to talk to you."

"I think I have an idea what about."

"I'm guessing Denise told you?"

"Yes," I say. He keeps silent, and a part of me wonders if it's because he fears I'm going to fire him for being a liability to that company's credibility. "Are you really going to go forward?"

"Well," Cooper says. "I will, but I think I should meet with her parents first and see if they still want to charger for what I did."

"Oh."

"Yeah, you see if I surrender myself and it goes public, what if the family has put it behind them and me not asking them first will rehash everything? No, I think it's best I talk to her parents before doing anything rash."

"And if they want to charge you?"

"Then I'll take the sentence," Cooper says. "I just want that whole phase behind me. I just want my life again."

"That's very admirable," I say.

"I guess- what I'm trying to say is..I understand if you change your mind about hiring me back on-"

"Cooper," I interrupt him. "That job is yours no matter what, okay?" I say because it's true.

"Thank you, Blaine," he says and I can tell he's relieved. "What's that?" he changes the subject then, pointing at the picture frame I'm still holding on to.

"Nothing-" I say but he takes it from me.

"Oh it's you and Kurt," he says as he studies it. "This was when you guys were in high school, right?"

"Yeah," I say. Back when things weren't so estranged.

"How is he? I haven't seen him in awhile either," Cooper ask.

"I wouldn't know," I shrug and Cooper shoots up to look at me.

"Why wouldn't you? He's your best friend."

"Yeah- but," I sigh tiredly. Every time someone ask me about Kurt these days, it's just exhausting to think about.

"I gather something happened."

"In short, yeah."

"Well, you guys have gone through a lot together. I'm sure you guys will prevail again this time."

"I'm not so sure about that. It's more- complicated this time."

"Why is it that complicated?" Cooper says. "I know this might sound ironic coming from me, but given everything that has happened I guess I learnt a lesson."

"Which is?"

"To never lose hope that the people you love the most will come back to you."

"That's very poetic."

Cooper shrugs again and I let his words sink. If Kurt really does love me, as a friend or something with more potential, he'll come back to me either way, right? I hope so, because at this point even though I want so hard to forget him- forget my feelings- I would slay a dragon just to see that adorable smile, the one in the picture.

"I better get downstairs. Denise wants to talk- about us. Not us, us, but us as in-"

"Yeah Coop, I get it," I laugh.

"I'll see you later," he leaves the room and I'm left alone with the picture again in my hands. Kurt really does look cute in this picture. How come it took me this long to realize just how in love I have been with my own best friend? I sigh tiredly and place the picture back onto the shelve.

Much like the dynamic now-- it's just left sitting there.

---------

Monday arrives soon after and I want nothing more than to drown myself in work, because my work ethic is something I am extremely boastful about. I should rightfully be. If I could award employee of the month, it would be me.

Cooper is in today. I haven't asked him much about his upcoming confession, but I think I should leave that one until Cooper settles it himself. Whatever it is- I'm just here for him as a brother. My thoughts are interrupted when the buzzer from the Teleprompter sounds.

"Yeah?" I say to Clara, who is no doubt on the other side of the line.

"You have a visitor."

"Who?"

"I'll just let him in," Clara says and she disappears. Before I can even comprehend how weird that was, my door creaks open and in comes a face I've been longing to see. A face I've missed. His blue eyes dart to me when he enters and a nervous smile forms on those moist, moist lips that I know feel amazing on me.

"Hi," Kurt says timidly.

"Hi," I say, a little surprised at his presence. Okay, maybe a lot surprised.

"I hope I'm not barging in."

"You're not," I say, even though frankly if I was in a meeting with the Queen of England, Obama, Ellen DeGeneres and fucking Taylor Lautner, Kurt would still not be barging in.

"I like your office- the view is amazing," he says.

"Thanks," I say though frankly the view I have right now looks more amazing. Damn, he looks so good in that tight fitted silk black dress shirt, his red pants coiling around his long- and as I recall correctly- milky soft legs. His hair a perfect coiffed, his eyes so damn blue. Why does it feel like he will be the death of me. "So what- urm, what are you doing here?"

He vaguely exhales before he stalks forward and takes a seat across my desk. I'm guessing he wants me seated too, so I sink into Throne and wait as he rummages through his satchel. I can't help but to admire how his slight biceps flex every now and then as he looks through whatever it is he's looking for in that Mary Poppins bag. Finally, he pulls an envelope out and slides it across to me.

"What's this?" I ask, but he doesn't answer and simply just waits for me to take it and see for myself. So I do.

I take the blank white envelope and carefully tear the sealed portion open. I take a peak inside and there is a wad of fresh green US dollars in there. I wouldn't say I am money minded, but I know money and there has to be like a thousand dollars in here.

"Kurt- what is this?" I ask.

"It's what I owe you- for that time you paid for my tuition fee and my rent. Well- part of me anyway. That's all I have right now, but I promise I will get you the rest as soon as I can," he says as if I am going to hang a pig's head outside his door if he doesn't.

"What? Kurt, you don't have to pay me back-"

"Yes, I do. We have a contract, remember?"

"We don't," I say. "I forgot to ask my lawyer to set it up, so technically you don't owe me anything-"

"Yeah, I do. I'm not going to just take your money and not return it. Just take it-"

"No, I won't," I say.

"Can you please not be stubborn about this?"

"Can you? I already said you don't have to pay me back-"

"I want to-"

"But I don't want you to-"

"Then give it to the bloody homeless!" Kurt snaps. "Just take it. I want to pay you back."

"Why?" I ask.

"Why what?" he frowns, and I see it then. There is a reason why he's giving me this so out of the blue. He's not telling me something. I see it in the reservations in his eyes, his fear even. I see those pupils dilate by an inch, his teeth nibbling on his lower lip.

"Why now?"

"I just had to save up a little, plus Rachel's rent so there you have it-"

"That's now what I meant," I say. "What I meant- why are you giving me this now?"

I might have just hit home base because his shoulders slump slightly, his eyes fall and unable to look at me. I wait in anticipation for whatever he's about to say, but I reckon it's not something that is going to make me smile.

"I'm giving you this now, because I- I'm going to Italy for two years, and I don't want to be in debt with someone from New York when I go."

I swear a plane could have flown straight into my window like the faithful 9/11 and I would still not feel this beyond devastatedly surprised. I am unable to form any coherent or eloquent or even proper words. I keep opening my mouth, waiting for words- any word- to come out, but nothing does. Italy? What the f-

"I'm going to Italy, because Gabe asked me to follow him because he might potentially have a bigger job there and I thought why not spend two years in a foreign country- like, a vacation after years of school."

"So, you're following him like an obedient little puppy dog?" I say, because I cannot fucking resist.

"No," Kurt says, though I know that remark hit him square. "I just thought- it would be cool-"

"No you don't," I argue. "You've never been interested in Italy- not that I know of anyway. Your top three choices of a getaway are Bora Bora, Bali and the Maldives. Something tropical because you want to wear as many sun hats as you own. I know," I say.

Kurt looks defeated somehow, and I know that there is a deeper root to whatever this stupid decision is about, but I can't seem to bypass him. He looks as if he's holding up his walls stronger now, and I wish I wasn't in this stance because if I was still his best friend, and not the guy falling madly in love with him- in which he knows about it, he would tell me flat out why is he going.

"What about your career, Kurt? Your Broadway dreams? What's going to happen to them? Out the window for some guy? What are you- Rachel?"

"I just- really have to do this."

"Do you want to?" I ask.

"Yes," he says and he forms a smile I know for a fact is fake.

"You don't want to," I say. "That smile you're wearing- that is the smile you have when you're trying to convince someone that you're fine. It's the smile you give me everytime it's your mother's death anniversary and I ask if you're okay and you give me that very smile, Kurt. You also have a certain way of smiling when you see a baby- it's a cross between a pout and a smile when you see one. You also have your happiness smile, when you smile with all your teeth showing and your eyes are in squints. You have your tired smile, you have you sarcastic smile, and you also have your in-love smile, but that's mostly reserved for Gabe, I'm guessing," I say and it fucking stings that last part.

"You know my smiles?"

"Of course I do," I say matter-of-factly.

"So- what's the real reason?" I press on.

"Nothing- I just..need a break, I guess."

"But to put Broadway on a hold-"

"Blaine," he says my name and I wish it stretches on like a mantra- over and over again. "It's just- my decision, okay? I wasn't asking for your input."

Just when I feel like I'm about to relax into him again, like at least there is something still lingering around here and not just a bad mixture of rejection and love, but he snaps and it reminds me that I shouldn't care, but he doesn't care and I should do the same.

"Well then," I say, and though it hurts, maybe his move to Italy will help me forget even better. Even looking at him right now, I just wish I could lean over and kiss him hard on those lips- no, Anderson. Forget him. Remember, he doesn't love you back, and this move to Italy- well it just shows how serious Kurt is with Gabe. My feelings are insignificant. "I hope you have a good time."

"Thanks," he responds. He glances over at me, but it's a look I don't understand now. His eyes scream a million words, but nothing comprehensible, or familiar. Nothing I quite understand.

"When do you- leave?" I ask.

"Friday."

"What?" I say in complete and utter shock. "This Friday?"

"Yes," Kurt says.

"Why are you rushing to get away from the city?"

"Like I said, I need a break," he says again.

"A break from what, Kurt?"

"Just- a break, okay?" he argues. He checks his watch and I study his mannerisms. What is wrong with him? He looks nervous be to here, and he also looks like he wants to get out of here fast. Do I make him uncomfortable because he knows how I feel?

I want to scream at him. Scream at him to stay, scream at him to stay here with me and love me and be with me, but I don't want to force what he doesn't feel. If you don't feel something for someone naturally, what good is it to force it, right? Then the words of my brother haunts back to me- do not lose hope that the people you love the most will come back to you. Maybe setting him free, letting him go, I will get him back eventually. But it fucking hurts that he's leaving- me.

"I have to go," Kurt says. "I have to meet Gabe."

I say nothing in response, because I feel like either scoffing, or punching a wall at that name. I stand and follow him to the door, but before he leaves, I halt him by grabbing his arm. He turns to me with those big blue eyes and for a second, I lose my capability to articulate.

"Take this," I say, handing him the envelope. "And have fun in Italy."

"Blaine-"

"I know, but here's a farewell gift or whatever. I just- I want to make sure that you're going because you want to, and not because of any other factors. Go because you want to, go because you actually want to explore the city of Italy, and not because you love Gabe."

He stares at me, processing my words, and in that moment I think he wants to say something to me. Say something that might change the entire game, or tell me that it's a joke and that he's actually in love with me, but all of those words were false and the reason why he's here is to profess his realization, but he doesn't. He slowly takes the envelope from me and breathes.

"I'll- miss you," he manages.

"You don't know how much I'm missing you, right now."

He shrugs from the hold I didn't know I still held on his arm and dashes to the elevator. Disappearing down to the depths of this building, or possibly for good from my life. My heart is literally aching, and I know that if I stand out here long enough, I'm going to be a crying mess. I shut the door of my office and just stare out the glass panel.

He's gone. He's going away- for real this time, and to a different country, with a man he loves. A man who has no idea how lucky he is and the thought kills me. I feel a tear slowly falling and I don't bother to stop it, because why should I? The person I love has chosen over me, and is choosing to leave. If heartbreaks could kill, I'd be long dead by now.

My door creaks and I turn quickly, wiping my one tear away. It's Clara- I'm a median of relieved and also of disappointment. She looks sympathetic striding towards me. "You okay?" she ask.

"No," I say flatly, because I can't even bring myself to lie. "He's going- to Italy, with the guy he loves."

"I'm sorry Blaine," Clara tells. "There will be other guys."

"There won't be another Kurt," I say. "Fuck- I can't believe this is happening!"

Clara grabs me and pulls me into an embrace and I can't help but to fall into it, and soon I find myself sobbing into her shoulders. Kurt is leaving. Leaving the city, leaving his dreams, leaving what was suppose to be the city we conquered. Leaving our friendship. Leaving the possibility of me and him. Leaving- me.