"Clara, could you run down the deli and get me some lunch? I feel like staying in for today," I tell my very efficient though sometimes a little stubborn assistant.

"Sure," she says through the telecom.

It still feels the same, despite holding the highest rank now in this company, I still feel the same- but somehow with more power. I look out the tall panel windows around my office and marvel at the sight of Manhattan from a true eagle's eye view.

My Throne is bigger now, taller with a much more comfortable backrest. It feels heavenly, and my desk- I inherited from my father. At least knowing he hasn't completely resigned gives me some comfort. I'm still finding it refreshing how everyone is looking to me for orders and answers. It is something I haven't grasp completely yet.

But every time I feel like the weight of this company is getting to me, or when I lose faith and belief in myself, I think of Kurt, and his words and his assurance of how he knows I am capable of more than I know.

I have come to a realization- if you will. Maybe it sounds ridiculous, and maybe it isn't true, or maybe it is because of how I feel when I kissed him but my feelings for Kurt have grown and morphed into something I never thought I would feel for my best friend. I would lie and say I don't know how I feel, but in truth, I feel something more for the boy who was once only my best friend. I see him differently now.

I never thought me, of all people, could grow attach to feeling something like this for a person, but as I have said to myself a billionth and one time, I finally realize that he truly is, and always will be, an exception.

A knock on my door pulls me out of my reverie, and Clara enters with a brown paper bag.

"Hey," she greets. "I got you the steamed fish with lobster sauce."

"Kinda fancy for a lunch, don't you think? I would have sufficed with a chicken sandwich."

"Only the best for the CEO, right?" she smirks. "Also, since someone is turning twenty two tomorrow, what the hell."

I sink deeper into my seat at the reminder that my birthday is tomorrow. Clara wears a teasing grin. She knows how I feel about birthdays- painful and unnecessary. Unless it is Kurt's birthday, then again..he is an exception.

"So, what are your plans tomorrow? A huge twenty two birthday party? Or an orgy party for your ten hottest men?"

"Neither sounds tempting-"

"Not even the orgy?" her eyes go wide.

"Okay- maybe that is tempting but come on. You know I don't like to celebrate."

"I know that, but wouldn't you rather celebrate every birthday before you turn forty? Forty is when you should not throw any form of celebration because forty is your death year."

"Death year?" I raise my brows at her.

"When you're forty- really, what are the perks?"

"Older means becoming sexier," I recall the words of someone that said them to me.

"Fine- maybe for men, but for girls I mean."

"That is why being a man rocks," I smile at her.

"Being a gay man rocks," she corrects me with a gleaming smirk. "Anyway, after lunch you have that meeting with the legal department, and afterwards I managed to clean out your schedule so you can have the night to yourself. The last night before twenty two."

"I rather work," I tell her because it is true.

"No, you don't have work. Oh, and I forgot to mention. A guy called. His name is Wes. Apparently he was a friend of yours from college? He said he's in town and was wondering if you could do lunch on the eighth ."

"After my birthday?"

"Yes."

Wes is a friend from MIT. He and I were pretty close throughout college, seeing as I had no real friends there considering everyone was too focused on grades- yes, that is how devoted and a little mechanical the students in MIT are. Wes was different. He was casual. He knew to have fun once in awhile. He did not graduate early like me, but we kept in touch after I graduated. I had told him, when I decided to live in the city, to give me a call whenever he came here. I guess he remembered.

"Sure, why not. But I don't understand why he didn't just call me straight though."

"How would I know," Clara says. "Okay then I will get him on the phone so you can talk to him."

"Good," I say.

"Oh- one more thing. The security detail on your brother reported back to me. They say he has been at the Strike Bar for the past few days."

My father and I have been keeping tabs on Cooper's whereabouts, gauging when is it the right time we can intervene and talk to him. It's always hard because every time we arrive he has either gone off. I need to see him and patch things up. I miss my brother dearly- something I thought I would never say about Cooper.

"Thanks, and let me in on more updates. Will that be all?"

"Just one last thing?" Clara squeals quietly before she pulls out square looking box from her purse. "Here, happy birthday," she smiles.

"What? Clara! You didn't have to get me anything."

"Urm- duh of course I did. You brought me up as your assistant to your new position. You increased my pay, and now basically everyone bows their head when they see me because I'm the CEO's PA. Here's a little thank you gift, but also a birthday gift."

I roll my eyes, though I feel a tidal wave of embarrassment. I hate when I receive gifts because I don't know how to react. Of course I would want her as my assistant. I don't know what she's babbling about, but nonetheless, I pull out the contents from the box and it's a mug.

A mug that has the words printed in large bold and italics - CEO, bitch.

"This is a little in and over your head, don't you think?"

"You can put that at the pantry to serve as a reminder to the peasants below us," she smiles.

"Sounds appropriate," I laugh. "Thank you, Clara."

"No problem," she smiles before she leaves.

-------

"Alright boys. Lets get this meeting started," I say as I enter the conference room to where the legal department are all seated. "What do we have to discuss?"

"Well, for starters the Chan family is not paying up their loans so I feel we should take legal action against them considering we have a contract."

"Good, do that. But do not let him know just yet. Identify why is it he hasn't been paying, check his credit card bills and any astounding purchases he has made before you sue them."

"Okay," Louis says. He is one of the top lawyers in this joint.

"What else?"

"There is one more thing," Louis adds rather timidly. "As you know, John has resigned recently, and as he was the head of the legal department, his position is now available. I was wondering when will you decide who will fill that position."

"Oh," I say. How did I space out on this? "Does it have to be filled internally or-"

"Whatever you decide, Mister Anderson," Louis says though there is a gleam in his eyes I don't understand.

"Okay, well I will let you guys know soon. Is there anything else we have to discuss?"

"As for now, no. Besides the usual small late payments for loans, everything is stable."

"Good then," I smile. "Meeting adjourned."

I make my way out to the corridor and head to the bathroom down the hall. That was actually my first meeting with the legal department. To be honest I don't know much about legal stuff- that was never my forte. What I know is solely based on what Cooper used to brag about to me.

I enter the bathroom, and as I make my way to the first urinal, I hear the door being pushed opened, closed, and then the soft click of the turn of a lock. I turn around and I see Louis standing there, looking at me with eyes burning with salaciousness.

"Louis? What can I do for you?" I ask, ignoring his look.

"Mister Anderson," he says and he takes a small step forward, carefully like a lion sneaking up on a deer. "Can I just say how inspiring it is that a twenty one year old like you is running such a mega business like this," he says.

"Well- thanks," I say.

"In fact, I actually find the whole thing kind of- sexy."

I almost want I dig my ears out to make sure I heard his words properly. "What?"

"Look, Blaine," he says as he stalks closer to me. "I'll be blunt here. Everyone knows I'm the best dang lawyer in this whole company, and John was great, but now he's gone and that position is available, and frankly nobody would be better for it than me. So, in short- if you could do something for me, I would be more than happy to do something else- for you," he breathes right onto my lips, and I feel his finger trailing down my stomach, slowly descending to my groin.

I can't believe what is happening.

"So- how 'bout it?" Louis says with a slight wink.

"Get- your fucking hands off me," I say through gritted teeth and his hands immediately retract, his eyes widen in alarm and horror.

"Oh my god- I'm sorry," he quickly says but that is too late.

"You know the rules against sexual harassment or sexual favors here, right? Just because senior Anderson is gone, does not mean those rules are too. Pack your things. You're out."

"What- no! I'm sorry I was just-"

"You thought I would give you that position if you gave me head? That's insulting. Pack your things and get out. You have thirty minutes," I say before I stride out of the bathroom.

--------

Morning of my birthday and I have never felt so down in my entire life. After that little encounter with Louis, I don't know what to feel about myself anymore. I make my way to work anyway, despite Clara clearing my schedule. When I arrive at the office, her eyes widen in disapproval at me.

"Why are you here?" she ask with a rather hostile tone.

"I rather be working, thank you very much."

"I went through hell to get you an off day. Aren't your parents throwing you a party or something?"

"No," I tell. "My parents went to Paris because my father wants to, and I quote, rekindle the love with my mother."

"That sounds disturbing."

"Tell me about it," I say. "But on the upside, they did video call me this morning to sing to me a happy birthday song."

"How is that an upside?"

"Compared to the past years where they completely ignored my birthday?"

"That was at your request, I'll bet you that."

"Whatever. So anyway, I have the day open so just lay it out for me-- all that I have to do."

"Are you sure? Given the stress of becoming a CEO now I thought you would want a day off."

"My dad didn't build this place from the ground by rewarding himself days off after ever achievement. Come on, lay it out."

"Fine," Clara sighs. "God, you really are becoming a workaholic."

"Rather a workaholic than a shopaholic," I wink at her.

"So really-- no plans today?"

"None," I smile, because that is the truth.

It's not depressing or anything. Throughout my life the only person that always is there for me on my birthday was Kurt, but I know given what has happened between us I can't count on him to celebrate my day. Does it hurt? Hence, work.

"Okay then, I'll move all the work I had postponed to Monday to today," she says with a slight dread.

"Thank you."

"And happy birthday," she smiles.

I pour myself into work- forgetting everything. It is true- I hate celebrating my birthday, but it was always nice when Kurt was more excited for it than me. Now I really am alone- hence why I'm at work. By noon, I am starving and again ask Clara to run down to the deli. My phone rings then and for a split second I expect it to be Kurt, so I answer excitedly.

"Hello?" I say, hopeful.

"Happy Birthday, asshole!" I know that voice. It's Rachel.

"Hey Rachel," I say.

"Why so glum?"

"I'm not-"

"Expecting someone else?"

"Huh?"

"Nevermind that," she quickly adds on. "How you've been? I haven't seen you in awhile."

"It's not like we were ever besties."

"No," she says. "But you and Kurt are, and you're usually with him. Not so much anymore, huh?"

"Been busy, that's all."

"I bet," she says and I hear a little mystery riddled in her speech. "Any plans for your day?"

"Not much."

"You have plenty to celebrate, you know? You at how much you've achieved at your age! I bet if there was a McKinley reunion, you'd be voted Most Successful."

"I don't care about that, Rachel."

"Then what is it?" she presses.

I want to tell her that it's because I miss Kurt. I miss Kurt terribly but I chose to end us. I chose to break off because he refused to let himself even think about me differently. I chose to depart from our little relationship because I am starting to feel something that he does not want to even consider. I want to tell her that I miss him being more excited for my birthday than I am. I want to tell her that I miss him, but I can't because she doesn't know what's going on.

"I just have a lot of work to do, okay?" I snap.

"Jeez- talk about getting crankier as you grow older."

"Sorry," I sigh.

"Okay then. I hall bid you farewell my Blaine Anderson. Happy birthday, again."

"Thank you," I say genuinely, because it was still sweet of her to call than text.

Let's do this- drown myself in work, I am about to when Clara steps in and interrupts me. "Blaine, Matt is here. He's from the legal department?"

"Oh- okay," I say, because at least she interrupted me with something pertaining with work than to remind me again of this day.

Cue Matt. He's a young fellow, no older than thirty. I remembered interviewing him. Qualified, fresh out of Harvard- only the best for this company. "Hi Blaine," he greets. I actually prefer it when my employees acknowledge me by my first name.

"Hi Matt. What can I do for you," I ask.

"Urm- I actually wanted to ask who do you want to take over Louis' cases? Since he's no longer with the company."

"Oh- yeah I'll assign them to someone soon."

"Okay," Matt smiles. "But can I suggest- you should really start to appoint the head of legal. Things are a mess without some form of order."

"Will get to that soon," I say, though I really don't know. How am I suppose to find a lawyer capable of managing other lawyers? An interview would just be a waste of time, and hiring internally is not a piece of cake considering everyone is not as qualified to do just that.

I wanted work, now I'm getting it.

----------

It's late into the night- probably eight or nine. I don't know. I've lost track of time, or so I choose to. I don't bother to check my phone because I know they're filled with happy birthday text messages. Not my cup of tea, to be honest. Though a part of me fears that I'll be hopeful for someone in particular, and be devastated if my hopes were to be crushed, hence I settle to ignore everything today.

But it's late, and I am super tired. I've been downing coffee from the mug Clara gave me since morning.

"Still here, Mister Anderson?" Michelle from reception says to me when I arrive at the lobby.

"Yeah. Lots to do," I say.

"Well, have a good night," she smiles.

"You too."

It's cold outside, so I tug my coat tighter around me. I am in search for Marcus, but I don't see him anywhere, but I catch sight of something else that looks out of the ordinary. He stands about twenty yards from me, holding a small cupcake with a lighted candle on it- the fire dances in the slight wind, it's glow reflecting off the blue eyes looking at me.

"Happy birthday," he smiles a gleaming smile I love.

"What- why are you here?" I stammer.

"Well, it's your birthday," he simply suffices. He stalks forward, until he is mere distance from me, and holds up the cupcake up in between us. "Make a wish," he says.

I debate over this- my wish. A little superstitious, I know, but at times believing in something unlikely is a mechanism for hope. I decide over my wishes, things I want to happen, things I want to come true. I look up then, into those blue eyes that sparkle in the night sky, the only sparkling stars that exist in this city. He pulls a small smile, his eyes gleaming, his lashes long and stunning.

Right then, I knew my wish- so I blow out the candles in hopes it would come true.

"Do I get to know your wish?" he ask.

"If it comes true, you'll know," I say.

--------

"So where exactly are we going?" I ask, following Kurt as he takes the lead. We forgo my town car and decide to make our way on feet, though I'm not really sure where we're heading to exactly. Kurt is vague tonight.

"Don't worry- I know you love this place," he says.

"And how do you know that exactly?"

"Because I know you," he says with a slight smile.

We make a round about at Central Park West, and the great building comes to view. A transparent box-like shape of a building, with a sphere at the very centre, inside the building. I know this place all too well. In fact, it is one of my most favourite places in all of New York.

"The Hayden Planetarium?"

"Yes," Kurt says. "I hope I didn't disappoint?"

"You didn't," I say, marvelling the beautiful structure.

I remember this place because it was one of the first few places Kurt and I went together when we both had just moved into the city. I remember how we were walking around that night, complaining about how the city was too bright for stars to be seen. Like a prayer, the The Hayden Planetarium came to sight like a God sent for us.

We had entered, and marvelled at the artificial, projected stars. It was truly one of the nights I would remember the most, apart from being amazed by how realistic it looked, and felt, it was the settling down in New York, knowing I was with my best friend that made it memorable. Now three years later, and here we are.

"Two tickets, please," Kurt tells the woman behind the counter. She hands it to him, and he exchanges it for a few dollars.

"I still can't believe what a steal it is, honestly. You would expect them to charge a lot to see stars."

"Stars on a projection screen, Kurt," I tell him.

"Stars nonetheless," he says. "I bet it took a lot of work to form."

"You know, most people would be thankful that it's affordable, not whine about how they should up the price."

"Well, I'm not most people."

"Nope, you definitely are not," I say and I see his eyes flicker to me, his lips pull a small shy smile.

We make our way into the globed shaped theater. When the curtains part to allow us entry, I feel like I'm leaving my worries, my troubles- the world behind. I'm far in space, in an endless spectrum far from anything logical, and deep now into the unknown.

"Still takes your breath away, right?" Kurt ask.

"Always."

We settle down into our seats, and I lose myself completely to the great galaxy above me. It feels tireless to look at. It feels like you're floating away from reality, and frankly sometimes I need that. I turn to Kurt next to me, and he does the same- staring up. His eyes a mesmerizing blue.

Through our years of friendship, I saw him as my best friend Kurt. The fragile boy I protected. I've always loved him because it's hard not to love Kurt, but now, you could say my feelings have changed. Have morphed into something more.

"You know, when you look up and you see this many stars, and this endless sky, it kind of makes you feel irrelevant."

"Because you only realize just how vast the universe is. Yes," I say.

"It sort of puts everything in perspective for you."

"Like what matters most."

"Yes," he says.

"The stars reminds me of you."

Kurt turns to me then, his eyes blue and sharp at me. He looks at me in wonderment. The small smile I love more than life is pointing right at me. He tilts his head slightly, his coiffed hair stays in place. "How so?"

"Well," I say. "It's bright, it is formed by a massive, luminous sphere of plasma. It's filled with light. A star gets attention without much of an effort, because of it's stunning beauty, it's elegance. It's like a diamond, a gleaming diamond in a dull surface like the night sky. It's like you, sticking out from the dull surface of this world."

"You're the birthday boy here, not me," he smiles. "How have you been, Blaine?"

"I've been okay," I say, though with Kurt, I cannot hide my problems.

"Why do you look all sad, then?" he says.

"How do you even know I look sad?"

"I already told you," he says. "Because I know you."

I sigh, and for a moment I want to forget what has happened between Kurt and I, because for now, I need my best friend to hear me out. "Something happened at work yesterday," I say.

"What?" he says, and I know he's expecting something tragic or something.

"One of the guys from the legal department hit on me, in hopes that he would get a leg up. He told me he would do a little something for me if I gave him the promotion."

"A little something could mean bake you cookies?" Kurt tries.

"He had his hand on my crotch."

"Oh," Kurt says. "Are people in the cooperate ladder that- smutty?" he jokes, but he notices that I don't find it funny. "You were bound to come across people like that, Blaine. You're the CEO now-"

"I know, but-" I sigh.

"You're really upset over this," he says.

"Can you tell?"

"You have that sad puppy dog look. Your eyebrows are aligned and not triangular, so yeah."

That made me feel better. I stifle a laughter and Kurt smiles at the sound. I can always count on him to make things feel lighter for me.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" he ask in his natural, soft spoken, compassionate tone.

"You sound like a shrink."

"I prefer therapist, but do you?"

"It's just, when I took over the company, my fear was that nobody would take me seriously- see me as this kid who they can maul like lions do. I wanted to be taken seriously, to be respected like how my father was. But after what happened with that guy- it just confirmed to me that the whole company still sees me as this horny, immature, way over his head kid that they can take advantage of. This was my true fear, Kurt. Now, I just feel so bloody insecure walking around the building wondering whether everybody feels that way about me."

"Blaine," Kurt comforts, his hand rest on mine and for a short second my heart stops beating. "I don't think everyone sees you that way because you're not that way. I'm proud of you, in fact, for turning down an opportunity for sex. Besides, I bet your dad spent years and years before he earned respect from his employees. You can't just expect people to respect you because you're the CEO now, Blaine. You have to show then that you're worth respecting."

"I guess you're right," I say, because Kurt is right. I shouldn't be expecting people to immediately bow down to my superiorness. I need to show them I can, take them to greater heights- like my father's belief on me.

"Did you fire the guy?"

"Yes, because sexual favours aren't allowed in the office."

"Good. He deserved it," Kurt says. "What was he trying to get promoted to?"

"Head of legal. The position is open now- another thing that is giving me the worst of fucking migraines. I literally can't find anyone qualified enough to fill that role."

"How are things with Cooper?" Kurt ask out of the blue.

"Cooper? Urm- still the same? Distant? Why?" He has that look on his face. Light basically radiating off his skin, his eyes widen like a closed light bulb circuit. "Kurt?"

"Do you not see it? he exclaims excitedly, and I hear a woman somewhere behind us telling us to be quiet. "Sorry- but do you see it?" he squeaks like a nous to keep from being heard.

"See what?" I frown at him.

"See how you can kill two birds with one stone! It's right there for you!"

"Kurt- seriously what are you talking about."
K
"Think about it, you goofball! You need someone to manage the legal department at your company, and you have a brother who you're trying to reconnect with- who happens to be one of the most renowned lawyers in town? Do you honestly not see it?"

It took me awhile, but finally- "Oh!"

"Yes!" Kurt exclaims, and the woman behind us silences him again. "See, you need someone qualified to run the legal department, and you need your brother back- give him a second chance at the company, only now give him a position he actually is made for! I bet Cooper would change if you gave him a second chance- or..I don't know, how chances have you given him."

I debate over this. I never thought about that- hiring Cooper to run the department. It sounds like an appealing idea, helping Cooper get his life back on track, and my father did want his legacy to continue, right? What better way than to have both his sons run the company in their own fortes.

"Well?" Kurt urges, and again the woman silences him.

"Seriously if you're going to make noise-"

"Shut up," Kurt warns in a tone I didn't know he was capable of, and the woman rolls her eyes at him.

"It sounds like a good idea-"

"It's a brilliant idea!"

"But I have to talk to my father about this first."

"Why?" Kurt frowns. "Blaine, he left you in charge which means he trust the decisions you're going to make. Do you think Cooper will be the best fit for the job?"

I debate over this. Ignoring everything that has transpired in his life, before this Cooper was the best lawyer I know. I remember the number of cases he won for his firm- the firm basically functioned and ran from his wins. I don't know what my father would think, but he did say that he wants to help Cooper get his life back on track. This could be a start, right?

"I do," I say.

"Then get him!"

"Shush!" the woman yells at Kurt, and he flicks her off.

"I guess I'll think about it, but thank you, Kurt. Honestly- that was a really good suggestion."

"Of course- it's me you're asking."

"Yeah," I say. "And you're always here to help me."

"I'm always here," he says, though I see the reservation in his eyes and I want to pursue, but should I?

I settle back into my seat and marvel at the galaxy again. "Thank you, for tonight. After what went down between us- I never thought you would even bother with my birthday anymore. I've missed this."

A silence follows, and I wonder if I just made things awkward. "Miss- what?"

"This- us. Talking. Being normal with each other."

"It can continue to be normal."

"I don't think it can," I say.

"Why, Blaine," he sighs.

"You know why."

"I don't," he says. "Please don't ruin this."

"I'm not ruining anything."

"Yes you are!" Kurt yells. "Blaine, we're best friends. You're not suppose to have feelings or whatsoever for me, neither me to you. We're best friends and that is how it should stay!"

"Why? Because you choose not to even remotely explore what you might feel for me? That is sorely unfair. If you had no feelings for me whatsoever, then why the heck did you kiss me all those times? Listen to your heart, Kurt- that is all I wish you would do, instead of your mind for once."

"Why are you so certain I choose to be ignorant about my feelings?" he presses on, his blue eyes cold and glaring at me.

"Because otherwise you would have pulled away the second our lips met. No, your heart knew you wanted to kiss me, but that thought scares you, I know. It's not that you don't feel anything for me, it's that you're scared that you would if you let yourself wander."

"Stop it-"

"Why? Because you know it's true?"

"No!"

"Then tell me you can pull away from this," I say.

He looks confused for a second, but I pull him by his neck and our lips crash together. Like the galaxy above us, I lose myself. The feeling is far from this world. The feeling is like the vast, endless sky- it's unknown. He falls into me, his lips naturally moving- no resistance, nothing. I know now how I feel for this boy. Just like looking at the projected space, everything is set in perspective. I know how I feel, and I know what I want. I pull away, and Kurt's blue eyes flicker to me. I lean forward to again, but his hand comes crashing onto my cheek, and I back away- my cheek in stinging pain.

"You ruined this," Kurt says.

"No, Kurt. You did- with that first kiss."

He swallows his breath, before he grabs his book bag and storms away from me, and just like the star- a beautiful, gleaming diamond in the dull surface, he stands out, but is made of plasma energy that is lethal. As he walks away from me, I understand now how beautiful things can hurt you.

---------

I wake up feeling morose and melancholy, but the thought of having lunch with my long lost brother, Wes, uplifts my spirits a little. I haven't seen him since forever, and as Marcus takes me to the restaurant we had planned to meet up at, I can't help but to feel excited to see another familiar face.

After what went down with Kurt yesterday, I'm just out of it. He knew he wanted me- I could tell by the way he didn't want to part from me during that kiss, but being the stubborn prick that he is, he chose not to listen to his feelings. What else can I do if he is concrete on his choice to not have feelings for me? I want to pursue him, I want to make him realize that we can happen, but I want it to come naturally to him, not forced by me.

The car pulls up in front of Stacey's House Of Steaks. "We're here, sir," Marcus tells me.

"Thank you Marcus. You can take the day off after this."

"Off? But sir, how will you get back?"

"New York city is known for their cabs, Marcus. Have a good day, okay?" I say, because if I wasn't having the best of days, doesn't mean everyone else should suffer along with me.

I enter the diner, and tell the girl at the front desk of my reservation and she brings me to my table. I see Wes then, seated in the booth. He looks your typical Asian geek with his hair perfectly gelled, with a slight raise at the front. Explains why he was in MIT with me- an Asian kid, they're always the best of the best. He sees me and flashes and wide grin.

"Hey Wes," I greet.

"Blaine! Fuck, how long has it been?"

"Too long," I say, and he wraps me in a longing hug.

"You look good," he says.

"You look like you haven't aged a day."

"That's the Asian genes."

"I thought so."

We settle into our booth and place our orders. Wes was a really good friend back in MIT. Practically the only friend I had back then- apart from Kurt of course, though he was miles away then. I remember the crazy parties we would throw at our dorm rooms, and there was also a point where we were almost expelled, but because we were on the Dean's List, we weren't. Just shows how favouritism gets you out of trouble then.

"So how have you been, Anderson? You've been like a stranger, apart from articles I read about you."

"Articles?'

"The most recent one was about you now being a CEO?"

"Well, sometimes the tabloids get it right."

"Damn. I'm pretty sure MIT might call you in to give a speech or a talk or shit like that."

"I wouldn't object," I say. "What about you then, huh? What do you do now?"

"I'm a software engineer. Right now I'm working at Microsoft."

"Microsoft? Damn, when did that happen?"

"You know I've always fancied to be known for a software."

It was true. Back in the days, I remembered how I would always go to Wes when my laptop crashed or when the software spiralled out of control or whatever softwares do. I don't know much about it, but Wes always had a skill for shit like that.

"Well congratulations then. How is Jen, or are you guys still together?" I ask.

Jen was this girl Wes always had a thing for back in college. I remember how he would always get tongue tied when she talked to him. He had asked me on tips to get the girl, despite knowing I was gay. So I had helped him out, and within three days or so, Jen was basically pining at his feet. He hasn't stopped thanking me since.

"Actually," he says, and he takes a deep breath. That's actually one of the reasons why I came in the city to see you."

"What- about Jen?"

"Yes," he breathes. "I asked Jen to marry me."

"What? And?"

He pulls a grin, and before his words, I know the answer. "She said yes."

"Fuck yeah! Oh my god, Wes- congratulations, man."

"Thanks Blaine," he says. "Really though- thank you. Without your help then, I wouldn't have had the courage to ask her out."

"That's a lie. I only helped you grow some balls."

"Well, thank you then, for helping me grow some testicles."

"You're very welcome, and seriously- congratulations."

"There is another thing though," he says, and he inhales again. "You know, since you were the reason why we got together in the first place, and you've always been one of my best buds, I thought well- also, because I have dickwarts for brothers and they refused this proposal, I was wondering if you could be my best man?"

"Jeez, I knew I helped you out, I didn't know that profoundly."

"Yeah, well you did. So- will you?"

"It would be my honor, Wes."

He pulls a smile again, and I am elated. I have never been anybody's best man before. Even at Cooper's wedding, he had asked my dad to be his best man. It's a great feeling when someone ask you something so profound like that, and I am truly happy for my best bud in college. My rather downer mood has been upturned with this news- to know that Wes is happy makes me strangely happy too.

"So- how about you? How are you and Kurt, or are you guys even still together?"

My eyes widen in startle, and I feel like I should be digging my ears out with a candle wax because I swore I heard him ask if Kurt and I were still together. "What?"

"You're not together anymore?"

"Wes, Kurt's my best friend. We've never been together at all."

"Wait- what?" he says, and this time he wears that look I was wearing just seconds ago. "You and Kurt aren't together?"

"No, we've only ever been best friends," I say. "Why did you think we were together?"

"Well- because all you ever talked about back in college was about Kurt. Literally everything we talked about somehow would lead back to Kurt, and how he liked this and how he hated that and shit like that. Almost seventy percent of the topics we talked about pertained Kurt. I just assumed he was your boyfriend from the way you talked about him."

"That- is ridiculous."

"Sorry," he says. "But it's true."

I simply pull a small smile. Has everyone thought this then? Am I the last one to realize that I might have felt more for Kurt for a long time? Even Wes says I talked a lot about Kurt. Did I really? I don't notice. Talking about Kurt just seems natural to me.

"What is it?" Wes ask, studying me.

"You know what- since you're a complete outsider, I might as well just tell you. Kurt and I slept together awhile back, and now I think- I have feelings for him."

"But you just said you guys are best friends."

"We are- or, we were. At least, until what happened."

"Figures," he says.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean- seriously Blaine. In college, you talked about him like he was your boyfriend. I've never met anyone who talked that fondly of his best friend. Maybe you've had feelings for him for awhile now, it just took a kiss for you to realize that," he tells and it makes me recollect all the things I said. Did I really talk about Kurt a lot?

"Have you told him?" Wes presses on.

"Yes."

"And?"

"He doesn't feel the same way."

"Shit," Wes says. "I'm sorry Blaine. Judging from the way you used to talk about him, I reckon you really liked him."

"Look, I'm not really sure how I feel about him- all I know is that I see him differently, you know? Before this, he was my best friend Kurt. My safe zone, my- person, basically. Now, I just- I think I've realized that he's my everything. My world."

"Well, sometimes it takes awhile to see something in plain sight," he tells. "Seems to me like you have to take own advice on this one."

"My own advice?" I frown.

"Remember the first time I asked Jen out and she turned me down? Do you remember what you said to me?"

"No," I say.

"Well, to refresh your memory, you said I had two choices- pursue her, or find someone else, because in order to forget someone, you have to get someone new."

"So-"

"So, maybe you should get someone new if you're not going to pursue him."

"You mean like- a boyfriend?"

That concept, to me, is so foreign. I have never had a boyfriend, just an endless trail of one night stands, though if Kurt opened himself up to me, what was I going to do? He's an exception, so does that apply to him as well? Suddenly, the idea of Kurt being my- boyfriend- sounds both frightening, and appealing.

"I don't know? Play in the field. See what happens. If he doesn't feel the same way, why bother sticking around anymore. Go out there, and try to forget him."

"I did try," I say. "It didn't work."

"Have you tried to pursue him?"

"No- yes, pursue? What does that even mean? I don't even understand that advice I gave you. I must have even drunk."

"Pursue means not giving up, until you get what you want."

"He has a boyfriend though," I say.

"All is fair in love and war, Blaine."

"I don't think I want to deceit or use any form of trickery to get him to- have feelings for me too. I want it to come naturally to him."

"Well then," Wes sighs. "Go play the field while you wait, but frankly Blaine, I would move on if I were you. Maybe he's worth it, but you shouldn't wait on a slight chance, Blaine. You deserve more than that."

I allow the words to sink in, and wonder- do I really deserve more? I never thought I deserved Kurt in the first place, which is maybe the few reasons why I don't want to try to get him to like me back, but now Wes is telling me I deserve more than waiting for someone to have feelings for me back. Do I really deserve having to wait around, like a fool?

"Enjoy your meal," the waitress says as she pulls me out from my reverie, though the question is still intact.

Do I deserve more than this?

-------

The car pulls up in front of a rundown building, where the security team apparently tells me that Cooper is residing in. It looks very unlike my brother to be living in such a poor state. If my standards were the height of Mount Elbrus, Cooper's was Mount Everest.

Nonetheless, I emerge out the car and look up the building. A part of me fears it might collapse, I can vaguely hear screaming coming from one of the windows, and from the corner catch of my eye, I'm pretty sure a drug deal is going down by the side of the road.

"You sure this is the address, Marcus?" I ask.

"Positive, sir. Do you want me to check again with the team?"

"No need," I say. I glance at the email I got from Andrew, the head of security for my family, and take a long calming breath. "I'll be an hour, at most," I tell Marcus.

"Very well, sir. If you need me, just give me a call," he tells and I wonder briefly if he also picks up on the vibe of this neighbourhood.

The ground level smells atrocious, the walls have cracks, the plywood floor creaks as I walk forward. A woman descends from the stairs I never thought was even functional. She looks in her twenties, an African-American with a really short skirt that I bet you can see her glory if she bends over.

"Excuse me," I approach her and she frowns at me. "Could you tell me what level apartment 1980 is on?"

"You a cop?"

"Oh- no," I say quickly because she looks as if she might dash if I didn't answer quick enough- or take out a pocket knife. "My brother lives there."

"Cooper is your brother?" she says.

"Yes!" I exclaim excitedly. "You know him?"

"No, but he fine as hell for a white guy. Level three," she tells.

"Oh, okay. Thank you," I smile at her.

I ascend up the stairs, slowly and a little frightfully at what might jump at me. There is a loud pounding rap music coming from somewhere. I arrive at level three and look down the very tight, narrow corridor. The lights barely work, which in turn gives the entire hallway a ghostly feel. Every door is the same dull green, with the paint cracking here and there. It's basically a crack house.

Finally, I am standing in front of the door that reads, with very faded fonts, 1980.

With a trembling fist, I lightly tap on the door and await for whoever is on the opposite side to appear, my breathing shallow from my fear. I hear the slight clink of a lock, before the door pulls backwards and my brother stands before, only he looks unkempt, unshaven, and definitely not like one of the city's top lawyers he is . His beard is thick, his hair messy and all over the place as if he just woke up at two in the afternoon, on Monday, and his eyes- yellow and bloodshot. He looks stunned to see me- no surprise there.

"Cooper-" I say, but before I can manage anything else, he slams the door shut in my face. "Cooper! Open the door, please!" I beg, pounding hard on the door with my first. "Open the door, Cooper!"

His neighbour then, pulls his door open to stick his nose in the altercation. "Could you shut up?" he spits at me.

"Mind your own business-" I say, but regret almost immediately because the man emerges out of his apartment, and he is a tall, big sized African-American that makes me feel like a dust speck when standing next to him.

"Whatchu' say?" he says through gritted teeth and I gulp.

"Cooper open the door your neighbour's gonna kill me!" the door pulls open again and Cooper rolls his eyes at me.

"It's cool, T-dog. Just my insolent brother," he says casually. The big huge T-Rex of a man shoots me a warning glare before he retreats back to his cave.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"
my brother finally acknowledges me, a little impolite though.

"I came to talk. Can we go inside- urm, your storage because that's what it looks like," I say. "I swear you'll regret if you don't invite me in, okay Cooper?"

He looks at me, gauging whether he should go with his guy, which I know is to invite me in because I know Cooper- and he knows I wouldn't go through this much trouble if I didn't have something important for him. He sighs, rolls his eyes once more and gestures me to follow him in.

Cooper's apartment is twice the size of my- elevator. I am trying to navigate my way around the small space without knocking over beer bottles. It's like trying to avoid red beams in a bank at night. The small shoe box apartment had a small window, that had the view of a wall of the building beside this one. How depressing can this get. It looks like the kind of apartment you would get if you were either A- jobless, or B- selling drugs and need a small place to keep all your illicit medicine.

"This apartment- is disgusting by the way."

"I don't need you to come here and tell me I'm living in a crapper. What the fuck do you want, huh? To gloat?"

"Gloat? About what-"

"Oh don't think I didn't hear about it," he interrupts me. "The youngest Anderson takes over the empire! Wow! Impressive!" Cooper feigns applause.

"Dad wanted to retire-"

"Oh and of course he would let his company fall onto the lap of his most proudest achievement! I'm a disgrace to the family, right? Who am I!"

"Can you calm down-"

"Fuck you!" Cooper screams at me and I take a step back. "How dare you fucking show your fag face over here! You are the reason my life is this way-"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I say, because I am not going to be intimidated by my brother. I hold no blame to how his life has turned out. "Your life is in the crapper because you lied and cheated to your wife. You deceit your own brother and you build your own father up as if he was a monster! Your life is in the crapper because of no one else but you, so don't you have the fucking cheek to stand here and play the victim card with me."

"Is that why you're here then?" he says.

"I'm here because you're my brother-"

"Oh fuck you," he wavers at me. "You two left me out to dry the second I made a mistake. You didn't bother to do anything, you just cast me away because of a mistake."

"We kept an eye on you-"

"Because putting security details is how our family works, right?"

"Look," I cut him, because I am losing track of why I am here. "I'm reaching out to you here, okay? You're my brother and despite the stupid shit you've done you will always still be my brother," I say, and it silences him. "Here's the truth, Cooper, we all miss you- terribly. Especially Camilla. It makes me sick that you didn't even think about how your actions might affect her, but I'm a firm believer that everyone makes mistakes because we're all human-"

"Where was this five months ago!"

"Excuse me, but you don't have the right to be mad here, okay? Recognize that it was your mistake, and you should be grovelling to me right now that I'm even here to help you get your life back together."

That seemed to get his attention. His head snaps, his similar brown eyes to me and for a brief second, I see my brother somewhere in this mess of a man. Cooper was always best at giving innocent looks. "Help me?" he says, in a tone so hopeful I just want to hug my brother and beg a higher power to turn back time so I can punch him before he did what he did.

I sigh and carefully fill the seat next to him on his dirty, reeking of alcohol mattress. I brace myself to tell him my decision, or rather my meticulously decided plus mostly influenced and suggested decision, from my former best friend. "Yes, help you," I start.

"You see, at the company right now, I'm missing a head for the legal department, and I want you to run it," I say, and I see those eyes widen in shock. "Despite all your flaws, you are still the best damn lawyer I know, and given it's partly your company too, it seems only fitting that I hire you in with me- to run it, with me. Dad and I have been wanting to reach out to you, but you're like a mouse in a maze. Dad has undergone a surgery that had the chance of curing his cancer, and well- it was a success."

Cooper's breath is caught in his throat, his eyes burn a gleam of relieve when I tell him this, and I see him trying to form words at this news. "He-- he's okay?'

"Yes, he is," I tell him. "And after going through what he went through, he realized, and made me also realize, that family and your loved ones are truly what matters in this world, hence why we've been trying to get to you- for weeks now."

"But this- your proposition, dad agreed to this?"

"Not yet," I say. "But I'm the head now, and I decide what is best for the company, and you are the best, Cooper. Plus, I know for a fact dad will agree with me. I want you by my side on this, Cooper. I want you- back, in mine and everyone's life."

I made this decision shortly after Kurt suggested it. It made sense- besides wanting to help him get his life back on track, I really do want my brother by my side to run the company. It takes two Andersons to keep what my father build up from the ground standing. Cooper looks positively aghast by all of this. He looks overwhelmed even- the exact reaction I was hoping for.

"Look, you don't have to decide right now. I'll give you a few days to think about it. If you decline, I will completely understand, but I just- don't want you distant from us anymore. That is not what family is. Do you remember in the past, when I broke mum's precious vase and I was scared out of my life, so you took the blame? You had my back then, and I know it took awhile- but I have yours now. If you don't want the position at the company, it's fine, but I want you back in our lives- starting with your own family; Denise and Camilla," I say.

"She- I don't think she can ever forgive me," Cooper says. He sounds so vulnerable. My older brother sounds vulnerable- that is very rare and it breaks my heart.

"Well- you have to take the chance anyway, for family," I say- because much like him, I'm taking a chance on him to hire him on board, because he is family. "I'll let you come to a decision, okay? Call me when you have, and if I don't hear from you, I'll come pounding on your door again, got that?"

He pulls a small smile, and I'm glad. I am about to leave the stenchy apartment when he stops me. "Blaine?" I turn to him, and I see him heave a breath. "Thank you," he says.

"For what?"

"I thought you guys didn't care for me anymore."

My hear literally broke this time, and I couldn't help myself. I stride towards my brother and wrap him in a hug, "We can never forget you- I can never forget you. You're my brother, Coops."

---------

The night air is crisp cold. I'm starting to rethink this really thin cardigan I bought at Forever 21- one of my cheapest buys to be honest. I am seated on a doorstep, awaiting for a person because I've been working the words up in my head all day, now it's just mere minutes, maybe hours away and I don't know how I'm going to be able to do this.

A cab pulls up in front of the building, and when he appears, my heart stops both at those blue eyes, and that his presence because that means the time is finally here to put my thoughts into actual words, but why is it that he now has the effect to make me forget my words? Another person emerges from the cab as well, and I cannot find the urge to roll my eyes.

"Blaine?" Kurt says as he approaches the building entrance door. "What- why are you here?" he says, and I can see that he is confounded by the sight of me, here waiting outside his building.

"Blaine," Gabe greets me. I hear his dismay too. "What are you doing here so late?" he ask.

"Kurt, can I talk to you?" I ask, ignoring the other guy. "In private," I add, looking at Gabe this time.

Kurt looks a little hesitant, but because he is curious as a cat, I know he would want to know what I'm doing here. "Why don't you- urm, go upstairs. I'll be up in a minute," Kurt tells Gabe, and I heave a sigh of relief.

Gabe looks at me, his eyes burning in a slight frustration and rage- which honestly gives me a sense of satisfaction. Whenever Kurt chooses me over him, it gives me a sense of satisfaction.

"Okay," he says sternly, then he grabs Kurt by his neck and pulls him in for a long, nauseating, possessive kiss. I feel a hate fire building up inside of me, but I swallow it down and try to keep my fist to myself. "Don't be long now," he says before he walks pass me and disappears into the building.

"So- it's really late," Kurt says. "How long have you been here?"

"About- an hour? Two maybe," I tell.

"You could've called, or texted."

"Didn't want to bother you."

"You never bother me," he says. "So, why are you here?"

"I went to see Cooper," I tell him. "Offered him that position, told him I missed him and that I want him back in my life."

"You did? What did he say?"

"He said he would think about it."

'Funny, I would assume he would want the job in a heartbeat."

"Yeah, well some people need some time to accept when someone opens themselves up to them."

"You came all this way- just to tell me that?" Kurt says, a little skeptical. "You could've called me and told me though."

"Thing is," I say, ignoring him. "When I was there, I realized in that moment that the people who should matter most, are the ones who chase for you, when you chase for them too."

"What?" Kurt ask, confused.

"The people that matter most, they're the ones who share a mutual feeling as you. Like, for Cooper and I- despite what happened, our brotherly love is still there despite everything that transpired- it's mutual, it's the same. Those are the people that should matter most, not the ones who don't share the same feelings you do," I say, and I think Kurt understands.

"I've been sitting out here, waiting for you, because I've been going back and forth with what I want to say to you. I can't do this anymore, Kurt," I tell him. "I can't- be around you, and see you with Gabe and be okay with it, because the truth is..I think I'm falling in love with you, which I know shouldn't happen, but well- it has.

"I can't keep waiting on a chance that you might someday feel the same way I feel for you, because the truth is waiting sucks, and I don't like it one bit. I don't blame you though. I don't blame you at all because- maybe it is fear, or maybe it really is because you don't feel anything for me, but either way, I can't keep waiting around for you to feel the same way for me."

"You were never suppose to feel anything for me. We're best friends."

"Really? Because I feel like it's been an impending thing, but evidently you don't, but that's okay. I guess- what I'm trying to say is..I'm done- I'm done trying to make you open yourself up and maybe feel something for me. I- I love you, Kurt, but I can't wait around for you. I hope what you have with Gabe will last, because you cling on to that relationship for reasons I find enigmatic, but they're your reasons nonetheless."

"So- this is..goodbye then?"

"I hope it is," I say, though as hard as it is, I really do hope it is. "It might take me awhile to adjust life without you, but it's what I need to do, and you should do the same." I breathe again, trying to get all my words out. "We can't see each other anymore, we can't talk to each other anymore. Nothing, because that's- that's what I want."

"To erase me out of your life?"

"It's what I think I need to do," I say, choking on my words.

"If that's what you think you need to do," Kurt says timidly. "Then I guess that's what you should do."

"You don't have to be there for me anymore. That's how I want it, because honestly, I think that is what it will take for me to forget, and completely let you go."

This is the decision I have come down to, because like Wes said, I deserve more than this. I don't deserve having to wait around for a chance. I deserve someone who will fall for me too, not wait on a person who is already in a relationship of his own. I am better than that. I should move on, because that's what I deserve- to move on from someone who won't feel anything for me back.

"I'll miss you," Kurt says quietly, and I hear how broken he sounds, but I have to stay strong. He cannot be my kryptonite anymore. Not anymore.

"You won't," I say. "You'll have Gabe, you'll have Rachel- you'll have all these people who love you to keep you on your feet."

This is it. This is what it has come down to- a goodbye. It's been lingering around for awhile now, I just took awhile to notice, or maybe because I couldn't accept that it was time to let go of Kurt, but I see it now. My eyes were opened by an old friend, and as much as I don't want it to come to this finale, it has.

"Goodbye, Kurt," I say, but he doesn't say anything. I sigh.

"Please don't go," Kurt croaks, his voice broken and hurt behind me. "I may not feel what you feel for me, but I- I do love you."

"I know, but not the way I want you to feel for me," I say. "I'm sorry."

I walk away, though with the hammering in my chest, I want to run away into this deep drark crisp night and just wish it didn't have to come down to this, but our relationship has run it's course, but what I never foresee was that we would lose what it once had- a friendship.