That night of my birthday was wild- for my friends at least. I had wanted to get just as much wasted as them, but I actually have school to stay focused on and I just can't afford a bad hangover. All my friends and family are staying here in the city until my graduation. Honestly, I wouldn't trade them in for anything.

I haven't seen Blaine- not that I've expected to.

It's the day before graduation, and I am spending it how it should be spent. With my boyfriend, at his apartment. His arms are around me, on the couch and I keep telling myself this is who should be holding you like this. This is the only person you should want to hold you like this.

"Are you excited to finally graduate?" Gabe ask.

"Very."

"What are you going to do after you graduate?" Gabe ask.

"Well- tomorrow I have to write my name down on roles of upcoming Broadway shows I'm interested in and NYADA will submit them to the respective productions and hopefully I get an audition."

"Sounds cool," Gabe says. "What will you write your name down on?"

"I don't know. There are a couple of roles I'm interested in. Like this off Broadway remake of the timeless Romeo and Juliet? I've always been a fan, so maybe that one."

"For Romeo?" Gabe says, and I can sense he is dumbfounded.

"Yeah, maybe," I say.

"Are you sure though?" Gabe says.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I frown at his tone.

"Because- well because Romeo is such a powerful male character- devoting his love to a girl he met within the span of five days. I mean- that's heavy."

"Yes, and I am sure I can pull it off," I say, a little annoyed with how limited his faith is in me.

"I'm sure you can- but Kurt, Romeo is really an all round- man..are you sure you think you can fill that role?"

"What does that mean?" I frown at him.

"It's just- I don't know? Maybe you should think about other roles- one that's more suited for you."

"Romeo is a powerful male character, a hopeless romantic with utter devotion that killed him- it's a powerful character that I'm interested in," I say, though thinking about it now, what do I know about being devoted to one person?

"It's just- you're very delicate, Kurt. Don't get me wrong. I love that about you, but- sometimes it's going to limit your choices."

"You don't think I can do it?"

"I think you're an amazing performer, but- I don't think the role of Romeo suits with who you are."

It hurts my feelings a little that Gabe would say such a thing- have that low of belief in me. Though, when I consider it, Romeo has always been a difficult role. In reality, I am delicate. I don't have what it takes to take on a role like that- the epitome of all male leading roles. Maybe Gabe is right.

"You're not mad, are you?" he ask. "About what I said."

"Not at all," I say quickly. "You were just being honest."

"Good," he smiles and pecks me chastely on my cheek. "I love you- I just wanted to he honest."

"Yeah, sometimes honestly is better."

"It always is," he smiles.

My heart feels like a huge hand has coiled around it and now is compressing it into different forms. Honesty- who am I to talk about honesty when I've done dishonest things behind his back. Honesty also means being true to your feelings- but even I can't do that. I'm not an honest person. I am a sickening, shrivelled excuse for a human being.

"What's on your mind, Kurt?"

"What?" I say, being pulled out of my reverie.

"What's on your mind?" he repeats.

"Just- how lucky I am to have you," I say.

"Why do you say that?" he ask, intrigued.

"I've never had someone love me like you do."

"And I do- love you," he smiles.

It kills me- to have someone like Gabe love me the way he does. I can't tell him about the things I've done behind his back. I don't want to lose him. Losing him means losing this feeling of being desired, being loved. I've never felt this way before- and call me cowardly or selfish, but I don't want to let this go.

I sink into his arms, pushing all my other thoughts away. This is the man I should be with- because he loves me and I don't know if anyone would love me like this anymore if I let him go.

--------

"Wake up kid!" my father yells and I jolt awake.

"What," I groan, suffocating myself with a pillow on this very uncomfortable couch I've been bunking on since my father and Carole's arrival her in the city.

"Get up," he tells me. "It's graduation day! Get up!"

"Oh my god dad give me a second!" I exclaim and he laughs.

"You were never quite the morning person," he snickers. "Right then. I'll give you fifteen more minutes."

"Thank The Lord," I say and he laughs as he walks away from me.

It's graduation day- my excitement is beyond roofs and layers of skies. This is the day I've been working my ass off to get to. This is the day when I will be crowned a NYADA alumni. The simple title gives me chills. It feels like just a few days ago I was Kurt Hummel hoping to get into NYADA, now I am a few short hours away from being Kurt Hummel NYADA graduate. How many people can say that about themselves?

My excitement uplifts my somnolence and I rise in the morning day. Carole is in the kitchen making breakfast- she has been doing that since she got here. She was appalled when she saw the very minimal food I have in my fridge because I usually order in that she went down to a supermarket to buy a truck load of stuff. I think she stocked me up for an entire month. She is such a mother.

"Good morning Carole," I greet her as I enter the kitchen for coffee.

"Good morning dear! Big day today," she smiles widely.

"Yup," I say.

"You should start with a good, big breakfast then. What do you want? I'll make you anything," she offers and I realize it's been awhile since I had a home cooked breakfast- it's always been diner breakfast food.

"Your legendary pancakes?"

"Coming right up!"

I see the New York Times on my mini IKEA dining table. Normally I would flip to the lifestyle section to catch up on my favorite celebrities, but there is something- someone, actually- on the front page that catches my eye. I pick it up and am a tad aghast when I see Blaine's picture on the front page.

Anderson's Banking Co's New, Sizzling Hot CEO!

Reports have confirmed that Mister Richard Anderson, former CEO of the mega banking enterprise Anderson's Banking Co. has apparently resigned, but the bigger scoop is who has now taken his place- His youngest son Mister Blaine Anderson.

Blaine Anderson was an early admitted, early graduated MIT student who has astounded the country with his success at the young age of 21. He was recently ranked number #2 on Times annual Most Bankable Bachelors Under Thirty list.

The news follows that Mister Richard Anderson had apparently thought it was time he handed the company over to someone with a broader perspective and fresh young mind to tackle the industry.

"I have realized the true importance of life, and though family is my career now, I want my legacy to continue. Who better to bestowed it upon than my own son, whom I know will take the company to greater heights," said Mister Richard Anderson in a recent interview.

Though Blaine Anderson's success does precedes him and does show his probable capability, we can't help to feel that he might be a little too young to grasp on such a huge responsibility. Our bigger question however- what happened to his older brother Cooper Anderson?

Why was he not in the line of heir for the throne?

We can only hope and pray that we can now trust our wealth and revenue to a 21 year old- let us all pray he won't crumble and fall like how the majority of the world is counting him to.

By Samantha Porter

I almost want to throw the paper into the fire stove. How dare they belittle and have such low belief on Blaine. He is more than capable of handling that company- heck, from the stories he has shared with me, that company would have sunk in a swamp if his father hadn't hauled him in to work there.

I glance over on the left side and there is a top-to-toe picture of my best friend- former, I guess. Former best friend. Ha hasn't called or talk to me since our break off..our biggest fight yet. I still think about his words- how he said he has opened himself up to those feelings and now he's confused about how he feels for me. I don't know how to comprehend that- at all.

The picture is him in his best- a fitted traditional work suit, only with a red polka dot pocket square, and his dress shirt is maroon. He looks good with his hair slightly lose- just the way I like it. His brows thick and triangular, his eyes gleam the shade of the sunset over an ocean.

I miss him. I miss him dearly. I miss my best friend.

"Here you go sweetie," Carole hums as she sets a plate of a tower of pancakes in front of me.

"Thank you so much," I say with eyes filled with glee.

"So kid, the ceremony is at noon, right?" my father ask.

"Yes, but I have to go down to NYADA to get the final dismissal- it's a ritual. I need to settle some admin stuff and then I'll be graduating. I'll see you guys at the park?"

"If we ever get there- how the hell am I suppose to navigate my way around New York?"

"Grab a taxi?"

He groans because I know he hates taking cabs. He'll rant about the ridiculous fare and then get into a verbal abusive argument with the driver- it's ridiculous.

"I better get dressed now. Thank you for the pancakes Carole-"

"No worries honey," Carole smiles her motherly smile.

"Can't believe the day is finally here."

"We are so proud of you," my father says and he envelops me into a hug.

Though I am comforted that my father and most of my friends will be there, probably cheering me on as I receive my degree in the dramatic arts, I can't help to wonder if my former best friend will be there.

-------

"NYADA graduates, settle down," Carmen Tibideaux makes her way to the front of the round room. Everyone silences and sinks into our seats as she takes her rightful place at the front.

"Well, the time has finally come where you will board on a chariot later this afternoon, and ride off into the sunset as you say goodbye to the school that has helped developed you for the past years. NYADA has always been a school for the remarkably talented- a school that glorifies the best of the best. Most people would say it is a privilege to have even been accepted here- that is very true," Miss Tibideaux says with a sly smile on her face.

"As you grow older, you will each be heading off into your own paths- struggling or sailing, that will be your predicament, but all I ask- as you achieve what you will achieve in your later lives, is to never forget this school. Never forget that you danced through this fire, and always bear in mind that where you go from here, you would not have arrived if not for this school.

"Many of you wish to win Tony awards, Grammy awards, Golden Globe awards- none of which will be easy, but nevertheless, not impossible either. We have a shining number of alumni's who have achieved all of that- and all of them agree that they would not have reached such an optimum level if not for NYADA.

"So from this moment on, it will be a mountain climb to get to the top- I might even say that it has been the case since you stepped into this school that first day of yours, but as I stand here this morning, looking out at all of you- trust me when I say, that there will be Tony, Grammy and even Golden Globe award winners amongst yourselves.

"As many of you may know, we have a program here- an attachment, if you might call it, where you will write down your names of upcoming Broadway productions and we will sent out your name, and a tape of your capabilities, to each production you might he interested in- and with any luck, you will get a phone call within the week.

"Hence, I shall conclude here. It has been a pleasure being the lighthouse to guide you very young hopefuls into the glowing industry that is the Broadway industry. The staff and I bid you all the best in your future endeavours- and never ever forget, that where you go from here- remember...you came from the best of the best."

I look around me- in the sea of crowd of students, all weeping and crying with joy and content, how much I will miss this sanctuary. It has been hell, do not get me wrong. It was not easy to go through this school, but nonetheless- it is definitely something I will never ever forget.

The best of the best.

"Now, as the official graduation ceremony will be held at Central Park, you will all be asked to pick up your graduation gowns from the general office and report to the venue by eleven thirty AM. In true theatre tradition, if you are not there, the show will go on."

A burst of snickers fill the room and soon everyone is rushing to the front to bid goodbye to Carmen Tibideaux. She has been a pain, but a true leader if I might say so myself. I walk down the aisle, and wait my turn to bid goodbye to her when suddenly I am suffocated by a death hug by a girl with frizzy blazing red hair.

"I'm sorry Kurt! I'm sorry for all the things I said. I was a complete bitch. I am so sorry!" Ginger cries to me. I am stunned.

"It's okay," I console her, smiling at her regret.

"I can't believe it's graduation already! Feels like just yesterday I was choking at my audition," Ginger tells as she parts from me.

"Just the other day I thought I stood no chance of even getting into this school," I tell her.

"Tell me about it, right? Oh I'm going to miss you so much, Kurt. You're going to soar into new heights. I know it."

"Thank you Ginger," I say to her.

"Oh- and that guy the other day? The one with the dark hair? Why didn't you tell me you were dating him not Mister Parker? I would have eased up!"

"I'm not dating him," I frown at her. "He's my best friend- well," I say, realizing I'm not really sure what Blaine is anymore.

"Oh- shit, sorry. You guys just look like a really cute couple. Anyway, we will do lunch sometime in five years after you win a Tony?"

"I'll mark my calendar," I laugh at her.

A cute couple? Blaine and I? Seriously what is wrong with people. But then his words haunt me- feelings, opening himself up to the concept- no, not right now. Right now I am graduating. That is what matters.

"Miss Tibideaux, I want to thank you- for basically everything," I say when the line has cleared and Carmen is standing in front of me.

"Kurt- do you know why I gave you so many second chances?"

"Urm- only two second chances-"

"Two too many in my history, but nonetheless, do you know why?" she ask.

"No?"

"Because you are something special, Kurt. For awhile, I forgot that, but when you sang that song- Candles?- you reminded me how well you tap into your emotions. You are truly gifted, much like your friend Rachel. I know- for a fact, that I will be going to your shows not too long from now."

"Thank you," I manage to blurt out because damn how do you respond to such a compliment from the woman-God herself.

She wraps me in a hug and now it's all too real for me. I'm graduating- the second time, from a school. I am graduating and soon I will be sent out to the bigotry, criticism-filled world that is the Broadway industry. Am I ready? Because now in the embrace of my guider, all I want is to be safe and feel special in this school.

I smile at Miss Tibideaux, and as I am making my way out, I stride past the table that holds different clipboards all holding sheets from multiple broadway productions. That's when I see it.

Romeo and Juliet- The Tale Of Forbidden Love.
A William Shakespeare remake.

I stare at it for what feels like forever, then words come back to me, nudging me, but also hesitating me.

"You're too delicate for a role like Romeo," I hear Gabe's voice.

"You are leading male material, Kurt," I hear Blaine's voice too. Gentle, kind, warm, encouraging.

It's like the angel and the sinner. I don't know who to trust, the person I should listen to. I want this role- but to be honest, I don't know if I can do it.

Like all other times- the sinner always trumps the angel. I walk away, out of the round room. Away from the sign up sheet.

--------

Central Park is packed with students in maroon coloured tones, with matching graduation caps. It's a beautiful day out- the kind of day where the sun is at it's peak, the sky is a painted blue, the birds are chirping away and all you see are smiles, and all you hear is laughter.

I am donned in my robe- it sweeps the woodland beneath me. I serpentine the crowd to the front, where I see my loved ones from a far. I feel myself naturally growing lighter, my lips pull into a smile when they catch sight of me and wave enthusiastically as I approach them. Through their presence, I might be greedy and unappreciative when I think this, but I still wish there was one more person here.

"There's the man of the hour!" Rachel exclaims as she pulls me into a hug. "God this takes me back to when I graduated!"

"Don't try to steal my thunder, Berry."

"Don't worry, I won't."

"Did you manage to pen your name down on anything? I recall writing mine on almost everything."

I want to tell her I didn't, but I know that a look of disapproval might be shot be shot my way, so I remake right lipped but simply answer her with a smile- in which she frowns at me.

"My son is graduating from college!" my father practically yells to the whole New York.

"Dad keep it down," I say.

"Screw it. I am proud of ya, kid."

I sink in a shy smile. You would think for a graduate from a dramatic arts school I would learn to take compliments and not shy away. I still do that. The idea of someone complimenting me on something just makes me blush- hard.

"Oh look- Gabe is here," Rachel points behind me.

I turn and sure enough, my boyfriend is striding down the aisle in between rows of chairs. He looks like the Greek God he is, stunning, the sunlight reflecting off his slicked back hair. He smiles when we lock eye contact, and soon he is right in front of me.

"Hey," he smiles.

"Hi," I breathe.

"You look good in that gown," he whispers. "I hope it's all you underneath that thick fabric."

"Sorry to disappoint. I have clothes on," I smirk.

"I can take care of that," he says and I gulp. Is this even appropriate? Dirty talk when my father is just inches away.

"The ceremony shall commence now. If everyone would just take your seats," Carmen Tibideaux announces from the platform at the front.

"I'll see you later- and I have a surprise for you," he says to me.

"Something sexual?"

"You are very promiscuous today," he smirks and pecks me chaste on my lips.

"We'll be at the third row, okay?" Quinn tells me as all my loved ones are already taking their seats.

"Sure- thanks for being here."

"We wouldn't want to be anywhere else," she smiles her sweet, breath taking smile. And to think she used to torment everyone in high school. Now she's wearing floral dresses, is a Yale graduate and is cheering me on at my graduation. Funny how things can turn out after high school.

"Parents and friends, staff and faculty, students and alumni- welcome to the NYADA graduation ceremony class of two thousand thirteen."

Loud cheers and applause follows. I swear I hear my father bellowing out my name in contentment but I sink lower into my seat. How embarrassing.

Miss Tibideaux basically repeats what she had told us earlier in the day, running through the speech again. I glance sneakily to the back, where my loved ones are seated. Gabe sees me and he pulls a smile- I blush.

I think my feelings for Gabe is point blank. I love you, and he loves me. Is that so wrong for me to not want let that go? Opening myself up to having feelings for Blaine might ruin, or jeopardize what I already have. I don't want to lose being a love, because it was had enough finding it in the first place.

"Without further ado, I present- NYADA class of two thousand thirteen."

Everyone is on their feet as we, the students make to form a line before we are suppose to ascend and take our degrees. I overwhelmed by the whole thing- this is it. My finale, my last scene for the show, my very own credit roll. This is where it ends, and a new chapter begins like a series book.

"It's really happening," Ginger whispers from behind me.

"I know- I can hardly believe it."

"Mister Kurt Hummel," Miss Tibideaux calls my name and I hear a loud roar of 'That is my son!' somewhere in the crowd. I ascend up the stage, taking slow steps towards my future. I glance over the crowd and I see my family, and my friends- but my eyes travel further back and those eyes catch me.

Brown, honey glazed warmth looking at me with kindness. Those familiar eyes, those eyes that glared at me with rage a few days ago. Those eyes that scream a thousand words of encouragement. That face, that hair, those lips pulled across in a wordless smile. He stays subtle, seated unlike the rest of the people I know, but despite his seated figure, his cheer is the loudest in my head.

"Kurt?" Miss Tibidueax gets my attention. I realize I am standing, fixed on the spot too distracted and caught by those eyes.

"Oh- sorry," I stammer. I take the paper roll with trembling figures and face the crowd. I am about to take a bow, but I meet those eyes again. They're looking right at me.

Blaine- is looking right at me. He is here. He is clapping for me, smiling genuinely at me. Now this moment is perfect- because he is here. My best friend, my sanctuary, my home, my solace and encouragement is here.

I take my last bow, glance back over to those eyes, before I descend the stage.

------

"Congratu-fucking-lations Lady Hummel," Santana says as she wraps me in a hug. There is a lot of hugs going on today.

"Thanks Santana," I say, reciprocating the hug.

I am being tugged and pulled by all my friends, all of which hugging me and shaking me hand and congratulating me on my graduating. My father basically crushed my ribs with his bear hug but that is understandable. I am overwhelmed by the love I am getting, but subconscious I am searching for the beholder of those brown eyes. I search around the crowd, but I don't see him.

"We have to get to the lunch-in quick before there is no place left," Rachel says.

"Oh- Kurt, Blaine is here," my father says and I quickly spin to where he is pointing. Sure enough, there is Blaine donned in dark jeans and a casual blazer with a tshirt inside. His hair is lose- the kind I like, and he has a smile on his face. A smile I've missed dearly.

"Anderson what's up," Sam greets him in their football- fashion handshake. Sometimes I forget they were in the school team together.

"Nothing but the sky, Evans," Blaine says casually. "Congratulations, Kurt," he says and I am momentarily stunned that he is talking to me.

I take a couple of seconds to form my words- I've missed him, okay? I don't realize that my loved ones are frowning at me. They're probably wondering why am I being so weird about it. Trust me, I'm wondering the same thing.

"Thanks Blaine," I say.

"That's it? Hug him Blaine!" Rachel urges and I almost want to punch him.

Blaine shrugs as if it won't mean anything, but inside I know he has his reservations. After that spat, I know he feels more for me- or at least, he claims he does. Maybe I do too, but I can't let myself think that. This is why. It will ruin the friendship more so than it is already ruined because one person let himself wander in the concept. Blaine leans forward and pulls me into his arms, and it takes all my power to not sink into his embrace. I feel a tear forming up that I have to force it down.

When he pulls away, grab rest his arm over my shoulder and my guilt, like a time bomb, explodes inside of me. I chew on my lower lip, unwilling to meet Blaine's eyes. I know he hates me so much for what has transpired between us.

"Glad you could be here, Blaine," Gabe says and his voice is stern.

"Of course I would be here," Blaine says factly.

"Oh- I didn't quite expect your presence considering you're busy running a company now," Gabe says.

"Well, you run a company yet you're here so I don't know how that is relevant information. It's Kurt's moment now, less about me, yeah Gabester?"

When Blaine calls him that- Gabester- it makes my older, more sophisticated, Greek God of a boyfriend sound like a skater punk or a teenager still carrying spray cans at dark alleys. It belittles him, and though I hate it, I cannot hide that it is amusing.

"Shall we photo op?" Rachel exclaims excitedly. "To remember this day?"

"Definitely. Okay, Kurt with Carole and Burt first," Quinn says and she pulls out a camera from a bag. I forgot that she took a photography course in college now it's one of her aspirations.

My father and Carole scurry next to me, wearing proud smiles. I stand in between them, holding my paper roll, smiling in this moment. I've finally graduated- my future is here. The camera clicks.

"Perfect-"

"Now all of you guys together-" Carole says and she takes the camera from Quinn. I see her hesitation- she's grown quite found of taking pictures.

My friends begin to huddle around me, Rachel squeezing right next to me pressing herself against my arm. If I were straight, I would think she was hitting on me, but because I know her, she's trying to get the best angle. Sometimes I forget how blessed I am with friends like these, scattered around the country- sure, but friends nonetheless. The camera clicks again.

"Okay, how about one of Kurt and Gabe?" Carole suggest, and from the vague corner of my eyes, I see Blaine walking away.

"Yeah, that'd be great. Blondie, print that out for me, okay?" Gabe says and I see Quinn frowning at him. Even I had to admit that was a little rude. She's my friend, he shouldn't acknowledge her as if she was a nobody.

Gabe stands next to me, his hand snaking around my waist and filling even the barest modicum of space between us. I can't help where my sight wanders to, but it goes to Blaine standing next to Rachel. He pulls a small smile at me, but I know there's something in his eyes. The camera clicks anyway.

"Shall we head into the tent now?" Gabe says.

"Not yet!" Rachel exclaims and even I am taken aback by how loud she was. "One of Kurt and Blaine- that is simply a must."

"Oh- yeah, sure," I stammer, a little aghast by the suggestion- but of course Blaine and I should have a picture together. He's my best frie- Former, best friend.

I can see how reluctant my boyfriend is, but he shrugs, kisses me on my cheek and takes a place beside Rachel. Blaine strides towards me, his hands in his pockets. He stands just a small distance for me, and we await for the familiar click of the camera.

"Closer," Rachel says, and Blaine moves just an inch closer to me.

"Closer," Rachel repeats herself, and Blaine moves another inch.

"Oh god, seriously stop acting like Kurt has a disease or something. Closer!"

Blaine and I snicker at the exact same second, making things less awkward between us, which is good. So he moves closer to me, his stomach pressed against my arm, and for a brief moment I remember his subtle muscles- how my fingers trailed down that stomach. His hand finds it's way to hold me at the small portion on my back, and I grow rigid at even the slight touch. I know he felt it.

"The last time we took a graduation picture was when you came for mine," Blaine whispers to me.

"Yeah, MIT," I say. "I was the only one who came down."

"Clearly we now know who was the favourite gay back in glee club," he says. "But you were the only one I wanted there anyway."

I cannot contain the small laughter that bubbled up my throat, I glance to my boyfriend, and he is frowning at me. Disapproval, I think. I know how he feels about Blaine, and though I've never told him anything, he has every right to be disapproving of him- given recent secretive events.

"Okay, ready?"

"I am so proud of you," Blaine whispers to me.

The camera is about to click, but unlike the other photos, I feel myself pulling into a natural smile. A smile that feels genuine, that doesn't feel forced. I am not distracted by anyone not in the picture, like how I was with the other clicks. I look straight into the camera, and it clicks once more.

"Perfect," Quinn says.

--------

The lunch-in was fabulous- only NYADA can pull of a fabulous lunch in at the park. There was music, dancing, laughter, smiles. How much I've missed my family and friends all being at one place. To think everyone came together for me. The last time everyone came together was for my teacher's wedding. This time, it is for me and I have never felt this special and loved by a group of people in a long time.

Now, it's late and everyone is at my apartment again, sharing stories of the past, reminiscing on the good old days where it was sectionals, regionals and nationals. All of which was the best memories I have of high school. It is a shame Gabe is not here to listen though. He left after lunch, claiming how he has work but he said he would meet me tonight if I wanted to. And I do. Anything to be closer to me, to hold his love in my grasp.

"Do you guys remember the time Zizes was in glee club? God she was horrible."

"Are you kidding? Her rendition of I know what boys like constantly plays in my head," Sam says.

"And to think- that was for you, Noah."

"Don't remind me," Puck mumbles, cracking into hysterical laughter at the memory.

"So Kurt, what are you gonna do now that you're a NYADA graduate?" Santana ask. "Star in a one may show singing about the perks of being gay man with womanly features?"

"Even if I did, that's way more than being a Sue Sylvester two point O," I shoot back at her.

"Touché," she says. "But serious, lady, what are you gonna do? I'm curious to know how is it you're going to star opposite females more manlier than you."

"I don't know yet," I say.

"Did you not sign up for anything?" Rachel ask.

"No," I say, and even though he is seated far from me, practically shadowed by darkness even, I feel Blaine's eyes shoot at me. "I think I want to just follow where life will take me," I add on.

"Failure to plan is planning to fail," Rachel says.

"Yes, I think Puck would agree on that one."

"Hey! I got my life together-"

"Living in a trailer does not qualify as getting it together," Quinn says and we all chime into laughter at Puck, who pouts at her.

It is true though. A part of me did not sign up for Remeo and Juliet because well- because I am a delicate person, even Santana said so. How am I going to play roles when females, sometimes, are manlier than me? I'm just a scrawny gay. Explains so much why I bottom as often, but truly a part of me wonders where life would take me if I just did not plan anything.

I have been planning my life since the BCs, basically. The plan in middle school was to get to high school, be the best I can be, stay true to myself, join a club I enjoy, run for student body president- go through high school unscathed. The plan in high school was not to be tormented as much, spend more time with dad, graduate and get into NYADA. Now that I'm finally done with my plans, what else is there for me to do?

I glance over at Blaine, sneakily because I know he's still looking at me, and sure enough his golden orbs are burning at me. I know that look. A look of disbelief. He's wondering why I never signed up for what I told him I wanted to. I feel like such a disappointment right now, but what Gabe said was right. I'm only as good as who I am- a delicate bottom, unable to fill the role of a leading male character.

"What time is it? I am beat," Tina says. I forget she was even here. That is Tina- sometimes a little forgotten, but much loved do not get me wrong.

"Ten," Rachel tells.

"Ten? Fuck, I have to go."

"Where you running off to, hobbit? Catching last dolphins in the sea?"

"I have work tomorrow," he says. "And you guys have to get some shut eye, too. Your flights are all in the morning. I know, I booked them," he smiles in triumph.

"Thank you Blaine," everyone mutters incoherently.

"You're welcome," he smiles again. He turns to me briefly then. "I'll see you- soon? Congratulations," he says and I feel everyone looking at us, curious why are we so maladroit with each other.

"Thank you for coming."

"Wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else," he says. Blaine bids goodbye to my father and Carole, reminding them of their flight, before waving goodbye to everyone else, and leaving my apartment.

"Okay, now that at least he is gone, can we all know why are you and Blaine- like that?" Mercedes ask.

"Like what?" I ask, feigning nonchalance.

"Like that- awkward and uncomfortable. He didn't come to your birthday party, I was curious then. Then just now when you two had to take a picture, I've never see you guys more awkward. What happened?"

"Nothing happened," I say. I glance at Rachel, because she's the only one who knows what happened. "Just- we just haven't gotten to see each other a lot."

"Because? You both live in the city."

"Because he's busy, and I'm busy. It's basic human nature to drift apart from your friends when you're busy."

"We're all here- and you're not awkward with us even though you haven't see half of us for like- a year at least."

"You guys are different."

"You're right, we're not your best friend, yet you can fall right into place with us. Yet, just now with Blaine- seriously, we want to know."

"Nothing, okay?" I say heatedly, and from the look everyone's faces, I know that they're a little taken aback. "We just aren't close anymore, it's not a bloody crime for you to inspect it to it's very last detail. Give it a rest," I say.

Now I feel bad, but I hatw when people ask me that question because I can't answer it myself. We distant now because we slept together, and he got mad when I said we should forget about it because- because what? He opened himself up to feel something else for me? What does that even mean? Opening himself up to feeling something different, something new, something he never felt for me before? I don't want to greet that because I already have what I have with Gabe. What if I follow what he did and I lose both? I can't risk it- besides, I love Gabe.

"I have to go, actually," I announce to fill the silence. "I'm meeting Gabe."

"An outburst, and a late night rendezvous. Good for you, Kurt," Santana says, and I roll my eyes at her.

"I'll see you guys in the morning. I'll send you to the airport."

I tell my dad the same, that I'll send him to the airport tomorrow, before making my way out of my apartment. I feel really bad for my little outburst, I won't lie about that. They just wanted to know, and to be honest, if I were in their position, I would want to know as well why two friends who were close all throughout high school just suddenly can't look each other in the eyes anymore.

I hate that I can't be alone with Blaine anymore without the fear of something might happened- heck, I hate the fact that Blaine basically walked away from me. He did that, both literally and emotionally- he walked out on me because..because I refused to opened myself up for him. But that's because that's not what we are. We are best friends. Were, best friends.

I push the building's main entrance door but it hits someone behind it. "Shit, I'm sorry," I mutter quickly, but that's when I realize that it is Blaine.

He is standing on the front landing, with a cigarette in between his fingers. He turns and is a little startled to see me. "Oh- Kurt, hey," he says. "Where you off to?"

"Oh- why are you still here?"

"Thought I'd have one fag before I leave, by that I mean a cigarette," he tells.

"Oh. I- I'm off to see Gabe," I tell him and I see his eyes drop a shade.

"Ah- okay," he says. Why did I have to tell him that. Given what happened, and his apparent opening his feelings up, I doubt Gabe is his favourite person. Not that it ever was.

"So- urm, you're head of Anderson's Banking now."

"Yeah," Blaine says. "A little scary."

"Nonetheless, how it should be."

"We haven't even told Cooper. I wonder how he's going to react."

"Not good, I bet."

"We've been trying to find him, but he keeps disappearing the second we arrive where the security detail said he was at. I know Denise is trying to get a hold of him too- no such luck."

"He's probably afraid."

"Of what?"

"Of facing his family? After what he did. It's not always easy to come back after a mistake, and face the people who trusted you."

"I know that," Blaine says, and a silence falls upon us.

I hate these silences because even though nobody is talking, the words in my head are loud enough. Every word he said when we fought that night rings in my ear like I'm standing next to a church bell on the first day of a month. Even when it dials down, the echos are even worst.

"So, you mind telling me why you didn't sign up for anything?" Blaine says and I want to resign from this conversation already.

I knew this was coming though. The second I said it in front of everyone, and Blaine's eyes dart to me, I knew he was going to question me or it. "I just- like I said, wanted to see where life would take me-"

"Bullshit," he interrupts. "I know you, and you love planning your life ahead. Why didn't you sign up?"

"Because," I sigh. "Because I'm not leading male material."

"What?" Blaine says, his brows narrowed. "Who said so?"

I don't say a word, because I know where this will lead to. He's going to get mad, and I don't blame him but right now. Right now I can't handle this, getting scolded like this. By him, especially.

"Gabe said that, didn't he?" Blaine says and I am stunned that he knew.

"How did you-"

"He did," Blaine says. "He actually said you're not leading male material?"

"Look, it's not a big deal. And it is true. I'm- delicate, or whatever. I knew from the start I couldn't play a male star, I mean come on. Did a gay man play Romeo? No."

"Wow, I can't believe you're actually not going to sign up just because your boyfriend said you wouldn't be able to do it."

"I know I can't do it too, it's not just him-"

"Really? Because that sounds like an excuse so you wouldn't make your boyfriend sound like an asshole."

"He's not an asshole."

"Right," Blaine says.

"Why the fuck would you care anyway? Aren't we no longer friends anymore?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I actually give a fuck about your future, unlike some people, apparently."

"He cares-"

"Right, he cares yet he tells you you're not good enough for a role I know you want to play so bad. Romeo and Juliet is the epitome of all love stories, you told me that, and you also told me how it would be a dream to star in it on Broadway someday. Now you might get a shot, but you're putting it off for your boyfriend."

"Screw you, okay? Is this you now? Being bitter because I don't want to open up the possibility of having feelings for you? Because if it is, you've arrived at a new low."

I see in his eyes then, that I've hit a part he's been trying ignore, but I know my words stung, and for a brief moment, I want take it back, take it all back, if I could I would take everything back so we could be best friends again, be how we used to, but this is reality, and in reality, there are no do overs.

"Wow, okay," he says and he walks to his car. He is about to get in, but he turns to me. "You know how I said I was proud of you? I take that back. In this moment, I am disappointed in you," he says before he shuts the door and the car speeds away.

Apparently, Blaine could take it back. His words, at least.

----------

"Hello," Gabe smiles at me when I arrive at his apartment.

"Hey," I greet him with the best smile I can pull.

"What's wrong? You look like you've bee crying," he says.

"Sorry- just cold outside," I say.

It is not the truth. On my way here, I couldn't help myself but to cry. Cry at the fact that I've lost my best friend. Cried because the look in his eyes scream a thousand cries. Cried because I don't know what my life is turning into these days- Blaine used to be my rock, the person that kept me grounded, now I don't have him anymore and frankly I feel like I'm floating. Things between us are so bad, how was I even suppose to remotely explain that to my friends. I couldn't.

"Well, I know a way I can warm you up," he says and he tugs me forward, into his apartment, by hooking his fingers into the top of my jeans.

"I bet you do," I say, trying my best smirk in the wake of the fight I had with Blaine.

"I am very proud of you today," he whispers to me, breathing onto my lips. "You graduated from one of the top drama academies in the country. That is a big deal."

"Thank you," I say.

"And might I add, most people let their graduation gowns drown them. You looked particularly sexy in yours."

"I can pull off anything," I smile.

"I know you can."

Even though he looks so hot in his black pants, and his dress shirt with the top button undone, to be honest, I have to ask him. I want to talk to him about what he said about me not being able to fulfil the role of Romeo. After what Blaine said, it's natural for me to want to talk about it, right?

"Can we talk first?" I say.

"Can we talk later?" he says, and he's kissing my neck. I lose focus for a second, because his lips feel good on me, kissing me warm and tenderly in this cold night, but I pull myself together.

"Please?" I say.

"Okay," he sighs. "But I'm very horny for you."

"I am too," I smile at him. "But I need to talk to you first."

"What about?" he ask and we talk a seat on his couch.

"It's about what you said- about me not being able to play Romeo."

"Oh," he says as if he's a little confounded. "You want to talk about that- now?"

"Yes," I say, keeping my ground. "I have to ask- do you really think I can't play that role, because I really just need to know."

"Look, Kurt," Gabe sighs, his hand rests on my knee. "I love you- like a lot, but like I said, Romeo does not resonate with who you are. You're very unique, a different breed. Romeo is very- a very compelling male character that requires a love..well for a woman-"

"A person, how is that different?"

"I just think that the role of Romeo should be played by a man, who actually likes girls. I mean, the way you walk, which is incredibly sexy and gracious, but Romeo is a man. If the audience sees a Romeo who walks like he's a dancer in black swan, it's not going to be believable, you see."

"But that's just it then- it's acting. If you're saying I can't pull of the role of Romeo, a character that is a complete opposite of the way I am, are you also saying I'm not a good performer?"

"What? That is ridiculous. I already said you're an incredible performer."

"But Romeo is someone I've always wanted to play, and now that you've said I won't be able to fulfil the role- I don't know, it hurts me a little."

"I'm trying to keep you from getting hurt," Gabe says. "Do you know how much criticism you will get when you get up there, as a gay man and the way you are, and act as Romeo? It's going to be harsh. I'm just trying to protect you here, looking out for your future."

"But don't you want me to pursue what I want to pursue? My dream?"

"I do," he says. "But like I said, being who you are sometimes gives you a certain limitation, and this is one of them. Trust me on this- not doing Romeo will save your ass."

I choose to believe him, again. It's true, and maybe it is just my insecurity or my fear of trying out for something I am not even in the league to do, but maybe it is true. Romeo is after all a great character, and I am not that great, so it make sense that I shouldn't apply for the role, right?

"Can we just drop this already?" he says. "There are plenty of roles for you. This one just isn't it."

"I just needed to know," I say, and maybe it is time for me to drop it. The sign up list has probably been submitted anyway. Romeo is just a dream I can kiss goodbye, but the real question to me here though- does Gabe really not believe in me?

--------

It's the morning after my graduation day. I am at the airport, about to bid goodbye to my best friends, my family, my father. Reluctant as I am, I know they have lives of their own. I wish they could stay here in the city. The city gets a little heavy for me sometimes, but this past few days, having my friends and family with me carrying my weight, it felt lighter, now that they're gone, I am the least excited to be feeling every ounce of the weight of New York again.

After the events that transpired yesterday- from graduation, to being overwhelmed with the number of people gathered around to celebrate my achievement, that fight with Blaine, my talk with Gabe, I am worn out from it all. All I would want right now is a good old Hummel men ice cream get away- with my father. Something we used to do before I moved to the city.

"Are you sure you have everything, dad?" I ask, because my father has a tendency of forgetting his wallet, or sometimes even his passport.

"Yeah, checked them all in the ride on my way here," he says.

"I can't believe you're going back already. I'm going to miss you guys so much," I say, and I feel my tears about to form.

"Don't be sad, Kurt. We'll visit again," Tina says, wrapping me in a Tina Cohen-Chang hug.

"Promise?" I ask.

"Promise," she says.

I hear the PA calling for the flight back to Ohio and I basically want to throw myself at my father's leg, clinging on him, begging him to stay for at least a week longer. I know he would do that if I wanted him to, but I know his business back home would go into the crapper if he stayed longer.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye, kid," my father says and I lose the battle with my tears. They fall, uncontrollably. "I'm gonna miss you so bad. Please call every now and then. I'm in Lima, I'm not dead."

"I thank whoever who is listening up there that you're not," I say, hugging him with dear life. "I will call- everyday, if I have to."

"I would love that," my father tells.

He holds me in his big, fatherly arms and I wish I was a boy again- under his protection, his watchful eye. No matter what trouble I got into, I knew he would catch me. Now that I'm in New York, when I fall, sometimes I feel like nobody will catch me. Though I did feel that, back when Blaine was my best friend. Now I don't feel that anymore.

"Goodbye sweetie," Carole says. "And please make it a point to stock up your kitchen at least every week. From the bare things I saw in there, I wondered how you made it this long."

"Take-out," I laugh, and allow her to hug me with her motherly embrace. I've been needing to talk to her, actually, about what she said. One of the things that has been on my mind was what she said the first night she and my father had arrived.

"Can I talk to you- for a bit?" I ask.

"Sure," she says, though she wears a curious, a little scared look.

"It's about what you said- that night of my birthday? The one where you wanted to lead with something, but you dropped it for an apparent reason. I was wondering what have you always thought?"

She looks confused for a second, but then she finally remembers her words and she laughs it off. "Oh- that. It's just- well, Gabe really is a great guy. Handsome, interesting- but to be honest with you sweetie, I've always thought..well I've always thought you would end up with Blaine. I mean, even from high school I thought you two looked really sweet together and I guess I just allowed myself to assume you two would actually end up..being with each other. But it doesn't change that Gabe is a great guy, really."

"Oh- but Blaine is my best friend.."

"I know that, but sometimes friendship can lead to other things and I just assumed it would for you two because- well because you two looked cute together. But that's nothing, really honey."

In my mind, I'm thinking like really. Does everyone think that? Does everyone assume Blaine and I would be, or are together? Am I the only one who does not see us together? He is my best friend for crying out loud. Does that title not apply anymore, or exist for that matter?

"Why do you look like that?" she ask.

"Nothing," I say quickly. "Just- I didn't know you thought that."

"Maybe I'm wrong," she shrugs. "I just think you two would be great for each other, but Gabe is equally great."

"Thank you, Carole," I say. "And I'm going to miss you."

"Me too honey," she says and I am wrapped in a hug again.

I hug my friends afterwards, more specifically clawing and begging them to stay longer, even though it is impossible considering they have hectic schedules themselves, but nonetheless, worth the shot.

"Are you sure you have everything?" I ask my dad again.

"Yes, Kurt. God, I'm the father here."

"You're also older with a very forgetful brain. Let me check your ticket," I say and he hands it to me. I thoroughly check that the time is right, and the flight number, his particulars, until I realized I'm looking at a first class ticket.

"Wait, first class? Since when do you fly first class? Even when I left for New York I took the train," I say.

"I don't fly first class. I didn't get it, remember? Blaine got us the tickets even though I protested against."

I feel touched somehow, that despite what happened between us, he is still treating my father like his own. Taking care of my family even though it is not his. It's always been this way. Even in high school he would come over to my house even when I'm not there and spend the afternoon watching football games with my dad, not wanting him to feel lonely.

"Be sure to thank him for us, alright?" my father says.

"I'll try," I say.

"I'll see you soon again, kid. Take care of yourself, alright?"

"I will, dad."

He walks into the gates and a part of me wishes I could follow him, back to home. Back to my home, my room, the past. The city lately has not been my cup of tea, and even though I have a boyfriend, a great apartment and only just graduated from NYADA, it still feels like a monster now because I don't have that one person that used to keep me grounded, and made me feel comforted.

"Bye," I whisper to myself, watching as my friends, my family, my dad leave.

----------

I make my way to my boyfriend's apartment. He sent me a text not a few hours ago, asking if I could come by his place. I don't know why, but it's rather unorthodox for him to ask me over when it's still in the late hours of morning. He's always busy with work at this hour, I don't know why today is he free. Nonetheless, as I make my way up, I wonder briefly what could this possibly be about.

"Hey," I say as he pulls the door open.

"Hey you," he greets a little timidly.

"Are you okay?" I frown. He never is nervous around me, but today it is riddled all over his eyes.

"Come on in," he says, ignoring the question.

His apartment is still it's breath taking, luxurious self. Something I would have to die to own, or own a ballet gallery to own. I stride to his leather couch, a couch I am so very fond of because for one, it is comfortable as hell. Two, well this couch does not hold memories I try so hard to forget.

"What's up," I ask as I take a seat, and realize he's still standing at the door, brushing his fingers against his chin. This is a rather abnormal, to see him look this nervous. It makes me even more anxious for whatever it is he has to tell me.

"Kurt," he says, and he strolls towards me. "I love you. So much. Everyday, I thank myself for being that idiot, obnoxious guy in that coffee shop whom you threw coffee at, and I'm glad that you don't have the same urge to do so again," he says and I chuckle, though a little nervously.

"Ever since my mother's death, I thought happiness was a foreign concept. It couldn't have existed anymore, because the one person with that light died on me, and for awhile I settled with being the best version of myself, hoping that that would bring me some form of gleam, but it never did. None of it did, until I met you."

My eyes widen a little, though my mind still worrying where this could possibly lead to.

"When I met you, I knew the second we locked eye contact- or rather, the second you threw that coffee at me- I knew I had to know you. I knew I had to do everything in my capability to get to know you because..I don't know, somehow I was drawn to that form of tenacity and- well, rudeness. I grew up with a lot of sympathy, a lot of people walking on eggshells around me because they pitied me for my loss, but you did not. You gave me what I needed, actually. Someone who gave me a reality check that everyone goes through shit, and I should not have used my mother as a reason to get away with being my old, rather pretentious self.

"I love you with all my heart, and soul, and body and I am ready to surrender anything to you, because truly you are what I want, what I need. I don't ever want to share you, or let you go because you mean that much to me."

I start to come up with possibilities as to where this might lead to. Marriage? Is gay marriage legalized yet in New York? If it's marriage, how am I to respond. I only just got out of college, a phase done, now I want to jump into another phase. Marriage? Does marriage even appeal to me? And though I love him, I start to think about Blaine. The complications between our relationship now- marriage would not be good. For anyone.

"Gabe- what are you getting at?" I ask.

"Just let me finish," he says, and he lowers to his knees, so he is eye level with me. "I owe you an explanation as to why I've been so busy with work lately," he says. "I've been busy with work, because there is a woman, from Italy who got in touch with my company, my gallery. She had told me that she is very interested in starting up the same gallery there in Italy, seeing as ballet did originate in Italy-"

"I know that much. I had a good lecturer," I wink and he smiles.

"This woman- she said that a gallery in Italy would definitely be one of the most visited places in Italy because the art form there is very rich, and people pay huge sums of money to learn more about the art that revolutionised the world. Not only that. It's been my dream to learn ballet- from where it originated at."

My heart starts to race, my palms begin to sweat in which I hope Gabe does not realize. My heart is hammering hard inside my chest, my head pounding like a speaker playing a Paramore track. I know what is coming, I sense it, I taste it. I feel it with every sense in my body.

"I love you, and I don't want to let you go, but at the same token, my career means a lot to me. It's what I've been working on since I was- God knows. Ballet was also my mother's favourite form of art, I told you this, and well- the woman from Italy gave me an opportunity. She told me that, with my knowledge, and my keen to learn more, she told me that I would be the best partner for her. To run the gallery, in the place where that art originated from, so, because I love you, and I want to be with you because finding someone like you is like finding a needle in a haystack, I can't let you go because you gave me happiness, you changed me."

My heart begins to quicken, the room suddenly feels like all oxygen has been sucked away by a vacuum and what is left is only a bare modicum for me to live for like the next ten seconds. I cannot keep my eyes off from him, staring at him intently, unable to comprehend, absorb or even process this information. I know what is coming. I know it.

"I wanted to ask- if you would move to Italy with me."

I gasp.