Santanas rage would have scared away Godzilla and the entire aggressive Dinosaur population. I made sure to avoid being trampled on, though the same cannot be said for Blaine. When she found him outside the tent, looking all inconspicuous and rambling on about fabricated stories, he is now her prime suspect. I feel awful, but at the same token, when it comes to Santana, the rule is every man for himself.

Finn and Rachels parents look dumbfounded. My father is a different story. His eyes has been trained on me for the past 10 minutes but he doesnt corner me in any way, which Im thankful for.

Santana ushers the crowd to the reception, but there was some dilemma as to whether we should send them home or not. Noah brought up a good point about not wasting cake, so weve moved everyone to the open reception with stars sparkling above us. Simply by the center pieces of each table, I know Santana worked hard to make this all possible. I feel a pang of guilt in my heart for having being the one who orchestrated the entire plot, but my allegiance are with my best friend and my brother so I digress.

"I swear, when I find those two-"

"What are you going to do?" I wearily interject Santana as I pick up a glass of champagne from the waiters going around. "This is their wedding and theyve made their decision. Just let them do what they want."

For a split second, I think Santana is going to pounce on me and stab me with her six inch heels, but instead she scoffs at me and stalks towards the open bar. I feel sorry for her, that in the wake of Finn and Rachels decision, shes the one who suffers the consequence of a flop wedding. Its a selfish decision on their part, I cant argue with that, but if I was in their place, Id do anything to protect something so sacred.

I see Blaine somewhere in the corner, loitering around the candy counter complete with a hot fudge waterfall. I know we need to talk. Everything that he said was too rushed for me to properly comprehend his words. He still loves me; that Im certain of. He knows what he wants, and that is a complete parallel from my situation and my feelings. Im starting to infuriate myself more than I am infuriating him. I wish it was that easy for Blaine and I. I wish that I could forget all the threads in out tapestry and love him but its not that simple. Its not simple where theres a crack in your trust. How do you mend it? Im a fool if I ignore it, dive headfirst into something that has a history of almost killing me.

Loving someone is easy, staying is hard.

But I know I cant go on stuck with a dilemma, especially since my departure is looming over me. That is, if I still want Milan over Blaine. Im not so certain anymore. Not when I know that there is a possibility of him.

I walk straight through the dance floor and stand right behind Blaine. He turns immediately when he sense a warmth, or cold, behind him. "At least the cupcakes didnt disappoint," he says, wearing a weak smile.

I muster whatever courage I have left and tell him we need to talk. He nods his head as if hes been expecting this, but dreading it at the same time. We leave the reception, with some resistance from Santana, and emerge to the cold wind rustling into the shore. As if I wasnt anxious enough, now this wind is adding to my sudden need to pee. Blaine folds his arms around his frame, kicks his shoes off and strolls down the sand in front of me. In my head, it was much easier to have this conversation. To decide. Now that its actually here - nothing has ever seem so daunting.

We must have walked in silence for what felt like 15 minutes. By now, all we hear is gentle thumping sounds from the reception a far distance away, and the wind threatening to rob us of our hearing. I managed to catch up to Blaines pace, now were walking side by side, arms almost touching. What do I say to him? That I love him but I dont know whether my heart can survive another wound? That I dont trust him? That I have permanent scars from our relationship?

"You dont want me," he says. I was too caught up in my thoughts I didnt realize that Blaine had stopped in his tracks and is now staring at me, arms on his sides. His voice is timid, as if that realization is so hard to churn out that it barely manage to escape him. "Do you?"

I grip my arms tightly, curling into my own. In my head, Im restraining myself from throwing myself at him, enveloping him in a longing hug and kissing him until he understands just how much he means to me, but I dont. I hope the wind carries away my words, but it sounds as resounding as I feared. "I dont want you."

The silence that follows in its wake is even more unbearable than telling him I dont want him, not anymore. I thought I did. When he told me that he wanted me, I thought my feelings were the same because it would have made sense, but now as the idea sunk in and I watched Finn choose to run away with Rachel, I realized that if my feelings for Blaine were that strong and that real, I wouldnt even worry over all these suppositional theories of our demise. I wouldnt be so caught up in fear that he might break me again. I would willingly ride off into the sunset with him, no weighing our pros and cons.

Blaine blatantly exhales and sucks his lips into his mouth. I know why. Whenever Blaine does that, hes holding back his tears. My heart is constricting and slowly expanding in my chest. My cheeks are on fire and I know that I dont have the same level of restrain as Blaine. I wish it was easier to be with him, to be so stupidly in love that you ignore all these demons around you.

"Just tell me one thing," says Blaine. I gulp hard, and brace myself for whatever it is that is picking his brain. "Did I ever stand a second chance with you?"

"Yes," I tell him, because even though telling him makes me vulnerable, I need him to know. "Youre always going to have a chance with me. Always. No matter how far I go or how long were apart, theres always going to be this little part in my heart that has your name on it-"

"Then why do you fight it?" he calmly ask. I havent realized that I have tears staining my eyes now, my whole face scrunched into a mess.

"Because thats what I fear," I say to Blaine. I can hear the little cracks in my voice threating to send me down an endless spiral. I dont want to break down in front of Blaine, not when Im the one who is saying no. "Loving you is very easy - too easy, Blaine. Im not hanging the past over your head, I just dont want to fall back into something just because its easy. I cant take another step back, this is my chance to move forward with my life."

Blaine is quiet, only the loud wind in my ears. Ive said my piece, my only hope is that we can walk our paths having resolved whatever tension we had. It kills me to voluntarily let him go. When he cheated on me, I was forced to. Its a painful feeling, then again letting go never had a good track record for being easy.

"Im not going to wait for you anymore," he breathes out, and the wind almost carries it away. I wish it had but I know I cant have it both ways. I should have expected this, so why does it feel like my heart is being put through a shredding machine. "Ive spent my life hating myself for what I did to you. I too need to move on. I cant lie, I wish you would stay and be with me."

Blaine walks forward until he is just inches away from me, his scent pulling me into the past - our past, when it was easy and free. "I wish nothing but the best for you, Kurt. More than anything or anyone, I want you to be happy."

He leans forward and presses his lips against mine. Unlike how we kissed last night, it wasnt hungry or horny but soft and earnest, as if that was all he needed from me, and all I needed from him. Then he pulls away and I wish the moment could last just a little bit longer but it doesnt. He turns to the house and disappears through the doors leaving me cold, but liberated.

I dont see Blaine the following morning. Some people said he drove back into the city last night. A small part of me wished he was still around, but mostly Im glad because without him, leaving would be easier. Who would have thought that he would be the reason I would consider to stay? Before this whole wedding fiasco rolled in, Blaine was so far in my past he was an abstract idea. In hindsight, Im glad Rachel and Finn invited him to this house. I would never have been able to make peace with him if it wasnt for them.

I stay at the beach house all the way through to when its Milan day. All the better, I dont want to go back to my apartment and have more reason to stay.

Ive realized in life that there are two major things that hold you back - something you love and something you fear. They come hand in hand no matter what cards are dealt to you. You want to do something but you dont want to hurt your family and youre scared that theyll never forgive you. You want to go somewhere but youre scared of what entails and someone is here waiting for you to comeback so you feel guilty for leaving at all. Its an endless feeling, one I wish that came with an off switch.

I bid goodbye to my friends. Santana was very reluctant to hug me, but she does. Noah even tried to hide my luggage which should annoy me, but if anything it warmed my heart that he wanted me to stay too. Im holding my tears back as I wave my friends goodbye but like I said, letting go is hard.

My dad drives me straight to the airport. He doesnt say much because if he does, he might end up turning the car and speeding all the way to Lima. I tell him the truth about Finn and Rachel. I expected him to be at least a little angry but instead he tells me that hes proud of him, that putting his wife first over optics shows a promising husband. He tells me that people are often so caught up and scared with repercussions that they settle with doing something theyre all partially confident on.

When we arrive at the airport, I dont know where this wave of emotion came from but it overpowers me and swallows me whole. I bury my face in my palms and sob into my flesh. My shoulders are heavy, but the thing is I have no metaphorical baggage left. My father pulls me into an embrace and kisses my temple. Maybe its the idea of leaving a city I desperately clawed my way in or that nobody is here to bid me goodbye or that the future is so daunting that Im sweating just thinking about the vague future. Maybe leaving in general is difficult, thats why your back is facing what matters - so its easier to leave.

I tell my dad to not send me into the terminal. He tries to fight it, but caves soon after because subconsciously he knows he cant take another sight of me leaving.

"Next time, were doing this over the phone," he jokes before I climb out of the car. My heart is heavy as I make my way into the terminal but turning around would do no justice at all.

This feeling is all too familiar. I know because when I left for New York, it was this same heavy and painful feeling that anchored me down. Its less about leaving behind the people I love. That hurts too, but it has a rationale. This foreign feeling is more like leaving behind something unfinished - almost like Im running away. Am I running away? Blaine and I separated, so why does it still feel like I dont ever want to face him anymore? This whole scenario is Kurt Running Away 2.0 that even I cant deny. I keep hoping for a god mother to materialize before me and grant me both success and love but obviously that wish is too farfetched.

I find myself wondering if this is a good decision at all. Ive learnt the hard way that leaving something unfinished only leads to complications later on. What are the chances of me making it big anyway? People tend to get so lost in promise that they forget reality, and Ive been a victim way too many times I practically am the poster child; from being so madly in love thinking it would last forever to moving to New York thinking Id make it big and show everyone who picked on me. I halt in my tracks and look around me, in the airport where people are bustling to get to their destinations and wonder if anyone ever stops having a destination and live. I could have lived - I turned him down.

Then thats when I hear it - loud and slightly desperate - the sound of my name. I turn to find Blaine pushing his way through the crowd, his shirt stuck to his sweaty skin, his curly hair tousled and bouncing on his head. My heart is palpating in my chest and seeing him running towards me like this - in a quest to stop me from going - is quite possibly what I was waiting for. Maybe a god mother did materialize and heard my thoughts.

Then the crowd clears a little more for me to notice that Finn and Rachel are behind him - with heavy baggage wheeling behind them. Blaine is panting when he reaches in front of me, bending over and clutching onto his knees to catch a breath. I manage to pull the words out of my mouth after realizing that this is unlikely what I thought it was. "Whats going on? Whats with the bags?" I ask Rachel. I had assumed they took off and took refuge or something before Santana came hunting.

"Were coming with you!" Rachel beams enthusiastically. I frown at her as if shes crazy. "Finn and I realized that we wanted to go somewhere and rekindle our relationship so were going to Milan with you - at least, for a month or two. Were going to help you get settled in and everything!"

"And why is Blaine here?" I ask. I am happy that Finn and Rachel are coming with me, it makes the move less daunting to know theres someone with me except right now, after the small epiphany, Im not so sure I want to go anymore. Not when the reason I have doubts is standing right in front of me like a truck-sized sign.

"We didnt know your flight details, Blaine did. He offered to drive us."

"Oh," I say, and my disappointment must have been resounding because Blaine stands upright and cocks his head sideways. "Why?" he ask, his eyes burning into me. I look over at Rachel and Finn, and she gets the message. She takes Finn by the wrist and pulls him away to the magazine corner.

"Please dont say it," Blaine tells me, and I frown at him, my heart a little stung. "I know what youre thinking and I know what youre about to say, and Im going to kiss you so hard Im going to fool myself into thinking its real."

"I dont want to make the mistake of letting you go again," I tell him. I can already feel the tears starting to form at the corner of my eyes. Im impossible.

"Thats what Im referring to," says Blaine. He sighs and rest his arms on my shoulders, his fingers curling behind my neck and caressing my skin. "Listen to me, you deserve this opportunity. You want this opportunity. What youre feeling is merely cold feet - youre scared, I get it, and youre looking for a reason to stay because whats in front of you is scary but youre going to regret not being the best version of yourself I know you can be."

Even I knew I was being irrational - even I knew I was scared. Why wouldnt I be? It is daunting but Blaine is right. I know that if I turn this down, Ill never get the opportunity again and even if I do, who knows how long Id have to wait? Even if I dont make it big, at least I knew I gave it my all - at least I wouldnt live my whole live wondering what if. Except, leaving would also mean wondering the ‘what ifs with Blaine and I? Its so difficult when life presents you with two amazing choices, but you only get one. It mask itself to be a good thing, when it comes down to choosing, thats when you realize its not as amazing as you once thought.

"Its just - you mean so much to me and I never thought I could have had you again. Now its just killing me to know Im letting go of our second chance."

Blaine sighs heavily and presses his forehead against mine, his hot breath brushing against my lips. The crowd disappears around us and all I feel is his warmth, his scent - everything about him that I could have kept with him if it came at a time where my life had settled. I know I need to find myself first before finding myself with someone.

"Maybe well find our way back to each other," he tells me. I hear the pain in his voice, how he wish he could be selfish and tell me to stay, how he wish he could say what was in his mind but keeps it within for my sake. "Third times the charm, right?" I laugh, and so does he.

Rachel appears out of nowhere cradling a thick stack of magazines. "We have to go," she tells me. I nod reluctantly and watch as Rachel and Finn take their turns bidding goodbye to Blaine. When its my turn, I dont hesitate to throw myself onto him. Ive completely lost control of my emotions and am now bathed in my own tears, my whole face scrunched up in my refusal to let Blaine go, but I do and as I watch him grow smaller behind me, he grows bigger in my heart.

As the plane takes off, I put things in perspective and realize that the heavy anchor has disappeared. I know that this time Im not running from anything or anyone. This time, Im leaving on my own accord and towards something that is exciting for my future. I tell myself to not dwell over ‘what ifs because theyre reserved for people who have made mistakes, and I dont feel like Ive chosen wrong.

I look out the window and see the birds outside, flaunting their freedom, but my liberation feels just as nice.