Pulling up to the Anderson's house later that evening, Kurt knows there's only one person he cares to see at the moment.

Walking into the house and shrugging out of his jacket, he goes to where he'll most likely find Tilly.

"Hey, Till," he says as he walks into the kitchen.

"Oh, Kurt, you're back."

"Yeah, I'm back." Kurt sighs as he sits down and grabs an apple, knowing he has no other place to go.

"Why'd you storm out earlier?"

Dropping his head to the tabletop in frustration, he considers just leaving again and avoiding having to face Blaine again. He was hurt by what he said to him and needing some time and space from him for a few hours.

"What's wrong?" Tilly asks.

"Blaine's being a jealous asshole," Kurt tells her as he keeps his forehead to the tabletop.

"How so?"

"He refuses me when I offered four years ago and gets upset when I go and hookup with a guy." Kurt lifts his head and looks at Tilly.

"What happened four years ago?"

"Oh, yeah, I never told you. I kissed him and invited him back to my room, and he ran away like a scared little boy."

"He's not a boy anymore, Kurt. Maybe you should ask him again and see the man he's become."

"Why? I'll just get the same response."

"You never know."

"I do know," Kurt replies back. "And I don't want to be hurt again."

"You're always going to be hurt one way or another. If you never try again you may never know what could have been between you two."

"I do know what could be between us," Kurt says, taking a bite of his apple. "I just need him to realize what could be between us, too."

"Maybe he will soon."

"Maybe. Hopefully, because this game of cat and mouse is tiring." Kurt stands up, takes another bite of his apple and throws away the rest. Going upstairs to his room, he's taken by surprise when Blaine throws his arms around him and hugs him tight.

"I'm so sorry, Kurt," he apologizes. "I shouldn't have said that."

"It's okay. I forgive you." He knows he could never hate Blaine for long, especially when he sounds as upset as he does at the moment. Besides, he's constantly forgiving him when he breaks his heart over and over again when he doesn't realize he does it. He'll always forgive him.

"Kurt?" Blaine softly says.

"Yeah?"

"Where did you go?"

"I went to the cemetery to see my parents," he quietly replies.

"Sorry I couldn't go with you."

"It's okay." He steps out of Blaine's embrace and walks to his bed, throwing himself on it. Grabbing his phone when it rings, he sees a number he instantly recognizes. "Hey," he says when he answers. "Surprised it took you this long to realize I'm here."

"It's not my fault I wasn't at the bar last night," Zac, his casual hookup when he's here, says.

"Want me to come over tonight?"

"Do you even need to ask?"

"I guess not," Kurt replies with a small laugh, sitting up and seeing that Blaine is still in his room. He keeps his eyes locked on his as he talks to Zac, seeing the jealousy from that morning back. "Hey, I'll see you in a few, alright?"

"Okay."

Ending his call, he stands up and kicks off his boots. "What?" he asks as he removes his shirt.

"Who was that?" Blaine asks with jealousy lacing his voice.

"Zac," Kurt responds without looking at Blaine. "We fool around while I'm here. He wants to see me, so I'm going."

Grabbing a fresh pair of clothes from his drawer, Kurt stares into Blaine's exquisite eyes when he's suddenly making him face him and he's right there in his personal space.

"Don't go, Kurt," he begs, pleading with him with his eyes.

"Why? I think I deserve to have some fun while I'm here." Breaking his gaze of Blaine's, he pulls everything from his pockets and drops it on top of his dresser. Loose change and crinkled wrappers from gum and candy scattering all over the top. But grabbing his lighter, he picks it up and out of habit flicks it on and off. Dropping his lighter on the dresser, he unbuttons his jeans and pushes them down his legs, kicking them away.

"Please stay!"

"If you gave me a reason, I would." He looks back at Blaine, seeing the sadness filling his big, beautiful eyes as he stares at him. He doesn't want to hurt him, but he needs a reason to stay for him. "Give me a reason and I'll stay."

Seeing Blaine open his mouth to say something, Kurt feels his heart slow a bit at thinking maybe he will actually say something and ask him to stay. He thinks maybe this is the 'maybe' he's been waiting for. But, nodding his head, not the least bit surprised, when Blaine takes a few steps back and walks out of the room; he feels his heart drop, again, at Blaine walking away.

Quickly getting dressed, he goes out to his car and drives away.

~

Knocking on Zac's door thirty minutes later, Kurt grins at him when opens his door.

Zac is twenty-five with short, dark hair, chocolate colored eyes and a body to die for. Kurt has been doing this hooking up with him ever since he came back to visit the second time and met him at the bar.

"You have an earring," Zac says in way of greeting.

"I do," Kurt replies.

Being pulled into the apartment, he kicks the door shut and attaches his lips to Zac's.

~

Stepping into the Anderson's kitchen the next morning, Kurt finds Tilly cooking like usual. Stretching his arms and trying to pop his back, yawning big, he smiles at her.

"You alright?" she asks.

"Sore," he replies. "Not the greatest night of sleep." He watches Tilly go to drawer and pull out a pill bottle, opening and pouring out two pain killers. She fills a glass of water and walks over to him, handing him the pills and glass.

"Here. These should help."

"Thanks." Kurt knocks them back and drinks half the glass of water, thirstier than he thought. Setting the glass down, he stands up and plants a kiss to Tilly's cheek. "I'm going to go take a shower and relax."

Heading out of the kitchen, ignoring Sarah as he passes her on the grand staircase, he stretches his arms again and walks down the hall to his room. Opening his door, he sighs and drops his shoulders when he sees Blaine sitting on his bed.

He knows there is no avoiding talking to him now.

"How was it?" Blaine asks as he looks to him when he closes the door behind him with a loud slam.

"Truth?" He sees Blaine nod his head yes. "Why do you want the truth? What if I told you I fucked him all night like we both wanted. It'll only make you angrier with me for going out and making the easy choice to be with him for some fun."

"Is that what happened?"

Kurt wraps his hands around his neck and drops his head back, annoyed and pissed with all of it. "Will you be mad at me if it was?"

"Even if I was, I know it would be my own fault. I almost in a way pushed you to him. So, yeah, I'll be mad...but at me and not you."

Kurt closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He figures he could lie and tell Blaine what he doesn't want to hear. But he can't do that to him; he has to tell him the truth. Lifting his head and looking at Blaine, he tells him what really happened.

Kurt furiously kisses Zac, moaning into his mouth when he presses him against the door and slots their hips together.

It's always been easy to forget about all of his problems and let himself fuck Zac without regret. But something about right now is different. He kisses Zac, but flashes of Blaine's sadness filled eyes keep filling his mind. How he looked and sounded when he begged him to stay.

Feeling Zac begin to work his jeans open, knuckles brushing his skin as they still kiss, he thinks about Blaine and how he must be feeling right now. He thinks about him trying to stay put together for his parents but being upset and angry on the inside.

"Everything okay?" Zac asks after realizing he's not kissing back anymore.

"No," Kurt replies shaking his head. "I'm sorry. I...I can't do this." He pushes Zac away and does his belt back.

"What's wrong?" Zac asks confused.

"I..." Kurt wants to say he can't do that to Blaine, but he'll know Zac will be even further confused about that. He isn't sure what it is about now, what it is that Blaine has done that has him regretting even coming here. "I just can't do this," he says, opening the door and walking out.

Running out to his and getting behind the wheel, slightly trembling and crying, he turns on his car and drives back to the house. It's half-way to the house that he remembers that Blaine will most likely be asleep on his bed waiting for him to come back. He doesn't want to see him and handle all the things he will have to say to explain why he's back as early as he is.

"I went to a store that stayed open all night and walked around. I actually fell asleep in a beanbag chair, which I don't recommend."

"You...you d-didn't?" Blaine stutters out.

"All I could think about was you," Kurt tells him. "I couldn't do that to you. In some fucked up way I couldn't hurt you when you're not mine to hurt."

"Thanks." Blaine lets a grin spread across his face as if he's just gotten the greatest news in the world.

"Just because I say that doesn't mean I'm happy with you."

"How so?"

"You can't...want me and not do anything about it, and then get angry and jealous when I'm with someone else, and then get happy when I can't be with someone because of you!" Kurt explains in anger and frustration. "I'm tired of playing chase with you Blaine. I feel like a hamster on a wheel constantly running and getting worn out, and going nowhere."

"I'm sorry. I never wanted you to feel that way." Kurt looks at Blaine as he considers his next words very carefully. "I just hate the thought of someone else having you when it could so easily be me."

"Yeah, it could so easily be you, couldn't it?" Kurt grabs a clean towel. "But you walked away."

"How long 'til you forgive me for that?"

"When you make it right like I know you obviously want," Kurt tells him.

"I don't know if and when I can do that."

Kurt minutely nods his head as he fights to hold back from crying, hating that Blaine is giving him that glimmer of hope at something possibly happening between them when he doesn't need it.

"I don't know what it is that's holding you back, Blaine," Kurt starts to tell him. "But I don't know how much longer I can go on like this."

"Go on like what?"

"Pining so desperately for someone as he just stands there and does nothing about it," Kurt tells him.

"I need time to figure things out, Kurt."

"You've had four years. Isn't that long enough?"

Blaine doesn't answer and Kurt gets beyond pissed off, not understanding what kind of sign Blaine needs for him to take notice of him waving his arms and calling out for him.

"I'm taking a shower now, so can you please fucking leave." He watches Blaine start to walk to his door and open it. "Blaine!" he quietly calls out to stop him before leaving.

"What?" Blaine looks to him.

"There's no reason for you to know this, but I wanted to tell you that by choices that are mine, no one has had me in the way you think." Kurt watches Blaine's face register with complete shock as he understands what he just told him.

Turning on his heel, Kurt walks into his bathroom and sags against the door, sliding down to the floor. Hearing his bedroom door finally close a few minutes later, he wonders how much longer he can go on being that hamster on the wheel before he steps off.