Author's Notes: The pool thing was a lame excuse, I know, but a trip through Blaine's little mind was necessary. Do I need to say that it's NOT goobdye? See? See? I'm good, give me some love! Next chapter, shit goes down for real!P.S. Just wanted to say thank you to all the people who reviewed until now! You're amazing!
The good news was that Blaine did care. The bad news was that there was nothing Kurt could do about it. It was just a matter of Blaine accepting it or not, if he wanted to save Meereen from utter destruction.
"Is this your way of getting back at me?" was the first thing Blaine said as soon as Kurt was finished speaking, his face contorted with a mixture of anger and anguish. "Are you- are you punishing me for what I said?"
"What? No!" Kurt objected immediately. "Didn't you listen to what I just told you?! I don't have a choice!"
Blaine narrowed his eyes. Even though Kurt couldn't see his hands, he knew just by looking at the tension in Blaine's arms that he was clenching his fists under the table.
"There's always a choice" he replied after a moment of silence. "You should burn this city to the ground after what happened here."
He doesn't get it, he never does, Kurt's mind whispered to him. The frustrating part of it was that he didn't even know what he had hoped to hear. An indifferent reaction from Blaine would have probably crushed him, but seeing Blaine so hurt and disappointed made a sudden, foreign anger build inside of him, as if Blaine didn't have the right to feel that way after how awful he had been.
Kurt scoffed and looked away in disbelief, crossing his arms over his chest.
"You can't condemn an entire city for the crimes of a group of people, Blaine. It doesn't work like that."
Blaine stared at him silently, his eyes burning hot and wild like dragonfire. When he spoke, though, it was barely a whisper.
"They killed our son, Kurt."
He didn't know why that made him burst; maybe it was the fact that it looked as if Blaine wanted to remind him, as if he didn't know it already. As if he didn't dream about it every night, as if he didn't cry in his sleep hoping Blaine would hear and come to comfort him even though he knew Tina's chambers were too far for him to do any of that.
"It's not like I forgot, you know?" he asked Blaine in a sharp, cutting tone made to hurt. "It's not like you remind me of it every fucking time you look at me!"
He expected Blaine to snap back some mean retort, to raise his voice in order to cover his. Instead, Blaine flinched visibly at his accusation and looked to the side, like a boy trying to avoid a tirade by simply zoning out of it. He fell silent, staring hard at the wall, which if anything infuriated Kurt even more. He had just decided to speak again and prompt him into answering, when Blaine did.
"You could leave the city to him, you know" he suggested in a half-mumble.
"I don't trust him enough to do that" Kurt replied.
"You trust him enough to marry him, though."
Kurt sighed.
"It's a political deal, and he knows that, too" he explained once again, his voice softening slightly. "It's not- it's not like I love him, Blaine."
He didn't know why he felt the need to point that out, considered that he didn't even know if Blaine still loved him. After all, his reaction could just come from his pride, offended at the thought of being overstepped so easily in such an important decision. Still, Kurt had to say it.
When Blaine answered, his eyes were so focused on him, it was almost physically painful.
"You didn't love me, either" he said.
Kurt gaped at him for a moment. He didn't think Blaine would go there, of all places.
"You can't- this is- this is different" he stammered, caught by surprise.
Blaine raised an eyebrow, but he didn't look amused at all.
"How so?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest. "Because back then you were forced into marrying me by your brother, and now you're doing it willingly?"
Kurt tried to come up with an answer, but he couldn't find it. There was a pause.
"I have lost you forever, haven't I?" Blaine whispered then, looking back at Kurt with his eyes shining, two golden pits of liquid sadness.
It made Kurt want to kiss him and slap him at the same time. Because how could he say things like that? After days spent ignoring him completely, after heading down to the khalasar to pack things up and leave? How could he ask him that question looking as if Kurt had just broken his heart, when it was Blaine who had broken his?
"I thought I had lost you" he couldn't help but say, even though a part of him felt incredibly cruel and mean and utterly stupid in turning his gaze away from the first glimpse of light through the hard shell Blaine had built around him.
He felt even worse when Blaine gave him a stare of pure, unbridled heartbreak. The khal opened his mouth to say something, but he closed it again. He slowly stood up from the table, turned around and left, surprising Kurt so much in his reaction that he couldn't find something else to tell him.
You will never lose me, he thought, but the words just couldn't find their way to his mouth. In my heart, I'm yours forever.
He didn't know how he had imagined their goodbye to be. But he was sure it wasn't that.
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"My Khal, you need to stop this."
The words were blurred at the edge of his conscience as he emerged from the water of the pool. Kurt blinked to chase away the little droplets clinging to his long eyelashes, squinting against the hot rays of the sun, and gripped the edge of the pool with his fingers to get leverage and lift himself up high enough to peer from the rim. The water was low enough for him to keep his head out of it and still pass unseen to people, if they didn't get close to the pool itself.
A few feet from him, talking over the banister of the terrace with their backs to him, eyes toward the city, there were Finn and Blaine.
He's here. Why is he still here?
"I didn't think you'd ever call me that again" Blaine replied with a bittersweet tone. It seemed to surprise Finn, because Kurt saw him turning toward Blaine all of a sudden, making him duck under the rim on instinct.
"I- I'm trying not to take sides in this" the knight said. "I... can't imagine what it must be like, for both of you. I can't even begin to understand. You're both hurting, in your own way."
Blaine just nodded, or maybe said something so softly that Kurt couldn't catch it. He tried to stay still in the water, in order to avoid making any noise. After a brief pause, Finn spoke.
"So, about the marriage..."
"It doesn't look like I have a say in it, Finn" Blaine interrupted him, sounding tired and drained – as if the fire in him that Kurt loved so much had gone out. "Not anymore, not- not after the things I said."
"You do, you are his Khal!" Finn replied vehemently, in that passionate way he had to care about and fight for things. "You can't let it happen, it's a mistake!"
"And do you think he enjoys me telling him he made a mistake, again?" Blaine shot back just as fiercely, finding a bit of that fire again. "He cares about this city so much he's marrying another man to save it. Well, let him do it. He can do whatever he wants now, without me standing constantly in his way."
Kurt clenched his jaw, his fingers gripping the rim so hard they turned white. Did Blaine think he was happy about it? He had no choice, it wasn't like he wanted it. There were people's lives at stake.
"Don't tell me it's indifferent to you" Finn told Blaine in a calmer, more reflexive tone. "Rachel told me what you said to him, but deep down I think you still love him. I can see it."
Blaine gave a bitter, almost self-deprecating chuckle, raking a nervous hand through his hair.
"What do you want me to say, Finn?" he said with an exasperated gesture, his hands in the air. "That sometimes I miss him so much I feel like I can't breathe? That I love him and hate him at the same time? That- God, that just thinking about another man touching him makes me sick? Are you happy now?"
Finn remained quiet for a while after that. A cool breeze brushed against Kurt's skin, making him shiver in the water. It was past time for him to get out of it, but he couldn't move. He couldn't place how Blaine's words made him feel; his emotions were all coiled together in a tight, intricate bundle in his chest. Blaine loved him; at least he knew that. Blaine hated him, too. He didn't know what to make of any of that. But both of those statements hurt, each one in its own particular way.
If Blaine simply hated him, maybe it would be easier for him to do what needed to be done.
"Can I ask you something?" Finn asked Blaine then. Blaine nodded absentmindedly.
"Why did you go down to the khalasar these past two days?"
Kurt braced himself for the words that would shatter him completely. Even with everything that was going on, it was Blaine's departure that set the line where their story ended, in his mind. It was Blaine's willingness to give up.
"I just... needed to be on my own for a while" Blaine said, speaking without giving the statement the importance Kurt had imagined. "Without him around, you know. To clear my head."
Kurt's heart skipped a beat. He felt his throat constricting.
"So you weren't... packing?" Finn ventured. Blaine became serious all of a sudden; his face grew suspicious.
"He thought I was leaving, didn't he?" he asked flatly.
"I guess we all did."
"Well, I wasn't" Blaine emphasized, crossing his arms over his naked chest, but his next words were hesitant. "I can't leave without knowing that... that he's safe. With the Yunkish camp still close to the city, I- I can't just leave him like this. I wouldn't do that to him."
Kurt had to suppress a gasp, afraid they would notice his presence. Blaine's statement made the solid castle of skepticism he had created for himself crumble like a pile of leaves.
Oh Gods, what have I done?, he thought, choking on air.
Finn studied Blaine closely. He seemed unsure whether to say something or not. In the end, he did.
"They will leave as soon as the wedding is celebrated" he revealed to Blaine.
"Oh" the Khal said, clearing his throat when it came out sort of croaked. "I see."
"You don't have to leave, you know" Finn told him matter-of-factly. "You could still... stay. Try and figure out whether you can put all this behind you or not."
Kurt held his breath as he waited for the answer.
"With him being married to another man?!" Blaine shot back. "How could I do that, Finn? The thought of him belonging to someone else, it just- it will kill me. And I know that I pushed him away, that part of it is my fault, but I didn't think he would ever do it to me. He... he didn't even tell me."
Hearing it like that, so plain and just... out there, hurt more than Kurt would have thought. Was he being as selfish as it sounded? Could a sacrifice be selfish? How was it that every single thing he did managed to hurt someone?
Finn sighed, looking mildly exasperated.
"You have to understand that they wanted an immediate answer. And he won't belong to anyone. It's a farce, it doesn't mean anything" he stated fiercely, before his words grew softer. "He won't... I don't think he will let anyone who is not you touch him, my Khal."
And Gods, wasn't that the truth. Even though they didn't know Kurt was listening, he felt exposed by the utter sincerity of it, as if Finn had just bared his deepest secret for the world to see.
"You don't know that" Blaine said, his voice hoarse and sort of desperate, making Kurt ache. "This is where he belongs, after all, isn't it? Not deserts and horses and dirty tents. It's thrones and marble courts and fancy weddings, people worshipping him and calling him Radiance, Worship, Magnificence. Even if it's not Westeros, this is what he was born for. Do you think I couldn't see it, when I stood with him at court? The way they looked at him, men and women alike, as if he was the most beautiful thing they'd ever seen? The things they'd be willing to do just to have him?"
Blaine paused, looking away toward the city as if to gather his thoughts. He had never told those things to Kurt after he attended court, and Kurt hadn't noticed. After all, Blaine had always been great at pretending that things were fine with him. He had done it almost all his life, to maintain the fa�ade of ruthless Khal who had murdered his own father. Kurt should have known him by now, though. He should have noticed.
"Up to know, his rule here has just been a series of problems to solve" Blaine continued, pensive, calm, almost engulfed in a reverent bubble of misery. "This fake marriage will solve everything. The army will be gone, the Sons of the Harpy have been stopped. It will go smoothly from there. Soon, he will realize this is exactly what he wanted, and who knows, maybe look at the man he's been forced to marry and think he's not that bad after all. Does it sound familiar to you?"
Finn looked surprised by the speech he had just heard, and Kurt was, too. It was hurtful to know that Blaine thought that about him – that Kurt could just move on with his life, grow to love another man, compensate with power what they had lost. They were Blaine's insecurities, though. Blaine's secret, deepest worries. What hurt the most for Kurt, was to know how painful they had to be for Blaine.
It had always been the other way around, after all. Kurt feeling not good enough, not strong enough, not manly enough to belong to the Dothraki culture. He understood what it felt like, and he loved Blaine too much in spite of everything to feel satisfied about it.
"If you put it this way, it does" Finn conceded, shrugging. "But if you don't mind me saying this, my Khal... I think this is just an excuse you're using not to admit that you can't leave him. You're trying to convince yourself he will be better off without you, but we both know he won't."
Blaine looked cornered for a moment, shifting his gaze around as if to avoid Finn's statement.
"It doesn't matter anyway" he replied in a somber, final tone. "Because I may be on my way to forgiving him, but he will never forgive me. You don't forget the things I said, Finn. You weren't there, you didn't see how- how scared he was, how crushed. And I- I feel so angry, all the time, I don't even know who I'm angry with anymore. What if I lose it again? I love him too much to be the one putting that look on his face. He just... he deserves better."
But I just want you, Kurt thought. Those were the words he had been dying for Blaine to say, and now it was too late, because Blaine would never accept to stay after the wedding; once he realized Kurt was safe and the Yunkai'i gone, he would leave. Seeing Kurt pronouncing holy vows – as fake and meaningless and foreign as they may be to him – would be too much for him. And how could Kurt blame him? How could he ask him to stay after hearing that it would kill him?
While if Blaine found it in himself to stay, Kurt knew they would find their way back to each other somehow. He would never turn Blaine down, if he found the strength to repeat those words in his face instead of telling them to someone else, thinking he wasn't there to listen to them. After all, Kurt was on his way to forgiving him, too. Blaine was proud and stubborn, he had always known that, and it was one of the things he loved and hated about him the most. After what he had just heard, he knew: Blaine just needed more time.
And Kurt couldn't give it to him.
On the terrace, Finn sighed and nodded.
"Well, talking about Khals cutting off hands wasn't a great move" he commented lightly after a while, elbows over the banister – trying to lighten the mood in his own way, most likely. Blaine, though, turned towards him with a serious expression.
"You know I'd never do that" he said through gritted teeth. "I was mad at him and I wanted to hurt him with my words. I'd never do that, Finn. Don't- don't joke about it. Just don't."
"I'm sorry" Finn replied immediately, biting on his lip. "I beg your pardon, my Khal."
"You have it" Blaine conceded, looking back at the city sprawled in front of him.
They stayed quiet for a while, each one lost in his own mind. Kurt let his grip on the rim of the pool loosen slowly and disappeared under the water as silently as possible, its weight engulfing him, dulling sounds and feelings alike. For a blessed moment, he managed to concentrate solely on how to breathe through his nose, letting the rest of the world slip past him over the surface of the water as if he didn't exist anymore.
When he reemerged, they were gone.
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The music was too loud, the people too many, the smell of spices too strong. Kurt tried to focus on the dancers performing in the middle of the immense hall, as the clatter of plates and cutlery rang annoyingly in his ears. They were amazing, actually; lean, agile acrobats coming from Mantarys, booked by Adam to entertain the guests of the engagement celebration. Kurt didn't even know why they needed something like that, but his soon-to-be fake second husband (Gods, it was ridiculous just to think about it) had convinced him of the fact that the more traditions they respected, the better.
He had taken it quite well, Adam. Of course, he had been surprised at the beginning, but when Kurt had explained to him that he had no choice if he wanted to end the war, he had understood why Kurt had picked him. Kurt wasn't a fool; he knew the nobleman was trying to mask how happy he was of the affair. After all, why wouldn't he be? Kurt had just offered him a throne on a silver plate.
Kurt didn't know Adam's... tastes, let's say, and honestly it wasn't as if it mattered. But the Meereenese acted differently around him since the news – telling him compliments that grew bolder every time, giving him heated, contemplative stares that made Kurt uncomfortable. It could be just a farce to charm him, make him grow attached to him, but the more Kurt thought about it, about Adam's behavior throughout the various visits to the court, the more he remembered stares and compliments and private jokes he hadn't noticed back then.
The acrobats were mounting one on top of the other, creating a tall human pyramid. The guests – Meereenese noblemen and, sadly, Yunkish ones invited to bear witness – cheered and clapped excitedly. Kurt didn't share their sentiment; he directed a forced half-smile toward the performers to let them see he was pleased, and resumed pushing his food around in his plate.
"His Worship doesn't like my gift?" Adam asked him in a secret whisper, leaning close to him over the table and nudging him with his shoulder playfully – acting like a worried lover, making Kurt want to grab the tablecloth and tear it apart with his hands.
"No, no, I do" he told him reassuringly, plastering a wider smile to his face. "I'm just... I don't feel well."
"Oh, do you want to retire to your chambers? I can tell the guests you're tired" Adam suggested. He slowly placed his hand on top of Kurt's on the table, and the contact made his skin prickle with uneasiness. He snatched his hand away subtly (he hoped) and chuckled.
"No, the Yunkai'i will get offended. It's fine."
"As you wish, My Radiance" the Meereenese replied, and the nickname reminded him so much of those he used to share with Blaine that for a moment he felt like ducking under the table to vomit. Adam was... sweet, in a way, even though Kurt didn't know how much of that was faked; but his worry sounded wrong to him, and his touch felt like too much.
In that moment, he looked at Adam and realized with outstanding clarity how wrong Blaine was. Kurt could never fell in love with that man – with any man. He could never move on completely, forget Blaine completely. The realization almost choked him, making his breathing grow ragged and heavy. He needed to get out. He needed to breathe.
The room spun around him as new performers earned the stage – this time, a "gift" from one of the Yunkish captains. People called him the Yellow Whale because of how fat he was; they had had to give him a bench rather than a chair, to be sure it would support him. The man ate with his hands without courtesy nor finesse, devouring dog legs in big, tearing bites. Roasted dog was Meereen's most typical dish, Kurt had discovered; in Westeros, people would scrunch their faces in distaste if they knew he was eating it.
The Yunkish enormous man had a taste for grotesqueries, dwarfs and cripples: the show he had conceived to "please" the betrothed was basically a parade of his most precious slaves, marked as his by having glimmering golden collars around their necks, decorated with golden bells that twinkled noisily at their every step. There was a girl with two heads, a boy with the lower body of a goat, two dwarfs riding pigs, and an apparently ordinary boy that had strutted in front of them with an innocent expression on his face, before lifting his tunic to show his intimate parts to the guests. Awed, they had erupted in heartfelt laughter at the sight of male and female genitals mingled together.
They honor me by making me see how much they enjoy their slaves, Kurt realized, trying to suppress the instinct to gag. By reminding me of what I left behind in Yunkai.
"You look beautiful tonight, Magnificence" Adam whispered in his ear all of a sudden, making him almost jump from his chair.
If the show hadn't been the last straw for Kurt, that certainly was.
"I'm going to take a breath of fresh air" he told Adam in a single rush of words. "I'll be right back."
Adam looked distraught by his answer; he opened his mouth to say something – to ask if he could join, Kurt figured – but thankfully, he reconsidered. He nodded solemnly and turned back around to watch the rest of the show.
Kurt left the table and the hall as silently as possible, hoping no one would notice, but knowing full well that almost every person in the room would be looking at his empty spot at least once every five minutes. He was the real show, after all; they had come to see him with their own eyes as he bent to their ultimate condition willingly. He swallowed down the humiliation he felt as he walked along the corridor that would lead him to the terrace.
Meereen was beautiful at night. You could not see its multicolored bricks glistening under the sun, but the torches scattered here and there along the narrow streets gave the city a quiet, almost reflexive hue, and the moon painted the pyramid tops in its white glow, making them look like mountain peaks covered in snow. Kurt had never seen the snow. He only knew what it should look like thanks to the books; they said it snowed even in summer in the North of Westeros. Winter is coming, the northmen always said, and the bastards who were born there got the family name of Snow.
When he stepped out onto the terrace, the cool night breeze hit him immediately, making his aqua green tokhar move with it. The air was hot and humid as always, but at least the wind was blowing. He filled his lungs with it and closed his eyes, feeling his body relax under the sweet, caressing gusts.
It was only when he opened them again that he saw a figure standing over the banister, its back to him. The yellow torches circling the apex, helped by moonlight, made it easier for Kurt to recognize who it was. He turned around to leave, but in that exact moment, the figure turned around as well.
Their eyes met, and for the first time in many days, they held each other's gaze without anger nor resentment in them.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know you were here" Kurt felt the need to say. Because it would have been... cruel, to seek Blaine out on purpose and let him see him like that, all dressed up and perfumed for another man. Someone else would have done it, maybe, in some mean attempt to make him see what he was missing on; but that wasn't like Kurt.
Blaine didn't answer. He just... looked, and Kurt couldn't help but be relieved at the thought that Blaine could do that again, even though he had said he couldn't. When the silence stretched out too long for his liking, though, he nodded to himself and made to leave again.
"You look beautiful tonight" he heard Blaine whisper, so soft that for a moment he felt as if he'd imagined it, as if his mind had just conjured up exactly what he wanted Blaine to say. They were the exact same words Adam had used, but they were different, so different. "It reminds me of the day I married you."
Kurt's throat closed up in a vice at that. Why did Blaine have to make it so hard for him? Why couldn't he just be angry and mean and cruel again? Kurt almost found himself regretting it, because as much as that hurt, it was nothing compared to this.
But Kurt had to be a masochist, because those words drew him in, and he realized he was walking towards Blaine only halfway. He hesitated, but when Blaine didn't make comments about it, he kept walking until he could lean over the banister as well – close, but not too close. Their shoulders weren't touching.
"Nothing reminds me of it, though" he answered thoughtfully. He was facing the city, while Blaine had his back towards it, elbows planted on the banister and head turned to where Kurt was.
"It seems like such a long time ago, doesn't it?" Blaine asked, even though Kurt didn't know if he wanted an answer, or if he was just talking to himself out loud.
"Yeah" he whispered anyway, and it occurred to him how old they sounded, two men whose lives were ending.
Blaine grew quiet for a while, allowing Kurt to relax into his inner world just like he had planned. Somehow, it felt as if Blaine knew what he needed in that moment. After everything, after the way they had hurt each other, he still knew Kurt better than anyone else. Then, quiet and reverent, he spoke.
"Do you regret it?"
The question made Kurt turn around abruptly. Blaine was looking at him in that way he had, that way that made Kurt crumble inside.
"Of course I don't" he told him fiercely. He hesitated. "...do you?"
"No" Blaine replied, his mouth curving up in the shadow of a little smile. "I thought I would, after... after what happened. But I just... don't."
"I'm glad" Kurt commented, not knowing what else to say.
A sudden gust of wind made a lock of his hair fall in front of his eyes. Lightning-quick, Blaine lifted a hand to brush it away – out of instinct, Kurt guessed, because he caught himself and gasped when he realized what he was about to do. Kurt saw hesitation flicker in Blaine's eyes for a moment, but then Blaine sort of steeled himself and kept going, his hand landing on Kurt's forehead in a bittersweet caress that felt like a memory brushing against him.
Blaine's hand stroked down over his cheekbone to settle against his cheek, and Kurt couldn't move. It felt as if his mind was too slow to catch up with what was happening. Then, Blaine's eyes flicked down to his mouth for a fraction of a second, and Kurt realized they were way closer than before.
"Blaine" he choked, just as Blaine was about to lean closer still, but he didn't move to put some distance between them. He didn't know how to.
"Just- just one kiss" Blaine murmured sort of brokenly, thumb stroking Kurt's pronounced cheekbone as if to ground him, and it felt as if the entire world was reduced to that touch alone, and the smell of Blaine around him. "Just once, to say goodbye."
Everything inside Kurt screamed at him to step back, to leave, to put some barrier between them and around his heart to keep it from breaking, but it was broken already, and it wasn't a big deal if the pieces got a little smaller. He could handle it. Or maybe he couldn't, but if there was something he would never learn how to do, was refusing a kiss from Blaine.
You're such a fool, he thought, but it was too late.
The kiss was hesitant at first, their lips touching so softly and briefly that it felt as if they didn't know each other, as if they had to go slow and discover step by step how to do it. And maybe it was like that, somehow; it had been so long that to Kurt, it tasted like the first kiss they had never had.
Just one kiss, Blaine had said, but when he pulled back his breath lingered on Kurt's lips and Kurt couldn't help but lean forward again, Blaine sighing against his mouth at the new, unexpected contact.
After that, they let go. Their mouths met in the most beautiful, heartbreaking kiss they had ever shared. They searched and found each other again every time they dived back into it, with their lips and soon their tongues and hands, cupping each other's faces. Their bodies curved toward each other like bowstrings ready to be released, pressing them close, too sudden and unexpected for Kurt to be able to process it fully. He let his worries go, let himself just enjoy it before it was over, and clang to Blaine's body with all the strength he had.
As Blaine clutched at his hips and made them rotate together, pressing him against the banister, Kurt had a glimpse of the entrance to the terrace, and a thought occurred to him suddenly.
"Blaine, wait, they- anyone could come and see" he croaked, just as Blaine's mouth moved down to kiss and scrape at his jaw and neck.
"Don't care" Blaine whispered behind his ear as he mouthed at the sensitive patch of skin. "I'll kill them if they do."
And Gods, if that wasn't Blaine's way to turn it up a notch, Kurt didn't know what it could be. He gripped the other man's curls to press him closer to his neck, feeling Blaine groan against it at the motion.
"It still turns you on when I say things like that, doesn't it?" he murmured as his mouth skipped lower, to bite at Kurt's clavicle and suck a bruise over it.
"Yes" Kurt confessed, whimpering when Blaine's tongue reached his uncovered nipple and circled around it.
Blaine seemed to have the intention to move lower still, but Kurt brought him back to his mouth thanks to his firm grip on Blaine's hair.
"Here, want you here" he mumbled as Blaine resumed kissing him, torturously slow and languorous, as if they had all the time in the world. In the back of his mind, Kurt knew he had a party to go back to, that people would start worrying about where he was, but he was going to give this up forever for the sake of duty and justice and responsibility; so for a moment, just a moment longer, he could indulge himself in doing what his heart really wanted.
"Don't want him to kiss you like this" Blaine murmured between kisses, his hands on Kurt's lower back now to keep them locked together, making Kurt shiver with desire as their groins touched and rubbed against each other as they kissed. "Don't want him to have you like this."
"Never" he heard himself say, whispered like a secret to be cherished. "I'll never let him, I promise."
Blaine kissed him harder after that, and it was a desperation they both shared, maybe for the first time. They were synchronized, on the same exact page, and even though there were so many things they still had to say to each other, for the time being that felt like enough to Kurt.
When Blaine pulled back suddenly, his eyes full of love and sadness and lust all mingled together, and offered him his hand, Kurt knew where he meant to go. And this time, it was the goodbye he had imagined.