April 27, 2015, 7 p.m.
Come What May: Week 34 - Promises, Promises
T - Words: 2,912 - Last Updated: Apr 27, 2015 Story: Complete - Chapters: 40/? - Created: Nov 02, 2014 - Updated: Nov 02, 2014 222 0 0 0 0
Happy Glee Day! I cant believe its over today... Ive pretty much been crying all morning and we have hours to go... On top of this, Im sort of writing a glee goodbye letter that Im posting to my tumblr and Twitter kater. Its kind of therapeutic, but I needed something happy, so I made sure to post here today. I know this isnt the greatest chapter. Theres not a ton of stuff to it but were getting down to the last few chapters of the story, and I promise there will be a little more to it.
Enjoy the episode tonigh everyone! Ill have the next chapter up as soon as I can! :)
Rolling on to his side, Kurt found Rachel staring at him. "Are you watching me sleep?" he asked.
"I got bored. Your daughter wouldnt let me sleep," Rachel smiled, scooting closer to him and placing her right leg over his. "She keeps kicking me."
Placing a hand on her belly, Kurt chuckled softly, "it sounds so weird when you talk like that."
"Like what?" she asked.
"Calling her my daughter like its so natural. Im not used to it yet," Kurt admitted.
"Youre adopting her, she is your daughter," Rachel said. "You might as well get used to it before she gets here."
A slight jolt in Rachels belly nudged Kurts hand and he giggled, "How could you even be annoyed with her? Its like shes trying to connect with us, and its so sweet."
"Because she does it at three in the morning when Im trying to sleep," Rachel replied, rolling her eyes. "If you only knew what that felt like, youd get annoyed too."
Kurt scrunched up his nose, "I can honestly say Im glad pregnancy is something I never have to do. I admire you for going through it though."
"Its a beautiful thing," Rachel smiled weakly, her hand moving across her belly. "Im just terrified of the labor. I know hundreds and hundreds of women have been through it but the thought of going through it myself is scary."
"Youre going to be fine, I promise. Youre a strong woman, Rachel. I have faith in you," Kurt reassured her.
"I just... the labor and delivery cant go wrong," she shook her head fiercely.
"I mean, its not my daughter. Its different. This is for you and Blaine. If something goes wrong, Ill be letting you and Blaine down."
Frowning, Kurt told her, "Sweetie, I really want you to understand that she is your daughter too. You are her parent as much as I am. I want her to know you as mom. Were a family. All of us."
Wrapping her arms around his waist, Rachel buried her face in his chest and said, "Thank you. That means so much to me."
"And, you know, if things dont work out with Blaine, I guess she really can be yours," Kurt rolled on to his back and stared up at the ceiling. This was something that has been on his mind since Blaine snapped at him.
"Honey, give him time. Blaines been under a lot of pressure since this whole pregnancy started. Hes overwhelmed. But hell come around, because he loves you," Rachel reassured him. She reached up to cup his cheek and smiled weakly. "Trust me, he loves you."
"I just cant believe I was so stupid. I knew his parents would never agree, especially his dad," Kurt ran a hand through his hair and rested it behind his head. "I threw away the one person I had a chance with."
"You didnt throw it away. Look what happened with Pam. If he didnt care, he wouldnt be so upset," she reminded him. "If he works things out with her, you will have done Blaine a great favor. I think its a possibility."
"I guess," he shrugged. "But if things dont work out, hes going to hate me."
"Kurt, I dont know how anyone could ever hate an angel like you," Rachel smiled. She repositioned, slowly pulling herself into a seated position and groaned.
Fighting back tears, Kurt said, "I just really cant imagine life without Blaine... I needed this, Rachel." He turned his head to look at her. "I was stuck in this place with Dylan. He had gotten me out of a dark situation but I never moved forward. I was just there. Blaine pushed me forward and I feel so alive with him. I only survived with Dylan. Blaine taught me to live, and I cant go back to only surviving."
"I know how you feel. He did the same for me and look what rough shape I ended up in when I did lose him," she frowned.
"I screwed up and I hate myself for doing this," Kurt whispered, shaking his head. "I cant go back to that dark place, Rachel. I cant."
Taking his hand, Rachel kissed his knuckles and said, "Look, if it really comes down to it, Im going to be here for you. Blaine is still the babys father but you are forever my greatest friend, and I cant ever let anything come between us again."
Wrapping his arms around her, Kurt kissed her cheek and said, "Thank you. I love you so much."
Rachel smiled, "I love you too... I promise, were going to get through whatever comes our way."
"I think thats everything," Nancy glanced over her clipboard. "I appreciate your time." Shaking Kurt, Rachel, and Blaines hands, Nancy gave a nod, before adding, "Ill be in touch soon."
"Thank you!" Rachel called, shutting the door behind her. She watched Kurt walk over to the chair in the far corner of the living room and pick up a magazine off the coffee table, and Blaine sit at the kitchen table. "Come on, I think that went really well."
"It did," Blaine agreed. He pulled out his phone and started typing, no doubt texting Sam.
"Hm," Kurt hummed, watching Blaine from over the top of his magazine. He hated being so distant, because he just wanted to reach out to him, but he had to give Blaine the space he needed. Being across the room seemed so far.
"Arent you excited about this?" Rachel asked. Kurt knew what she was trying to do, and the awkward look on Blaines face made it clear that it wasnt working.
"I mean, we dont know her final decision yet," Blaine said. He stole a glance at his watch, before he got back out of his chair and headed toward the door. "I gotta go. Ill be home in a couple of hours." He slammed the door behind him without another word.
Sighing heavily, Kurt set his magazine down and put a hand over his face. "Hes so upset over this," he mumbled.
Kneeling down in front of him, Rachel took his hand and said, "its gonna be okay, Kurt. I promise. He just needs a little more time."
"Yeah," Kurt whispered. He had given Blaine time and so far, it hasnt done any good.
"Im at least hoping it works out," Rachel squirmed uncomfortably. "After talking to you a couple nights ago, I sort of made arrangements with Sam."
"What do you mean?" Kurt asked, sitting forward. This was news to him.
Rachel blinked several times and took a deep breath, "He told me that he had been concerned about me. He asked how my therapy was going and it came up that my therapist thought I might still be breathing too much poison by living with you."
"I didnt know you were that uncomfortable here," Kurt said calmly.
"Im not... But she said that things would shift when the baby came. My motherly instincts are going to kick in, and it might cause a little conflict," Rachel shrugged.
"Rachel, youre allowed to help out," Kurt informed her. "I told you shes -"
"My daughter too, I know," she interrupted. Gazing into his eyes, she said, "Its just going to be hard, because I cant stay with you and Blaine forever, so I cant get too attached. itll be that much harder when I do leave."
"So what are you saying?" he asked, gripping her hand tightly. Was he about to lose his best friend too.
"Sam offered to have me move in with him," Rachel told him. "He said the apartment would be too lonely with Mercedes gone and I need somewhere else to go. My therapist was right, this isnt going to work for me."
"But - "Kurt started to protest.
Placing her pointer finger over his lips, Rachel continued, "Im not moving in today. I told Sam that its too close to my due date and Im waiting out my pregnancy with you and Blaine. I owe you that much."
"And then what? You give birth and just leave?" Kurt started. "Just like that?"
Shaking her head, Rachel said, "Ill be around at first. I have to pack and move and i cant do that in my current state." She glanced down at her stomach and frowned. "Ill make sure you and Blaine are well adjusted and then Ill go."
"Im going to miss having you here," Kurt said quietly. "After our long break from each other, Im really glad we had this time to reconnect."
"Me too," Rachel whispered, tears forming in her eyes. "But were always going to be in each others lives. If things work out with you and Blaine or... if they dont."
"Then I can kick Blaine out and keep you," Kurt smiled weakly.
Leaning her forehead against his, Rachel smiled, "If you cant have Blaine, then I am most definitely willing to have you."
They stayed in that position for a couple moments, before a loud knock came on the apartment door. "Who could that be?" Kurt stood up.
"Can you help me up?" Rachel whined hopelessly, lifting her arms up.
Grabbing her hands, Kurt pulled Rachel to her feet and they moved toward the door together. "Hello?" Kurt swung it open.
"Is Blaine home?" Pam asked timidly.a suitcase at her side, she stood dripping wet from the rain.
"Oh, um, you just missed him. He had a class this morning, and he just left a few minutes ago," Kurt told her. "Would you like to come in?"
"No," Pam shook her head. "No, I was coming by to tell him that Im going back to Ohio... Michael wants me to remove everything I own from the house before he throws it out, so Im going home to pack my things, as well as some of Blaines old things left in his bedroom."
Kurt felt his heart ache for this woman. He couldnt help but feel slightly responsible for the divorce, because the invitation had set Michael off. "Are you sure you cant stay?" he asked.
"I hate it here. Its too loud. Its too busy," Pam chuckled slightly. "I dont see why you all love it here... But I cant stay. I need to go home and move on. Ill probably move back in with my parents for now."
"Youll come to the wedding though, wont you?" Kurt asked her.
She shrugged, "if Blaine wants me to come. Tell him to call me with his answer when hes ready."
"We will," Rachel said hastily. "Take care, Im so sorry about all of this."
Pam smiled sadly. Reaching a hand forward, she gently brushed her fingertips against Rachels large belly and said, "I will. Take care of my granddaughter."
"Well see you soon," Kurt promised.
"You cant make that kind of promise," Rachel told him when he shut the door. "Blaine might not want anything to do with her."
"You were the one who said hed come around,," Kurt pointed out.
"I know. Im just worried about him, and the weddings not that far off, and that makes me worried about you. I cant watch him break your heart," Rachel replied.
"Dont worry, Ill figure something out," said Kurt.
Sitting down on the grass beside Blaine, Kurt leaned back on his hands and said, "Weathers really warming up. Its a good day to come out here."
"All the tourists agree," Blaine said flatly, pointing toward the people walking by the bottom of the hill. He hugged his knees tightly and added, "Howd you know I would be here?"
"Well, when youre upset, you like to retreat to a quiet place, and New York only has so many. I figured you were either here, at the Empire State Building or in Central Park."
"So what made you look here?" Blaine glanced at him out of the corner of his eye.
"Because I know you hate boats, so this is the last place I would look," Kurt told him.
"You know me too well," Blaine mumbled.
"Thats because I have this long list of things I know about you," Kurt nudged him with his elbow, referring to the jokes they made during their first real conversation.
The corners of Blaines mouth twitched and he ran a hand through his hair. "Then I guess you know Im upset with you," he said, his face falling.
"Its been noted," Kurt nodded.
"And you should also know that I hate being upset with you, because I hate causing you pain," Blaine continued, staring out across the water. He watched another boat move in to the island for more tourists to view the Statue Of Liberty.
"I hate fighting with you," Kurt said quietly. "I never meant to hurt you, Blaine. I hope you know that."
Turning to face Kurt, Blaine stretched out his legs and said, "I know. Thats the worst part. All you tried to do was help and by doing that, you caused me more pain. I cant let go of the fact that you did this knowing there was a chance Id get hurt."
"I wouldnt have told you if she had just mailed a response," Kurt reminded him.
"But then that leads to secrets and lies and I dont like knowing that youre willing to lie to me," Blaine told him.
"Only to protect you. Look at what happened with Dylan and Rachel, we were both willing to lie to protect them, because we cared about them," Kurt scooted closer to him.
Bowing his head, Blaine admitted, "Kurt... Weve been through a lot of lies and problems to get to each other. Maybe were just taking this too fast."
"I think thats what makes us so special," said Kurt, putting a finger under Blaines chin and lifting his head to meet his eyes. "We found each other and took each other in despite the battles we fought to get to each other. Blaine, I wouldnt fight that hard for anyone, but for some reason, I would go to the extreme to fight for you."
"Kurt," Blaine said quietly, his voice cracking.
Kurts blue eyes pouring into Blaines gentle hazel eyes, he said deeply, "I love you, Blaine Anderson. I dont mean that you make me happy and I look forward to being with you. I mean that I would give my life to be with you, because after fighting so hard for you, I can not imagine my life without you. When youre hurting, all I want to do is hold you and make you feel better. I want to protect you and make sure you feel nothing but pure happiness every day of your life. And thats why I want to marry you."
Closing his eyes, a tear escaped and rolled down Blaines cheek. He bit his lip, letting out a shaky breath. When he was ready, he looked back at Kurt and said quietly, "You make staying mad at you a very hard thing to do."
Taking both of Blaines hands in his, Kurt said, "Listen, Im not perfect and I know you arent either. I love you for every flaw you have and I hope you can accept my flaws as well. Im a work in progress, but I hope to spend the rest of my life progressing with you."
"Kurt," Blaine said firmly.
"Yes?" he breathed.
"Are you going to save any of this mushy stuff for our vows or should we just get married right now?" Blaine gave a soft smile.
Kurt smiled at this, feeling like he was getting somewhere. "I really am sorry about what happened, Blaine. I tried to be the hero and I was being selfish. It wasnt what you wanted and I should have respected that."
"My parents are just a really touchy subject," Blaine said, taking a deep breath. "Seeing how upset you were about your mom, this shouldnt have surprised me. I just couldnt take any more rejection. Ive already dealt with so much."
"I know you have," Kurt squeezed his hand.
"Ive relied on you to be the thing that catches me when I fall, so I didnt know how to handle the idea of you being the one to let me fall," Blaine told him, his thumb grazing Kurts knuckles. "But even being this angry with you, I knew the only thing that would make me feel better is you. That scares me. How do you get away with being the one to pick me up when you pushed me down?"
"Because I wouldnt say I pushed you. I didnt mean to hurt you. I accidentally knocked you down, so its easier to feel sorry about that," Kurt gave him a reassuring smile. "I would never do anything to purposely hurt you, Blaine. I cant always stop you from falling, but I promise you that am always going to be there to pick you up when you fall."
"I want you to be," Blaine croaked. "I cant imagine my life without you either."
"Does this mean youre willing to trust me again?" Kurt asked.
Slowly nodding, Blaine said, "I trust you in many aspects. I know you cheated to get to me, but because you were so passionate about it, I trust that your passion will keep you from straying. I trust that youre a kind, decent person who only ever wanted the best for me, and I know you meant well. Were both going to continue to make mistakes, but I trust that well get through those mistakes somehow."
"I want to continue to grow and learn with you," Kurt replied.
Blaine licked his lips and said, "I just need you to give me time. I still havent made a decision about my mom and Im riding on nerves between the wedding and the baby coming, but Ill get there."
"So were okay?" Kurt smiled weakly.
"I hope so, because were getting married in two weeks," Blaine said sweetly, leaning in to meet Kurts lips.