"I cant," he whispered.

A disappointed groan from the crowd rang through his ears and the people around them began walking away.

"Im sorry?" Dylans face hardened. The hand holding the box fell to his side.

"I cant," Kurt shook his head. Tears began rolling down his cheeks. He couldnt believe it actually came down to this, but he knew it was best. He had to be fair to Dylan, and saying yes wasnt fair.

"You cant." Dylan repeated.

"I havent been honest with you, Dylan, and I cant start a marriage on a lie," Kurt choked out. His body began to tremble and the tears came more quickly now.

"I dont understand," Dylan took a step backward, shaking his head.

"You were right about Blaine," Kurt said.

"Oh."

"Im so sorry, Dylan," Kurt cried, his vision blurring through his tears. he stepped toward his boyfriend but Dylan backed away. "There were so many times that I wanted to tell you."

But - what? You were too embarrassed to admit that you had feelings for someone else?" Dylan snapped. "What exactly was I right about, huh? How long have you been lying to me?"

"I - " Kurt started.

"Did you kiss him? Are you secretly seeing him? Did you... sleep with him?" Dylans voice shook.His eyes were side with shock.

Kurt bowed his head, "I didnt mean to."

"Holy shit," Dylan said quietly. He stared at Kurt, reaching up and pulled at his hair. "Are you serious right now?"

"Im so sorry," Kurt choked out.

"You cheated on me," Dylan said flatly.

"I did," Kurt said. He felt like he could hardly breathe. He knew, sooner or later, this moment would happen, but he still wasnt prepared for it. The agonized look on Dylans face brought Kurt more pain than he could handle. He felt so terrible for doing this to him.

"And you lied to me," Dylan stated.

"I know," Kurt said.

"Why did you lie to me?" Dylan asked fiercely. 

"I didnt want to," Kurt stepped closer and took his hand. "Dylan, you have to know that I am so sorry. I didnt want to lose you. I was scared to tell you, because I cant lose you."

Pulling his hand away, Dylan said coldly, You never would have cheated on me if you really felt that way."

"I didnt mean to. It just happened and I wanted to tell you. I just couldnt. Im so sorry," Kurt longed for Dylan to understand. It wasnt supposed to end like this.

"I bet youre sorry," Dylan said harshly. He turned to walk away and Kurt felt his heart stop.

"No, Dylan, please," Kurt pleaded. He reached for Dylans arm and Dylan shoved him backward, causing him to stumble over his own feet. He stared at Dylan in fear..

"I trusted you, Kurt," Dylan started, tears now forming in his eyes. "I would have given you everything, because I loved you."

"Dylan, please," Kurt barely whispered.

"Why? Because you think somehow we can make this work? Like Im supposed to pretend that I can forgive you for doing this to me?" Dylans voice grew louder.

"No, I dont know," Kurt said quickly. "I know theres no hope for us as a couple but Dylan I just cant lose you."

You know, Kurt," Dylan was now inches from his face. He snarled, "You should have thought of that before you broke my trust." He turned on his heel and began walking away.

"Dylan!" Kurt called after him desperately, feeling his heart sink to his stomach.

Without turning back, Dylan yelled, "Screw you, Kurt Hummel."

Kurt had never felt so lost. There was an empty place in his heart where Dylan should have been. He had known for a while that hed never be able to keep Blaine a secret forever, and he had known that Dylan would be angry when he found out, but he didnt know losing Dylan would hurt like this.

What was he going to do now? He had moved to New York with Dylan. As a couple. They wanted to start a new life together, and Kurt had ruined that new life from day one.

What would life be like without Dylan? Rachel was angry with him. Blaine was angry with him. And it wasnt like he could turn to Sam and Mercedes, because Blaine was staying there. He had no where to go.

He had been so angry with Blaine, maybe even unfair, considering Kurt had been living a lie as well. He felt guilty, and knew he had to give Blaine a chance. But could he turn to Blaine now that he was having trouble with Dylan? Was it fair to do that? He now knew that he had been harsh on Blaine, and if he couldnt fix things with Dylan, maybe he could try to understand where Blaine was coming from.

But would Blaine accept his apology?

Knocking on the door to the apartment, Kurt waited for someone to answer. He knew that Blaine was still in Ohio, so he hoped his friends could give him a temporary refuge.

"Hey, handsome," Mercedes smiled. Her smile vanished when she looked Kurt over. "Damn, Kurt, what happened to you?"

"Dylan and I broke up," he mumbled.

"What?" She gasped. "What happened?" She ushered him inside, where Sam sat in the floor near the small Christmas tree. With her hand on his arm, Mercedes pulled him into the living room.

"We were just putting presents out for tomorrow morning," Mercedes explained. She sat Kurt down on the couch and asked, "So what happened? Why did your boo break up with you on Christmas Eve?"

"He proposed," Kurt said, tears forming in his eyes again. he felt so ashamed for breaking so easily, but the pain had become too unbearable to deal with on his own.

"What?" Sam said loudly.

"He proposed and I said no, because of B-Blaine," he buried his face in his hands. "Ive been so stupid. I never should have let things get this far out of hand." A sob escaped his throat and he felt Mercedes wrap her arms around him. She rubbed his back, shushing him.

"Kurt, you were in a bad situation. Anyone would have tried to hide the fact that they cheated," Sam said from the floor.

That did nothing to comfort him. If anything, he cried harder, hating himself for letting things fall apart like this. Burying his face in Mercedes;s shoulder, Kurt let her gently rock him.

"Shut up, Sam," Mercedes mumbled.

They remained silent, until Kurt had finally calmed down, He didnt know how long the three of them had sat there, but in time, his body felt limp, and he stared at the wall across the room, feeling drained.

"Baby, why dont you stay here for a couple days?" Mercedes asked. "Id let you stay longer but with -"

"Blaine staying here that could be super awkward," Sam concluded.

She glared at him, "well, yeah."

"Thanks," Kurt said lamely.

"Get some sleep, Kurt," Mercedes gently pushed him backward. She pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and placed it over him. Gently kissing his forehead, she whispered, "I cant promise itll be okay, but Im always going to be here for you."

He was too tired to respond, emotionally and physically. In no time at all, Kurt had drifted off to sleep.

hristmas was the worst holiday Kurt had ever lived through. Sam and Mercedes hadnt been prepared for Kurt to be there. They had enough food but it still wasnt the same. This was supposed to be His first Christmas in his home with Dylan, but instead he sat in someone elses apartment, with nothing to remind him of his own traditions..

Sam and Mercedes did their best to make Kurt feel welcome but it wasnt enough. He was too miserable to care about anything. He spent most of the day sulking on the chair in the corner of the room.

Three days later, Sam and Mercedes sat cuddled on the couch, watching a movie, while Kurt sat in his chair, pretending to read a magazine. His thoughts were running wild, and he couldnt concentrate, but Mercedes had given him enough worried looks to know that he had to at least try to act less miserable.

The front door opened and Blaine came in, trailing a suitcase behind him. Flakes of snow rested on his jacket and in his  curly hair. His cheeks were red and his eyes went wide at the sight of Kurt.

"Lets finish our movie in the bedroom," Mercedes stood up, pulling Sams arm.

"But -" Sam started but she shook her head, pulling him from the room.

Kurt glanced at his magazine again, unsure of how to start a conversation. He wanted to apologize to Blaine, but he wasnt sure what to say. He hadnt spoken to Blaine since the night he left for Ohio, ad it hadnt been a pleasant conversation. 

Blaine set his suitcase down, moved to the couch and folded his hands. "Have a good Christmas?" He asked casually.

"Not really," Kurt said numbly. He could feel tears welling in his eyes and he shut them, hoping theyd go away. He couldnt break in front of Blaine. He had to keep his walls up, no matter how much he wanted to tell Blaine everything.

Over the last couple days  Kurt longed for Blaines embrace. Blaine had been a safe haven for him in the past. Kurt had a similar sensation of security that Blaine had on the Empire State Building. And now that Kurts heart had been broken, he so desperately needed Blaines embrace. He needed to know that he wasnt going to lose Blaine completely too.

But this awkward tension was enough for Kurt to know that he had to stand his ground. He had been angry with Blaine before. Despite his need for Blaine, he was still a little hurt about everything, and Blaine needed to know that.

"Me neither," Blaine replied. "Kind of a lousy Christmas, really."

"Why?" Kurt asked. At least he could keep conversation light, if thats what Blaine wanted.

"My dad is convinced that I need to marry Rachel before the baby comes," Blaine shrugged. "Its all he could lecture me about while I was there. Made a long weekend of arguments."

"Oh," Kurt said, the idea of marriage made him think of Dylan holding the ring box before him and his stomach turned from the guilt. He gripped the magazine tightly in his hands..

Blaine stared at him for a long moment and then asked, "Why are you here, Kurt?"

"Because my friends live here," Kurt felt his lip quiver. He bit it hard, trying to will himself not to cry. The taste of blood hit his tongue. He let out a soft whimper, turning his head away from Blaine.

"Hows Dylan?" Blaine asked curiously, watching Kurts movements. Kurt knew that Blaine could sense something was wrong.

Kurt fumbled with a page, trying to turn it but it stuck. Feeling the tears roll down his cheeks, he carelessly rumpled the magazine and tossed it on the ground. Taking a shaky breath, he said, "Fine, I guess."

Blaine tilted his head sideways and asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he whispered.

"Okay," he nodded. Leaning forward, Blaine touched Kurts knee and said, "if you need anything, you know where to find me." Giving his knee a pat, he added, "Im going to get settled in."

Kurt watched him get up, grab his suitcase and move across the room. He knew he had to do something, before this road with Blaine became too rough. "Blaine, wait," he called.

"Yes?" he turned back to face Kurt.

"I need you," Kurt said quickly. When Blaine raised an eyebrow, he added, "I need you to hear me out for a minute.". He felt more tears fall and his shoulders slumped. "I wasnt fair to you, Blaine, and Im really sorry."

"Youve changed your tone," Blaine crossed his arms over his chest.

"I finally realized that I was an ass to you, and I cant figure out why youre being so nice to me, after what I said to you," Kurt stood up and moved closer to Blaine.

"I wasnt the one who kicked you out of my life," Blaine shook his head.

"I panicked," Kurt shrugged. "I was hurt and scared and I just thought I was protecting myself."

"So what changed your tone?" Blaine asked.

"Dylan and I broke up," Kurt said truthfully

"Ah," Blaine nodded. His face fell and he turned to his suitcase, bending over to unzip it. 

"I didnt realize how much of a mess I made until I told the truth... This wasnt all your fault. I lied to Dylan. I made excuses. And I accused you of everything," he said, stepping closer.

"I know," Blaine said coldly, fidgeting with the zipper..

"Im still not totally over this baby thing, and I know I dont stand a chance with you, but I know now that I was wrong, and Im sorry," he said, placing a hand on Blaines shoulder. He knew Blaine was only using his suitcase to avoid  Kurts eyes.

"Kurt, I think we let things get too complicated," Blaine replied, standing up straight.

"Yeah," he nodded.

This time, Blaine looked at Kurt and said, "I know youve had feelings for me, but I think right now, youre just vulnerable and upset," Blaine reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze. "Im very sorry that I ruined things for you and Dylan. We both knew what we were doing was wrong, and Im willing to take some of the blame for that. You had every right to be angry with me."

"Blaine," he whispered.

"But my dad was sort of right. Im not going to marry Rachel, but I have a future I need to be a part of. I know you think my plans are silly, but I have to do whats best for my child," Blaine said, pulling his hand away.

"What does that mean?" Kurt asked, preparing himself for another heart break. He didnt want to lose Blaine too.

"You were so angry the last time I saw you that I believe youre doing this out of spite for Dylan," Blaine said. He softened his tone and his expression.  "I really, really care about you, Kurt, and I missed you like hell this week. I hated knowing that there was a chance youd never speak to me again, and I was very overwhelmed when I walked in to find you here."

"But?" he knew it was coming.

"But I think, for now, you need to pull yourself together and figure out what it is you really want without Dylan in the picture, Youve been with him for so long, and I understand that it wont be easy for you to know what you want" Blaine said quietly. "If its me, Ill be willing to embrace you, but I cant do that until you have time to decide what it is you really need."

Kurt stood there, staring at Blaine. It seemed fair enough. After all, Kurt did have anger burning toward Blaine until the drama with Dylan happened. He desire for Blaine probably was coming from the feeling of being overwhelmed, and it wasnt right to do that to Blaine. He didnt know how sincere it really was.

"Okay," he nodded.

""Come here," Blaine pulled him into a hug and Kurt held him tightly. Blaine said, "I know things have been rough, and Im sorry. We made this mess together and I dont want to face it apart."

Kurt pulled away and looked into his favorite hazel eyes. "I know, Im sorry. Im sorry for blaming you. Im sorry for playing games with Dylan for so long, and Im sorry I told Rachel your secret."

"Well, Ive certainly made mistakes too. Lying about the baby and everything, and Im sorry too," Blaine smiled weakly.

"Where does that leave us?" Kurt asked.

"I think we need to start being honest with each other. No more lies," Blaine held up a hand. "Pinky swear."

Kurt looked bewildered, "What? Are you five?"

"Kurt, the first thing that should have ever gone on your list of things you know about me is that I take pinky promises very seriously," Blaine said in an honest expression.

Kurt choked out a small chuckle through his tears and Blaine smiled.

"Ive missed your laugh," he said quietly.

"Ive missed you," Kurt admitted.

Grabbing Kurts hand, Blaine entwined their pinkies and said, "And I missed our friendship, so Im promising you know that I will be honest with you. I will value your friendship. I will incorporate you into my plan for the future, because I dont ever want to lose you as a friend. Can you make me the same promise?"

"Ditto," Kurt nodded.

Blaine dropped his hand and glared at him. "Kurt Hummel, at least try to take this seriously."

"Blaine, you pinky promised," Kurt said flatly, feeling slightly better that he had Blaine again..

"So you know you can trust me," Blaine said.

"When you hold up your end of the deal, I will take you seriously," Kurt said, truthfully hoping that this meant things were going to be better with Blaine.