I Was Dreaming for So Long

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"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more; that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds," Kurt turned off the TV with a huff, tossing the remote to the side before slumping back down against Blaine's headboard with his arms crossed.

"Eyy," Blaine protested through a mouthful of popcorn. "'S watching that," Kurt stared at his arms with his head down, biting loosely on his lower lip. Blaine stared at him for a moment, swallowing thickly and sucking his teeth. Kurt didn't meet his eyes, only turned his gaze to the blue screen of the DVD menu. He shut his eyes and breathed in deeply as Blaine set the bowl of popcorn aside, turning over on his side to face Kurt.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, running his hand up and down the length of Kurt's folded arm gently, though he got no response. I had been hard, watching Rachel board the train without any of them, trying to keep his smile as genuine as he could. It had been just as hard for Blaine, though not for the same reasons; he was more concerned with Kurt's wellbeing than trying to convince Rachel he was as proud as he seemed.

"I really don't care about Rachel McAdams' problems right now, I'm sorry," Kurt snipped, disregarding Blaine's latter apology.

"It's okay. She was kind of bumming me out anyway," Blaine amended, glancing back to the TV with a grimace. Kurt's lip began to quirk into a grin but he stopped himself before it grew into a full-blown smile.

"It's not fair," Kurt mumbled, shifting his shoulders uncomfortably. Blaine breathed in deeply, gently grasping for Kurt's hand.

"Lay down, babe," Kurt obliged, slumping back down against the pillows, his clothes bunching up around his midsection. He tried to stay steely, pretend it didn't bother him, but before too long, Kurt arched his back and pulled his shirt straight. Blaine couldn't help but smile just a little. Kurt nestled in against him, resting his head against Blaine's chest just as he wrapped one arm around Kurt's shoulders, the other resting on his hip.

"It's not fair," he mumbled again, his throat tightening just enough to make his voice that little bit higher. "She gets everything. I just... I love her so much, but I don't think I've ever hated her like this," Kurt said, his voice muffled by the way he was burying his face against Blaine's neck. "I-I'm trying so hard to be happy for her, I am, I am, but I-I--"

"Hush," Blaine soothed, stroking his thumb against the soft skin of Kurt's hip. "I know you are, baby. You're such a good friend, you know that, don't you?" Blaine tilted his head down to look at Kurt and saw his eyes closed, his shoulders tensing. "You're so selfless and so supportive, Kurt. You always put everyone else before you and you never worry about yourself until you know everyone around you is safe and happy. And I love that about you," Kurt smiled weakly against Blaine's cardigan and he kissed his forehead gently.

"And it sucks, you're right. It sucks, and it's not fair, and it's gonna suck for a really long time. But that's all there is to it. I wish I could get you into NYADA, I wish I could just make everything perfect for us. F-for you. But I can't," Blaine almost sounded disappointed by it, disappointed that he couldn't do all those things and make the world perfect for them. Because all he really wanted right then, well, ever, was to make Kurt happy and keep him that way. "And there's no one that deserves all of those things more than you,"

Kurt's throat tightened and he could feel the burn of tears against the back of his closed eyes. "I hate complaining about this," Kurt sniffled, pulling at loose thread on his shirt. Blaine closed his hand around Kurt's, if only to stop him from ruining another cherished piece of his wardrobe. "but... I-I... When is it my turn?" His lip was quivering now, his chest feeling heavy and his throat swelling so deeply it was feeling hard to breathe. Blaine brushed a tear off of Kurt's cheek and pulled him closer, kissing the damp streak it left against his skin.

"I wish I knew," Blaine admitted. "I-I really wish I knew. But remember what I said?" Kurt stared at him expectantly. "Never give up hope, right?" Kurt huffed a little under his breath but smiled just slightly.

"Oh, what do you know, your cardigan has lobsters on it," Kurt mumbled after a moment, poking him in the chest where the offending pattern was detailed against it. Blaine chuckled heartily and Kurt felt it rumble through Blaine's body.

"That's what you're taking away from the that whole thing?" Blaine asked, a grin spreading across his face. Kurt laughed gently but looked him in the eye.

"Thank you," he said seriously and Blaine grinned at him, kissing his forehead.

"Of course," he mumbled, smiling against Kurt's skin. "Do you want me to write them a scathing email, saying that I'll never go to one of their plays ever?" Blaine offered. Kurt sat up, his brow furrowed like he was considering it.

"... No. We-- No," He stuttered. "No," Blaine laughed.

"Are you sure? I'll use different name and everything. It would be covert. They would never know it was me," Kurt rolled his eyes but grinned, his heart fluttering gently in his chest; he knew that Blaine would probably write him 10 scathing emails if he asked for it.

"There's my smile," Blaine said gently, staring with deep, gentle eyes at Kurt's face. Kurt's face warmed, colour flushing his cheeks as he bit his lip, burying his face in Blaine's shoulder. "I hate seeing you upset," Blaine admitted, his voice going distant and soft. Kurt hummed into his shirt.

"I love you," Kurt said blankly, just out of the blue, like he always seemed to do. Saying it, though they said it almost every time they were together, still managed to raise something in his chest, something light and full and happy.

"I love you too," Blaine smiled. "And this cardigan was a gift," He snipped. Kurt rolled his eyes but stared up at him fondly.

"From who?" Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Cooper..." Blaine admitted shyly and Kurt laughed suddenly, throwing his hand over his mouth to try to muffle it. "What?"

"I just..." Kurt giggled, "I just love you,"