Nov 4, 2013

To: Rachel Barbra Berry rbberry@nyada.edu

From: Kurt Hummel Hummel.K@nyu.edu

Subject: I Saw Him

Rachel,

I saw my future husband. Today. Oh, Rachel, he is the most beautiful man. We were on a staircase together for about a minute, and then we reached the landing and he smiled at me when he opened the door, like he was checking to see if I was planning to go that way. I smiled back and shook my head and went on up two more flights to my classmate’s apartment. I’m hoping Janice and I have to run lines a lot more, and that Mr. Beautiful lives in her building so I can see him again. Seriously Rachel, I feel like I should have said something. He just seemed so… so something.

Anyway, you owe me a coffee date. How’s tomorrow afternoon?

K

September 18, 2014

To: Rachel Barbra Berry rbberry@nyada.edu

From: Kurt Hummel Hummel.K@nyu.edu

Subject: OMG I saw him again!

Remember the amazing man I saw last year and said I regretted not talking to? I saw him again today.  I almost got on the wrong train just to try and talk to him, but I knew if I did that, I’d be late to class and my dance teacher – well, he’s no Cassie July, but you don’t show up late to his class.

Anyway, Mr. Wonderful was on the train and I got to watch him the whole time it was stopped. He was wearing a blue paisley bowtie, and this very nice navy sweater that looked like it must have been at least part cashmere. He was reading Idina Menzel’s biography! I haven’t even had a chance to buy my copy yet. It just came out yesterday. And it must be funny because he kind of grinned a couple times, and then I could see him shaking, like he was laughing quietly. He’s got such a beautiful smile, Rachel. And I know it sounds like I’m being all shallow. I’ve seen this guy twice and he’s so gorgeous and I know how that sounds, but there’s more to it. I just know there is. He’s already halfway through Idina’s bio – obviously we have a lot in common.

Yeah, I know. On the plus side, I have a date with an actual person I’ve actually spoken real words to. I’ll text you tomorrow night and let you know how it’s going.

K

March 19, 2016

To: Rachel Barbra Berry rbberry@nyada.edu

From: Kurt Hummel Hummel.K@nyu.edu

Subject: You’ll never believe this

Rach,

I’m like 92.6% sure Mr. Bowtie-Wearer was at my show tonight. The last performance of my senior project, I’m standing in the wings, watching how things are going. It’s so frustrating to know the quality of the performance will affect the grade, even if the teacher tries not to let it. Thankfully, my cast was wonderful tonight and I think it all went over well.

Anyway, I’m standing in the wings and I look over to watch the audience reactions, and there, in the fourth row, was Mr. Reads-About-Idina.  He looked like he was really into it, and he laughed in all the right spots (even the subtle things most people don’t pick up on). I seriously thought about trying to catch him after the show, to say something to him, and then I realized I didn’t even know if he’s gay.

Then I glanced back out as the cast was doing curtain calls, and as they were standing there applauding, Mr. Holds-Doors-On-Staircases leaned over to say something to Mr. Frat-Boy next to him, and then they shared a scorching look and a smirk and a kiss. So yeah, Mr. Gorgeous is gay, but is also involved. Just my luck, right? At least he enjoyed my play.

K

January 3, 2018

This is more than a little ridiculous. I saw him again today, and rather than continue my insane ramblings to Rachel (who is far too busy planning her wedding to actually pay attention anyway), I decided I’d just keep my ramblings in my journal. It makes me seem a little less like a crazy stalker person.

This sighting was both more enticing and more frustrating than before. He was singing in the subway station, playing a guitar, had a guy on sax with him, and a girl with a drum. Really cool music and wow does he have an amazing voice. Once I got over my vocally-triggered lust stupor, I tried to get closer, but they finished playing and he left before I could get through the crowd.

I had a blind date with Janice’s friend, anyway, so I didn’t have time to try and chase Mr. Beautiful.

He’s stopped slicking his hair down. It’s curly and kind of unruly and I really kind of love it.

April 29, 2019

I was out with Charlie today. We were walking through Chinatown and we go into this little dim sum place he heard was the best, and Mr. Seduces-with-His-Voice is sitting in the waiting area. We’ve got about a ten minute wait, and we’re sitting there and Charlie’s talking about what we want from our new apartment. I can barely remember anything he said because I was too busy listening to Mr. Gorgeous tell his two companions about the new songs he’s been writing (Charlie has no interest in my songwriting), and then suddenly they were talking about the royal family (a topic Charlie is almost proud to know nothing about) and it hits me that I can’t move in with Charlie. It doesn’t matter that we’ve been together over a year now. I’ve been comfortable, but that doesn’t mean it’s good. I can’t believe it, but before our ten minute wait was up, Charlie was walking out the door after I told him I didn’t think this was a good plan. We broke up waiting for dim sum. Somehow that sounds deeper than it really is. Like the title of a book on how someone found enlightenment.

I was staring at the floor wondering if I should be more upset, and suddenly Mr. Seems-To-Have-Everything-in-Common-With-Me was walking by as they’re led to a table. He paused in front of me to ask, “Hey, you okay there?” I felt torn between my usual thoughts of how magnetic he was and my currently processing reality of ‘we just broke up waiting for dim sum.’

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Thanks.” Oh god, his voice, the honesty in it, the tone of it, the kindness to even ask… but before I could say anything else, he smiled at me and walked away with his friends. Like I should have been hitting on someone right then anyway, right?

What’s funny is that last time I saw that guy? I was on my way to my first date with Charlie.

Also, due to the maudlin mood I’m in (it was a legitimate breakup, I’m allowed to wallow for a bit) I looked up my old emails to Rachel about him. I can remember each of those sightings so clearly. His shoulders have gotten a little broader, and I’m sure his arms have bulked up some. He’s managed to be better looking every time I see him, and I keep getting these little glimpses of who he is that just make me want to know more about him. Am I crazy? Am I having completely scary stalkery thoughts about this guy?

October 9, 2019

I saw him again today. On the subway. I think I heard someone call him Blaine. They were talking about the Next Fashion Star and Sing for Your Supper, two of my favorite shows! I stepped a little closer, hoping for an opportunity to pretend to suddenly recognize him from the dim sum place, since that’s the only time we’ve ever really interacted. I don’t think I could ever tell him how long I’ve known about him. It would scare him off.

Anyway, I was trying to get a little closer and then he grabbed the edge of the seat and twisted his torso. He let out this deep, guttural groan that turned into a chest-rumbling moan. I realized the true difference between those things when I heard that sound. It started as a groan because probably his back was stiff and a little achy. That’s probably what prompted him to stretch it out. So when you first twist like that it’s gonna hurt, and just as you get used to it, you twist the other way and groan some more. But then it starts to loosen up; it doesn’t hurt as much. And then it starts to feel really good, and those groans have a lot more pleasure in them and they aren’t really groans anymore, they’re moans. Yeah, they’re definitely moans and if he can sound like that while stretching his back on a subway, just imagine what I could make him sound like if I had the chance!

And I’ll never have the chance if I don’t actually speak to him. So I was going to, and then I saw that he was stepping off the train at that moment. The most annoying part of it, I was so distracted by his sexiness and the fact I was missing another opportunity to talk to him, that I didn’t realize until the doors closed and we were moving again that we’d been at my stop!

May 16, 2020

I lost another chance. I shouldn’t even be thinking about him now that I’ve got Jordan, but I guess old habits die hard, right? I made the mistake of mentioning him to Rachel at lunch last week. She doesn’t understand. She even suggested it’s not the same guy, but that I just have a ‘type’ and I notice them.

Please. I’d know Blaine anywhere (yes, I call him Blaine – I’m pretty sure it’s his name, and it’s better than some of the things I used to call him). I know the curve of his lips, the hazel color of his eyes, the warm, familiar timbre of his voice. I know he likes the theatre, we have similar senses of humor, and we share an interest in the biographical and autobiographical works of famous Broadway icons. I know he leans toward classic looks in his fashion choices, and that he looks much better than I ever would have imagined now that he’s let his hair get longer and he’s left the gel behind. It’s clearly got some kind of product in it, because there’s no frizzy poofiness to it – just silky-looking curls that I want my fingers to get lost in. I know the curve of his ass, the way he sounds when he feels good, and the way he invades my dreams.

Still, today’s almost-encounter was… interesting.

I still can’t believe Rachel talked me into going to the Ripley’s Believe It or Not museum. I wandered through it with Jordan, Rachel, her husband David, and at least a half a dozen other people. The most entertaining part of the whole thing was just as we neared the end of the tour. We found ourselves on the other side of the two way mirror where David and his brother Chris had spent fifteen minutes making funny faces. Of course, on this side, we could see the people making funny faces now. I admit to laughing at a set of twin girls for a few minutes. They must have been about nine or ten, so the mere act of being told they could stick out their tongues and look ridiculous must have been lovely for them.

They wandered off, as had most of the group I was with, so I was about to turn and leave when suddenly, there he was. He was with three other people and they looked like they were having a lot of fun. It was so strange to be watching him face to face, knowing he had no idea I was there. I knew I should have left to find Jordan, to find the rest of my group, to act like a normal person, but standing there, so close… I couldn’t bring myself to leave him yet. I wanted to run back through the entire museum and catch him. He leaned in a little closer, trying one of the “strange tongue tricks” demonstrated on the placard, and I forced myself to ignore all the filthy thoughts that ran through my mind. He smiled, a sweet, goofy smile, and turned to say something to one of his friends. I tried not to care about whether it was a boyfriend, but I couldn’t help noticing that they didn’t seem like it from my point of view. Then he looked up, and I swear his eyes locked with mine. He got a strange look on his face, like he was trying to remember something important or identify a song by a single lyric or just a few notes. I actually caught myself starting to reach out and touch the glass, wondering how scruffy that beard felt. It was that, the fact I was trying to touch this stranger through a two way mirror, that made me shake off the insanity and go find the rest of my group.

August 29, 2020

It was ungodly hot, even for August, and Blaine was desperate to find a place to cool off a little. He’d been out in the heat for a couple hours and decided the cute little ice cream shop he’d never been to before was the perfect place. One glass of ice water and one butterscotch sundae later, he walked out of the store and nearly ran right into the man he’d been watching for years.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, are you all right?” He wasn’t looking at Blaine, though. He was checking the ground, making sure nothing fell. And oh wow, his voice was so musical. No, don’t tell him that. He’s probably had a million comments on his unusual voice.

“Yeah, fine. You?” And then the man looked up at Blaine and his eyes widened noticeably. No, don’t talk about his amazing what-color-are-they-anyway-seriously-who-has-eyes-like-that blue-green eyes, either.

“Um, yeah, fine. Thank you.” He looked, for just a second, like he was going to say something else, but then he just shook his head, gave me a quick smile and started to move past me on the sidewalk. That would have been the end of it, again, but I couldn’t do it. I’d watched this man walk away from coffee shops before I could get the lid on my coffee, seen him gazing off in the distance while waiting for the F-train, saw him in line at the post office once – even overheard the postal worker say the package was going to Ohio, which certainly caught my attention. I couldn’t let him walk away again.

“Excuse me. I – I know this is going to sound crazy, but I’m tired of missing out on opportunities. My name is Blaine, I’ve wanted to ask you out for about six years now.” I got his attention. I had no doubt about that. He stopped, stood completely straight (showing off the few inches he had over me) and turned slowly until he was facing me, one eyebrow raised in surprise, or maybe confusion. “I swear I’m not a stalker. I just, I’ve seen you around, and, I’m sorry. I just, would you like to get coffee?”

He smiled at me, and tilted his head and I knew I was gone. “I’m Kurt, and I’d really love to.”