Blaine looked at the bright pink, glitter covered book in confusion, he had no idea why Kurt’s former Glee Club would be sending him a book titled The New Directions Guide to Rules and Etiquette 2011 since he knew all of the show choir rules and he had spent years attending etiquette lessons. Butterflies filled Blaine’s stomach as he realised just what they had in common, Kurt, his amazing boyfriend of two weeks and four days. He felt a little childish for actually counting the days he and Kurt had been dating but every day he spent with Kurt was amazing and had to be celebrated.

Blaine opened the book and started reading, growing more awed and unnerved with each word read.


Blaine,

As you are dating Kurt and you have been oblivious to his feelings, we have gifted you with rules for dating him and explanations of the consequences should you behave in an unseemly manner.

Rachel Berry
Captain
New Directions




Prep-boy,

Since I took this book off Berry and I know the most about fucking, I'm going to give you the first and most important rule.

No means no.

If you try to fuck, kiss or otherwise touch Hummel without his permission, I. will kill you.
Hummel may be a stone cold Ice Queen but he was our Ice Queen first, you mess with him and I will mess with you.
I’ve got plenty of contacts from Juvie that I can and will use if you hurt him.

Puck




Rule 2: Kurt has a musical soul and you will not complain if he chooses to spend time focusing on a performance instead of going on a date with you.

Blaine Anderson,

I understand how difficult it is to find other openly gay teens in Ohio but if I find out you are using Kurt, I will let everyone in the show choir forums know that you are a cad, thereby ruining your future.
I will make sure you spend the rest of your life as a singing waiter in an atrocious restaurant.

Rachel




Rule 3: You will not complain if my boy takes time getting ready for a date because the perfect outfit cannot be chosen in a matter of minutes.

Kurt is my best friend. You better treat him with the devotion and respect he deserves. I don’t want to hurt you but I will.

Mercedes




Rule 4: If you cheat on Kurt, you can’t ask him to take you back because that means he can do so much better than you, dude.

Kurt seems to think you are super and maybe you are but Kurt was the first person in our glee club to give me a chance and the first real friend I made at McKinley.

Kurt’s a cool guy so you better treat him right or I will use my amazing body to destroy you.

Sam




Rule 5: You will put Kurt’s happiness above your own.

I don’t know Kurt a lot but I know he is special to my girlfriend.
If you so much as make him frown, I will make you feel such pain and terror that you won’t be able to sleep at night.

Mike




Rule 6: Don’t pressure Kurt for anything he feels uncomfortable with.

If you do anything that Kurt isn’t comfortable with, I will rip your head off and use it as part of a puppet show to make Kurt laugh.

Tina




Rule 7: You will watch all of the fashion programmes Kurt watches because his clothes are important to him and you need to learn that his clothes are a super secret code to how he feels.

Kurt is a totally amazing brother and is my job to protect him because I'm his big brother and that’s what a big brother does.
If you ever make him cry and it’s not happy tears, I will make you cry.

Finn




Rule 8: You will watch Kurt’s back and help when any bullies target him.



If I find out you are using Kurt for some reason, I will use my considerable computer skills to make sure you fail every subject and are stuck in high school for the rest of your life.

Artie




Prep Boy,

If you hurt Kurt, you will be training partner for the rest of the year and I’ve got a lot of wrestling matches coming up.
Lauren





While Kurt and I are not the best of friends, he was there when I needed him and I'm going to be there for him. So if you hurt Kurt I will make sure everyone at the country club finds out what you are really like and my club includes the governor.

I will make life very uncomfortable for you Blaine Anderson.

Quinn





Rule 9: You will treat Kurt like the amazing boyfriend he is.



Kurt was the best boyfriend I’ve ever had. I'll rip your head off if you upset him, like I did with one of my dolls in junior high that was wearing a dress Kurt didn’t like.

If you hurt my Dolphin, I will give you to Sanny to destroy.
She said I can have the pieces of you that are left to feed to Mr Tubbington. Then I'll take all of that gel you put in your hair and the horrible clothes you like and burn them so Kurt will smile.

Brittany




Rule 10: You will treat Kurt like he’s a fucking Princess or I will deal with you.



Rainbow’s got balls and I respect that so if you fuck with him I will get all Lima Heights on your ass.
If you do anything to hurt Rainbow, I will use every means at my disposal to destroy you I will find every secret you have and put it on the internet, your credit will be destroyed and I will tell Coach that you hurt Rainbow.

Santana




Turning the last page Blaine swallowed nervously, stared in terrified awe at the laminated picture of Sue Sylvester holding a gun below which was a strongly worded warning.


Hobbit,

While I believe a warning would be best given in person, the very idea of meeting another weak mortal with hair that resembles Schuester’s makes me want to get a decontamination shower.

Hobbit, this is your only warning and you are lucky I have deigned to give someone as unworthy as you a warning.
If you hurt Porcelain, I will destroy you. I will phone my CIA contacts and have you taken to a deep, dark hole in the ground where you will be forced to live in misery until you die alone, screaming for mercy.
Sue Sylvester, Six Times National Cheerleading Coach Champion



Closing the book, Blaine placed it beside him and mildly panicked about the pointed warnings and that Kurt’s friends felt the need to warn him in the first place. It seemed a little strange to him that they would describe how they would make him pay if he somehow hurt Kurt but they hadn’t done anything when Kurt was being tormented at McKinley.

As Wes walked into the room, Blaine quickly shuffled the book into his bag, not wanting his friends to start teasing him. Even after the book of warnings from New Directions, Blaine still found the rules given by Burt Hummel to be terrifying.

“What have you got there?” Wes asked intrigued.

“Just a book.”

Wes scoffed, “To you honestly think I believe that, Blaine? It’s a pink book covered in glitter. It isn’t just a book.”

“It’s just a book, Wes. Now I’ve got to go and finish my history paper.” Blaine said with a smile.

Blaine knew he had probably just made Wes even more curious as to the contents of the book but he wanted to think about just what he was going to do about it. he wasn’t sure if he should bring it up with Kurt since they had promised not to keep any secrets. If Blaine didn’t mention it to Kurt and his boyfriend somehow found it, he was worried Kurt would think that the only reason they had stayed together was because of the threats in the book.

The only thing Blaine could think of was to keep quiet until he could think of some suitable way to bring it up in a conversation and he would find a way. Even if it took a few strange conversational diversions he would find some way to tell Kurt about everything.

The End