Reaching down between his legs with trembling, sweaty, hands, Kurt pauses for a moment before letting one finger rest on his cock. He's aching, brain numbed, and all he can think about is the hot throb pulsing with the beat of his heart. Each beat, spreading more warmth through his limbs, each second passing--calming the self-hating dialogue running through his head. Thoughts of, "You're wrong, you're gross, he'll never EVER want you", replaced by ones of, "So hard, so good, so perfect".

Pressing down, gently at first--then with more pressure. He feels the nub pulse--lengthen, fill with blood. Arching his hips into the delicious sensation of desire and confusing need, Kurt shakes his head--letting it loll back into the down pillow cradling his head. He's getting wet--slippery; his body supplying a visceral bit of evidence of his arousal. God, he doesn't want to remember that he's got a pussy--he wants to proudly tent the front of his boxer briefs--push the sheets down around his erection, highlight the shape and taut, straining outline of his body; his maleness. But, he cannot. He's got a different demonstration of it. Letting out the quietest of sighs, he looks over at the boy next to him. Bright, ohgodheslooking, hazel eyes gaze back at him.

Kurt wants badly to say something, reassure himself that what is happening is not going to break his heart--make his love bolt for the door. He's not entirely sure if he can articulate any of the feelings he's having. So, taking a deep, shuddering, breath--he reaches over, cups Blaine's face in his hand for a moment, hoping that the ledge he's about to leap blindly off of will be the right one--that he will land well, still cherished and safe.

Blaine smiles as he pulls his hand away--giving him just enough focus and bravery to surrender to what he so wants to share. There's a gentle acceptance, a trust, and yes, a spark of desire he's seen in that smile.

It's a small shifting of Blaine's leg--moving just a fraction to press against his that really spurs him into action. Feeling the impossible heat of bare skin meeting his--so oddly intimate, Kurt slowly draws back the sheet covering his torso, and slides his underwear down and off, tossing them to the floor. He thinks he hears Blaine gasp softly then--a wonderous, needy gasp? He closes his eyes, lets his legs fall apart--just a bit.

Allowing himself to drop his fingers lower, down-into the place that frightens him, intrigues him, makes him yearn for balls the Universe wasn't kind enough to grant him-he gently swipes a small bit of moisture from the opening, and shudders as he spreads it on his cock. The new slide, changed friction sends chills up his spine. He can feel his face flush, his chest flooding with heat. Using two fingers, he grasps his erection--and begins to gently stroke up and down. A humming sound reaches his ears, and it takes what seems like an enterity for his brain to catch up with the fact that HE is the one doing the humming.

His legs spread wider, his touch more sure--he bites his lip, trying to quiet sounds ripping themselves out of him. God, he's so hard now. He wants to jerk off in a grand motion--mimic the ones he's seen in porn, and in his fantasies. He tries for a moment--when his hand pulls off and away from his cock SO much sooner--and with such a small length to work with, he wants to growl, cry with frustration. A warm hand covers his. Gently places it back down into his crotch.

"Just feel Kurt. FEEL. Let me see? I want to see you fall apart." Blaine whispers.

Fall apart.

He feels like he's halfway there already. Deciding that he wants to fall the rest of the unknowable, terrifying, way--he fully extends his legs and lets the dim light of the bedroom fully shine on his body. On a place he hardly even ever lets himself see. Down again, he goes--inhibition gone. It seems silly now--Blaine can't UNSEE what he's shown him. With Blaine hand on his thigh--anchoring him to himself as he blindly trusts and wants so much. Kurt rubs and pinches his cock gently, hard--rubs softly, slowly, and lets whatever sounds that bubble out just be.

Breathing in quick huffs, ass clenching--he feels the moment his orgasm is right there- sosoclose. He's mortified to feel tears welling in his eyes. but the horror evaporates as a wave of boneless, intensity that makes the world stop for a moment overtakes him. He shakes, and grinds his hands into the spreading wetness and ohgoodohgodoh. His senses take a bit to return, and when they do? It's all he can do to remember to breathe. Blaine is still there. He's hasn't run, he's not making any repulsed faces. In fact, he's crying a little bit too.

"Blaine...why....?" Kurt asks.

"Shhhhh, just let me look at you for a minute, okay?" Blaine responds.

This makes Kurt want to grab the sheet, and pull it over himself quickly, savagely. Almost as if reading Kurt's mind, Blaine reaches for his hands, kisses them gently, and says: "You are handsome. Beautiful. Hot. I LOVE you. ALL of you, Kurt. ALL. Do you hear me?" Blaine asks.

In that moment? Kurt does. Really, really, hears it. Feels it deep in his soul.

"Thank you." he says. Two small words that somehow manage to crash down a wall so huge he'd never been able to see over--letting in a rush of light and hope he didn't even know he'd needed.

"Blaine?" he says quietly.

"Mmmmmm?" Blaine murmurs.

"Now that I've fallen apart, can it be your turn? I'll be here to help put you back together too" he offers gently.

Blaine turns to him, eyes crinkled in delight--nods enthusiastically, and presses a kiss to Kurt's nose. "You'd better be."