Kurt leaned his head back on the couch and sighed, listening to Blaine’s soft hum in the kitchen.  Blaine had been more than alright with letting Kurt sit down and having a break, all but insisting that he could handle putting the salad together for their Christmas dinner.

The couch shifted beside Kurt.  He knew that it was his dad just by his presence.  Sighing again, Kurt leaned his head in his dad’s direction and rested it on his shoulder.  Burt’s arm came around Kurt’s shoulders and tugged him in closer, Kurt’s smaller body curling into his side.

“What’s wrong, bud?” Burt murmured, quiet enough that Blaine wouldn’t be able to hear him from where he was still humming in the kitchen.

“So many things,” Kurt whispered back, his voice quivering a little.  “I just – I’m trying not to let it show, and I know I’m coming off harsh to Blaine, but …”

“Was it a mistake for me to bring him?” Burt asked, tilting his head a little to look at Kurt’s face.  “Were – are you not ready to see him, or –”

“No, no I – I mean, he – we’ve only been patching things up for a month and …” Kurt groaned softly and tightly shut his eyes, as if that would block everything out from his mind.

“I shouldn’t have brought him,” Burt stated, long, deep sigh.

“I’m glad to see him,” Kurt whispered, “but just – with the bomb you dropped and the fact that my ex-boyfriend is here when – when every time look t him I just see the boy that I fell in love with but – but then I remember what he did and I just –”

Burt sighed again and brought his other hand up to rub at his forehead.

“You know, he came to me the day after you guys broke up.”

Kurt swallowed the lump in his throat, but didn’t say anything.

“He came and was basically already sobbing before he even said anything, saying he wasn’t sure if you’d told me what happened yet and that he didn’t want me to hate him too, but that he’d understand if I did.”

Kurt nodded against his shoulder, sniffling a little as his eyes started to water a little.

“And he told me what happened, and I’m not going to lie to you, kid, I wasn’t happy with him.” Burt paused and let out another breath before continuing.  “But he just kept apologizing, and saying he’d messed the best thing in his life up forever and – god, Kurt, you could jus se how much he was hurting, you know?”

Kurt hummed in agreement, because h di know.  He knew exactly what Burt was talking about.  He’d seen it that day at Bryant Park, but he’d been too angry and hurt to fully realize it.

“And, yeah, I’m still angry at him because he hurt you.  But once I heard you guys were speaking again, I figured that you’d be back together in no time.”

Kurt let out a shaky breath and opened his mouth to speak, but Burt cut him off.

“And then I had a checkup, where they found that something was off.  And then there were tests, and then there was the news, and – and I hadn’t eve tol Finn yet but he must have known something was off, because Blaine came and he said that Finn had told him I wasn’t quite myself.  And – Kurt, this is what got me – he said that I didn’t even have to tell him, that he didn’t deserve to be told, but that I had to tell you.”

“But you told him anyway,” Kurt said, biting his lip at how bitter it sounded.

“Course I did,” Burt replied, letting out a breathy laugh as a plate clattered to the ground in the kitchen.  “He was worried, and he had that look on his face again, the one he wore when he came to me that first time that just said how worthless he felt.”

“I still don’t know why you told him before me,” Kurt whispered.

“Maybe ‘cause I wanted him to be able to be there for you as easily as possible,” Burt replied quickly.  “I’d already planned on bringing him with me, even if I hadn’t told him, but then I realized that, once you found out, there was a chance you wouldn’t even bother telling him.”

Kurt knew he was right.  He wasn’t sure if he was comfortable enough around Blaine yet to talk to him about such heavy things, or if he wanted to let himself be so open and vulnerable to emotion when he still felt so, so guarded around him.

“I don’t know if this is gonna kill me, bud,” Burt sighed, rubbing his face with his hand again, “but I want to make sure that, if this does get the worst of me, that you have someone who’s been with you in this from the very beginning.”

Kurt whimpered a little and squeezed his dad’s arm tighter.

But everything made sense now.  He knew how much Blaine looked up to his dad, how he saw him as more of a father figure than his own dad, but the fact that he specificall sai that he didn’t deserve to know – god, Kurt probably would have told him anything too.

But Burt had told him so that it would be easier fo Kurt easier for him to cope with this whole thing.

“I love you, Dad,” he whispered, his tears soaking into his shirt.

“Love you too, kid,” Burt said back, pressing a kiss to the top of Kurt’s head.  “But I gotta say, it’s obvious Blaine’s still in love with you too.”

“I know,” Kurt replied after a moment.  “And – I know that he’s sorry but …”

“It doesn’t change the fact that he did it,” Burt supplied for him.  “I know, bud.  But you are handling this really well.”

They were silent for a moment before Kurt spoke again.

“I miss him,” he murmured.  “I miss him so much, but every time I think about trusting him again, I just…I’m just not ready yet.”

Burt nodded and pushed himself off the couch, straightening the hem of his shirt.  “I know, kid,” he said.  “That’s something that takes time to rebuild but, at least from what I see, it looks like you’re already on your way.” A sly grin spread on his face just as another pan crashed in the kitchen.  “I mean, you did leave the boy in your kitchen all by himself.”

Kurt’s eyes widened before a smile spread on his face.

“You’ll get there,” Burt said, patting him on the shoulder as he made his way to the bathroom, “I’m sure of it.”

Kurt swallowed the lump in his throat and stood up, brushing his pants off and straightening his sweater before walking into the kitchen.  He smiled and shook his head at Blaine desperately trying to get cookie dough off of the spoon, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

“It’s easier if you use another spoon,” Kurt said, letting out a chuckle as Blaine started and dropped the spoon.

“Oh, Kurt I – I know I said I would only do the salad, but the cookie dough was just sitting there and I – I thought –”

“It’s fine,” Kurt said, moving to stand next to him and taking the bowl away from him.

“Really, I didn’t mean to –”

“Honestly, Blaine,” Kurt huffed, the corner of his mouth twitching up in a smile.  “It’s just food.”

The two fell silent, Blaine fiddling with his rolled up sleeves.

“I miss you,” Kurt whispered after a few moments of silence

Blaine’s hands paused, his head tilting to the side a little to glance at Kurt.  Kurt watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed a little and his eyes misted with emotion.

“I miss you too,” Blaine murmured.  “So much.  And not – not just seeing you and being with you but just…and I know we’ve been talking a little it’s just…”

“Not the same,” Kurt finished for him, looking back up at Blaine just in time to see a tear streak down the other boy’s cheek.

“Oh, honey,” Kurt murmured, the term of endearment slipping out of his mouth before he could stop it.  “Don’t – don’t cry.”

“I’m sorry,” Blaine mumbled.  “I’m sorry for – for everything.  I’m ruining your Christmas, and – and –”

“I’m glad you’re here,” Kurt whispered, his arm working of its own accord and moving to wipe the tears off Blaine’s cheek.  “I really am, and I’m sorry if I don’t seem like it, it’s just – there’ s much on my mind.”

“I understand,” Blaine replied.  “I do, and I – I’m probably not helping, god, I should just go.”

Blaine turned to leave, but Kurt grabbed his wrist.  The boy froze instantly, his eyes widening at the contact.

“I can’t imagine a Christmas without you,” Kurt whispered, his hand moving down Blaine’s wrist to squeeze his hand.  “And like we said before, we’ll always be there for each other.”

Blaine looked like he was about to cry again, so Kurt leaned in and kissed him gently on the cheek. He felt Blaine shudder underneath him at the contact, a shaky breath escaping his lips.

“I’m not there yet,” Kurt whispered, “but I’m getting closer.”

Blaine took a tiny step forward, Kurt somehow knowing what he wanted.  He wrapped his arms around Blaine and tugged him in, wrapping him in a solid hug.

“I still love you,” Kurt whispered into his hair, “that was never the problem.”

“I love you, too,” Blaine murmured into Kurt’s shoulder.  “So much, Kurt, I –”

“I know,” Kurt whispered, “it’s really obvious on your face.”

Blaine laughed a little at that.  “You did always tease me about my heart eyes.”

Kurt let out a peal of laughter just as Burt rounded into the kitchen, stopping and smiling at the sight in front of him.