Aug. 5, 2012, 2:32 p.m.
Trust Me Not
Dealing with the Inevitable
Kurt knew that the shock of attending a school for assassins would eventually get to him. Part of the Assassin 'verse.
T - Words: 1,397 - Last Updated: Aug 05, 2012 767 0 0 1 Categories: Angst, AU, Crime, Drama, Romance, Characters: Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, Tags: established relationship, hurt/comfort,
Kurt sighs as he walks to his next class. He’d been a student at Dalton for six weeks now and, according to all the professors and Blaine, he was one of the most promising students they’d seen in a while.
“Hey,” Blaine says as he runs up to Kurt’s side, gripping his hand in his own and swinging them between their bodies. “What was that all about?”
Kurt stiffens a little at Blaine’s question, thinking how only moments before he’d stormed out of his ammunitions class for what seemed like no reason whatsoever.
“It was nothing,” Kurt replies easily. He knows it won’t work, though. For as well as Dalton trains them to be able to lie, Kurt has never successfully lied to Blaine, and it has only gotten worse since they started dating.
“It didn’t look like nothing, to be honest,” Blaine says, his gaze boring into the side of Kurt’s head. Kurt wants to hide, he wants to just hole himself away in his room and forget everything – everything that had happened at McKinley, everything at Dalton, everything that he’d been taught in the past month and a half. Just everything.
“I’m fine, Blaine,” Kurt says. “I’m –” He goes to repeat the phrase again but his voice cracks, givng him away.
“Kurt,” Blaine sighs, his voice soft and gentle as he pulls Kurt into a small alcove in the corner of the hallway. “Look at me.”
Kurt shakes his head and bites his lip, not meeting Blaine’s eyes as he feels his own begin to well with unshed tears. He looks at anywhere but Blaine. He doesn’t want to seem weak. He isn’t supposed to be weak.
“Please,” Blaine whispers, and Kurt can feel just how close his face is to Kurt’s. His breath is warm and smells like coffee and spearmint and just a hint of syrup, a combination of smells that Kurt classifies as just Blaine. “Kurt please, just – let me in.”
Kurt swallows the lump in his throat before looking at Blaine through his eyelashes, his hand that is still clasped in Blaine’s gently playing with the other boy’s fingers.
“It’s just…” Kurt pauses to look at Blaine again, his boyfriend’s eyes filled with worry and concern. “It’s just hard, you know?” Kurt says. “Leaving McKinley, thinking I’m coming to some haven and then realizing that it’s basically the opposite of that…” Kurt trails off as Blaine’s arms wrap around him, pulling him flush against his body. He feels Blaine’s lips press gently at the tender spot on his neck, his nose edging against his jaw as he pulls away.
“I’m sorry,” Blaine whispers. “I never meant to put you in this situation. I never meant for you to come here.”
“It’s not your fault,” Kurt replies softly, bringing his hand up to cup Blaine’s cheek. “We – I didn’t know.”
“I should have told you.”
“You know how that would have ended for you, Blaine.”
“But you deserved to be warned before you got yourself into this mess.”
“It wasn’t worth risking your life, Blaine,” Kurt says, his voice quiet but forceful. “Despite everything, these teachers are assassins. If they say they’ll kill you for breaking that one rule, for putting their secret and everything they’ve built over the years at risk, then they will.”
Blaine sighs but nods, and Kurt knows that he’s right.
“And then she was going on about how when you – when you’re holding a weapon and – and you’re going to use it you have to put everything out of your mind. And then I thought back to that day when you made me use the fake gun on you because it was standard procedure and – Blaine I don’t think I could – just not think about things like that and – what if I have to eventually kill someone that I know or someone that – I just – Blaine this –”
Blaine wraps the trembling boy in his arms tighter, Kurt’s body continuing to shake as he buried his head in Blaine’s shoulder and let out a soft, muffled sob. He knows that he’s borderline hysterical by now, and he is honestly surprised that this hasn’t happened to him until now.
“What if they ask me to kill you,” Kurt whispers into Blaine’s neck. “Or – or Rachel or the president. I know we aren’t government assassins, so it could happen and –”
“Kurt, shh,” Blaine murmurs into his ear as he presses a soft kiss to Kurt’s neck. “They’re not going to ask you to kill the president. And, from how things are looking, we’ll end up as partners rather than working against each other.”
Kurt sniffles, not even bothering to remember that he’s probably ruining Blaine’s blazer with all the bodily fluids leaking out of his eyes and nose.
“I can’t say I know what’s going to happen to us in the future,” Blaine goes on once Kurt calms down a little, “But we’ll do it together, okay? I got you into this mess –”
“You didn’t, Blaine, it wasn’t your fault –”
Blaine ignores him and goes on. “So you’re stuck with me.”
Kurt nods against Blaine’s shoulder, his arms wrapping around the other boy’s torso and just holding him against his body.
“I know this isn’t the life you chose,” Blaine murmurs after a few moments of just holding each other. “But, if it helps at all, you are really good.”
Kurt pulls away a little and looks Blaine in the eyes, noting the sincerity and genuine adoration he sees in the glowing hazel.
“You’re just so okay with all of this,” he replies. “How long did it take you to get past the – the morals of it?”
Blaine sighs and pulls completely away, running one hand through his hair while the other pinches at the bridge of his nose.
“I’m never really okay with it,” he says eventually. “But I can sort of turn it on and off, you know?”
Kurt nods, even though he really doesn’t know. “Have you ever – did you ever…” He trails off, not even sure if he wants to know the answer to that question.
“Killed anyone?” Kurt nods and bites his lip, wondering how Blaine could have possibly known what he wanted to ask.
“No,” Blaine replies, but his answer is sharp, hard, his voice stiff and low. “But that doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about it.”
Kurt feels his eyes widen a little at Blaine’s confession, reaching out for him on instinct before thinking better of it and withdrawing his hand back to his side.
Blaine notices, though, and he walks towards Kurt again and takes his hand in between both of his. “It was when we were confronting Karofsky,” Blaine murmurs as his thumbs idly trace circles to the back of Kurt’s hands. “Everything you told me was coursing through my mind, and when he pushed me into the fence I almost wanted to laugh and say something like ‘You really have no idea what I could do to you, do you?’” Blaine pauses to gauge Kurt’s reaction before going on. “And then scenario after scenario entered my mind – all the ways I could do it without leaving a trace, without causing him pain, causing him the most pain possible…”
“Blaine,” Kurt whispers, his voice rough. But he doesn’t go on, doesn’t know what to say.
“I’m not a monster,” Blaine whispers back. “But you shouldn’t trust me.”
“I do,” Kurt replies softly. “Trust you, I mean.”
“You shouldn’t,” Blaine says again. “I’m a trained killer.”
“So am I.”
Blaine pauses at that, Kurt noting that his eyes glaze over a little before he nods.
“Just because this is what you – we – are, it doesn’t make us bad people,” Kurt says, stroking the curls out of Blaine’s face. He’d chosen not to wear gel that day, claiming the humidity in the air would have made his gel melt and clump together. “We’re just stuck in this situation that we didn’t have a choice in.”
Blaine lets out a soft, humorless chuckle. “I suggest we make the most of it, then,” he murmurs, leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to the corner of Kurt’s mouth.
“Mmm,” Kurt mumbles in response, humming as Blaine’s lips skim down his jaw. “I completely agree.”
Blaine laughs again as he brings his lips back up to Kurt’s, capturing them in his own. “Good,” he breaths into his mouth as Kurt’s hands wind themselves around Blaine’s neck. “Because I have a super hot assassin boyfriend who seems to need some cheering up.”