April 26, 2013, 2:53 p.m.
I Never Told You
Slighlty AU! Blaine is looking for the perfect song to express his feelings for Kurt after he cheated and realized he's still deeply in love with him. Songfic to Colbie Caillat's 'I Never Told You'.
K - Words: 2,052 - Last Updated: Apr 26, 2013 672 0 0 1 Categories: Angst, AU, Romance, Characters: Blaine Anderson, Burt Hummel, Kurt Hummel,
Blaine Anderson was feeling a lot nervous than he normally felt. There he was, in the middle of the street, standing in front of the house he knew too well. He stroked his forehead abstenly and noticed he was sweating like crazy. Well, who wouldn't in his case ?
He remembered the beginning of the week, and closed his eyes for a second.
Flashback.
" I screwed up big time, Burt. Your son deserves the best in life, I was very much ready to give it to him that because let's face it, I was and still am crazy in love with him. Kurt is..."
Blaine sighed, trying not to look at the man standing in front of him, the one who could have been his father-in-law, someday maybe. Burt wasn't saying anything, he felt like Blaine had a lot he needed to say and he was happy to be there to listen to the boy, because he still couldn't believe and he and his son broke up. Even if he knew the reasons why Kurt and Blaine weren't together anymore.
" Kurt is the love of my life. And I'm not saying that to sound romantic, I'm saying it because it's the truth. God, I can't sleep at night because I still picture his eyes staring at me, when I visited him in New York and told him that I cheated...I would pretty much give anything to go back in time, you have no idea how much, Burt."
The older man decided it was the time to speak his mind. He patted Blaine's shoulder, and looked at him in the eyes. The two men had grown a lot closer during these past few months. With Kurt in New York, Blaine kind of felt like taking care of Burt was his job now. Well, maybe not his "job" so to speak, but he really felt this amazing connection with him, the kind he never had with his own father. Burt was truly a wonderful person, and Blaine knew they trusted each other.
He was drawn from his thoughts by Burt's voice.
" Listen to me, kiddo. I knew you miss Kurt like hell, but you gotta do something about it. You can't stay here and blame yourself for something you did months ago. I think Kurt has moved on and besides, he's still in love with you. I'm sure of it, I know my son. But, you gotta do something spectacular, to prove him you're worth it. Don't screw up."
He smiled again, and patted Blaine's forearm once more, before going back to work.
The former Warbler sighed, and thanked Burt thoroughly in his head. He already knew what he was going to do.
End of the flashback.
Blaine realized tears were rolling down his cheeks and he wiped them quicky with his sleeve. He stood up, determined to make the moment memorable, not for him but for Kurt.
Walking towards the Hummels' house, he remembered every little detail of his plan, feeling his guitar heavy on his back. With every step he took, he felt like his nervosity increased, and he finally stood in front of Kurt's window. He double checked again : Kurt's car was in the alley, the window was open, and Burt was nowhere in sight.
Blaine drew his guitar from its case, and started to sing, closing his eyes, remembering every single moment they spent together before he cheated.
I miss those blue eyes
How you kiss me at night
I miss the way we sleep
Like there's no sunrise
Like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe
He felt, once again, the tears falling down his face, and felt more than he heard, Kurt appearing at the windowsill. He said nothing, standing there and listening. Blaine could hear his breathing, which was quite uneven, and he remembered everything. The long nights without him, the way he felt whenever he went to bed alone, the tears he cried when missing Kurt too much...The sensations were still here, he couldn't live his life properly without his soulmate. Because that's what Kurt is to him.
He really understood the lyrics of the song because God, they were so true to him. He felt that there was no sunrise anymore in his life, and he needed him back.
But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in
He probably should have said a lot of things, included a lot more of 'I love you's. And he also should have expressed his feelings clearly when Kurt was too busy in Vogue.com to talk to him on the phone. Of course now he could see those details clearly, but at the end of the day Blaine knew he screwed up big time by keeping his feelings inside of him. It killed him, as well as their relationship, which he cherished and missed more than everything.
And now I miss everything about you
Can't believe that I still want you
After all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you
Without you, whoa...
The chorus was the most powerful in this song he liked so much. Of course, it was Kurt who initiated him to Colbie Caillat's songs, because he didn't know them at the time. And yet he thought this was the perfect song to express his feelings clearly - guilt, regret, and love.
I see your blue eyes
Every time I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to
When I'm not around you
It's like I'm not with me
The line about the blue eyes made Blaine realize that the song was made for him and Kurt. When he browsed through the perfect songs to sing to the blue-eyed boy, he found this one and whenever he sang that line, he would burst into tears. He almost choked on his own breath when he he sang the first two lines, and felt Kurt's emotion, even if they were standing a few feet apart.
Blaine could hear that were people around them, on the other side of the road, on the sidewalk...He couldn't care less at that moment, he was thinking about Kurt and that was all that mattered. He needed him to hear what he had to say.
But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in
Oh, how he deeply regretted everything he did, after his promise to keep their love alive and safe. After giving Kurt that ring, in his senior year in McKinley. He promised so much things, he was never able to make them become true. Blaine strummed his guitar once more, eyes still closed, tears still falling. He knew he must be the picture of desperation itself in that very moment, and was worried about Kurt's thinking. His breath catched in his throat before singing the next part of the song.
And now I miss everything about you (still you're gone)
I can't believe it, I still want you (And I'm lovin' you, I never should have walked away)
After all the things we've been through (I know it's never gonna come again)
I miss everything about you
Without you, whoa...
But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in
Blaine braced himself for the last part of the song. He didn't want to screw it up, he needed it to be perfect. His voice raised in volume and intensity, and he hoped that Kurt understood the message right.
And now I miss everything about you (still you're gone)
Can't believe it, I still want you (And I'm lovin' you, I never should have walked away)
After all the things we've been through (I know it's never gonna come again)
I miss everything about you
Without you, whoa, no, no...
His voice faded, along with the guitar, and he slowly opened his eyes.
What he saw took his breath away.
Kurt was sitting on the windowsill, his beautiful face evidently overwhelmed, tears on his cheeks, his eyes red and puffy. His mouth was open a bit, and he hid himself behind his sleeve.
People slowly started to take off, understanding that this was a very private moment, and the blue-eyed boy motioned the door to Blaine. The latter nodded, and Kurt closed the window, bracing himself for the conversation that he was about to have with his ex-boyfriend.
He heard the door closing, and waited for Blaine to come inside the kitchen. He stood there for quite a few moments, and when he realized that the boy was probably still in the hallway, he joined him, almost shyly.
Blaine was standing there, head hung low. He looked sad, lost, and he was shaking.
Kurt's heart broke into two when he saw him, and he strode down the hallway, taking Blaine's hands into his after lifting his chin.
He saw everything in the hazel-eyed boy : love, regret, and again, so much love.
"Blaine...That was wonderful. Amazing and heartfelt Colbie Caillat cover, I must say...And I was very moved by it. You certainly sang your heart out..."
"Yeah, I did...Only for you though. You are the love of my life, I'm never letting you go again...If you'll let me, I'll make you the happiest man on Earth."
Kurt nodded, silenced by the weight of his emotions, running through his body.
Blaine took his face in his hands, and kissed him slowly at first. Their lips were rediscovering each other, taking their time, and when Blaine traced his bottom lip, Kurt moaned into the kiss.
That's all it took for the dark-haired boy to lose control, and he pushed their bodies flush, breathing and feeling Kurt.
When they broke apart, Blaine's tears were melting with Kurt's ones. They smiled to each other.
"Together."