March 18th 2005

Blaine was sat doing French homework when he’d revived a phone call from Maya Manson... His best friend and crush had committed suicide. After a few days of sobbing refusing to leave his bed and eating his entire body weight in ice cream he got up and barricaded himself inside the commons. He just needed to be alone, for a while… away from Cooper, Nick and Jeff. He felt like ‘talking’ to Tobias, the grievance councillor said it might help. This was his first attempt...

“Err hi, Tobias... I’m not really sure how to start this but err... Here goes I miss you.... I miss you loads… you meant everything to me... I’m sorry I never told you before... I kinda assumed that you knew...why would you do this, it gets better... I know you sent that letter but I’m not strong enough to open it...I can’t... there’s something else I need to tell you… I love you and it kills me to know that I never told you... and I’m sorry, I’m sorry I never told you… I know you probably wouldn’t want me too but I feel responsible for this… I could have told you, I might have made everything feel better… and maybe you’d still be here with me” tears fell down Blaine’s face as he walked over the large piano.

“I listen to this song and it makes me think of you” said Blaine as he began to play ‘Just So You Know’ by Jesse McCartney...

Tears streamed down his face splashing on the keys. Blaine wished he had told Tobias, maybe he’d still be here with him, maybe he’d be Blaine’s, maybe he would be in Blaine’s arms right now, snuggled against him on his bed... this thought made Blaine sob harder... he could have done something he could have told him maybe he wouldn’t have done it... He could have decided to tell him sooner…

Blaine walked back to his dorm feeling slightly better. When he arrived at his dorm he logged on to the computer and checked his email... He saw that there were several emails from Kurt. Blaine open the most recent one

Hey B.
Are you okay? It’s just you haven’t replied in days I’m starting to get a little worried... I miss talking to you... How was your day?

Kurt

Hey Kurt,
I’m fine... Better than I have been... Don’t be worried. I just needed to be alone for a while... I’ve missed you too. Today was okay... How was yours?

B


What’s happened B.? You know you can tell me anything and I won’t judge you.... my day was okay , I tried singing at my mom’s dresser again.

Kurt

That’s great, I’m proud of you. I know Kurt ... I just can’t talk about it... I can’t really talk to anyone about it I’m sorry I made you worry about me

Blaine

B!
You are my friend if you don’t reply I’m going to worry, no matter what... Just know I’m always here when you’re ready okay? Want to talk about something else? Why don’t you suggest a topic?

Kurt

Kurt,
I know you are, I’m sorry I just don’t feel like talking much I am sorry it just been a tough week… I’m still coping with it…

B

Okay Blaine, I understand just email me when you feel like talking again okay... I’m sorry about whatever it making you sad *hugs*

Kurt

thanks Kurt… you really are a great friend, thank you… thank you for everything

Blaine :)

Blaine felt bad about not talking to Kurt much, about making him worry. But he couldn’t tell Kurt, he didn’t know how he’d respond... He couldn’t stand loosing Kurt on top of Tobias… he just couldn’t.

“Hey B!” said Cooper, entering their dorm room “Feeling any better?”

“A little, I could have told him though… and now I can’t tell him… he’ll never know how much he meant to me… you know what Coop.?”

“Don’t blame yourself B., you know Tobias wouldn’t want that… and what?” asked Cooper walking over to join Blaine on his bed.

“I was thinking of telling him this weekend, you know when he came to visit…” Tears started to fall down Blaine’s face again.

“Come here little Blainers…” said Cooper pulling Blaine close and just holding him “… hey now, don’t cry, you’ll dry out…”

Blaine smiled a weak smile at Cooper’s pathetic joke, in an attempt to cheer him up…

“I have just the thing… I found this Harry Potter Musical online… want to watch it with me it’s rather funny, It might just take you mind off things for a little while”

Blaine nodded.

“Okay Coop.”

The two of them snuggled on Blaine’s bed in front of Cooper’s laptop and started watching… It did make Blaine feel a little better… He was glad he had such an amazing brother. Watching the musical helped Blaine, it helped him see there was more for him to live for… it saved him.