"There’s something…everyone has something that might take them up to that edge.”

No one looks at him. No, Blaine makes sure of that with one little gesture. One move of his thumb over his veins is enough to divert attention, call their eyes to him.



God, Kurt loved that boy more and more every day.

- - -

Scars ran up his left arm, straight little lines starting at his elbow and just barely stopping at his shoulder. There’s some side by side, too, but most go in a perfect line. He tries to hide it, trying to keep his sleeves inconspicuously pulled down and his shirt on. But Blaine sees them. How could he not? So he tries to explain it away. An accident, he says, vague on the details but an accident had scarred his arm.

Blaine’s not buying it, of course. The lines are too symmetrical and too perfect to have been accidental. And Blaine can tell they all didn’t happen at once.

So Kurt tries to shut him out, goes into protection mode. But Blaine’s not having that either. He was too familiar with the tricks. He had used them himself, he knew all too well what Kurt was feeling.

But he didn’t push. Didn’t try to get Kurt to talk about it. And maybe that’s why Kurt opened up, because he wasn’t being pressured to, but he felt like he could trust Blaine to keep his secrets.

He tells him about the first time. Dave bullied him, then kissed him, then threatened to kill him. He was so confused and felt so lost and so alone. No one would do anything about the bullying, though they all saw it. Said he was overreacting. Everyone got bullied, he just had to learn to deal with it. And he got the idea that maybe, if he could let some of the pain out through his skin, maybe it wouldn’t hurt as bad.

The first time, it helped. So he kept it up. He told Blaine about every time, how every scar came to be on his otherwise unmarred skin. Blaine didn’t judge; how could he, really? He only listened and held Kurt’s hand, and kissed the tears from Kurt’s cheeks.

When he’d said enough, he let Blaine pull him close and kiss his hair. He wiped at his eyes and Blaine started to speak, keeping him close.

He heard about the Sadie Hawkins dance, about the bullying preceding it, about rejection from Blaine’s parents and avoidance from his brother. Blaine didn’t cry, but he also didn’t let go of Kurt, except to lift his own sleeve and take off his watch. There are faint pink lines crisscrossing up his arm, and a deep, dark scar down his wrist. Kurt just holds him closer.

- - -

Blaine makes the urge go away, little by little. After a few months together, after Blaine’s seen all his scars and he’s seen all of Blaine’s, Kurt no longer wants it. Blaine managed to push the darkness out of his mind without even trying. And he doesn’t seen any new scars on Blaine, so he thinks he’s done the same. He thinks they’ve saved each other and the darkness is finally gone.

Then he meets Sebastian. Sebastian who is so sure of himself, so determined. Sebastian who has his eyes set on Blaine.

The urge comes back, little by little with each flirty move the Warbler makes. Kurt can push the feelings away when he looks at Blaine’s face, sees the look of contempt for Sebastian lurking in his eyes. Blaine would never leave him, not for Sebastian and not for anyone else. But it doesn’t stop the nagging doubt in the back of his mind, or the stinging sensation in his arm, skin aching for the relief of a razor.

Kurt resists. He’s promised Blaine that there will be no more scars. He has to keep his promise.

Then Blaine jumps in front of him and takes rock salt to the eye in the form of a slushie. It makes Kurt collapse inside with worry. Blaine’s hospitalized and they fear he’ll be half blind. He’s drugged up, numb to the world and unable to pull Kurt up this time.

It’s almost involuntary as he sits in his bathroom, shaking and holding a shiny new razor, lifting his sleeve to reveal the scarred skin. It’s careful and methodical and he’s not thinking about it, just going on impulse and habit, raking the razor across his skin and the sting and the blood calms him down.

But then there’s another internal freak out once his mind has gone from the involuntary action. He broke his promise to Blaine, the blood running down his arm was the proof and the cut was fresh, stood out against all the pink lines. Blaine would know, even if Kurt never uttered a word about it.

He doesn’t leave Blaine’s side again. It’s mostly out of caring for his boyfriend, hoping he’ll get better. But he’s also scared of what he would do if he were left alone, without Blaine to pull him up.

As soon as Blaine is out of the hospital, but still doped up on painkillers and sporting an eye patch, Kurt shows him. He’s biting back tears again and he can’t look Blaine in the eye, but he shows him and apologies spill from his lips. “I thought I’d lost you,” he says and Blaine pulls him close, soothing him and pushing the darkness away with one touch.

- - -

When he heard the news about Dave, he ran straight for Blaine as the darkness spread through his mind again. Blaine holds him close, tells him it’s not his fault, comforts him even though he’s shaking too and Kurt can see the twitch in his wrist.

And when they’re in the circle and Mr. Shue’s telling his story, he just sits and tries to ignore the pain in his arm. And he knows, without looking he knows that eyes are itching to turn to him when they hear “Everyone has something…” He looks up to Blaine, the pain showing in his eyes and Blaine keeps their eyes locked as he rubs his wrist. Subtle, but it’s enough. Kurt’s smile is sad, but it’s there and he really wishes he could reach out across the circle and hold Blaine and never let go.