Aug. 25, 2011, 4:41 a.m.
Sing For Me
In which Blaine fulfills his husband's dying wish.
T - Words: 1,894 - Last Updated: Aug 25, 2011 1,038 0 8 5 Categories: Angst, Tragedy, Characters: Blaine Anderson, Tags: character death, OMG CREYS,
Sing For Me
In which Blaine fulfill's his husband's dying wish.
Blaine didn't know if he could take it. Clutching his husband's hand, the skin pale under the fluorescent light of the hospital room, he doesn't know if he can do it.
"Once again," the doctor says from the end of the bed, "I'm very sorry for your loss."
"How long?" Blaine mutters, resting his head on the white sheets of the bed. He feels feverish, and his hands are clammy.
"Excuse me?"
"How long?" This time it was louder, frustrated.
"Two, three days," the doctor replies. "A week at most. You—you need to call people."
Blaine lifts his head and nods slightly, eyes still closed, pressing his palm to his forehead and running it down his face.
He doesn't open his eyes, but he can hear the click of her heels as the doctor walks away and shuts the door behind her.
The little black book filled with their telephone numbers sits open on his left leg, iPhone clutched in his hand. He knows that she will be one of the easiest to tell, so he dials her number first. The bland dial tone sounds in his ear a few times, and then there is a click.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Quinn. It's Blaine."
"Oh. Hi. How are you?"
"Quinn—" he hesitates, not sure how to say it. "Quinn, you need to come. It—It's time."
"Oh," she says. Her voice is suddenly distraught, and sounds as if it is about to crack. "Can you wait a moment?"
Blaine can hear the familiar click of a mouse and the sound of typing on the other end of the line. A moment later Quinn begins to speak again, voice still distressed.
"The first direct flight is tonight at 10. I can drive up to LA after work. Blaine—Blaine, please tell me that's not to late." Her voice sounds desperate, and the sentence is finished with what sounds to Blaine like a muffled cry.
"No, Quinn. Just—just please be here." He squeezes his eyes shut and massages his temple with his free hand.
"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow. I'll take a cab from the airport."
"Bye, Quinn."
"Goodbye."
Blaine hangs up and then looks back to the book filled with numbers.
Hudson-Berry.
He had fallen asleep in the cold, hard chair, head drooping toward his chest. He jolts awake when he feels the cold hand slip out of his.
"Kurt?"
The man's eyes flutter open, and Blaine can't help noticing how sickly ill he looks.
"Blaine?" he asks quietly.
"You're awake."
There's a sharp intake of breath and Kurt winces in pain.
"You okay?"
Kurt slowly shakes his head no. "Blaine—" he whispers, making it obvious that it's a bit hard to speak, "Blaine, it's time to say goodbye."
"I—I know."
Then Blaine really loses it for the first time. The tears begin to stream down his face and his sobs are muffled when he buries his head into the mattress of the hospital bed.
Kurt, weak and not knowing what to do, tries to softly stroke Blaine's curls.
When he's finally calm enough to stop crying, he looks up into Kurt's blue eyes.
"I can't lose you. I've lost everything—you were the only good thing going for me. I can't lose you too."
"Shh," Kurt whispers to him, losing himself in the beautiful golden eyes. "Save your tears for when you really need them. After I'm long gone. Don't use them on me."
"May I?" Blaine asks a moment later, standing from his chair.
"Yes."
Blaine leans down and Kurt tries to tilt his head to the side, but he's too weak—he can't move his head, much less his lips, but he still relishes the tingle behind his navel when Blaine presses their lips together.
"I love—" he whispers, before trailing off and falling asleep.
"I love you too," Blaine whispers in reply.
"We can give him meds to make him stronger and take him out of pain," the doctor says, holding the clipboard to her chest. "But it won't make him last any longer. The cancer is on its last leg, and there's nothing, nothing that's going to stop it from sprinting to a finish."
Blaine sinks down into the chair in the doctor's office, once again burying his hands in his face.
"I've known it all along," he says, biting his lip to hold back a sob, "I just can't come to terms with it. My husband is dying."
"I know," says the doctor softly, coming over and standing next to him. She sets her hand on his shoulder. "I—I went through this too. You… you just have to enjoy the last short time you have. You have to smile through it, and love him with every last drop of love you have in your soul. More than every last drop you have in your soul. No matter how much it tires you, no matter how exhausted you get. Give him your heart while you can. You have to stay strong for him, Mr. Anderson. You have to."
She leaves in a hurry, and he nods into his wet palms.
He knows that it's true.
They put him on the meds the next morning. He looks, seems stronger and happier. Blaine puts on a brave face for him, even though it hurts.
It hurts.
So fucking much that he can barely bear it.
For Kurt. Only for Kurt, he reminds himself.
But throughout the day, he gets weaker. They all begin to arrive in the early morning, trickling in throughout the day. Blaine can barely bear to look at their faces. He tries not to, afraid he'll burst out in tears. They stay as long as visiting hours allow—though, more like as long as they can stretch the visiting hours.
At the end of the day, Kurt is exhausted. It's against the rules, Blaine knows that, but he curls up in bed with his husband. Holding him tight; holding him close when he can.
Hold him tight.
He wakes up late. His sixth sense—the one that allows you to know everything about your lover—tells him.
"It's time," Kurt whispers to him once everyone is there. Blaine calls the nurses fighting the urge not to cry. He scratches at his scruffy chin, watching as they clear away the machinery. The IVs, the machine that detects his heart beat. Everything.
Blaine carefully helps Kurt into his favorite McQueen jacket, and then calls the rest of them in. Kurt's mother, his father. Everyone from glee club in high school and good friends from college. Everyone who needed, desperately needed, to say goodbye to the one person who they knew was going to pass.
And then just like that, just like they had planned so many months ago, they began to sing. Emotions poured out in their voices as they blended, as if they were spilling water out of a glass.
I'm limited
Just look at me - I'm limited
And just look at you
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you
For both of us - now it's up to you...
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the thing I've done you blame me for
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood
Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better
And because I knew you...
Because I knew you...
Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good.
By the end, they've all joined hands around the hospital bed, Blaine and Burt holding Kurt's. He can't squeeze back, but they're sure to hold on tight for him.
And then Kurt manages to turn his head to look straight at Blaine.
"Sing," he whispers quietly. "Sing for me."
So Blaine does. If it's the last thing the love of his life wants, he is going to fulfill Kurt's last wish no matter how much damn pain it causes him.
My whole life waiting for the right time
To tell you how I feel.
Know I try to tell you that I need you.
Here I am without you.
I feel so lost but what can I do?
'Cause I know this love seems real
But I don't know how to feel.
Kurt looks right into Blaine's eyes, which are glistening with tears now. He can't help it as they begin to stream down both of their faces.
We say goodbye in the pouring rain
And I break down as you walk away.
Stay, stay.
'Cause all my life I felt this way
But I could never find the words to say
Stay, stay.
Alright, everything is alright
Since you came along
And before you
I had nowhere to run to
Nothing to hold on to
I came so close to giving it up.
And I wonder if you know
How it feels to let you go?
Kurt's eyes flutter shut. His breathing becomes more and more shallow with every word Blaine sings.
You say goodbye in the pouring rain
And I break down as you walk away.
Stay, stay.
'Cause all my life I felt this way
But I could never find the words to say
Stay, stay.
So you change your mind
And say you're mine.
Don't leave tonight
Stay.
Blaine pours everything out in his voice. It's raw with emotion, pain and love and frustration pouring out with the musical notes. The others watch in awe, either full out crying or tears glistening, heartbroken by the sight of the man serenading his love alive for what will be the last time.
Say goodbye in the pouring rain
And I break down as you walk away.
Stay, stay.
'Cause all my life I felt this way
But I could never find the words to say
Stay, stay.
Stay with me, stay with me,
Stay with me, stay with me,
Stay, stay, stay, stay with me.
The movement of Kurt's chest slows quietly to a stop. His limbs go slack, and Blaine falls to his knees. He sobs and sobs, unable to stop no matter how much comfort is given to him. He can't deal with this. He couldn't have let this happen.
He cries, heart broken, soul shattered into a million pieces. It's broken him.
He's broken.
But at the end of the day, as he cries himself to sleep in the cold, empty bed, all he can think to himself is that he fulfilled his love's last wish.
"Sing for me."
Comments
Oh god.
that song. that song gets me everytime. my heart is also shattered. i don't know if 'enjoy' is the right word but for such a short piece you really nailed all the emotions and gave the story such a depth uncommon. so good :) . now i must go read fic where they live happily ever after lol
Aw. I'm glad you liked it so much!
Oh my god, my heart. T_T Blainers, let me hug you D: I'd also tag it with character death, if it were me. :) I love it. Favorited.
Thank you! I'm really glad you liked it!
I bawled. Oh my gosh. Kurt...don't die.
I think I read this once before on ff, but it is just as good the 2nd time. You have managed to capture so much emotion in such little time. It is heartwrenching, but also shows the depth of love. Whenever i need a good cry, I will search for this one, because sometimes a person just needs a good cry.
Goodness me, you're so kind! I'm really glad you enjoyed it.