Blaine’s just dozed off to sleep one night not too long into his relationship with Kurt when his phone chimes out a text message alert. Blaine wants to ignore it, but his curiosity gets the best of him. It woke him up: it had better be important. And it is important because it’s a text from Kurt.

“If you’re still awake, could you please come to my room?”

Blaine’s eyebrows scrunch in confusion, but he gets out of bed, slides his feet into his slippers and pads down the hallway, trying not to wake anyone. He tries the knob on Kurt’s door, and he finds it unlocked. He enters slowly.

“Kurt?” he whispers softly. It’s unnecessary, because Kurt’s bedside lamp is on, making Kurt easy to see.

All at once, Blaine notices that Kurt is crying. His heart wrenches, and he hurries over to where Kurt is lying on the bed.

“Kurt? What’s wrong?” Blaine asks, trying to keep his voice calm and suppress the panic he feels.

“Blaine.” Kurt whimpers. “I’m so embarrassed.”

“Why, Kurt?” Blaine says, confused. “It’s just me. What’s wrong?”

Kurt sniffles, rolling from his back onto his side so that he can make eye contact with his boyfriend.

“Promise you won’t laugh?” Kurt asks, his voice full of worry.

“Of course not, sweetie!” Blaine replies. “I could never laugh when you’re upset.”

This answer seems to be enough for Kurt. He takes a few deep breaths and wipes the tears from his eyes as he prepares to answer.

“I, um, I just hurt myself accidentally. I’m really embarrassed to tell you where or how.”

Blaine’s confused. Kurt’s wearing boxers and a t-shirt. Blaine can see the majority of his skin. Where could he possibly be hurt?

“It’s okay, Kurt.” Blaine says, trying to comfort Kurt best he can. “Whatever it is, just tell me and I’ll make it better.”

“I tried fingering myself.” Kurt says, his voice barely more than a whisper. Blaine barely muffles a gasp. “But I think I didn’t wrong or I didn’t have enough lube or something. I don’t know. It just hurt. It hurt so bad, Blaine. And I know that it can do damage and risk infection and stuff, and I really don’t want to have to tell the nurse what happened if I’ve really hurt myself.”

The words all come out in a rush, and Kurt’s breathing hard once he finished speaking. Blaine doesn’t really know what to say, so he pulls Kurt to him in a hug, no longer worried about further injuring him. He strokes Kurt’s hair slowly, still amazed that Kurt allows him to.

“Kurt.” Blaine finally says. “I do have an idea.”

He pulls away from his boyfriend briefly, hoping to see Kurt’s reaction. Kurt stares at him, his eyes wide and sad.

“I’m not trying to be sleazy or trying to pressure you or anything like that. It’s completely up to you, but if you would like, I could take a look for you and see if there’s any obvious damage. I could get a washcloth and help you clean up, just to be safe. Maybe put some cream on?”

Kurt doesn’t reply for the longest time and Blaine begins to wonder if Kurt’s offended or scared.

“You’d do that for me?” Kurt finally asks. “Even if we didn’t… do anything? If I’m not ready to… with you?”

Blaine tries to not feel hurt that Kurt is so surprised.

“Of course I would.” Blaine answers, pressing a kiss to Kurt’s forehead. “Do you want me to look, then?”

Kurt nods hesitantly, and then rolls over to be on his stomach, resting his head on his arms. Blaine goes to the washroom, coming back with a damp washcloth and a tube of cream. He climbs on the bed and straddles Kurt’s legs around the knees.

“I’m just going to pull down your boxers now, okay?” Blaine asks, trying to keep his voice soothing. He figures that the more he talks, the more comfortable Kurt will be and the more he asks for permission, the more Kurt will remember that he can  change his mind at any time.

Kurt nods, so Blaine slides down the cotton shorts, not letting himself marvel over the newly exposed skin.

“My hands might be a bit cold.” Blaine warns. “Let me know if you want me to stop.”

Kurt doesn’t say anything, so Blaine takes a deep breath, and moves his hand to the divide of Kurt’s ass. He pulls the cheeks apart as gently as he can and stares down at Kurt’s hole. It’s all Blaine can do to stay analytical as he looks. He can imagine so many future moments involving himself and the hole, but he pushes those thoughts to the back of his mind.

“I’ve, uh, never actually seen anyone else before, but it looks fine to me.” Blaine says to Kurt. “I can’t see anything obviously wrong.”

Kurt lets out a long sigh of relief.

Blaine’s still looking and he realizes that he can see a sheen of lube around the rim.

“Do you want me to clean you up with the cloth, Kurt?”

“Mhm.” Kurt mumbles into his pillow.

“Are you doing alright?” Blaine asks, concerned by Kurt’s quietness.

Kurt angles his head to the side so that his mouth isn’t in the pillow, but not far enough to make eye contact.

“I am.” He says softly. Blaine lets out a breath he wasn’t aware he’d been holding. “I just feel very… vulnerable.”

Blaine releases his hold on Kurt’s ass and moves up on the bed to lie beside Kurt. He kisses his boyfriend gently on the lips, pressing their foreheads together.

“Someday, when we’re both ready,” Blaine says quietly, “I would love nothing more than for you to see me vulnerable like that.”

A few tears appear in Kurt’s eyes.

“Thank you.” He whispers.

Blaine kisses him for a few moments, and then pulls back.

“Do you still want me to clean you up?” Blaine asks.

“Please.” Kurt answers, a small smile on his lips.

Blaine moves back to his previous position on the bed and picks up the washcloth. He folds it over his hand and presses his covered finger tips to Kurt’s hole. His pants tighten as he notices the rim respond to the touch, trying to clench on something non-existent. Kurt lets out a surprised squeak, one that Blaine thinks and hopes is because of pleasure.

“Does it hurt at all?” Blaine asks.

“No-oo.” Kurt answers, the word an exhale. “Feels… nice.”

Blaine is glad, not because he’d been trying to please Kurt, but simply to know he’s not causing pain. He’s thorough, maybe more so than strictly necessary, and he has to force himself to move his hand away.

Kurt must have enjoyed it as much as Blaine, because only a few moments pass before he whispers: “Cream?”

“Of course, sweetie.” Blaine replies, hoping his delight can’t be heard in his voice.

He opens the tube and squirts a small amount of cream onto his index finger. Somehow, this feels infinitely more intimate than touching Kurt with the cloth had. It is now just Blaine’s fingers against Kurt’s skin, touching in a way that he’s never touched before, and Kurt’s never been touched before. He is exceedingly gentle as he works, careful to think about unsexy things to keep himself calm.

“Blaine?” Kurt whispers.

Blaine suddenly worries he’s going to get scolded for the detail he’s gone in to.

“Yeah, sweetie?”

“You could, uhm, keep going if you want. It, ah, feels really nice…”

Blaine wipes his finger off on the washcloth and pulls the boxers up to cover Kurt’s ass. He moves up the bed to snuggle in beside Kurt.

“Some other time, sweetheart.” Blaine says, leaning in to kiss Kurt on the lips.

“What? Blaine, I - ” Kurt argues.

“I know, Kurt.” Blaine interrupts. “You’re turned on and you want me to keep going. And someday I will, and I cannot wait. But I’m not going to do this today. When you called me in here, you were almost too embarrassed to tell me what was wrong. I’m not sure you’re ready for this, and, more than that, I’m not sure I am, either. So we’ll talk about it later, okay?”

Kurt mumbles a “sure” but Blaine knows that he’s uncomfortable. He moves in even closer to his boyfriend and wraps his arms tightly around his boyfriend. Blaine nuzzles his nose into Kurt’s hair, revelling in the smell of Kurt.

“I love you so much.” He doesn’t actually say the words, just mouths them against Kurt’s scalp.

Blaine thinks about what he didn’t tell Kurt. He knows he’s not ready for more: he won’t be until Kurt can say those three words back.