You're my Best Friend (you make me live)

*-*-*

It's their anniversary. Eight years ago today, Kurt Hummel had met one Blaine Anderson, who had been at Kurt's father's tire shop with his own father. Kurt remembered that day often. Blaine had been the first one to make him smile after his mother's death. Blaine had brought hope back into his life. Their friendship had been instantaneous, and as the years passed it had only grown stronger.

Until now.

He stares at Blaine's unconscious form on the bed in front of him, wills himself not to cry. Kurt's hope gone, shattered to broken pieces.

And it's all his fault.

*-*-*

Kurt had been shy at first, Mr. Anderson's gruff demeanor had kept Kurt close to his father, barely peeking out from behind the counter. He'd grown bored, however, his dad and Mr. Anderson talking over by the car.

That was when he had noticed Blaine, standing off the side, bopping his head. Kurt had left the safety of the counter, then, crossing the space. It was as he approached Blaine he heard the humming.

And he recognized the tune.

“You saw The Lion King in the theatre?”

Blaine had stopped, staring for a moment before smiling. “You like Broadway, too?”

*-*-*

Kurt holds Blaine's hand tightly in his own, staring at him unmoving on the bed. The noises of the machines around him compete with the wails coming from Blaine's mother in the hallway as she loses it,  the sound coupling with his father's soothing voice and Carole's choked sobs. He doesn't know where Blaine's father is, or if anyone has called Cooper in LA. Honestly, he doesn't care.

All that matters is the rise and fall of Blaine's chest, the feel of his hand in Kurt's, and the continuous, steady, absolutely beautiful beeping of the monitor next to the bed.

*-*-*

Kurt sat next to Blaine on the sofa, just like any other day, but for the first time since Kurt had met Blaine five years ago, he's lost for words. Blaine's face was still damp with tears,  his flushed cheeks matching his sunburned arms.

“I thought he actually cared, you know? Turns out he just thought making me work on a car would take away the gay .”

“You don't know that for sure, Blaine -”

“You've never lied to me before, Kurt. Don't start now.”

Kurt squeezed Blaine's hand, “Sorry your dad sucks.”

“Maybe I shouldn't have come out after all.”

*-*-*

The call from Blaine's mother replays in Kurt's mind. Words like “attacked” and “hospital” in the same sentence as Blaine's name. Blaine's mother, speaking between sobs. Burt, taking Kurt's hand after seeing the expression on his son's face. Carole, who'd touched his shoulder, asking the silent question with her eyes.

Denial ran rampant in his head the entire drive to the hospital, lasting until they reached the door of Blaine's hospital room. When he saw Blaine lying there, the urge to escape was strong - to leave and go somewhere, anywhere else,

Somewhere Blaine is fine.

But he isn't.

Kurt stays.

*-*-*

Blaine finished singing, sliding into a bow. “Very good,” Kurt clapped, “although try sharing the spotlight on stage.”

“I thought you were my biggest fan.”

“Oh, I am,” Kurt leant forward, “you're my best friend, but I can't speak for the audience.”

“My voice isn't enough?”

“Modesty isn't your strong suit.”

“Never said it was,” Blaine smiled, “but you already knew that.”

“I wouldn't be a very good best friend if I didn't.”

“And they say people with the same sexuality can't just be friends.”

“They're wrong.”

Blaine paused. “Yeah, but does it count if I'm the only one out?”

*-*-*

Kurt doesn't know what to do. His father is wrapped up in taking care of Blaine's paperwork. Carole is milking every favor she'd ever been promised to get Blaine the best doctors, making calls, and sipping terrible hospital coffee. Blaine's mother sleeps, sedated, in the corner chair.

Kurt is alone with Blaine, and Blaine is unconscious, and Kurt doesn't know what to do .

He needs someone to guide him; someone who can tell him how to act, what to feel. Someone who can put him back together after the days events shattered him into a million pieces.

He needs Blaine.

*-*-*

“ -  got a new suit.”

“I'd hope so,” Kurt looked up at Blaine, “but can we do karaoke now? No offence, but I think I'm an expert on your Sadie Hawkins dance.”

“I thought didn't mind?”

“I didn't,” Kurt smiled, “the first ten times.”

“Guess I'm excited. But,” Blaine squeezed Kurt's hand. “I was thinking...hoping maybe you'd go with me?”

“Blaine -”

“As friends,” Blaine continued, “but you'd be out. I thought -”

“No. I can't.” He withdrew his hand, “It's bad now and they just think I'm gay; I don't want to know what would happen if they knew the truth.”

*-*-*

Kurt gets up, unable to sit still any longer. He glances at Pam, sees her asleep. He leans forward, straightening the blankets around Blaine with his free hand, tucking and adjusting them.

“You know,” he speaks softly, wondering if Blaine can hear him. “This hospital bedding really is terrible.” He adjusted the pillowcase as best he could under Blaine's head, tugging lightly. “It's verging on indecent.”

He swallows hard around the lump in his throat, nearly choking.

A loud, sudden whine startles him, and Kurt's head shoots up to stare at Blaine's heart monitor.

Kurt's heart stops when Blaine's does.

*-*-*

Kurt stared out into the hallway, his bedroom door left open in Blaine's haste to leave. Kurt could't bring himself to move, though, his thoughts jumbled and chaotic.

“I know it's bad, Kurt. You tell me every day! I just - wouldn't it help if you were honest with who you are?”

“You don't know what it's like,” Kurt had snapped, “You might get called names since you're out, but I'm the one getting shoved into dumpsters. You pass, Blaine! You're out but you pass so you can't know what it's like.” Kurt lowers his voice, “I wouldn't want you to.”

*-*-*

People in scrubs and lab coats rush in. Hands push him out of the way, into Pam Anderson's arms. His father and Carole had already left; he had urged them to go, but he longs for them now. Pam stumbles; Kurt holds onto her as they're shuffled to the doorway. The hospital staff move quickly; the steady beeping of the monitor soon fills the room again.

“One of the wires was kinked,” a nurse says, smiling at Kurt softly. “Blaine is fine.”

Kurt let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding, relieved. Blaine is okay.

Blaine is fine.

*-*-*

“I was thinking we could add an acapella piece,” Blaine had commented as he gestured to the sheets surrounding him on the floor.

“I should have guessed,” Kurt teased back, “you and your love of all things without accompaniment.”

“You like it too,” Blaine had laughed, “and we're hardly going to be Broadway legends if our first production sticks to the norm.”

“We've been working on this idea all summer; I think between the non-binary gender roles and main couple we've passed that.” Kurt glanced back to Blaine. “Broadway legends?”

“Of course; we're best friends. We're not attempting it alone.”

*-*-*

“ Memory ,” Kurt sings softly, his head resting on the edge of Blaine's bed. Their hands still clasped together, Kurt drops a kiss Blaine's fingers. “ All alone in the moonlight. I can smile at the old days, I was beautiful then. ” He sniffles, refusing to let himself cry. Not here where Blaine can hear him. He'll sing instead, sing like Blaine has done so often. And when Blaine wakes up, Kurt is going to finally admit the secret he's been clinging to for years. “ I remember, ” he continues singing, “ A time I knew what happiness was. Let the memory live again .”

*-*-*

“ I pass?” Blaine's voice cracked even as Kurt had flinched at the overtone of anger. “My dad still hopes I'll wake up straight! My locker is home to badly drawn R-rated graffiti and I hear the slurs everyday.” Blaine's voice lowered. “I don't pass, Kurt.”

“You do though,” Kurt had avoided Blaine's gaze. “I'm not out, but I can't tell you the number of times I've been kicked into lockers or washed garbage out of my clothes.” Kurt forcibly kept his voice flat. “Blaine, I'm sorry, but I can't - I can't come out just to attend Sadie Hawkins with you.”

*-*-*

“Remember last summer?” Kurt whispers in Blaine's ear. “We went to visit Cooper and he took us to the beach. We'd never seen the ocean before that day.” He pauses, thinking back. He and Blaine had been so happy then. Watching Blaine that day, the way he'd lit up at the first sight of the rolling water, that's when Kurt knew. That's when he'd realized how deep his feelings for Blaine went.

“You should get some rest.” Pam's voice is soft.

Kurt shakes his head slowly. There's no way he can even begin to relax enough to consider falling asleep.  

*-*-*

Blaine had stared for a moment before picking up his bag. “I should go - I have a history test tomorrow.” Blaine's voice had been blank, lacking the passionate anger from moments earlier.

“Blaine -”

“What do you want me to say, Kurt? For the first time in my life my best friend doesn't have my back.”

“This isn't about you, Blaine!” Kurt shouted, “I don't want to come out. Can't you understand? This isn't something I want to do. I'm not coming out just to be your platonic date to a dance I don't even care about! ”

Blaine had left, then.

*-*-*

The nurse comes in again in the wee hours of the morning. Kurt blinks awake, sitting up at the sound of her steps. She smiles at him as she works, checking Blaine's vitals and the IV before entering information in the laptop attached to the wall. Kurt waits while she works, silent until she heads for the door, ready to leave.

“Excuse me.”

The nurse pauses, waiting.

The question Kurt has wanted to ask all night finally slips out.

“When will he wake up?”

“His tests were normal and they've cut back on his pain medication. Should be anytime now.”

*-*-*

For the first time since meeting Blaine, Kurt had gone an entire weekend without hearing from his best friend. Kurt had regretted his harsh response to Blaine's invitation as soon as Blaine left, but he couldn't bring himself to call - or visit - to apologize, either.

Blaine didn't understand what it was like, being Kurt Hummel at McKinley High.

There were days Kurt wanted to shout the truth, to stop living in the shadows.

But he couldn't. It wasn't worth the risk.

But as the weekend turned into a week, Kurt wondered if his fear had cost him his best friend.

*-*-*

At first, Kurt thinks he imagined it; wishful thinking due to lack of sleep. Then it happens again, that brief bit of movement against his hand. The feel of Blaine's fingers shifting against his own is enough to bring tears to his eyes.

“Blaine?” he gasps out. Blaine's eyes flutter as if he's trying to wake up, and Kurt finally lets out the sob he'd been holding in for the last however many hours.

His parents and Blaine's mother came into the room at his words. Kurt barely notices, though, because Blaine finally opens his eyes and looks at him.

*-*-*

The week had dragged on, each day seemingly longer than its predecessor. Time had been divided into two periods for Kurt: Before the argument, and After.

Kurt had decided three days in that After was his personal Purgatory.

He was in a Limbo of his own making, too scared to make the first move, hoping Blaine would step up - like he always had before - and initiate the conversation. It was the coward's way out, but Kurt didn't have it in him to risk starting an apology that wouldn't be accepted.

Limbo was awful, but life without Blaine would be Hell.

*-*-*

Kurt manages to get himself under control before doctors and nurses chase everyone out of the room so they can examine Blaine. Tears fall from Kurt's eyes, past his smiling lips, before dripping onto his shirt. For all of his stoicism and bravado, underneath it all, Kurt had been absolutely terrified that he would lose Blaine. Now that fear is gone and his emotions are almost overwhelming.

Kurt's pulled into a group hug, his parents and Blaine's mom laughing and crying and making a huge scene in the waiting room. He doesn't care. Nothing else matters because Blaine's finally awake .

*-*-*

Kurt hates the waiting. He isn't patient by nature, and now, with Blaine awake - as of fourteen minutes ago - he wants nothing more than to break away from his parents and Blaine's mother, push past the nameless doctors and nurses to get back to Blaine.

Forty-eight hours ago he'd been too proud to apologize to best friend.

Two hours ago he'd feared he'd never get the chance to.

Silently, Kurt vows to never again put his own pride and fear before Blaine. He'd been frightened, and had mocked Blaine's own struggles to make himself feel better.

It won't happen again.

*-*-*

“I was so scared,” Kurt admitted the moment he and Blaine had were finally left alone.

“Me too,” Blaine whispered. Kurt's heart clenched in response and his grip on Blaine's hand tightened.

“I wish I'd been there,” Kurt said, guilt spiralling through him. “Maybe if I had, this wouldn't have happened.”

“Kurt, no!” Blaine gripped his hand even tighter. “If you had been, maybe you'd be hurt too.”

Silence reigned.  “What if…” he paused

“What?”

“What if we… went out?” Kurt suggested.

Blaine stared at him, eyes wide. “Like a date?”

Kurt nodded. “A do over - for both of us.”

Blaine stared. “You - you said no. That it wasn't -”

“I was wrong,” Kurt interrupted. “Yesterday was the worst day of my life.”

“Kurt -”

“ The worst . And - and I realized something,” Kurt caught Blaine's hand, “I was determined we could just be friends - even when I wasn't out - that I ignored everything...and then your mom called. It was awful, Blaine.”

“Wasn't?” The confusion-interest-suspicion echoed.

“Well, I'm  hoping my best friend accepts my do over, without the ‘just friends' addendum.”

Silence. “Just because I got hurt -”

“It's not that.”

A pause.

“Friends first?”

“Always.”

And then Kurt kissed his best friend.