Kurt kicked off his shoes and dropped down on his bed, completely exhausted. It was hard to keep up with everyone at NYADA. It was worth it though. He was having the time of his life. But days like these, when he got home really tired, he just wished Blaine was there to prepare a hot bath for him, kiss him and hold him until he fell asleep. He sighed. Blaine wasn’t there. He was hours away, in Lima. A sudden wave of grief washed over him. He simply missed his boyfriend so much. Of course he missed his dad and Carole as well, but not like this. It even hurt physically sometimes. Like stabs of pain in his chest. He moaned and turned around to stare at the ceiling. He picked up his laptop from the floor and prayed that Blaine would be online. He wasn’t. He sighed even louder. It had been eight months. Blaine was supposed to come visit on every holiday, but it had been too expensive and Blaine’s parents refused to pay for him to go visit his boyfriend in New York. So they had basically lived off of Skype and Facebook over the last eight months. They had a weekly Skype session every Sunday. They talked for hours and in the end, it always ended with them jerking off together on webcam. Missing Blaine sexually was almost as bad. He jerked himself off every night, thinking about Blaine. He missed Blaine’s body pressed up against his, he missed his lips against his neck, mouth, back, ass, he missed his voice whispering dirty things in his ear, just as they came together, perfectly synchronized. He missed Blaine holding him afterwards with those strong arms wrapped around him and the two bodies fitting together like two puzzle pieces. He missed all of it.

Kurt soon noticed that he had one unread e-mail and as soon as he saw it was from Blaine, he opened it and read.

From: Blaine Anderson

Sent: 16/4 2013 4.57pm

I’m not even sure why I’m sending this to you. I was an emotional mess when I recorded it. I guess I didn’t want to lie to you, you deserve more than that. And relax, I’m not breaking up with you. I would never. Just… watch the video and maybe you’ll understand. I miss you so much. Love you forever.

A video was attached to the e-mail and he opened in curiously, turned up the volume and then waited for it to load. Blaine was sitting in his room, wearing a plain black t-shirt and sweatpants. His guitar was sitting in his arms and he had tear streaks on his cheeks. His eyes were red and it was obvious that he had been crying, especially as he started speaking.

“Kurt-“ He choked up already on the name. “I’m trying to stay strong, Kurt. But it’s just so hard without you.” The honesty in Blaine’s voice felt like stabs in Kurt’s chest. “You’re my strength and my everything. I guess I just needed to get it all out and well, I have my guitar here so I thought I’d sing something for you. You- I mean, you don’t have to watch if you don’t want to, so feel free to close the video.” Kurt didn’t close the video. “I didn’t write this song, but the lyrics fit really perfectly. I mean every word of it.” Then Blaine started playing and Kurt got lost in his boyfriend’s voice.

“The stars lean down to kiss you and I lie awake and miss you. Pour me a heavy dose of the atmosphere. ‘Cause I’ll dose of safe and soundly, but I’ll miss your arms around me. I’ll send a postcard to you, dear, ‘cause I wish you were here.”

Ohgod. The lyrics were perfect and Blaine’s voice was amazing. But the tears shaping in Blaine’s eyes made it hard for Kurt not to cry himself.

“I’ll watch the night turn light blue, but it’s not the same without you, because it takes two to whisper quietly. The silence isn’t so bad until I look at my hands and feel sad, ‘cause the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly.”

That was true. Their fingers did fit perfectly together and Kurt missed holding Blaine’s hand so much. It always made him feel safe.

“I’ll find repose in new ways, though I haven’t slept in two days ‘cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone. But drenched in vanilla twilight, I’ll sit on the front porch all night, waist deep in thoughts because when I think of you, I don’t feel so alone.”

Blaine looked straight into the camera as the tears streamed down his cheeks and the song continued.

“As many times as I blink, I’ll think of you tonight. I’ll think of you tonight. When violet eyes get brighter and heavy wings grow lighter, I’ll taste the sky and feel alive again. And I’ll forget the world that I knew, but I swear, I won’t forget you. Oh, if my voice could reach back through the past, I’d whisper in your ear, ‘Darling, I wish you were here’.”

Kurt cried as the song ended. And so did Blaine. Blaine sat there for a few moments and then panicked slightly. Kurt let out a small ‘no!’ just before the screen turned black. Kurt sat there, his face ruined by tears. He checked skype again. Blaine still wasn’t online. He wondered if you could actually die by simply missing someone too much. He sighed and then did the only thing he wanted to in that moment. He clicked ‘Play again’.