Kurt Hummel loved his job. Really.

It was a dream come true, both personally and in general. Not only was he starring in a role on Broadway (BroadwayohmygodhowdidImanagethat?), but the role was practically written for him. (And okay, yes, it actually was. It pays to make friend with writers in college.)

The music was fantastic, the story was heart-breakingly beautiful and close to his heart (shut up, he knows it was written that way on purpose), and his co-star. Maybe that was the problem.

Kurt had worked (usually as an extra, but still) long enough that he didn't often get star struck anymore. He might not have worked with them closely, but he had still worked with some of the greats, and nobody was going to take that away from him. This was the first time he had a starring role though, and the first time he had worked opposite someone so handsome. And nobody could deny that Cooper Anderson was handsome.

The movie star had recently stated that, while he adored working on film and TV and despite the fact that he had previously stated (to his publicist's horror) that "theater is lame, and Broadway is dead", he missed connecting to an audience in a way that he wasn't able to in action flicks. So he'd auditioned for the play, apparently fit the type (or at least was famous enough that it didn't matter), and was now playing opposite Kurt. (Finn was over the moon that Cooper Anderson was playing a character loosely based off of him and had not shut up about it for the hour and a half that their phone call had lasted. Their longest conversation in months. Brothers.)

So yes, Kurt had been star struck; it's not every day that your (mostly) secret celebrity crush ends up spending ridiculously large amounts of time with you for months on end. Dream come true. Really.

But apparently, in an oddly in character way that Kurt was not going to mention ever, Cooper decided that he really liked his new "brother". And took to calling him that. All the time. As Kurt was fully aware from horrifying experience, nothing really kills a crush like being told you're now related even if that wasn't really true, please stop calling me that.

So his love affair (that was entirely in his head) had been metaphorically (and in his more melodramatic moments, he claimed it was literally and physically) crushed to bits (oh his chest ached, where his heart once was), and it was then pointed and laughed at by the person doing the crushing. All while they smiled winningly at him and continued to be really damn charming.

Though as the weeks went (dragged) on, Kurt began to get over his heartbreak and realized something very important that made all of this inevitable even without awkwardness of being called "little brother" by someone who you're half in love with. Cooper was obnoxious. While his acting had always seemed perfectly in place and dramatic while there was a car chase or an explosion or... whatever happened in his movies (so Kurt didn't really pay attention to things like special effects or plot, sue him), they didn't really translate well to the stage. For example, Cooper yelling while there was loud and noisy... stuff... going on in a movie worked out really well there, but as there was nothing exploding on the stage, he was instead yelling in Kurt's face (in a decidedly friendly way, it was weird) about things like needing to ask for help when things were getting to hard on him.

And the pointing. Sure, on screen it looked dramatic enough to see the main character looking at an invading army of whatever it was he was saving the world from with his arm outstretched and a look of horror on his face. It was all very visually pleasing. On stage? He nearly took Kurt's eye out. Twice.

Not to mention the truly horrible advice he kept giving out which ranged from just plain stupid to condescending to, in some cases, bordering on illegal.

In Kurt's more mature moments he liked to think that's why he was hiding backstage to avoid his costar, not because if he called him a sibling one more time he was going to start screaming. (The fantasy I had about you being in the closet for publicity reasons and the two of us then riding into the sunset after we decided to keep it secret? It didn't exactly end at the sunset, please stop saying that.)

"Are you lost?"

Kurt nearly jumped out of his skin in his haste to turn around to face his attacker (he's obviously a serial killer who hides around in theaters shortly before people show up so he can hack them into pieces and leave the body parts for techies to find). "What? No. I'm fine. I'm supposed to be here. And alive."

His murderer (okay he probably isn't a murder and... wow he's good looking. It probably wouldn't be so bad if he was? He looks nice. Maybe he'd painlessly kill you.) gave him a weird look, raising his (huge, wow) eyebrows in confusion. "Alive?"

"Um, nothing, sorry. Overactive imagination, I guess," Kurt said, feeling his face heat up. And to think, he was usually pretty good at this whole having a conversation like a normal person thing. "What're you doing back here?" This guy was not part of the show, Kurt would've noticed him.

Eyebrows grinned at him and wow. He was really good looking and no one had the right to be that happy looking because of small talk. "I was supposed to meet someone here for lunch, but apparently he either forgot our plans or what time lunch was, so I've just been wandering around back here."

Plans with a guy? Could be a boyfriend, but probably not if he was forgetting plans with someone this gorgeous. Maybe a friend? A best friend, even. He'd be the best man at their wedding. And whoa, don't know the guy's name yet, let's not get too far ahead.

"It's dusty and cluttered with pieces of costumes we haven't cleaned up," Kurt said instead.

"I know!" Short, dark, and gelled was grinning again. "There's just so much going on, I love it. Everything about theater, really. Being on stage is just a rush, of course, but seeing everything going on backstage? It's just... it's like coming home, you know?"

Names are unimportant. Really. Who cares what your parents call you? They should have a winter wedding because it's always been Kurt's favorite season and they could have dark greens incorporated throughout to bring out the flecks of it in his new husband's eyes.

"Yeah, I completely understand." Shit, his voice hadn't sounded that breathy since high school what was wrong with him?

"I'm sorry, I haven't introduced myself!" He was gorgeous and polite. Hopefully their three kids would take after him, because Kurt was very aware that his bitchiness would not do them much good once they started school. "I'm Blaine."

"Kurt," he said, shaking Blaine's offered hand. And why was that name so familiar?

"Kurt Hummel?" Blaine's eyes had widened and Kurt got distracted by how bright they were. He was going to have to be the sperm donor for their kids until one of them got his eyes. Well. Maybe only one, the next one could be Kurt's. Then they'd adopt one, maybe. They'd have to discuss it or maybe finish this conversation because Kurt was being creepy again.

"Yes?"

"You're the one starring in this?" Blaine still hadn't let go of his hand, and Kurt really needed to stop acting like he was a teenager again, this was unreasonable.

"You've heard of me, then?"

"Oh!" Blaine dropped his hand sheepishly like he'd just realized he'd been holding it. It was good to see Kurt wasn't the only one refusing to act his age. "Yeah, a lot, actually. My—"

"Little brother!"

"Shit," Kurt said and was surprised to hear Blaine say the same. He shot him a weird look as Cooper rounded the corner.

"Oh. Both my brothers."

"Both?" Kurt asked, feeling his stomach sink as he started to suspect. No. Please no.

"Blainers! I see you've met my new brother!" Cooper swung an arm around Blaine's shoulders in a side hug and Kurt silently said goodbye to his imagined wedding and future children. There was no way in hell he was going to be around Cooper his entire life.

"Yeah, we were just talking," Blaine sounded slightly irritated at the interruption. Or maybe just with Cooper; Kurt could sympathize.

"Don't worry, Squirt—"

"Don't call me that!"

"—He's not replacing you, you're still my favorite. I'd offer to share him with you, but people next door can see your heart eyes, so we're not gonna go there."

"Please kill me now," Blaine muttered as Cooper smiled at Kurt as if this conversation wasn't mortifying.

Someone from on stage called for Cooper, and he sent a last grin at the two boys and a very much not even kind of subtle wink at Blaine as if he'd helped with anything before hurrying off to get roped into a conversation with the director.

"So that's... that's my brother," Blaine looked like he was still willing the ground to swallow him whole. And honestly? If anyone could give him tips on putting up with Cooper it was probably him.

"Would you like to get coffee sometime?" Kurt asked.

Blaine's face lit up in another grin, much wider and more genuine than his brother's show smile that was always directed at everyone. "I'd love to."

And really? Uncle Cooper didn't sound that bad.