It all starts with a black bow tie. 

Hell, it all starts with Blaine cheating him with someone he barely knows, really, but the overwhelming stream of emotions starts with that stupid, stupid bow tie. 

He’s going through his closet, the furthest end of it because he knows that one stupidly expensive sweater he bought only a few months ago must be theresomewhere, and he’s just almost lost his hope when his fingers hit something with similar fabric, and his heart jumps with joy -

but what hits the floor is a black bow tie. 

And even after months in his closet it still smells like Blaine.

(or he might be imagining it, he’s in a very emotional state after all) 

After they kind-of broke up (they never told each other that it would be better if they broke up, but after weeks and weeks of not speaking it felt natural to sayex-boyfriend instead of boyfriend), Kurt never gave himself the permission to break -

it’s pointless and hurts and it takes ages to pick up the pieces once he lets himself break and he hasn’t had the time to do it. He’s been doing just fine holding his head up high and listening to the sound of not giving a flying fuck about his own feelings, because that’s what people do when they don’t want to drown in their own sorrow.

So he’s kept his head high even with the water reaching his chin, made his way to the top with cold eyes and biting sarcasm and he’s fine,

his heart isn’t broken because no-one could break it - 

(it’s shattered). 

(But he’d never tell that to anyone. Not after Blaine and stupid love and tears and bitten lips and sleepless nights - it’s not their business and it’s not his business, it’s no-one’s business because it’s past and his eyes are clear and bright again. Who needs sleep when you have eyedrops and make-up and coffee, anyway?)

He hugs the black bow tie close to his chest and closes the door of his closet.

- it’s his personal stockholm syndrome because even though he wanted it and it was going to end someday and hell, even though he’s not that naive to think it would be forever -

isn’t it wrong to cherish the moments when he’s not hurting? 

So, he calls Blaine. 

And ends the call before he answers.

And when Blaine sends a confused message to him only minutes later, he shatters both of their hopes with a single text message -

but lets face the truth;

Kurt never had hopes to shatter.