Blaine stood in the shower scrubbing at his skin until it turned an angry looking shade of pink, the water so hot that the steam almost obscured him from Kurt's view. His jaw was clenched as he avoided catching his reflection in the glass of the shower wall.

Kurt grinned as he stood in the bathroom, watching the hazy outline of his boyfriend's body stretch as he tipped his head back. He quickly rid himself of his own clothes and slipped into the shower behind him, smile fading now that he could see Blaine clearer. Blaine was still scrubbing harshly at his skin, hands rubbing across the skin of his chest and abdomen. He reached up to wash his hair and Kurt reached out to help him, despite being worried, he could never miss an opportunity to tangle his hands in Blaine's silky curls. With a hiss he pulled his hand back immediately, causing Blaine to startle and almost slip as he hastened to turn around. The water was scorching hot, burning their skin as it pounded against them but before Kurt could lunge forward to turn it off Blaine wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pulled him against him, pushing himself against the wall.

Blaine kissed him, bruising and sloppy as he clutched at him. Kurt hissed again as the scorching spray hit his back but Blaine's hold was strong, making it difficult to pull back. Ripping himself away he reached over to turn the shower off, and as soon as he had Blaine had pulled him back to him, covering his mouth with his own. Kurt kissed back for a second, arms wrapping around Blaine's small waist. As soon as his palms touched Blaine's skin he froze. Blaine had flinched, and although he had seemed to double his efforts Kurt started to notice things the heat and skin had distracted him from. Blaine was shaking hard in his arms, crushing Kurt to him where he could feel Blaine completely soft against his hip. Kurt attempted to take a step back and Blaine let out a pained whine, starting up a mantra of 'no no no no please' as his wet hands scrabbled against Kurt's shoulders. It looked scarily like one of Blaine's breakdowns.

"Stop." Kurt said, firmly but as gently as he could, however he instantly regretted it. Blaine had flinched back against the wall at the word, eyes down cast and nails clawing at the insides of his forearms, his thighs and hips. His eyes kept darting just past Kurt, looking for an escape. "S-sorry sorry I'm sorry please."

"Hey, hey Blaine it's okay it's fine, nothing to be sorry about I just want to know what's going through your head okay?" Kurt said tentatively, making no move to touch him. Blaine continued to scratch at his skin. "Nod if you understand me please." Kurt asked and Blaine nodded once. "I'm going to touch you again now but I need you to look at me okay? If I'm going too fast or you don't want me to you can always say so and I won't be angry at all." He reached out and stilled Blaine's hands, taking them in his own whilst never looking away from his face. Blaine's hands twitched in his grasp, clenching and unclenching them into fists, trying to keep from tearing them away. "Good. Thank you for letting me do that. Thank you for trusting me." Kurt spoke softly, smiling gently as Blaine's trembling started to subside, a visible sign of him relaxing.

"What is it you need right now Blaine?" Kurt asked, thumbs brushing across the back of Blaine's hands as he watched his eyes shift back into focus, "What do you think you need to make you feel okay? Whatever you need we'll try to do." Blaine squeezed Kurt's hands, tangling their fingers together. When he spoke it was quiet and timid, "I-I think um I need quiet and I need t-to talk. I need you to help me feel safe."

"Okay then that's what we'll do."

.oO0Oo.

Once Blaine had given him permission to touch him elsewhere, Kurt guided Blaine into the bedroom with his palm carefully placed at the centre of his back. Pulling on some sweats and a shirt he assured Blaine that he'd be back soon. He left him to get changed and went to call Cooper, locking the balcony doors and pulling down the blinds as he went. "Hey Kurtie, how are you guys?" Cooper's voice, warm and jovial sounded through the speaker. "We're not so good Coop. We managed to avert a potential breakdown so don't panic." Kurt said as calm as he could manage as he paced, bare feet padding across the hallway floor. "Ooookay," Cooper replied carefully, taking a deep breath before continuing, "do you have any idea what caused it? What do you need me to do?"

"Not yet but the good thing is that he said he wants to talk about it, he just wants to feel like he's safe first."

"You want me to come over for a lock in?"

"Please, I wouldn't think it necessary but-"

"But it'll help Blaine feel safe, I know. I'll be over soon." Cooper interrupted, all too aware of how scared and vulnerable his brother could feel sometimes. "Thank you." Kurt breathed and hung up, slipping his phone into his pocket as he made his way to the bedroom.

Kurt's heart ached at seeing Blaine look so scared and small. He sat curled up against the headboard, swathed in his favourite oversized, green sweater, and clutching Kurt's pillow to his chest as he rested his chin on top of it. Kurt smiled widely, approaching the bed carefully and perching on the end. "How are you doing?" He asked still watching Blaine carefully. "I'm better," Blaine said, his voice sounding much stronger but still a little shaky, "come up here silly, I'm not gonna spook again I just want to cuddle." He patted the space on the bed beside him, flicking back the comforter and waited as Kurt climbed in. He snuggled in close to Kurt's side as he settled himself against the headboard.

They were silent for a few minutes, settling into each other and wrapping a tenuous sense of calm and security around themselves, like a blanket, pulling it tight with cinching arms around waists and soothing fingertips stroking through hair.

"I-I'm sorry about um h-how I- what happened in the shower." Blaine said timidly, breaking the silence. He curled in close to Kurt, head resting on his chest so he wouldn't have to look him in the eye. "It's okay" Kurt assured him, "I was just startled and scared. You looked so lost." Blaine didn't respond and they lapsed into silence once more. Kurt had learnt not to push Blaine into telling him what had happened, that he would share with Kurt what he needed to in his own time.

"I-I um I walked past Anstein street today." Blaine mumbled.

"Blaine..."

"I know, I know I said that I wouldn't but I was late for work and it was the quickest way I could think of and I-"

"Blaine shh shh it's okay," Kurt placated him, trying to calm him down before he worked himself into a panic attack "we said it probably wasn't a good idea to go that way anymore but that's not what matters right now."

Kurt tried to reassure Blaine despite the voice in his head softly whispering an unhelpful 'I told you so'. A few weeks prior Kurt had suggested they move somewhere that wasn't so close to the old den, but Blaine insisted that they couldn't. He'd been adamant that he wouldn't uproot his life as it was just because temptation would always loom over him. "There are plenty of places to get drugs in New York Kurt, trust me I would know." He'd said and Kurt had dropped the subject. He loved the apartment, despite it lacking most of the interior design features he'd always had in mind for his dream home it was perfect. It was home, filled with art and music and love.

"I was walking past when I noticed the door to t-the den was open, a-and I wasn't going to go near it I promise I just panicked because I thought they were gone you know? The police raided The Mist and the den." He choked out in a rush. "I was just gonna call in sick and call Cooper to come and get me because I just couldn't seem to move, I felt sick, it felt like it was all trying to crawl back under my skin, with them still being so close." Blaine stopped abruptly, his grip tightening on Kurt's fingers where they were entwined on top of the bed sheets.

"I-I saw some guy stumble down the stoop and start coming toward me but, I was frozen, just standing there. I turned but he was quick and grabbed my wrist."

.oO0Oo.

"Don't I know you?" He'd said and Blaine tried desperately to wrench his arm from the man's grasp. "No I- I don't think you do, now please let go of me."

"No I know you! You're that little whore that used to come in with Evan."

"I don't know what you're-"

"Oh I think you do pretty boy, I'd never forget an ass like yours."

"Please just-"

"Oh but you were all for Evan that night weren't you you little slut. Came down those stairs fucked out and so high you could barely put up a fight, practically begging for it." The man's hand trailed from Blaine's wrist to his hip, pushing him harshly back into the shadow of a side building. Blaine thrashed violently against him as the man crowded him, his other hand poised threateningly at his throat.

"You'd barely let me get my hands on that tight ass before you spouted some bullshit about 'making the rounds', took my money and ran you fucking ungrateful piece of shit!"

"LET GO OF ME! PLEASE STOP!"

"Just a worthless pretty face that's all you are, nothing but a filthy good for nothing pretty boy sl-"

Blaine bought his knee up to the man's groin as hard as he could and ran. He didn't stop until he'd reached the apartment and he'd locked and bolted the door behind him.

.oO0Oo.

"Oh sweetheart..."

"I think I just flipped out with you because I-I wanted to feel-" Blaine broke off abruptly and lowered his eyes as tears rolled over his cheeks. "What Blaine? It's okay you can tell me."

"Wanted, like somebody wanted me and wasn't just, using me. Sometimes- God maybe he's right I'm- I couldn't even throw him off me maybe I was-"

"No." Kurt said sternly, trying desperately to get Blaine to look at him "I know how you were going to finish that sentence and I am telling you now Blaine you weren't. The first time he laid a hand on you, you were vulnerable and terrified and it makes me sick to hear what he did to you, then and now. It was assault Blaine, plain and simple. But you are none of those things he said to you Blaine, you were lost, you've done things you regret but you're so much more than your past. You're beautiful and talented and you are priceless."

"Kurt" Blaine sobbed.

"How can I show you I want you Blaine? How can I show you how beautiful you really are? How can I show you how much I love you, until my dying day?"

"Kiss me" Blaine pleaded quietly, cries subsiding as Kurt slipped his arms around him once again. "Are you sure?"

"I've never been more sure of anything in my whole life."

.oO0Oo.

They were spread out on the bed, side by side trading lazy, gentle kisses. It had taken a while for Kurt to feel comfortable kissing Blaine, worrying and misconstruing his every whine or whimper as hurt or discomfort. He'd pull back and see Blaine, vulnerable, unsure but content and with a bashful smile Kurt would be powerless to resist the pull towards Blaine's sweet lips. Confident that Blaine was finally okay Kurt rolled Blaine onto his back, hovering above him with a gentle smile. Blaine's eyes were closed, his features smooth and calm as his chest rose and fell gently, the faintest hue of pink tinting his cheeks. Sometimes Blaine seemed so strong so determined that it was easy to forget that he could be vulnerable, that he was just as easily hurt as the next man.

Blaine had triggers and Blaine had scars but it didn't make him fragile. He knew how to cope, he'd had a year and counting of therapy and a boyfriend and brother extremely dedicated to researching the best way in which to care and support him during episodes or particularly vulnerable moments. He had a support system that he could depend on and the courage to try and not give up. He was safe and happy but that didn't mean his wounds didn't reopen every now and again.

Blaine smiled as Kurt began dotting feather light kisses across his throat. "Blaine Anderson did you just giggle?" Kurt said, his grin so wide and eyes so full of fondness it made Blaine's heart ache with joy. "Nope no definitely not" Kurt blew a raspberry against Blaine's collarbone and delighted in his answering squeal. "Stop stop! Oh my God!" Blaine laughed, his voice high and breathless. Kurt froze above him, smile still wide but softer, tinged with something that took his breath away, something like adoration.

"You're so beautiful." Kurt muttered simply, his fingertips brushing through Blaine's bed tousled curls and across his flushed cheeks. Blaine couldn't bare to look into his honest eyes any longer, turning his cheek to the pillow and squeezing his eyes shut, feeling his cheeks burn. "You don't believe me?" Kurt questioned from above him, and he sounded heartbroken by the possibility. "I believe you," he replied, voice cracking as he stared resolutely at the night stand "just sometimes I don't feel beautiful."

"Well then," Kurt gently coaxed Blaine back into looking at him "I haven't been doing my job properly."

"Oh and what, pray tell, does that job entail?" Blaine teased.

"Oh just worshiping you, mind, body and soul until you felt like a prince. Hmm where shall I start?"

"Body!" Blaine gasped as Kurt returned to his ministrations. He sank into the mattress beneath him, blissfully pliant and loose as he lost himself in sensation. "Are you sure?" Kurt asked one last time, always patient, always kind, always sure. A whispered plea, sacred consent, fell from Blaine's lips and safely he sank, under the caressing waves of pleasure only his Kurt could provide.

.oO0Oo.

Blaine could've sworn he was floating. The bedspread beneath him was soft yet damp, sticking to his sweating skin. He was laid bare across the bed, Kurt moving lovingly above him, stroking, kissing, touching, anywhere and everywhere. He left no patch of skin unattended to, no sensitive spot untested, untouched. He marked his neck, his thighs, his hips, his stomach, dotting marrs and scars with love soaked bruises. He murmured promises into his skin, praise and pride sinking through skin thickened by torment, right to the bone, right to his core. He shook with it. The feel of skin brushing skin lightening him with each pass.

The heat rose and kisses became hungry, desperate. He was no longer content to lie back and bask in Kurt's careful attention. He arched underneath him and begged, begged like he never had before and Kurt answered. Cautious but never coddling. He soothed him with kisses, slow and languid, a testament to his devotion, how he'd do almost anything as long as Blaine asked it of him.

They took it slow. A pillow propped up Blaine's hips and did nothing to stop Blaine's writhing hips as Kurt fingered him slowly, almost torturously so. He made sure to brush his prostate with every thrust. Kurt couldn't tear his eyes away from Blaine spread out before him. Blaine felt sensual, watching as Kurt's eyes turned that lustful midnight blue and his mouth hung open slightly as he panted with arousal. He felt desired, powerful that he could have such an effect on Kurt, merely by giving himself over to pleasure, to let himself feel sexy and salacious. It was like being liberated from insecurity by Kurt's enraptured gaze and the way he seemed to unravel just at the sight of him.

At three fingers he could barely contain himself, on the verge of coming from just Kurt's fingers alone. At the sound of a particularly desperate whine, Kurt pulled his fingers free, whispering praise and profanities as he slicked up his cock and positioned himself, eyes never leaving Blaine's. He urged him on and Kurt was powerless to resist, in awe of the beautiful rawness of the picture before him, Blaine begging beneath him, eyes a honeyed whisky and burning with desperation, bright with an intensity only he could achieve. A juxtaposition of vulnerable power, of being so exposed but so shameless, so at ease. He pushed in with a guttural groan, moving slowly until he was buried to the hilt.

He could feel everything, the fullness of Kurt inside him felt as if it was tearing him apart and stitching him back together simultaneously, he reveled in it, in the push and drag of Kurt's cock moving inside him. They drew it out, panting into mouths and hands slipping and and scratching across sweat and skin, filthy and primal and perfect with the tenderness trust could only supply. Blaine threw his head back and moaned, loud, long and low as Kurt thrust just right. He arched his back and his ass pushed against Kurt's with a resonant slap. He was desperate for more of him, more of the delicious drag, the unforgiving rigidness of him inside him.

"Fuck, right there Kurt shit." Blaine whined, clutching at Kurt's shoulders as he mouthed sloppily across his neck. "Ah ah ah come one, fuck me Kurt you know I won't break." Kurt growled deep in his throat and lifted himself to look at Blaine. He fucked back in: hard. Groaning as Blaine's body jolted up the bed. Kurt started fucking in with hard measured thrust,s reducing Blaine to a mess of moans, whimpers and choked off whines.

A fleeting thought crossed Kurt's mind that he might be hurting Blaine but as Blaine gripped the sheets and tried desperately to match the rhythm of his hips he could see he was completely lost in pleasure and any pain he felt from the stinging slap of Kurt's hips must have only amplified it. He had never seen him let go so much. Moaning so loud, so wantonly that he wouldn't have been surprised if the tenants on the floor above could hear him, though Kurt wasn't exactly being quiet.

Kurt knew Blaine was close when the only sounds he made were the desperately high pitched uhs that followed every thrust. His eyes were open, staring up at Kurt with his hair strewn across his forehead. A flush coloured his skin all the way to his navel where his cock rested, hard and swollen and leaking precome. Kurt had been close for a while, amazed at the fact he'd managed to last even this long with Blaine gorgeously sinful and writhing beneath him.

"God you're so beautiful B, so fucking hot," he grunted as he gripped Blaine's cock, jerking him off quickly in time with his thrusts, "I'm so lucky I get to see you like this, touch you like this ma- ah make you feel like this." He leaned in close kissing his slack mouth with fervour. "Make you come. Come for me baby, come on beautiful." Blaine's back bowed, brow furrowed as he cried out, stripes of white come spilling from his cock and painting his flushed and heaving abdomen.

It seemed to last forever and he barely noticed when Kurt followed him, throwing his head back and moaning loud and visceral. He spilled inside him, hot liquid seeping into Blaine, making him his. Blaine stayed pliant, shaking as Kurt rode out his orgasm, his vision blurred as sparks of oversensitivity coursed through him. He winced as he felt Kurt slip out of him, but smiled at the feel of him placing kisses everywhere he could reach. He closed his eyes with a sigh, aching but happy.

.oO0Oo.

"Blaine"

"Blaine baby wake up."

"Wake up or I'm going to have to call 911 and tell them I fucked you into a coma."

"Not in a coma..." Blaine mumbled as he blinked his eyes open. He looked up at Kurt, smiling broadly with his chestnut hair still unstyled and flopping into his eyes. Humming he settled down to where he was tucked into Kurt's side. Kurt had clearly changed the sheets and cleaned them both up as best as he could while Blaine was sleeping but he could still feel the uncomfortable remnants of dried sweat and come covering his body.

"Fuck I passed out."

"You did indeed." Kurt chuckled "A great ego boost for about a minute but after five I started to worry." He combed his fingers through Blaine's wild hair, enjoying the feel of the smooth, damp locks between his fingertips. "That was the best sex we have ever had." Blaine simply stated with a grin, and they burst into a fit of giggles

"It's easy when you're fucking a gorgeous man you're crazily in love with." Kurt snorted. "Oh Kurt you say the most romantic things." Blaine teased, fluttering his eyelashes. "Oh shut up you idiot, let's have a bath and drink copious amounts of cheap wine."

"Oh classy."

"You get so sassy after sex."

"You love it."

"I love you."

"I love you too, now carry me to the bathroom."