April 23, 2023, 10:05 a.m.
The Winner Takes It All
Kurt and Blaine are researchers at the theatre department of NYU. After finishing a paper, they need to decide the order of authorship. Since they contributed to the research equally, Blaine suggests a Broadway sing-off contest to determine it with the winner becoming the first author. Kurt loves Blaine’s idea. But he also has an agenda on his own
K - Words: 1,942 - Last Updated: Apr 23, 2023 706 0 0 1 Categories: AU, Humor, Characters: Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, Rachel Berry,
This is a little, somewhat cracky fic inspired by this post on WTF, Scientific Papers? and I knew I wanted to Klaine-ify it. Thank you Beth quizasvivamos and Gwen cerriddwenluna with brainstorming for the title.
Enjoy!
“Finally!”
Kurt holds up his hand for a high-five. Blaine enthusiastically gives one. After months of hard labour, their academic paper is done and it’s ready to be submitted to a journal for the review process. They’ve spent hours and hours researching queer representation in Broadway by overanalysing Broadway scripts and it has paid off.
Well, it’s almost done. They need to decide the order of the authorship. In academics, the author who has contributes the most gets credited first, but this was a collaborative process. They had a fair share in their work.
But luckily, Blaine had thought ahead.
“When we’re finished, we need to do a Broadway sing-off. Whoever wins is named first.”
Kurt immediately was on board. It reminded him of the diva-offs from high school. They both already picked a song and they even found volunteers to judge. Luckily, the people in the NYU theatre department know how to judge a performance.
“So, I guess it is time then?” Blaine says once they’ve calmed down their celebration.
Kurt nods.
“Let’s text the others for a time and date.”
“Bring it on,” Blaine holds out his hand as a sign of sportsmanship and Kurt shakes it. When he touches Blaine, he feels warm in his chest, but he pushes that down. That’s what he’s been doing during the entire process of working together, since he can’t afford to swoon on the job.
But my God, Kurt wants to swoon. How can one not swoon over Blaine Anderson?
Blaine doesn’t make it easy, especially when he gives Kurt a wink. He’s so good-mannered and playful. Blaine came with this whole idea in the first place and it perfectly fits Blaine.
Kurt quickly lets go of Blaine’s hand so that he can text his colleagues.
A few days later, Kurt, Blaine and some colleagues are gathered in the lounge. Kurt has picked a specific song weeks ago, but he’s a bit nervous to perform it. Not because he thinks he’s going to fail. Kurt knows he can sing. He’s confident about his performance. It’s the song he’s nervous about.
He’s making a risky move, he knows it.
“Welcome everyone!” Rachel says into the mic. Of course she volunteered to lead this sing-off the moment Kurt and Blaine told her of their plan.
Kurt is standing on her left on the small make-shift stage. Blaine’s on her right. Artie has dimmed the light and he’s shining a desk lamp in their faces as an impromptu stage light.
“Artie, can you please tone it down!” Rachel says harshly, which is rude, but she isn’t wrong.
“Sorry,” Artie mutters and Kurt blinks. Now he can actually see his small audience. All of the theatre department are gathered in the staff room.
Rachel clears her throat.
“Dear guests, welcome to the sing-off between Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson,” Rachel says and people in the room cheer and applaud. Kurt and Blaine share a smile behind Rachel’s back. Man, their colleagues are great.
“Go Kurt!” Mercedes yells.
“Go Blaine!” Tina yells back.
Rachel shushes the crowd.
“Guys, guys, they haven’t even sung yet. Oh my God. Ahem, as I was saying, welcome. As you all may know, Kurt and Blaine have worked tremendously hard on their latest article, named We are who we are: Queering Broadway and beyond-”
The audience erupts into another round of applause. Rachel has to do more crowd control, but Kurt and Blaine don’t mind. They indeed worked hard, so they appreciate the feedback.
“Anyway, since these lovely gentlemen have contributed an equal amount, they decided to-”
“Can they sing already?” Santana hollers from the back, “We all read the invitation. We want to see the action!”
Rachel turns red, but the audience seems to agree. Kurt has to stifle a laugh. Rachel does love unnecessary dramatics and speeches.
“Ahem,” Rachel says again. She actually says the word ‘ahem’. “Very well. Kurt, Blaine, please step forward.”
They do.
Rachel takes a coin out of her bedazzled purse.
“Head or tails?” she asks.
“Head!” Blaine yells.
“Tails!” Kurt exclaims at the same time.
It’s not a discussion. Kurt and Blaine have worked for long enough to know each other’s preferred coin side.
Rachel flips the coin and shows that head has won. Blaine fist bumps the air and he looks adorable. Normally, Kurt would be enthralled by it, but now his mind is reeling. Blaine is going first. Kurt knew that there was a 50% chance that it would happen, but he still doesn’t know if this benefits him, or if this is detrimental to his plan.
If he were to go first, it would be like ripping off the Band-Aid. No time to overthink it. But now he goes last, which means he has to sit with his decision a bit longer. Fuck, why did he agree to this? They should’ve just done a coin flip, like now.
“Alright, give it up for our very own Blaine Anderson!” Rachel cheers and the audience follows suit. Kurt and Rachel take a seat so that the focus is on Blaine and oh boy, Kurt is focusing. Kurt is focusing hard.
Although he almost loses focus when Blaine walks off stage to grab a guitar. What is he planning?
“Alright everyone,” Blaine says to the crowd as he strums his guitar, “I won’t keep you waiting.”
Then he looks right at Kurt.
“Kurt, this is for you. May the best singer win. Artie?”
Artie nods and he hits play on the YouTube video. The mood is instantly killed when they first have to sit through two 30 second long ads, and Sam chastises Artie for not having an AdBlocker installed, but Kurt uses this extra minute to compose himself.
He definitely needs it when the music starts playing and he recognises it. Blaine plays his guitar to go along.
When the earth was still flat
And clouds made of fire
And mountains stretched up to the sky
Sometimes higher
“Holy shit,” Rachel mutters, but Kurt isn’t paying attention on her. His eyes are fixated on Blaine, and Blaine keeps staring back. Kurt sits back in his chair and he feels… well… overwhelmed. Blaine is serenading Kurt.
Or so it seems.
I mean, why else would Blaine sing a song called Origin of Love while looking at Kurt like that? Blaine loses himself in the music and Kurt can feel the emotion. He’s shook to the core. All the love and affection that he’s been bottling up are resurfacing.
When Blaine’s finished and everyone is clapping, Kurt’s in tears.
“Well?” Blaine asks Kurt.
He slings his guitar over his shoulder and he looks so earnest. Kurt stands up to face him and-
“You dickhead!” he yells out. Tears flow down his cheeks and Blaine looks flabbergasted and saddened. The room has gone dead silent and Kurt can feel Rachel’s hand on his arm.
“Kurt-”
“No, no, no!” Kurt cuts Blaine off, “Damnit, Blaine, you stole my thunder! I had it all planned out and now you come in and do the same fucking thing?”
“What…” Blaine still looks confused, but instead of saddened, he’s hopeful.
“This was going to be my big moment. I’ve spent all week going over this, trying to find the perfect song to serenade you with, and you do this!” Kurt yells through his tears, but then he starts laughing.
“You… were going to serenade me?”
“Yes! I had it all planned out. I was even going to say that my name is Kurt Hummel and that I am auditioning for the role of Blaine’s boyfriend-”
And the next thing Kurt knows, Blaine’s jumped off the stage and he plants a big kiss on Kurt’s lips. Their audience goes wild and Kurt can’t help but feel incredibly happy. They keep kissing until Rachel coughs.
Kurt and Blaine look at their bemused colleagues. No one seems super surprised and Brittany gives Mike a 10 dollar bill.
“Uhm, Kurt, as wonderful as this all is… you still need to perform. This is a competition.”
Kurt feels like he’s already won, but she’s right.
“Good luck,” Blaine says. He gives Kurt another quick kiss, which makes Puck whistle, before setting the guitar aside and sitting next to Rachel. Kurt takes his spot on the stage and he gives a thumb up to Artie.
After another round of annoying YouTube ads, the song that Kurt carefully picked out starts to play.
The moon
First time I heard your voice
Moonlight burst into the room
Blaine eyes light up when he realises that Kurt is singing No One Else. Kurt thought this was going to be his big confession, but now that the hard part has been done, he can unapologetically make sure that Blaine understands the message.
When Kurt’s finished, he takes a bow and everyone cheers.
Rachel gets up.
“Alright. I will give you all 5 minutes to deliberate on your choice. And Kurt and Blaine can use these 5 minutes to make out some more-”
“Wanky!” Santana hoots.
“-before we come back with the results.”
“What do you mean it’s a tie?” Rachel says when she sees that the same amount of hands are in the air for each candidate.
“Well… they were both outstanding,” Quinn, who has her hand raised in Kurt’s favour, says, “I mean, I am picking Kurt, but honestly, I am not sure about it either. Blaine was so good.”
“Yeah, I get that,” Finn says with a shrug. He voted for Blaine. “Kurt fucking killed it.”
Everyone in the room murmurs their agreement. Rachel looks like she’s going to lose it, so Kurt cuts in before she can say anything else.
“Uh, Rachel, if I may?”
Rachel pouts, but she steps aside.
“Everyone, thank you. And thank you for allowing us to express our feelings towards each other.”
“Yeah,” Blaine says and he takes Kurt’s hand in his, which leads to another round of cheers.
Kurt tries not to blush.
“Anyway, I think this is not going to result in anything, so how about we do it the old fashioned way after all?”
Blaine raises an eyebrow, but he catches on quickly.
“Head!” he yells.
“Tail!” Kurt shouts at the same time.
“Rachel, will you do the honour?”
Rachel beams. Yes, she will. She takes out the coin and flips it.
Bibliography
Anderson, B. & Hummel, K. (2023). We are who we are: Queering Broadway and beyond. Journal of theatre studies, 2(4), 206 – 216.
Anderson, B. & Hummel, K. (2024). Who’s afraid of queer Virginia Woolf?: Reparative readings and reinterpretations from a queer perspective. Journal of theatre studies, 6(2), 414 - 421.
Anderson, B. & Hummel, K. (2025). Just be who you wanna be: Coming out narratives in theatre. Journal of theatre studies, 3(2), 51 – 68.
Hummel, K. & Anderson, B. (2026). “I support gay rights, but I also support gay wrongs!”: Reactions towards queer(coded) villains on the stage. Journal of theatre studies, 1(4), 301 – 317.
Hummel, K. & Anderson, B. (2027). Gay or European?: Cultural diversity in queer representation in musicals. Journal of theatre studies, 1(5), 514 - 530.
Hummel-Anderson, K. & Hummel-Anderson, B. (2028). A place where we belong: Happy endings and queer joy on the Great White Way. Journal of theatre studies, 2(4), 12 - 21.
Acknowledgments
Both authors, as usual, contributed to this paper equally. A Broadway sing-off was used to determine the order of the authors’ names. After a tie, a classic heads or tails was used. This happens every time the authors publish a paper together. They do not mind.
Fun fact, I did an actual coin flip to decide who would get to be the first author on their paper. Then I switched it up for their later papers only to remember that bibliography is ordered alphabetically so I changed it to Blaine for the first couple of papers. I had a lot of fun coming up with their wacky paper names. There are also some smaller easter eggs in the APA. Hehehehehe.