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May 26, 2012, 4:13 p.m.


Positions

A few months ago, Rose had the gall to post this after she came home from work 'someone came into the store looking for a book on gay sex positions and it made me think of kurt and blaine going into a bookstore and asking for the same thing.' I couldn't resist writing it then & am finally posting it here to get things organized. Enjoy!


T - Words: 1,039 - Last Updated: May 26, 2012
985 0 3 4
Categories: Humor,
Characters: Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel,


“…Blaine, I am NOT going in there with you.”

Blaine turned to face him, his lower lip jutting out just a little. “Pleeeeease?” he wheedled.

Kurt shook his head stubbornly.

“This is for your benefit as much as it is for mine,” Blaine said, leaning in and rubbing his hand along Kurt’s thigh.

Kurt crossed his arms over his chest. “That’s a terrible argument.”

Blaine nibbled on his ear. “If I think of a better one, will you come with me?”

“Mmm.” Kurt’s eyes drifted closed. “Doubtful. It’d be fun to hear you try, I suppose.”

“I have a gift card to spend, so it’ll cost us nothing.”

Kurt laughed. “It would be better spent on magazines. Or maybe a DVD.”

Blaine leaned away and blew softly into his ear. Kurt shivered. “Is the latest issue of Vogue really more valuable to you than exploring…” Another soft�puff of air. “…something new together?”

“You’re not.” Kurt took a shaky breath. “You’re not playing fair, Blaine.” He shifted in his seat. “You know what that does to me.”

“Who said anything about playing fair?” Blaine murmured, focusing his attention on Kurt’s neck. “I want you.” A kiss to the underside of his�jaw. “To come.” A light press of the lips to his Adam’s apple. “With me.” A gentle kiss to the hollow of his throat.

“Innuendos...won’t...work...” Kurt said, his grip on the steering wheel tightening a little.

Blaine glanced down. “I beg to differ,” he replied, dropping his hand to press firmly against Kurt’s erection.

“Biological response,” Kurt said, his breaths coming faster. “Doesn’t count.”

Blaine fell back into his seat with a sigh. “Fine,” he muttered. “Let’s...let’s just go home. Maybe I’ll come back later. By myself.”

“...Blaine I can’t drive like this,” Kurt said.

Blaine rolled his eyes. “Fine. I’ll leave you here while I run inside. It’s dark enough; you can just...take care of your problem�while I shop.”

Kurt stared at him in disbelief. "You can't be serious."

Blaine raised his eyebrows and reached for the door handle. Kurt flung an arm out, grasping his wrist tightly. "Blaine," he hissed. "I am NOT jerking�off in a parking lot!"

"Then come with me. Your coat will hide your little...problem just fine."

The two of them stared at each other for a moment. "Fine," Kurt huffed. "But you owe me. And if we get asked any questions, you're doing the talking.”

"Fair enough," Blaine replied, leaning in to kiss him quickly. "Now come on - I'll buy you coffee on the way out."

Kurt muttered under his breath as he fastened his coat, pocketing his keys and shoving his door open. Blaine quickly rounded the car and attached himself�to Kurt's side.

"What are you doing?" Kurt demanded.

"Hugging you," Blaine replied, squeezing him tight. "Cause if this venture embarrasses you too much, I won't be able to lay so much as a finger on you for�a few days."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Maybe I'll just sit in the cafe and let you do the shopping."

"Awww, Kurt, c'mon. It'll be fine! Just a quick trip inside; we'll be done before you know it." Blaine kissed his cheek.

Kurt arched a brow in disbelief before grabbing Blaine's hand. "I certainly hope you're right. For both of our sakes."

Twenty minutes later, they'd been approached by several clerks offering assistance. Blaine has assured them that they didn't need any help, and the boys�had continued pacing through the store.

"Can I help you boys find anything?" a young lady asked as they wandered towards the self-help section again.

Kurt felt his cheeks heat, and Blaine quickly answered with "No, we're fine, thanks," as he turned away.

The young lady reached out, resting her hand gently on Kurt's arm. "Are you sure you don't need help finding anything?" she whispered. "I've seen you�refuse help from my co-workers, and I thought maybe I could help?"

Kurt hesitated, staring down at her for a moment. Her wide brown eyes were soft, with just a hint of amusement playing within them. "Hey, Blaine?" he�called softly.

"Yeah?"

"Come back here a minute?"

Blaine stepped around the bookshelf. "What is it?" he asked.

"This young lady offered to help us...and I think it would be...prudent to accept her assistance."

Blaine seemed to choke. He smacked a fist into his chest and coughed a few times.

"Are you alright?" the young lady asked, moving away from Kurt to stand next to Blaine.

"I'm fine," Blaine managed, glaring at Kurt. "I'm just fine, thank you."

The girl gazed curiously at him. "If you're sure..."

Blaine nodded.

"What can I help you guys find?"

The boys nodded slowly.

"Are the two of you...together? I don't like to assume, but - "

"Yes," Blaine interrupted. "We are."

It was the girl's turn to blush. "And are you..." she lowered her voice even more. "Are the two of you sexually active?"

Kurt's skin had flushed cherry red, and Blaine looked like he might faint from lack of oxygen.

"I'll take that as a yes?" the girl surmised, a smile playing at her lips.

Both boys nodded shortly.

She grinned. "I know exactly what you're looking for," she said. "Come with me." She strode away, turning around only when she noticed they weren't�following. "Oh, come on - if I'm wrong, I'll buy you each a cup of coffee."

The boys trailed after her as she walked to the self-help section, one hand extended in front of her as she searched the shelves. "Hmmm...no...where was�it?" she muttered. "Aha!" She grabbed a book of the shelf and handed it to Blaine. "You guys wanted something like this, right?"

Blaine's eyes grew huge and he clutched the book to his chest, wrapping his arms around it to hide the title. The young lady snickered. "My friend stopped�in the other day and insisted I help him find a copy. He claimed it was for 'research' but his boyfriend has told me it's been very...helpful to them."

Kurt and Blaine were both blushing furiously. The clerk giggled. "How about I ring you guys up? I'll be leaving soon, so they won't mind if I hop on a�register for a few minutes."

The boys nodded eagerly.

"Well, come on then!"

She walked away, her ponytail swishing back and forth as she strode to the front of the store.
----

"...that looks uncomfortable."

"Does it? It's not much different from one of my yoga positions."

"...."

"See? ...Blaine. Blaine, what are you - Blaine, you can't just YANK on - "

"..."

"..."

"I see what you mean."

A soft pant of breath. "Next time, you're trying it."


Comments

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Thank you for making me smile! I'm going through a difficult time right now, and I just laughed reading your story - images of Blaine walking around a 'Barnes & Noble' bookstore, holding a gift card in one hand, and Kurt following behind, his belt tied tightly around his coat! It made me think of last year when I went to our local 'Barnes & Noble' three times trying to find the issue of 'OUT' Magazine with Darren Criss on the cover!

Awww, I'm so glad you liked it! I giggled like a madwoman as I wrote it.

I liked you writing style and your portrayal of Kurt and Blaine's embarrassment, endearing yet hot. I think that you could use this plot line more, maybe more one shots? your writing was witty andi thoroughly enjoyed it! x t