Blaine tried to still his hands. He looked at them as they shook, studied them as if the study would distract him from his turmoil.

He’d been trying so hard. All week, it had been worse. All week, he’d only seen the void that Kurt was going to leave behind when he left. All week, he’d just wanted to cry.

He could tell Kurt could tell, too. The smile he gave him in the choir room when Mr Schue gave them their final assignment in Glee told him that. And he knew Kurt was going to miss him just as much as he would miss Kurt, but Kurt wasn’t the one being left behind. Kurt wasn’t the one who would have constant reminders everywhere of what’s missing.

Blaine closed his hands into fists a couple of times. He wasn’t going to cry. Kurt had managed not to cry that week, and as close as Blaine had come, neither had he.

He looked around the almost-empty parking lot where he was waiting. Kurt, Finn and Rachel were inside. Kurt, Finn and Rachel were about to confirm their plans to go off to New York. Blaine had insisted that he not crash the party. “No, no, this is for the three of you to do alone,” he had told Kurt when asked if he wanted to come in. “I’ll be here to celebrate with you when you’re done.”

Remembering his comment, Blaine gulped in at the air as once again tears threatened to fall. He could feel them pooling in his eyes. Just like in Glee club, just like in class, just like in the halls. He pressed his fists against his face and pushed against them. He would celebrate with Kurt. Because Kurt’s dream was coming true.

He gasped, and a tear escaped. “No, no, no,” he scolded himself, but his body wasn’t listening as the tear was joined by another and they started dribbling down his cheek. Blaine felt his face contort with the hurt and pain and unfairness of it all and gave up trying not to cry. He bowed his head and leant it against the steering wheel, his chest heaving and shoulders shaking. He could feel the sobs coming. He cursed himself and slammed a hand onto the dashboard of the car in an effort to shock himself out of it. Frustrated that Kurt would see him like this. Angry that he might ruin Kurt’s moment of triumph.

The thought of ruining this for Kurt made him pause. He stopped breathing for a moment and listened to the silence in the car. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want to ruin anything for Kurt. This was why he’d been resolutely not crying all week. He would not ruin Kurt’s moment.

He pushed himself back off the steering wheel slowly and leant his head against the headrest. He exhaled slowly in an effort to calm himself. Kurt might notice he’d been crying when he came out, but hopefully he would likely be too ecstatic and bouncy and excited to spot anything amiss. And Blaine would be happy with him. Blaine would laugh and jump with him, and hug and kiss him and not think about the reality waiting for them at the end of the summer. He took in a sharp intake of breath as another sob threatened to escape. No. He wouldn’t.

He was debating getting out of the car and walking around in the sun to take his mind of things when light reflecting off the glass door caught his attention. It was opening.

He sat up a bit straighter and checked himself in the mirror, trying to wipe away the signs of his tears. When he looked back over to the door, he was a bit surprised to see it wasn’t the three people he was waiting for.

But it was Kurt.

Kurt was by himself.

Kurt was looking… not ecstatic.

Why wasn’t Kurt looking ecstatic?

The realisation hit Blaine with the force of a truck just as Kurt’s resolve faltered. Blaine was opening the car door and stepping out of it just as Kurt sank to his knees, the curling piece of paper that had been in his hand rolling onto the concrete and to the side.

Blaine ran across the distance between them but stopped a couple of yards short of reaching Kurt. He held his breath and waited for a sign. Kurt looked up at him from the ground and just shook his head before his face crumpled.

Blaine swooped down onto his knees, pulling Kurt into his lap as he did. He felt the tears pricking at his eyes again and the sobs readyto rip through his throat. But this time it was for Kurt. And it was so much worse than the pain he’d been feeling before. It was so much stronger than the sliver of hope he felt in the back of his mind that maybe Kurt wouldn’t be leaving him alone his Senior Year.

He felt Kurt shaking in his arms and he held tighter, trying to make Kurt feel safe.

They sat like that, for how long Blaine didn’t know. But the shadows were definitely longer when Finn and Rachel appeared above them, holding hands and looking shell-shocked.

Blaine calmed himself and looked up at them, still holding Kurt tightly.

“Did you…?” His voice was hoarse but he didn’t need to finish the question. Finn shook his head and Rachel nodded, almost imperceptibly, a look of guilt on her face.

“Congratulations…” he almost laughed as the word came out of his mouth. Looking at Rachel, he knew she wouldn’t be able to bring herself to celebrate for a little while, not with Finn and Kurt, yet, anyway.

“Um, we’re going to…” Rachel whispered, motioning towards her car. Finn took her hand and, nodding at Blaine, led her away from school.

Blaine didn’t watch them leave, but returned his attention to Kurt, who had stilled and was silent. Kurt was watching Rachel, and Blaine felt a hot tear drop from Kurt’s face onto Blaine’s hand. His heart broke for Kurt a little bit more and he held him tighter.

Rachel’s car pulled away slowly. As it got to the corner and turned left, Kurt finally spoke, his voice a mix of wonder and bitterness.

“She choked on her audition.”

“I know,” Blaine replied.

“I…” Kurt started shaking his head slowly.

“I know,” Blaine kissed Kurt’s forehead and rested his chin on his head, “I know.”

“I will get there you know,” Kurt’s voice wavered, but the determination was there, if Blaine listened intently enough to hear it.

“Yes, you will,” Blaine replied. “There is is nothing in this world I’m more sure of.”

Kurt relaxed slightly in Blaine’s arms, and twisted to look up into Blaine’s eyes.

“I love you,” Blaine said softly, not blinking as he held Kurt’s gaze, “so much.”

“I know,” Kurt tried to smile, “I love you too.”

They kissed softly for a moment before returning to their tight embrace. A chill crept over them as the shadows took over from the sun, but they didn’t move until the moon was visible and the sounds of rush hour traffic had overtaken that of the birds.

When they disentangled themselves to stand up, Blaine bent down to pick up the letter that Kurt had dropped. He held the scroll in his hand but didn’t unfurl it. Kurt’s eyes flicked down to the paper and back up to meet Blaine’s eyes. Blaine saw the determination in Kurt grow stronger.

“I’m going to frame it,” he said quietly, “because they got it wrong. And I’m going to show them. I don’t know when, or how. But I’ll show them.”

Blaine nodded, and had to blink back tears again. He took Kurt’s hand in his and squeezed hard. “Yes, you will.”