Rapid Hope Loss

After a long night of listening to the irregular beep of the monitor, Kurt grabs his father’s hand tightly.

”I love you, dad.” he croaks.

“…you too, kiddo.” his father mumbles, resting his cheek against the pillow.

His father’s breathing is shallow, and eventually falls away as Kurt holds on tightly to the limp fingers between his own.

“Time of death: four twenty-three AM.” a male voice states.

Kurt lets out a shuddering breath and stands swiftly. He walks toward the door.

“Nineteen is way too young to lose one of your parents.” a female voice whispers just loud enough for Kurt to hear.

“Your only parent.” Kurt snaps and leaves the room.

Kurt slams the house door shut. He glances toward the living room briefly to see Carole and Finn sitting close together on the couch.

“He’s gone.” Kurt says without emotion, running to his room and locking the door behind him. He falls face first onto his bed, nose into the pillow. He weeps. For what feels like days, but is probably just an hour or two.

Can I stop breathing if I hold my breath long enough?

Kurt takes a deep breath and holds it for a few seconds, but realizes that deep breaths are hard to hold. So he breathes out and takes in a smaller breath. He holds it for more than a minute, but ends up having to take a new one.

Damn the human body! Automatically taking a breath when the brain needs air? Crap.

His chest rises and falls for a few minutes, the tears drying on his cheeks. He yanks his phone out of his pocket and sends a single message to his boyfriend.

I need you, Blaine.

 After a long day of listening to the steady beep of the monitor, Kurt grabs his husband’s hand tightly. It feels familiar and Kurt knows exactly why.

“I love you, Blaine.”

“I love you too, Kurt.” the pale, thin man croaks.

“You were the best thing that ever happened to me. I’ll never say goodbye to you.”

Blaine smiles and closes his eyes. Kurt watches the rise and fall of his chest. After a few minutes it falls, to never rise again.

“Time of death: ten thirteen PM.” a male voice states.

Kurt takes in a shuddering breath and stands slowly, his fingers slipping from between Blaine’s. He walks toward the door.

“Twenty-seven is way too young to die from cancer.” a female voice whispers just loud enough for Kurt to hear.

Kurt leaves the room without a word or a glance back.

Kurt shuts the apartment door with a small clicking sound. He glances toward their living room briefly, and notices the dust that has gathered on the couch from disuse.  

“He’s gone.” Kurt says hollowly to himself. He walks slowly into their bedroom and falls face first onto the bed, nose into the pillow. He sobs. For what feels like days, but is probably just an hour or two.

Can I make my heart stop beating if I punch it hard enough?

Kurt flops over onto Blaine’s side of the bed and unbuttons the top three buttons of his shirt. He wipes at his tears with his right hand, before making a fist and slamming it onto his own chest as hard as he can. It hurts for a few seconds, the skin of his naturally pale chest blushing red where the knuckle of his thumb had connected with the flesh. He slams his fist onto his chest again. And again. And a few more times. He starts pounding both of his closed fists onto the middle of his chest while choking back sobs and screams.

Kurt eventually falls asleep and he has the most beautiful dream. In the dream he watches a blue-tinted and slightly transparent copy of himself float away through the air. At the same time he gets a floating sensation in his stomach, the kind you sometimes get when you fly on an airplane.

Finn Hudson hears about his brother-in-law’s death through said man’s own brother. Finn still lives in Ohio so he tries calling Kurt, but he isn’t surprised when his brother doesn’t answer.

He takes the first plane he can to Kurt’s not-so-new-anymore home city.

Finn pounds on his brother’s door and when there is no answer he asks the landlord to let him in. He does so after Finn convinces him that it’s a crisis.

Finn finds Kurt’s dead body on the recently married couple’s bed.

The autopsy shows that Kurt died from some kind of heart failure. Since the man that Kurt always referred to as “his soul mate” died after a few months battle with cancer, most people decide that Kurt probably died from what they call “broken heart-syndrome”. Finn also believes this to be true.