Goodbye

September 2012

Blaine walks slowly into the room with the cozy, dark walls. He shivers. The room has never been as cold, even though there is a fire crackling in the fireplace. He sinks down onto the dark, wooden bench in front of his mother’s grand piano, resting his hands on his lap.

His mother had told him to sing his emotions out, even though no one was around to hear. She’d said he would feel better.

Blaine lifts the lid away and brushes his fingertips over the white keys, not pressing any of them down. He tries to think of a song, and it takes him a few minutes to come up with one. He knows it well, so he starts playing softly. His voice however, is strong as he sings.

The hope is fading from my lips,
when I kiss you with goodbye.
Now when you let go of our last embrace,
please don’t look me in the eye.

Kurt had said he would never say it. He had stood there in his strait-jacket-thingy in front of the New Directions and the Warblers, and told Blaine so.

But he said it yesterday at the airport. The thing he said he’d never say.

Secret's out, that I just might care about you.
You broke me, you're leaving.
There's nothing I can do.

Little drops of warm liquid fall onto his hands as Blaine plays on, voice trembling slightly. His fingers slip a little on the increasingly wet keys.

I'll find a way to close the door.
I want to say so much more but…

I found you once, you're lost again.
Two thousand miles took what could have been.

Why did he have to go to New York? Why so far? Why did Kurt have to be in the year above Blaine? Why?!

I don't want to, won't let myself. I have to realize!
This might be, this could be…
This is goodbye... This is goodbye.

Blaine’s voice cracks on the last word, and he takes a moment to breathe and wipe his fingers on his pants before he continues playing.

The smile fate was wearing, slowly die.
Minutes turn to months.
The silence of the phone just mocks my cry.
When I see that you've moved on.

How could Kurt leave? How did his legs even carry him away? Blaine’s father had had to pretty much carry Blaine out of the airport while Blaine sobbed into his shoulder, his mother walking beside them and occasionally petting Blaine’s curls.

Secret's out, that I did care about you.
You broke me, you left me.
There was nothing I could do.

Blaine had spent all of last night crying and screaming into his pillow. While his mother tried to force him to eat and his father sat in the armchair in Blaine’s room, watching while Blaine slowly ran out of energy and eventually fell asleep. He’d still been there when Blaine woke up, though he was sleeping. Blaine guessed he’d watched over him until he himself passed out. Blaine’s mother had brought waffles for the two Anderson men while Blaine was in the bathroom, trying to wash Kurt’s smell off of his skin.

I'll find a way to close the door.
I want to say so much more but…
I found you once, you're lost again.
Two thousand miles took what could have been.

Blaine hadn’t eaten any waffles. He’d instantly thought about how Kurt would frown at him for even thinking of putting something that unhealthy in his body. The image in his head made him sick.

I don’t want to, won’t let myself. I have to realize!
This might be, this could be…
This is goodbye.

A broken sob escapes Blaine as he continues to play, smashing the keys harder and harder.

Do I ever cross your mind?
‘Cause you’re on mine all the time.
I can’t believe how unfair life is sometimes.

Kurt had said he’d call the moment he got out of the plane. He hadn’t.

Find a way to close the door
and be okay with nothing more but.
Found you once, you’re lost again.
Two thousand miles took what could have been.

Stupid New York! Stupid distance! Stupid gorgeous boy! Stupid love! Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Blaine plays so hard that his right thumb cracks uncomfortably, and he massages it with his other one while he pants.

A few minutes later he hears the front door open. Great! His parents are back to try to make him feel better.

Blaine puts his fingers back on the keys, pressing them down feather-lightly during the last part of the song.

I don't want to, won't let myself. I have to realize.
This might be, this could be…
This is goodbye... This is goodbye.
The hope is fading from my lips…

The last two lines are barely a whisper. Blaine slams the lid shut and folds his arms over the piano, leaning his forehead against the soft fabric of his cardigan and taking a deep breath. The door creaks open.

“Go away.” Blaine tells his mother, as her footsteps come closer.

Blaine closes his eyes and sighs, feeling her brush a few curls off his face.

“Mom.” Blaine sighs. “I just want to be alone.”
“I’m sorry Blaine-“

Blaine almost falls off the piano bench.

“KURT!” he yells and throws himself up and at his boyfriend.

Kurt is almost knocked to the floor, but manages to keep his balance as he wraps his arms around a sobbing Blaine. Kurt lets out a huff of affectionate amusement through his own tears.

“I’m sorry Blaine.” Kurt whispers, lifting one arm away from Blaine’s back to burrow his fingers in the dark curls on the back of Blaine’s head instead. “Hush.” he says a bit louder, squeezing tighter and rocking slightly back and forth.

Kurt buries his nose in Blaine’s hair and takes a deep breath. “I took the first flight I could back.” Blaine just whimpers in response, so Kurt continues. “The staff on the first plane had to put me in a separate area in the back of the plane because other passengers were starting to get scared of me.”

Kurt rubs his nose back and forth against Blaine’s scalp, while the shorter man just continues to cry. “I realized what I said to you when I was too far into the plane to go back out. I said goodbye.”

Blaine suddenly draws away from Kurt. “You told me you’d never say goodbye to me.” he croaks, taking a step back and wrapping his arms around his shaking torso.

“Come back here.” Kurt says gently and reaches a hand out toward Blaine. It doesn’t take more than that for Blaine to slam against Kurt’s chest again, babbling about how Kurt had promised.

“Ssshhh.” Kurt soothes, kissing the soft, wet skin beside Blaine’s right eye. “I know what I said. And I meant it. We didn’t break up; we talked about this all summer, Blaine.” Blaine fists the fabric of Kurt’s sweater. “Calm down, honey.” Kurt rubs the back of Blaine’s neck with his thumb. “We say goodbye on the phone all the time. But it doesn’t matter. I’m back now.”

Kurt smiles to his boyfriend as he draws back again. Blaine sniffles and rubs at his wet eyes with the sleeve of his cardigan. Kurt frowns, but says nothing.

“But school?” Blaine whispers. “What about N- New York?”

Kurt grabs Blaine gently by the shoulders and backs him toward the leather sofa in the corner of the room. They sit down hip to hip; Blaine resting his head against Kurt’s shoulder, and Kurt taking Blaine’s hands in both of his own. “I didn’t get into NYADA this year; and the other school was just a backup. I decided on the plane that I’ll stay here in Lima and work for a year, attempting to get into NYADA next fall instead.” He pauses. “When you’re coming to New York with me.”

“Really?” Blaine looks at Kurt with hopeful eyes. “You’d do that for me?”

“Of course I would, silly boy.” Kurt chuckles. “But it’s more for my own sake. I could barely be apart from you for a day.”

Blaine rubs his nose against the fabric covering Kurt’s porcelain shoulder. “I love you.” he whispers.

“I love you too, Blaine. And I will never leave you again.”

They share a short but deep kiss, before they hear the front door open.

“We better go tell your parents that I’m back.” Kurt says and rises from the couch, taking Blaine’s hand and dragging him along to the living room.