No. No. No.

This was not happening.

There was no way Blaine was sitting at Lima Bean with him saying he liked Rachel. Like that.

How about fucking no.

But Blaine Anderson was sitting there with me. And he for sure was saying those things.

Kurt couldn't help but curse in head, because seriously, how many chances are there that a gay teenage boy, kissing a stupid girl on a party would reconsider his sexuality?

Ok, many, maybe.

And ok, Blaine was drunk at the party, that was a good point for Kurt.

He had known since the very first daythat Blaine was it. He was the one.

Blaine was the only guy Kurt had ever been able to relate to. For real. Like Puck and Finn did or Mike and Arty.

He needed Blaine. Blaine was there when he had doubts about pretty much anything, from school to singing to..well, being gay.

In Kurt's eyes, Blaine was the proof that guys like that, confident, talented, absolutely gorgeous existed even for him.

That they were not only for girls.

Blaine Anderson represented the hope of happiness.

The idea that someday he'd finally love and be loved the way he wanted.

And yeah, well… there was the tiny little thing that Kurt was head over heels in love with this boy.

And also, Blaine knew.

Maybe he didn't know about how fast Kurt's heart bit when he stood ever so close, or about how nice Blaine's voice was to him, or about how badly he had wished to be Rachel at that damn party.

And Kurt found Rachel pretty annoying so that was saying something.

But he knew that Kurt liked him at least, right?

He had been clear on Valentine's day… and so had been Blaine, sure.

"I'm not very good at romance. I don't' want to screw this up."

Right. Because kissing Rachel Berry right at my nose is not screwing this up!

"It felt good." (1)

Kurt was brought back to reality. And Blaine was still there and he still insisted that kissing Rachel hadn't felt that bad. No, actually now it felt good.

And he was still painfully beautiful, thanks a lot!

Those honey eyes, now staring at his hands, those mainly but still so soft hands.

His dark hair, his flushed cheeks.

The evidence of the scruff shaved.

Those plump lips.

He spoke before he could stop himself.

"Have you ever kissed a boy, Blaine?"

Now Blaine was staring at him, in shock.

"What? W-why?"

"You know when I told you about Kurofsky? I told you that it had been my first kiss, or at least-

"The one that counted." Blaine finished.

" Yeah. When I told you about that you were very protective of me. You even came to my school, we talked about what it had meant for me for hours and still…" his eyes locked with Blaine's "You never told me about your first kiss."

He regretted those words the exact damn moment they left his mouth because now Blaine was blushing.

It had never happened before.

His stare was so intense, still unsure.

He looked strong, yet so fragile.

" You know you- Kurt started "You don't have to tell me if you don't want-

"I never told you about it because that had never happened."

He lowered his gaze back on the table. "Well, you know. Until last night."

And Kurt didn't want to. He really didn't want to. He wanted to be a friend and support him. He wanted to help him, but he couldn't help but burst out laughing.

"You- You- oh my god, Blaine! You do realize we both had our first kiss with a girl?"

And now Blaine was laughing too. Because, really, it was kind of hilarious.

They kept laughing for some minutes before Blaine was talking again.

"Can I ask you something, Kurt?"

"Sure." He was still shaking from laughter, trying to wipe the tears from laughing too hard in his big, blue eyes.

"How did it feel? With Kurofsky, that is. I mean, I know it was not consensual, that he forced it on you, but- but you had kissed that blonde girl first right? Did it feel at least better than that to actually kiss a guy?"

"I 'm not sure, Blaine. It was really harsh and-" he shook his head "I really don't want to talk about it."

The other boy nodded and Kurt felt like he had to say something, he still hadn't answered Blaine's question after all.

"But to answer your question: yes. It did feel different from kissing Brit. It was more real, I guess. And he kissed me. He made the first move. And he's still the closer I got to kissing a guy, even if I didn't do anything!"

"Well, at least you kissed a guy! I haven't done that yet.."

"I have, I know. But-" he snorted and looked away.

"What?"

" it's just, I was hoping I could- you know- just… have a second chance for a real first kiss? You know, with someone I really like. Someone I'd look up to. Someone… ghnn-"

He shook his head, feeling kind of stupid for saying those things out line. And to Blaine!

Blaine who was staring at him and it was so intense.

It was hypnotizing.

Kurt could feel that rush in the stomach you feel when you're finally saying something you really needed to say or doing something you wanted to do. And the more you say you better you feel, the more something moves there. Like an adrenaline rush or something.

And he knew he had to stop.

But his mouth didn't agree.

"…Someone I'd be staring at all day or thinking about when he's not around. Someone I'd love to talk to…"

Kurt, stop talking.

"Someone my heart would be beating like drums for, faster the closer he gets.."

And there was no way Blaine couldn't see.

Kurt, please. Don't.

He knew what was coming next.

He had to shut the fuck up.

"Someone….-"

Good. He had stopped right in time.

Too bad he was not alone, too bad Blaine was there. And too bad he wanted to know. He wanted to know who Kurt was talking about.

"S-someone..what?"

And now Kurt had two choices:

Number one: to lie, to say he was talking about some TV star, or maybe even someone back for McKinley, who cared?

Or number two.

One or two? One or two? One or two?

His eyes were locked with Blaine's. His head was spinning.

"Kurt, someone what?" his voice lower, his eyes pleading, begging for an answer.

And Kurt knew he was done for.

And he gave in.

"Someone I'd want to kiss at least half as much as I want to kiss you."

There. He did it. He said it.

Ok, now: get up and run.

His body wasn't moving, though.

For your dear life, get up.

And he did. He stood up and got out of the Lima Bean, as fast as he could.

As soon as he was out he realized he'd left his bag inside.

He was considering the idea of asking some random stranger to get in and take it for him, when he heard him.

"You left your bag."

He didn't want to turn around. He couldn't bare the look in Blaine's eyes. He knew he'd failed him.

You're not supposed to confess something like that to your best friend while he's telling you he's unsure about his sexuality!

So he reached his arm behind to grab the bag without having to face Blaine.

But he didn't get anything.

"Kurt, turn around."

The hell I am!

"Kurt, please. Just look at me!"

And then Blaine got tired of asking and moved to face him.

"Kurt, it's ok." He took his hands in his. "I- I wanted to ask you something, though."

And Kurt couldn't help but look at him.

And Blaine was smiling. Like, really smiling.

It was the kind of smile he'd seen at the warbler's rehearsal of "teenage dream".

It was the smile that had had Kurt hooked right on the spot that first day.

Kurt simply nodded .

Blaine squeezed his hands once again. "Could you- could you kiss me right now?" his eyes left Kurt's to stare at the ground. "I haven't kissed a guy before, Kurt, I told you that. But back there, when you were talking about those things… things I assume you feel for me…"

Blaine looked at Kurt to see him nodding once again.

"…well, I think I feel those things too. I guess I didn't know what they meant, until you told me what they meant for you. About me."

And Kurt's heart was beating faster and faster 'cause Blaine was coming closer and closer and he was so close Kurt knew what was about to happen.

"Can I kiss you, Kurt?" he whispered against Kurt's lips and this time he didn't nod in response. He didn't have to.

He pushed his lips against Blaine's and it was like a shock went through their young bodies. His heart skipped a beat.

It felt like so much they had to pull away, breathing hard.

Hands shaking in one another's hold.

"Kurt, if you felt even half as much as I did, you should kiss me again."

And Kurt wasn't sure when nor how, but his hands had left Blaine's and were not cupping Blaine's face, crashing their soft lips together.

Blaine's hands flew to Kurt's back, pulling him closer and closer. As close as possible.

It was no longer experimental.

Blaine tentatively parted his lips, willing to feel more, his tongue darting out to taste Kurt's lips for real. He couldn't help to hum that line of that song in his head, because those lips were delicious and more.

Kurt opened his mouth as well. Their tongues met and they let me slide against each other, kissing slowly and deeply.

Kurt sucked on Blaine's bottom him just to see what it'd feel like and Blaine moaned in his mouth, his hands fisting in Kurt's coat, getting him closer.

They pulled away only for the sake of breathing.

"Kurt?"

"Yeah?" breathing wasn't that easy.

"I think I'm gay."

He chuckled "I'm delighted to hear! " and then he grinned "But you know, if you still had any doubt and you wanted to make sure…"

And Blaine was grinning too. "Mmm, you know what? Now that I think of it, I could use some more of your help.." he whispered before driving their lips together once again.

And then Kurt knew he had been right all along.