June 18, 2012, 12:48 p.m.
Gratitude
Written for a prompt by (klaineitupanotch.tumblr.com) klaineitupanotch! Kurt wants to send a text to Sebastian thanking him because he kind of helped him and Blaine get to the place where they had sex. Blaine tries to discourage this. Warnings: Rating R because of discussions of sex. Nothing explicit, nothing graphic, only talking and blink-and-you-miss-it-brief touch.
M - Words: 3,635 - Last Updated: Jun 18, 2012 463 1 0 1 Categories: Angst, Cotton Candy Fluff, General, Humor, Romance, Characters: Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, Tags: established relationship, hurt/comfort,
Kurt had been silent all the way home from Lima Bean. They had taken Blaine's car and they had chatted lively and sung along to the radio on the way. As per usual when Kurt wasn't driving he had let his back against the headrest to watch Blaine as he drove, ever now and then sighing before blushing, and as always Blaine knew that it meant Kurt hadn't planned on letting his breath out so loudly. It was the same every time, they both knew, but they both played it.
"What are you gooing at?" Blaine asked, sneaking a few peeks at Kurt.
"Nothing. Which would be everything," Kurt sighed with a smile.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Blaine chuckled, staring at Kurt as he waited for red light.
"Just taking in the view. My dashing boyfriend," Kurt grinned and Blaine instinctively knew that Kurt's hand was twitching to touch him - not in a sexual way, just feel him.
All in all everything had been as it used to. They dropped into the coffee house, waited in line as innocent as ever, stealing glances back at each other and having to pull themselves back into reality when the barista growled at them for not noticing it was their turn.
Kurt ordered their coffees on the side of a whole-grain muffin to split. They found their usual table and down on each side of the table where they had a mature, non-gooey conversation about a series of black/white photos of a young Liza Minnelli that had recently surfaced in the media - when the entire atmosphere changed.
"God no! How can he always be here when Dalton students always have an insane amount of homework?" Kurt groaned through gritted teeth as he sunk in his chair while looking like he was trying to hide behind his coffee mug.
At first Blaine didn't understand what, or who, he was referring to when a horribly well-known figure sat down on the free chair at their table, naturally placing it just a bit too close to Blaine to agree with his sense of personal space.
"And who do we have here? The sexiest man alive… and his wife," Sebastian drawled, the words rolling over his lips like tiny balls of acid.
Everything inside of Blaine tied up. He didn't get why Sebastian couldn't just leave them alone. Sure, he had texted with him, talked to him on the phone - but only to be polite. Only because Sebastian always was the one to text him or call him under the pretense of needing Blaine's help with ridiculous problems, such as picking an outfit for some fancy event or deciding a solo for The Warblers.
Blaine didn't care about that. He was polite, always a gentleman. He did his best to be helpful and made sure there was no chance of Sebastian misunderstanding the situation between them. However, what really pissed off Blaine was the way Sebastian talked to, and about, Kurt. It was really harsh stuff he said to him, and Blaine thought that he had made it perfectly clear on more than one occasion that he didn't want to put ears to it. Sebastian was Sebastian though and there was no way anyone would get away with telling him what to do.
After a few minutes of snaky remarks answered with "What do you want?" and "Leave us alone" Blaine figured it best for them to leave. He emptied his cup and excused that they had to go home to study.
Now they were in Kurt's room and Blaine was starting to get worried. All the way home Kurt hadn't said a word. He had simply stared out the window and not so much as turned on the radio even though he was always the one to crank it up first thing the engine started.
Blaine dumped to sit on Kurt's bed, waiting for him to say something, but he didn't. He fell to lie on his front behind Blaine before he switched to curl up to a ball, his gaze pensive as Blaine turned to look at him.
"What's wrong?" He asked nervously, praying to the gods or whatever was up there that Kurt wasn't sinking back into the fear that Blaine rather wanted to be with Sebastian than with him. He simply couldn't stand going through that heartache again.
"Nothing," Kurt mumbled as he let his fingers run softly up and down the bedspread under them, still not looking at Blaine.
"Kurt, talk to me. If this I about Sebastian - there's nothing between me and him. I only wanna be with you," Blaine started out, his eyebrows struggling to meet above his nose and he could feel the exhaustion that always overwhelmed him after having argued with Kurt get ready to attack.
"It's not th -" Kurt began but stopped mid-sentence. His mouth hung ajar for a few seconds before he closed it and popped up to sit on the bed. His expression transformed but Blaine couldn't see through it.
Kurt began to chew on the wall of his cheek as he looked down on his fingers fumbling with a fold in his unnaturally tight jeans. Suddenly he had his phone in his hand, staring into the display as he let his fingers float over the buttons with a determined pace before he stopped.
"What's Sebastian's number?" Kurt asked weakly. His voice was nearly a mumble, and Blaine figured that had been why Kurt wouldn't look at him.
"What? Wait, he didn't… give me that," Blaine said and grabbed Kurt's phone out of his hand, a fear creeping down his spine that Sebastian had sent an extremely rude text to Kurt.
Different suggestions for what he could have sent him popped up in Blaine's mind. Maybe he was threatening Kurt the way he had threatened Rachel, or maybe he had done something even worse.
"No Blaine. Don't…" Kurt only got to say before Blaine had snatched his phone, and he desperately stretched out to catch it even though it obviously was too late.
What Blaine saw on the display of Kurt's phone was definitely not what he had expected. His eyebrows flew towards his hairline and his eyes widened as the surprise hit him straight in the face.
"What is… what are you doing, Kurt?" He asked confounded.
In the little box on Kurt's phone he had written a text, waiting for the number to be typed so he could send it off.
"Dear Sebastian. I just thought I would let you know that as much as I don't wanna be in the same room as you, I have my reasons to deeply appreciate your presence in my life. Without you Blaine and I wouldn't have gotten so far in our relationship as we are now. You helped us take a grand step. Thank you very much. -Kurt"
He kept staring at the letters as Kurt grabbed the phone from him. He looked a bit uncomfortable, but then his expression transformed to confident and victorious.
"Kurt, why would you send him this? Wouldn't it be better to just ignore him? Eventually he'll just find someone else to harass, but not if we play along," Blaine argued, still confused.
This was not like Kurt at all. Kurt who so firmly fought against any kind of troubles, Kurt who always told him to turn his back on people going at him, Kurt who always were the one o calm him down when he was worked up over something.
"It's nothing. It's just casual. I just thought I owed him a thank you, that's all," Kurt shrugged and sat back on the bed, with his phone in his hand.
Blaine sat back down next to him. His eyes flickered from the phone to Kurt's face. He didn't even look sorry, not even as if he was considering giving it up.
"Come on, Blaine. Just give me his number and I promise I will never contact him again. Ever," Kurt kept going, poking a finger lightly into his bicep.
Blaine turned it over in his head. He had tried looking at it from all different angles but he couldn't figure out why this was so important to Kurt - or why he had such a smuck smile on his face when he was writing the text.
"I just think it's a bad idea. He's annoying enough as it is, and I don't want him attacking you. Besides, if you send that text he will have your number. Trust me, you don't want that," Blaine tried and hoped Kurt would see his point.
There was no way Kurt would find it amusing to wake up in the middle of the night because a drunk Sebastian was calling him to tell him his silver shoes were horrible or that his ass was too big for his jeans, and Blaine could definitely see Sebastian doing that.
Kurt looked like he considered it, but only for a moment before he returned to his determination.
"I just wanna thank him. Why is that such a big deal?" Kurt said and put his hands in the air.
"It's not like I'm asking him to join us or anything," he sighed and Blaine couldn't figure out if he was joking. That was a weird thing to say.
He fell down on the bed and took Kurt's phone again. He read through message again. Again. Three times. He couldn't make sense of it. Kurt hated Sebastian. It wasn't exactly like he was seeking him out, but he wasn't really being his usual well-behaved self either whenever Sebastian was around. If anyone knew how to put on a good cold wind in a room it was definitely Kurt.
He let the phone fall back to the mattress before he turned to lie on his side so he could have a better look at Kurt.
"I don't get it. You hate him, he's so rude to you all the time. You don't owe him anything."
Blaine was starting to feel that this was something he wouldn't be able to talk Kurt out of. There was something in his determination about this that indicated that he wasn't going to let it go.
"I don't owe him anything? I don't owe him anything…" Kurt burst out in disbelief. His fingers were turning his phone over and over again in his hands, but he had stopped when Blaine ended his sentence.
Blaine was surprised. It was all so odd and confusing. His brain was clogging up and it seemed like everything was upside down. It had only been an hour ago that Kurt had been complaining about Sebastian when he walked into the coffee shop.
"No. You don't - if anything it's him. He owes you an apology for all the horrible things he' said to you. He might have apologized for what he did to my eye, but that slushie was meant for you Kurt. If I hadn't been there it had been your cornea that had been scratched, you know that," he tried rationalizing but somehow it seemed like Kurt didn't care about any of that.
Kurt pushed the phone away and lay down as close to Blaine as he possibly could and let his arm slide onto his back before up to cup his face so he could look him in the eyes.
"I know, Blaine. I am so happy that he didn't completely ruin those beautiful eyes of yours. They are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen - and for you to save me from that slushie. That was the sweetest, most heroic thing anyone has ever done for me. You really are my Prince Charming," Kurt smiled with moist, sparkly eyes and a thumb brushing over Blaine's sensitive skin right beneath his eyes.
Blaine was speechless. They hadn't discussed that. That the only reason Blaine had been hit by that slushie was because he had pushed Kurt out of the way. When it had just happened everyone had been so focused on Blaine being hurt, but Blaine had known that Kurt felt guilty over it, without reason of course. After his surgery they had simply not talked about it.
"It was one of the most painful things ever, but I would do it over and over again for you," Blaine assured him and placed a peck on Kurt's nose, making him blush with a smile filling his face.
"I know you would, and I would do the same for you," Kurt said with love filling up his eyes.
"See, you don't owe him anything! He should apologize to you from now and for the rest of his life," Blaine sighed, kissing Kurt's wrist.
"Honestly, Blaine, I grew up with the life-lesson that if someone did something good for you, you owe it to them to express your gratitude. Yeah, he's been a jerk and I would never have anything to do with him, I just really have a looooot to thank him for." He was back to being stubborn, he could do this dance all night if Blaine still refused.
"Fine! If you don't wanna give me his number I'm gonna call Trent. He'll give it to me. Guess you forgot I went to Dalton as well," Kurt groaned and picked his phone back up and started to run through his phonebook.
"Stop! Kurt, come on - would you at least… would you at least try to explain to me why this is so important to you? What has he ever done that you could owe to thank him for?" Blaine said and put his hand on Kurt's wrist to stop him.
Kurt stared at him and let the phone down again right as he had found Trent's number. His eyes were digging their way into Blaine's as a grin spread on his face. Before Blaine knew it Kurt had pressed his body against his and his hand was traveling down his chest, over his abs and down his thigh before it ended right next to his crotch where he pressed gently, steam suddenly rising in Blaine's face, body.
It wasn't fair if Kurt was going to use sex as a weapon in this. Not that he minded having a little unscheduled fun, but he didn't want to have their relationship ever sink so low that they used sex against each other.
He bit his lower lip and was just about to ask Kurt to stop when he was cut off. Kurt's hand slid up again and ended to rest at Blaine's hip instead as his cheeks turned rosy.
"When I met you I was so scared. So unbelievably scared. Even after we started dating. To me sex was one of the most horrifying things in the world, but you made me feel safe, and I started to think that you were the one I would trust enough to do that with. But I was still scared - because this was a big deal. This was something I could never undo, something I would carry around with me for the rest of my life and I wanted it to be perfect. Then that night in Scandals I got so terrified, because I had promised myself that I would talk to you about it, try to sort of get into the subject, so we could… be together. So I could give you share this thing with you that I wouldn't share with anyone else. But you scared me so much. You had been dancing with Sebastian all night while I was just sitting at the bar, and if that was the way you felt about it, that it was something that should just be over with - then I suddenly didn't feel like opening up to you that way. I would rather live in celibacy for my whole life and be in a platonic relationship with you, than go through that again," Kurt explained and just as much as Blaine couldn't see how any of this related to him owing Sebastian his gratitude he felt like he should say something - he was so sorry that he had ever made Kurt feel like that.
"I thought a lot about it all. About everything. During the days we didn't really talk. It was a horrible time, Blaine. I missed you so much. I felt so… naked, and alone without you. I knew I never wanted to be without you ever again. So when we talked after the opening of West Side Story, and we made up, and you said all those things about Sebastian - how much you didn't care about him, how you only wanted to be with me… I knew that it was right, that you are right for me. I already knew, but all of those feelings stirred up by Sebastian had made me fear that maybe someone else would be better for you, but I knew that you only want to be with me, and that is so much more than I could ever have asked for," Kurt cooed and his eyes had been taken over by stars.
"I only love you. When you're in the room you're the only one I see, I never even check out guys anymore - I just want to be with you forever," Blaine said, his voice thick from his throat clogging up by the strong confession.
"I know. And I feel the same way about you - if we never had that fight, and if I hadn't been so freaked out over Sebastian it might have taken me a lot longer to realize that, so I do owe him something. He made us stronger together. Now that we survived him I am pretty sure we can survive anything," Kurt chuckled.
"Yeah. You're right. I just don't think there's any reason to like… advertise it to him," Blaine sighed, sick of repeating himself, but still convinced that it wouldn't do any good.
"You're always so rational and mature." Kurt rolled his eyes and hid his face against Blaine's collarbone. He let his hand slide into the backpocket of Blaine's jeans and pulled him a little closer so nothing was separating them but their clothes. He brushed his nose and lips to ghost up Blaine's neck before he pressed a kiss to his jaw.
"Besides… if we hadn't had that fight over Sebastian I might still have been a virgin. I don't really like the idea of that. Think of all the amazing things we would have missed," he crooned as he continued to kiss over Blaine's jaw and on to his ear.
Suddenly Blaine's sweater vest felt dangerously hot and his jeans were even more dangerously tight. Memories of his and Kurt's first time rushed over him followed by memories from all the other times they had been together; naked, close, inside each other, touching each other, sharing this intimate part of their love.
"I don't really think you would still be a virgin. I mean… you were thinking about yourself, right? And you are so… hot, and sexy, and beautiful - I already had a hard time not letting my hands running down before we did it, before we even discussed it. You would not believe the times I have hurried to take a shower right when you left so I could masturbate while thinking of you," Blaine said and let his hand slide slowly up Kurt's back.
"Blaine!" Kurt burst out and moved a little away to stare at him with open mouth.
It was hard to say if he was mostly shocked that Blaine had said such a thing or that he had done it - but he could not hide that he was flattered. He liked the thought.
"It's true! It still happens - only not as often as before," Blaine chuckled and tried pulling him back close. Even though it was summer it felt like he had turned cold after Kurt moved away and he missed the warm feeling of him against his body.
"Anyway - back to he point. Would just give me his number so I can send that damn text? Wouldn't you think all the amazing, hot sex we have had and is gonna have in the future is worth thanking for?" Kurt teased, pushing again, stubborn as a spoiled child.
"I can promise you that every time I am with you, or have been with you, or am about to be with you - even when I just think about it, I thank all the higher powers. Shouldn't that be enough?"
"You no I don't believe in 'higher powers'. This is ridiculous," Kurt groaned and sunk together in Blaine's arms.
They stayed silent. Enjoyed the feeling of being close. It was summer, and it was way too hot to be so close, but it didn't matter because the feeling of Kurt being with him made everything else be pointless. Kurt was all that mattered.
"We can make a deal then," Kurt suddenly said.
Blaine was startled. He was so sure they had worn out that subject enough for one day and now they could relax and be together without it being about Sebastian.
"Let me hear your proposition then," Blaine sighed, simply wanting to get it over with so he could return to nuzzling his nose against Kurt's neck, the scent and touch enough to send him into a trance-like state.
"I delete the text," Kurt started and Blaine opened his mouth to praise the idea when Kurt stopped him.
"I'm not finished. Listen… I delete the text, but! If he ever so much as comes with indications about our… intimate times, together, I am allowed to say it to him. To thank him and tell him how much of a joy I am having."
Blaine's eyes were still closed, but he could hear in Kurt's voice that he was proud of his idea, that this was something he would marvel over and wait for to happen some day.
"Sure. Fine then - but you can't push the subject yourself! I guess he should learn a little about what it's like to be in a loving relationship," Blaine gave in.
"I love you!" Kurt beamed and kissed his forehead.