Everyone kept saying it would get easier. That was a lie. Not that it came as a shock. Blaine had already known that even before he told anyone what had happened. It would never get easier. How could it?

Nothing was the same anymore. Not to Blaine, at least. Somehow everything around him was still maddening the same.

School was the same, people were the same. His parents had acted a little different to him at the beginning, but now they were the same too. The Lima Bean and Breadstix were the same as well – but Blaine couldn't know. He didn't come there anymore. His homework was the same and his chores as senior year president were redundant.

He didn't sing much anymore. He had lost the interest – or maybe it was his need he had lost. He only sang when people asked him to and seemed disappointed when he said no. It wasn't that he didn't like singing anymore. He just didn't have anyone to sing for.

Sleeping had turned more exhausting than relaxing. During the day all he wanted was to hide in his room and sleep it all away, but when he slept the nightmares came creeping and brought the crying in his sleep with them. He couldn't win, he couldn't rest.

It was March. The worst time of the year, now. It had been one hundred and sixty one days. Not that he had been counting. Not on purpose at least, but when he woke up in the morning (if he had managed to sleep at all) it was the first thing that popped into his head: "Now it has been this many days."

He had tried to let it go. He really had. It wasn't like he wanted to be kept in the pain, he simply couldn't stop it. Even when he went to see his old friends in Dalton all the memories welled in over him and made it harder. He knew no refuge because everywhere and everything could be traced back to the root of his heartache.

Every song on the radio and every show on TV, every place in school or town and every piece of clothing he owned – everything contained a memory that was burned into his mind, enhancing the pain. But somehow he couldn't help fearing that the pain some day would go away, and it would be like the time lost had never existed. The pain was all he had left as a reminder that it actually had been.

xXx

Blaine was walking through town. He didn't want to take his car even though the weather was unpredictable at this time of year. He just needed some time to clear his head before going home where he knew he would be met by his mom's sympathetic eyes filled with concern and hopelessness.

With that thought in mind he had let his car stay in the school parking lot. He could always pick it up later. Instead he had his hands in the pockets of his peacoat and his collar flipped up. He had stopped wearing scarves – somehow it didn't feel right.

He hadn't really kept an eye on where he was going, he rarely did these days. He didn't suffer from wanderlust – it was more like a necessary evil to keep his brain occupied with other things so he didn't sit down and let the gloom take over so deeply that he couldn't fight his way out again.

"Blaine?" A light voice asked, and he was actually convinced that it had been in his mind. It wouldn't be the first time he had the voice calling his name without it being reality. Yet, when he looked up from the sidewalk he had been staring at as he walked, he wasn't so sure anymore.

He found himself in front of a place he hadn't been for the past 161 days. The Hummel Tires & Lube shop. It would have been too painful to go there – he would rather drive twenty minutes longer on his way to school than drive past the shop.

Now he was met by an angelic, pale face with eyes he had remembered as intense azure but now that he saw them again they seemed gray and lifeless. The brown locks were thick and falling perfectly as always, but they too lacked enthusiasm. The milky white cheeks were as flawless as he recalled, but the fuchsia spots appeared hard rather than softening to the usually warm features that now felt cold and struggling.

"Kurt? What are you doing here?" He asked, mentally kicking himself even before the words left his mouth, because well, the sign did say Hummel.

"I uhm – I had a week off work, so I came home to see my dad. I flew in yesterday," Kurt said carefully.

Neither of them moved. They were standing awkwardly at each end of the large asphalted square in front of the garage doors, nearly having to yell whenever someone fired up one of the machines on the inside, but Blaine was unable to move closer.

"You look good," Blaine forced out through knotted throat, well knowing that Kurt already knew that to Blaine he would always be beautiful – because Blaine had told him every day while they were dating. But of course Kurt could have forgotten over time.

"So do you," Kurt nodded oddly, chewing his lower lip, but hurried to stop his nodding.

"Do you maybe wanna go get coffee?" Kurt suddenly asked after they had been looking around themselves and avoided to look at each other for a bit too long.

"Sure. We could do that," Blaine got out through a thick hoarse voice.

After Kurt had taken in Blaine's appearance for a moment, staring at him like he wanted to give him time to change his mind, he walked towards Blaine. With a distance like they had been nothing but classmates forced into working a project together, they walked down the sidewalk and quickly turned up the driveway Blaine had ignored for so long.

The Hummel-Hudson house was still the same as well. Just like everything else around him. Sometimes he wondered how come the world hadn't noticed that the end had already passed. Because if this wasn't the end of the world he didn't know what could be.

He didn't take off his coat, but sat down on a chair in the kitchen. The chair. The chair that once was referred to as "Blaine's Chair" - he had a hard time believing it was still like that. He hadn't been in the house for months.

Kurt had taken off his own coat. He had lost weight. He had gone from slender to skinny. He really did look good and healthy – but it wasn't the Kurt he remembered. He was wearing tight, black jeans without details and a plain, dusty gray shirt. His scarf was a darker gray, but it featured no brooches or pins.

He rummaged a little around the kitchen before he put two cups on the table. He sat down himself, seeming cold and tired.

"How's school?" He asked, folding his hands around the steaming mug.

Blaine couldn't keep his eyes on him for more than a few seconds a time. Everything else was just too much, too hard.

He knew that Kurt didn't need to ask about school. He was perfectly aware that Kurt received regular updates from Tina about how life at McKinley High was proceeding without his and Rachel's presence. The updates that used to be Blaine's job to pass on during way too long phone or Skype calls.

"It's okay. Exams and stuff... How's Vogue?" Blaine asked back, doing his best to stay conversational.

He couldn't care less about Vogue. He had cut his subscription 150 days ago – it was a too hard reminder to have swept into his mail each month. No, he wanted to hear how Kurt really was doing, but he was scared to hear that he was doing amazing. He wished the best for him, but if he was doing fantastic he had moved on, and what consequences would that have for Blaine?

"It's fine. Nothing much to tell," Kurt sighed.

Silence fell over them. It was crazy – they had spent almost every day together for two years, then they spent a few hundred days apart and suddenly they had nothing to say to each other. It couldn't be true. They couldn't have turned into strangers.

"So – how's living with Rachel? Still good?" Blaine asked, afraid that it would all die out if neither of them said a word.

"It's fine. Sometimes she pulls tantrums. But I – I mostly work, so I'm not much home. Usually I leave after she has gone to school, and then I come home when she's asleep," Kurt told him, completely in-animatedly.

Blaine couldn't help noticing how Kurt's face was lacking expressions and his voice lacked emotion – all passion seemed to have been drained from him.

"Oh. That sounds... too bad. You had been looking so forward to it," Blaine tried continuing, but wasn't sure which direction he saw it take.

"Yeah, but – she has her NYADA friends now, and she was very consumed in flirting with this guy. I don't know what happened with that," Kurt shrugged and put his mug to his mouth.

When he let the mug back down Blaine couldn't stop staring at his lips. Wet and warm from the coffee. Had it been some months earlier he would have leaned across the table to kiss Kurt's mouth red and swollen, a promise to never stop. He wanted to do it now, it felt like the most natural reaction for him to have – but he had to remind himself that it wasn't his place to do stuff like that anymore.

"What about you? Have you... seen anyone?" Kurt mumbled, like he didn't really want Blaine to hear it, but he needed to ask.

Blaine understood perfectly well. That was one of the most flaming questions that had been tumbling around his mind for months – if Kurt was seeing anyone.

"No. I uhm – I planned to go on a date with this guy some weeks ago. The Warblers kept telling me to try meeting him and said that maybe it could help me g... I canceled, though. I didn't feel well. We never planned anything new, so I never got around to meet him," he told and hoped that Kurt would see it as an invitation for him to tell about himself.

He had been close to saying that his friends had told him that starting to date would help him get over Kurt. He couldn't even say the words. He didn't want to get over Kurt – he just wanted Kurt.

Kurt didn't tell about himself. He kept his eyes down in his coffee and played with the edge of his scarf in the way his fingers always did when he was nervous or restless. He had to ask, he needed to know.

"Have you?" Blaine forced out, nearly choking on his own tongue from the battle of whether he wanted to know or was too scared to hear the answer.

"Yeah. I mean – I've been on dates. Met guys but... there never was a second date, and nothing ever happened," Kurt explained and looked embarrassed.

Blaine imagined Kurt being on a date with some model guy that someone from his work had set him up with. Some perfect, rich, funny guy who was into fashion – just what would fit Kurt perfectly. He didn't like that image – Kurt with someone who was perfect for him, someone who wasn't Blaine.

"They just weren't you, Blaine. It felt wrong. I tried, but... none of them would ever want to sing along to musicals with me, or bake me cookies when I'm sick – or sit awake an entire night to keep an eye on an eBay auction with me -" Kurt started to blabber out, but stopped himself when his voice cracked and his words were replaced with a hand covering his mouth.

"Kurt -" Blaine tried softly and dared to let his hand drift over the table towards the one of Kurt's that was still closed around his coffee mug.

As if he had been electrocuted Kurt jumped out of his seat with tears brimming his eyes and trembling lower lip. He stared at Blaine like he had been a wounded animal looking at his attacker before he turned his back on Blaine.

"I think you should go, Blaine. This was a really bad idea," Kurt choked out and Blaine knew that he was crying.

For what felt like an ocean of time Blaine sat back and stared at Kurt's back in a paralyzed state. How was he supposed to leave when Kurt was crushed that way? He knew how he felt – he was crushed himself. How should he just leave him alone in a state like that?

"Leave, Blaine!" Kurt hissed through sobbing, shaking Blaine back to mobility.

"I'm sorry," he whispered and got to his feet.

"Kurt, I am so sorry -"

"Just go. Get out!" Kurt yelled, his voice sharp and thin in Blaine's ears.

His first instinct wanted him to go over and put his arms around Kurt and promise him that they could figure it out – but his logical senses told him that if anything, that could possibly only make it worse. So with heavy feet he turned around and walked back to the front door.

All the way down the hall he could hear the evidence of Kurt's hysterical crying and the scurrying of his chair being pushed over the linoleum floor so he could sit with a thump. For a few seconds Blaine waited with his hand closed around the doorknob, considering going back to the kitchen, but in the end he chose to respect Kurt's wish and leave.

xXx

It was like time had been rewound. He was back in his bed, his room dark and the branches of the tree outside his window casting dancing shadows on the door. He was staring out in the room, but he wasn't seeing anything. The only thing he saw was the way Kurt had looked that night in October in the park, and now also the way Kurt had looked at him in the Hummel-Hudson kitchen, as if Blaine was about to hurt him.

His mom had come to his room when she came home from work. He hadn't picked up his car at the school after he had been at Kurt's house so she was nervous about where he was since he didn't answer his phone. She had sat on the side of his bed like she had done when he was little and had nightmares – like she had done so often over the past few months.

"Do you wanna talk about it, honey?" She had asked, like so many other times.

With glassy eyes and mouth hidden in the sheets to avoid a sob escaping he had shaken his head. Still he had allowed it when she slipped her legs onto the bed and put her arm around him so he could curl up against her and cry his eyes out into her blouse. She ran her hand down his back while cooing soothing sounds and kissing his hair.

If Blaine had shared his love for Kurt with anyone it was his mom, and she knew exactly how demolished he was.

When he had started feeling guilty over the way he was making her worried, and the way he was keeping her from doing her own stuff he pretended to having fallen asleep and waited until she had kissed his forehead with a sighed "Oh Blaine sweetie" and tiptoed out of the room after she had turned off the lights.

As soon as he heard the click from the door he opened his eyes, because he knew that he wouldn't be able to sleep anyway. And that was how he ended as he was now, staring into the dark without moving and only breathing because his body couldn't stop.

He listened to the fury of the elements outside the house, imagining a Wizard Of Oz-like situation where his house would be taken by a twister, but this time he wouldn't be transported to a magical land with a yellow brick road, instead he would be granted with numbness that turned him into a zombie kind of shell of himself so he didn't need to be conscious to be alive.

Slowly he would start drifting in and out of sleep where he was haunted by the way Kurt had sounded when he had told him to get out, and Kurt's eyes when Blaine had tried taking his hand. The scared look mixed with pain. He had put that look in Kurt's eyes and he couldn't take it away.

It was this point where he couldn't figure out if he was asleep or awake. He was twisting and turning in his bed with an endless repeat of all the happy times with Kurt – and all the times he had hurt him, all of these coming back a million times worse and more painful than ever.

In the end he stumbled out of bed and found that it was 5 in the morning. It wouldn't be long until his parents got up and started getting ready for work. Blaine had already decided not to go to school. He couldn't take the thought that some of the others might know that Kurt was in town – Tina would definitely know.

So he made a cup of tea and curled up on his bed while watching The Bodyguard, even though he knew it was a terrible thing to do – obvious self-tormenting. Not that he even cared. In the end he cried himself into a black, dreamless sleep with the plush dog Kurt had given him lying on the pillow that used to be Kurt's spot.

xXx

When Blaine woke up it was late in the afternoon. His mom hadn't woken him up for school. On the contrary she had put a note on his bed saying that if he needed anything he shouldn't hesitate to call her.

He dragged himself into the shower and hurried to get it over with. He pulled on a fresh pajamas without even caring to dry his hair. He didn't have a reason to gel it anyway.

He sat in the kitchen and stared down on the two pieces of toast he had promised himself to eat, but he didn't find them as attractive now that they were lying on the plate in front of him. He hadn't touched his coffee either. Now he had been staring at it for so long that it was all cold anyway, so he got to his feet and washed out the coffee and let the toast fall into the bowl of the Anderson family's shaggy Tibetan Terrier.

"Yeah. At least you can still find some good around here," he mumbled as he watched the dog eagerly lap the bread down with a good portion of water.

Since he didn't have anything better to do – which meant that there was no way he could take in the idea of homework – he went to the living room and turned on the TV. Quickly the dog came running after him and curled up on the couch next to him, something his parents were much against, but these days Blaine didn't care, because snuggling into his best friend since he was a kid was the only thing that felt somewhat okay to do.

He only made it to bury his fingers in the thick fur and rest his cheek against the dog's neck when the doorbell rang. He considered ignoring it and pretending he wasn't home, but everyone knew that if the dog was home alone he would be barking crazy if someone was at the door. He never did that when someone was home with him, so there was no way Blaine could get out of answering the door. With heavy heart and foggy brain he fumbled his way to the hall and opened the door.

"Hi," Kurt said insecurely as Blaine had the door open.

It was like being hit by a train to see him there again. Blaine hadn't even dared wondering when he would see him again – if he ever would (, a thought he had angrily pushed away each time it presented itself). Suddenly he was very aware of his untidy hair and bare toes.

"Hi. Kurt -" he stuttered confounded.

"I wanna show you something," Kurt said before Blaine could even gather his thoughts about what to prepare himself for – which didn't matter because this he hadn't foreseen no matter how much preparation he would have done.

He let his eyes travel from Blaine's face and down his pajamas – and back to his face, undoubtedly seeing the untamed curls that he only had cut whenever his mom made sure to remind him. He simply didn't even remember anymore.

"Uhm... okay. Do you wanna come in?" Blaine asked and took a step to the side, watching the dog happily jumping against Kurt the way he had always done because he knew that Kurt would always be ready for play with him. Today no exception.

Blaine watched as Kurt crouched to hug the dog he hadn't seen for ages and it was like he was back to the old Kurt, the Kurt that had been his Kurt. The happy, smiling, enthusiastic boy.

"No. Get dressed instead. It's sunny out here," Kurt stated, like that should settle it and make Blaine understand that of course he should get dressed and come outside.

Without a word he nodded in agreement and let Kurt into the hall where he continued to play with the dog as Blaine disappeared to his room so he could pull on a pair of jeans with a t-shirt and a hoodie over. He wished that he had been prepared for Kurt coming so he could have at least tried to look decent, but now he had missed his chance.

When he came down the stairs he found Kurt on his knees with his arms around the dog and his nose buried in the soft fur. He looked like a sad child and it stung his heart.

As soon as Blaine had his shoes on they left the Anderson house. Kurt didn't say where they were going, Blaine simply followed him down the street and in the direction away from the town. They walked for what felt like ages. It wasn't really cold since the sun provided heat from the beams hitting down on their faces and Blaine's dark hair sucked up all heat coming from the sky.

Eventually they reached a little playground with a gathering of trees behind. In the shadow of the trees a little bench was placed and Kurt crossed the green area in a beeline to sit down. When he was seated he looked up at Blaine with a clear expectation of him to join him, so he did.

Again they simply sat in silence with an aching huge space between them instead of sitting so close that they nearly couldn't move their legs as they used to do, with hands locked and fingers intertwined.

"This place is one of the only things I remember about my mom. She took me here to play, but I didn't want my clothes dirty, so I sat on the bench with her and watched the other kids play instead," Kurt suddenly said.

For ten minutes they hadn't done anything but stare over the deserted playground and listen to the sounds of nature around them. Sometimes Blaine forgot that it actually was possible to find proper nature in Lima.

"One of the days I remember the clearest was right before she died. She had been sick, but at first I didn't really understand how serious it was. She was having a good day, so she decided to take me out here. I sat next to her and watched the other kids playing as we always did it. By then I was starting to guess where it was going. So I asked her what would happen if she wasn't with us anymore. She promised that my dad would always take care of me. As I pondered over that I asked her how long she had been with my dad and if I should be with him until I shouldn't be here anymore, too -"

Kurt took a break to breathe and form his words. Blaine wasn't sure why Kurt was telling him this, but it felt like this was a part of the "new" Kurt. He had never talked much about his mom and Blaine had never asked, figuring he would tell when he was ready.

"She told me that one day I would find someone who would take as good care of me as my dad had taken care of her. Someone who would love me unconditionally and go to the end of the earth for me. Someone who wouldn't care if my shirt was stained or if I liked to use my Power Rangers for tea parties rather than violent games. For some reason that stuck really hard with me – someone who didn't care that my Power Rangers liked tea parties more than guns," Kurt said, and for a moment Blaine thought he could trace a giggle asking for permission to appear, but Kurt declined and let it be pushed back where it had been hidden before.

"That was the most important thing for me. She never told me that I should find a girl. I think she already knew then that girls would never be for me – but as I grew up that became a symbol for that one guy who would accept me and love me for everything I am, rather than use it as excuses for pushing me away. And someone who would love me unconditionally. I was starting to lose hope – but then I met you."

He looked down on his white boots with his hands locked in his lap. It was stupid to remember that now, but as always when Blaine looked at Kurt's white boots he couldn't stop wondering how he kept them so nice and clean even after having been outside in the dirty snow in the streets.

"You were all those things, Blaine. I never thought I would be lucky enough to make sure that my mom could be right. You took care of me the way only my dad has ever done. You loved me for my tea parties rather than scrunching your nose over them. I was sure you would go to the end of the earth for me," Kurt said.

"I would, Kurt. I will – it hasn't changed," Blaine dared to say silently.

"I hadn't even been away for more than three weeks. You were the one who told me that I needed to go. I hadn't even unpacked all of my shoes before you were hooked up with someone else, Blaine -" Kurt said.

The most heartbreaking part was that he didn't sound blaming or mad. He was simply stating it.

"That's not how it -" Blaine started but Kurt sniffed and wiped his eyes.

"I honestly don't know what I was thinking with taking you here. I just – I guess I just wanted you to know how much I loved you. How deep you stuck to me. You will be the person I will define every guy from in the future. My first love," Kurt said weakly and stood up.

"Kurt, don't say that. It wasn't like that. For those weeks after you started at Vogue I didn't have a boyfriend anymore. I needed you, but you just weren't there," Blaine said and got to his feet himself.

He couldn't figure out what exactly it was he was trying to get out because suddenly all feelings he possessed were welling up in him and fighting to be allowed to control his words.

At first he had simply been missing Kurt. He had been happy that he had found something he loved and some place they appreciated his brilliance – but as time went on and all Kurt could talk about was Vogue, and what Isabelle had told him, or that one suit he had tried on even though no one was supposed to see it yet, and whenever Blaine had tried sharing about his own life Kurt hadn't seemed as interested, naturally Blaine was sad and felt neglected, but in time he became frustrated and didn't understand how Kurt couldn't take five minutes out of his busy city-life-schedule to talk to the boyfriend he had promised he wouldn't turn his back on as soon as he moved away.

But in the midst of everything that had happened between them, somehow Kurt had forgot to remember those things, and now Blaine was getting mad that his hurt feelings apparently wasn't valid in the equation of why they had broken up.

"Are you really blaming me for you being with someone else?" Kurt spat out, shocked.

It was getting windy and the sun had disappeared. It seemed like the weather was following their mood. It had gone from sunny to gray and now it was nearly dusk around them, making a chill run down Blaine's spine.

"I am not blaming you for anything but the fact that the second you sat foot in New York you pushed me out of your life, and slowly pulled yourself out of mine," Blaine retorted.

"I didn't push you out of my life, Blaine. Only two weeks after you went to be with someone else we had planned for you to visit me," Kurt said, looking like he couldn't believe what it was he was hearing.

"Two weeks, Kurt! Two weeks – by then I wouldn't have seen you for two months or something. I was used to seeing you every day. I gave up my friends, my school, my entire life for you and came to a school where I didn't know anyone but you and people only saw me as your sidekick. I was left with no identity and I had no one when you left. I was sitting with my phone in my hand every day and every night from you moved away until Christmas – but you never called me or texted me, because you were too busy picking up some fashion-lady's lunch," Blaine burst out, surprised by the force of his own words, but now that he had opened Pandora's Box there was no closing it again.

"To this day your friends still call me Blaine Warbler – in their eyes I am no one! I am just the blazer or your trophy wife. When you moved away I lost everything. All I did was miss you," Blaine yelled, and nearly jumped as a clap of thunder roared from the sky.

Kurt looked like he had been slapped in the face. He went from looking drained of energy to looking like a child who didn't know whether to be confused or scared.

"You dumped me already before you dumped me, Kurt. We were dying and you were drinking guava juice in uptown New York. All I ever did was text with that guy and watched a movie at his house – when he started getting close I left and hurried to buy a ticket to come see you. I felt so bad, and when I came you hadn't even texted me all day and you were on your way to a bar. How was that supposed to make me feel?"

And of course it started raining just as Blaine couldn't hold his tears back any longer. It was like nature was trying to participate in their fight and it only stirred him more on – he had been keeping this back for way too long, he hadn't had a chance to get it out and now Kurt was there so he was damn getting it.

"Blaine, that's not cheating!" Kurt screamed at him, and it was starting to feel ridiculous that they were standing on each side of that stupid bench with the fat drops drumming down on the tree tops over their heads.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I TRIED, KURT! You wouldn't listen to me! I felt like I was cheating because he made me feel wanted – what you had failed to do for such long time" Blaine cried, his voice wanting to break, but his brain and heart needing to get it out.

"Then why didn't you fight for me? I just wanted you to fight for me instead of giving up and taking the first, best guy passing your way!" Kurt was shaking.

Blaine couldn't help feeling that he should go comfort him and hold around him to make sure he didn't freeze, but it certainly wasn't the time for that.

"Kurt, I texted you and called you every single day for weeks after you told me to leave. You deleted me from Skype and facebook. In the end I just saw that you hated me, that you didn't want anything to do with me, so I had to respect your choice. How is that not fighting for you?"

He was getting hysterical. How could Kurt not see that he had done everything to fight for him, that he had put everything he had into being with him because if everything else in his life went wrong at least he would be with Kurt and that would be enough to make up for everything else – but Kurt hadn't seen that or felt that.

"I gave you all I had. What else did you expect from me?" Blaine screamed through the rain that was getting loud mixed with wind roaring around them, and it didn't help much that Blaine was only wearing a hoodie over his t-shirt.

"I wanted you to come to New York and convince me to stay with you, because I can't say no to your stupid eyes, and I don't want to say no to your stupid eyes. All I ever wanted was you, but you just accepted it and left!" Kurt cried through sobbing.

Kurt was drenched. His perfect hair was clasping against his forehead and grass was sticking to his perfect white boots. His pale face was so beat up by the punching rain that his cheeks were nearly scarlet. Blaine could see that he was panting and he looked like he was prepared to break down any minute now.

He looked so fragile and as frustrated and mad as Blaine was in that moment all he could see was that lonely, sad boy he met so long ago on a staircase in a fancy school, and there was no way he could hold himself back.

A clap of thunder made Kurt startled rush together only to repeat the action as a bolt of lightning tore the sky over them.

"You really never wanted to break up with me? You really wanted to be with me still?" He asked, not even sure Kurt could hear him anymore.

The clouds over them were now a mix of black and purple, looking like something from a National Geographic documentary. He knew they should quit and get inside somewhere, but this was much more important.

"Blaine... you're all I ever wanted. When do you get that?" Kurt said and wiped a locked of hair away from his eye. His body slumped down like he was about to sit down but in reality it was simply because he couldn't take the fighting anymore.

That's when Blaine lost his head. He dropped all kind of control of himself and before he knew it he was in front of Kurt with his hands cupping his face and his apparently-stupid eyes staring straight into Kurt's gray and tired orbs.

"I am so sick of always having to be the one to fight. You have to fight, too. I can't take the entire battle alone. Jesus, Kurt – we can't both be the girl of the movie, you know -" he chuckled and pressed his mouth onto Kurt's, not caring that his lips were hurting because they were dry, and Kurt wasn't prepared so their teeth clasped together.

It only took Kurt less than a heartbeat before he sucked a huff of breath in so he could press his mouth back against Blaine's. In ways it was like the first time they kissed – Blaine would never forget that. The strength with which they both needed each other, the determination of their lips moving in unison, the way things like oxygen seemed insignificant.

"I don't hate you. Goddammit, how can you ever say something like that? That's the whole point, that's why this hurts so much. I love you, you stupid, stupid jerk -" Kurt cried and took back up the task of pushing his face against Blaine's. Their lips were dry and hard against each other, the urgency in all control of their movements.

Unfortunately they would need to breathe properly so they locked their arms around each other's shoulders, clenching the other to them. Blaine buried his face in Kurt's neck, heaving for air with tears and rain drenching his face. They were soaked, and Blaine knew that Kurt would be sad if his clothes were ruined.

"I love you, Kurt. I could never – ever – be with anyone but you. I told you that you're the love of my life. Stuff like that doesn't just change over night," Blaine cried against his wet skin and kissed his ear before sliding his hand down Kurt's arm to fall back into place.

It was like he had been missing the end of his arm, and now it was complete again with Kurt's hand in his, the squeeze from Kurt witnessing that he felt the same way. They shot each other a glance and it was like their telepathic connection was back. With a grin they started running through the rain, down the streets where only a car passed them every now and then, everyone else safely hidden behind closed doors and windows.

As they reached the Anderson house they only made it inside and closed the door before Kurt had pushed Blaine against the door with fingers in his curls and tongue in his mouth. The dog was jumping and eagerly waiting for them to greet him, but all Blaine could do was pull Kurt closer and accept his attack.

Like in a haze Blaine felt Kurt's hands ice cold sneaking under his blouse onto his skin and naturally Blaine saw it as an invitation to start pulling off Kurt's coat and scarf. Instead of dropping it in a pile on the floor they awkwardly moved to the coat hanger where he fumbled his way to hang it up, their lips not leaving each other for a moment, but it was impossible not to giggle as they walked into the little table by the wall. Kurt had the zipper on Blaine's hoodie open in a swift motion and started to pull it down his shoulders, which turned out to be harder than expected since his skin was clammy and stuck to the fabric.

"Upstairs? Wanna – upstairs?" Blaine asked breathy between kisses, happy to see that Kurt's eyes were heading for blue again. The way they were supposed to be.

"Yes. Now. Please -" Kurt practically whined and gave up on Blaine's sweatshirt.

They rushed to Blaine's room and Kurt quickly had his own sweater off to let it fall to the chair in the corner. The place he always had used for his stuff when he was at Blaine's place.

Blaine wanted to get rid of his own clothes as well, but he just needed to kiss Kurt one last time so he walked up behind him and put his arms around him where he could press a kiss to his neck. Kurt was freezing and it was a surprise that he wasn't shivering.

"You're freezing, Kurt. You don't wanna go home and get some dry clothes?" He asked, putting his needs aside to make room for concerns instead.

"I'm not leaving now I'm finally here. I'm just gonna find something in your closet," Kurt smiled and turned around in Blaine's arms to kiss his nose.

He kissed from Blaine's nose over his cheek and down to his mouth before he remembered that he had been undressing him before. They struggled to get Blaine's hoodie off together and as soon as they were both in nothing but clammy boxers and undershirts Blaine lightly pushed Kurt down on the bed so he could find his way between his legs and press his body down on Kurt's.

He rested his chin on Kurt's chest and squeezed his waist. Kurt was looking down on him with wide eyes and his fingers running through Blaine's messy curls.

"I've missed this," he cooed as he twisted one of the dark locks between his fingertips.

"I've missed you," Blaine said softly and for the first time in ages he was actually smiling because it felt right.

He got to his feet and picked up a blanket from the closet and returned to the bed to tuck it nicely around Kurt so he could lie down and snuggle into him. As they were lying on their sides, close with hands and eyes locked Blaine couldn't stop himself from running his fingers down Kurt's arm, savoring the feeling of the smooth skin back against his own.

When Kurt moved in to kiss him again, Blaine let his hands creep under the fabric of Kurt's undershirt, palms on his back to press him closer. To Blaine's surprise Kurt started dragging Blaine's shirt off so he followed his example and let Kurt's top follow to the floor. Within moments their boxers were off as well and they were pressing their bodies against each other, their tongues dancing together as their hands started exploring the other's body that they had missed so much.

The temperature was starting to rise and he could feel that Kurt was heating up too. Their dicks were growing hard between them, and Kurt's fingers were digging into the top of Blaine's ass. He sucked Kurt's lower lip into his mouth and let the tip of his tongue travel over it before kissing it gently.

The scent of Kurt that he had missed so much, that had only been a ghost in his nostrils over the past few months, was filling their closed space and taking over his body. Blaine was sure he could be hypnotized by the scent that was his favorite in the world.

It didn't last long until Kurt had moved on top of Blaine, a leg on each side of Blaine's hips and his torso pressing down. He let his fingers play around Blaine's jawline and rested on his forearm to keep their eyes together, making sure they didn't miss a twitch of a muscle of a flutter of eyelashes.

As they drifted back into deep kissing they slowly started moving their hips together, their erection sliding with one another. Blaine's hands slid over Kurt's slick skin and down to take a firm grip on his ass, the muscles perfect and round in his hands where they belonged.

He squeezed the globes, brushing his thumbs over the flawless skin, his motions making Kurt press his crotch heavier down.

The sensation of having Kurt's body back naked against his own made him wonder if he had died and somehow had managed to sneak into a good part of the afterlife regardless of the threats he had been suffering from all sides regarding his sexuality and other life choices. Or maybe gay people had their own god without knowing it? Or maybe it was a dream and he would soon wake up to find his bed empty?

Either way he was determined to not let a second go to waste, so he bucked his hips upwards to meet Kurt's movements, rolling their hips together like it had been a perfectly choreographed dance.

It was completely impossible for him to not moan into Kurt's mouth. He had known that he had missed Kurt, but now that he had him back in his arms the intensity was so overwhelming that he could easily break down and cry. It was like Kurt was burning into him. Blaine needed to find a way to crawl under his skin and never leave, to brand himself onto Kurt, to let them melt together so nothing could ever keep them apart again.

Blaine could hear the blood pumping in his ears and the needles that had been permanently pinching his skin lately had turned into waves of hot blood rushing through his veins. Heat was building and rolling in his belly and crotch, everything surely on fire inside of him. It didn't make it better that Kurt had taken up the task of sucking kissing into his neck with weak whimpers strolling into Blaine's ear.

"God – Kurt," he groaned and bit down on Kurt's earlobe as he let his fingers pierce into his crack.

"Yes. Blaine. You feel so good," Kurt moaned and peppered open-mouthed kisses over his cheek, his hips slowly rutting faster and harder.

It was inevitable and way too fast, but what could be expected when the most beautiful, sexy human being was currently on top of him, rubbing his naked body against his own?

Everything inside of Blaine was twirling out of control. The heat was exploding and his hips met Kurt's in a series of erratic thrusts, spurting white liquid over both of them. Fortunately it only took Kurt a second to get there as well, and with a whine of "Blaine" he was coming too, over their still rain-clammy stomachs, their come mixing and spreading as their moving eased down.

Blaine hurried to find Kurt's mouth, their kisses needy and hungry, an aftershake of slight whimpers streaming from their mouths. Little by little Blaine let his hands release Kurt's ass and slide up his back to fold his arms around him, needing him impossibly closer.

After a moment of heated kisses with smiles that was like carved into their faces Kurt moved to lie back down next to Blaine, his head resting on Blaine's shoulder so they could keep their arms around each other, still feel each other.

"I want you back, Blaine -" he whispered, sounding scared and insecure, like he was unsure if he was allowed to say something like that after all the pain they had been through.

"Kurt... I never really left. All you had to do was call or text me," Blaine cooed and his his hair, his fingers tracing light patterns over Kurt's back.

"You do know what day it is, right?" He asked, a sudden ache spreading in his chest from the thought that Kurt maybe had forgot the date.

"I know, Blaine. Why do you think I'm here. I couldn't stand being alone today. That's why I took the week of to hide at my dad's house," Kurt sighed and ran his fingers through the arrow of hair under Blaine's bellybutton.

"I just want you to be mine again," he mumbled weakly and strengthened his grip around Blaine's waist.

"Kurt, honey – I never stopped."