Sept. 13, 2015, 7 p.m.
Not Happy, But Okay
Blaine and Kurt broke up six months ago. Blaine was trying to get better, and he was. Up until it was time to face Kurt once more. Blaine wasn't happy, but he was okay.
T - Words: 3,032 - Last Updated: Sep 13, 2015 1,044 0 0 0 Categories: Angst, General, Romance, Tags: hurt/comfort,
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Blaine wasnt happy.
He was trying to move on. He spent four months- no, wait- five months moping over his breakup with his ex-boyfriend. Everyone was tired of it, really. Sam was annoyed that Blaine never wanted to hang out. Tina was done with the phone calls at two in the morning that only consisted of Blaine sobbing and her trying to comfort him with words. Even Blaine was getting mad at himself for being hung up so much. It needed to stop.
And it did.
For only about two weeks. Those few weeks were glorious. Blaine constantly went out with Sam and Mike to bars and parties. Tina was relieved she could go through the entire night without even a text. Blaine was okay. Not happy, but okay. His past relationship still sat in his mind 50% of the time. He just didnt show it.
Those wonderful weeks ended as quick as it started. And its all the Glee clubs fault.
Rachel had received her first Broadway role on Funny Girl and it called for a celebration back in Lima that would consist of everyone who was, and is currently, in New Directions. And everyone includes Kurt.
Blaine was hesitant, of course, at first. But, Sam and Mike begged and pleaded for him to tag along, telling him that he needed to be there to support and congratulate their friend, and not worry about any ex-boyfriend.
He knew they were right.
Thats how Blaine ended up standing in front of Rachels childhood home, staring intensely at the door. He wasnt ready to face Kurt, he could barely think about him without his heart sinking.
"Itd help if you open the door, you know."
Blaine startled at the voice, and turned to face Finn. "Oh, hey."
Finn smiled awkwardly. They, too, havent spoken since the breakup. But yet, Finn shrugged, "How are you, man? I havent seen you in a while."
"Im good. Living with Sam and Mike is a bit hard, but its okay. You?" Blaine says, putting his hands in his pockets.
Finn shrugged again, "Could be better. Im still chasing after Rachel. Kurt has been pretty annoying lately with his new boyfriend and everything." As soon as he said it, his eyes widened, "No, not- its not-"
"Its cool, Finn." Blaine hoped Finn didnt hear the slight crack of his voice as it was a pitch higher than normal, "Its been months. Kurt is free to date other people if he wants."
Finn smiled, "Right. Hes, uh, hes kind of bringing him tonight."
"What?" Blaine asked, shocked. If he wasnt sure he was ready to face Kurt alone, how was he in hell suppose to face Kurt and his boyfriend?
Finn sighed, "Kurts bringing his boyfriend with him. Wanted everyone to meet him. I didnt think it was a good idea but, knowing Kurt-"
"Yeah," Blaine let out a chuckle, "Knowing Kurt." He repeated, trying to ignore the ache in his chest. "We should, uh, go inside."
"Right, yeah. Good idea."
Blaine let Finn walk before him, and as soon as Finn entered, Blaine shut his eyes tightly. How on earth is he going to survive tonight?
The party had started already. Rachel was walking around, drinking in all the attention she could get. Blaine could see Sam and Mercedes speaking quietly in a corner, and on the other side of the room, Mike was catching up with Tina. Well, more like catching up with her mouth.
It has been about ten minutes and still no sign of Kurt. Was it bad that Blaine secretly sort of hoped he wasnt going to show? Or at least be so late hes only there once Blaine is leaving? That would be great.
Rachel eventually struts her way to Blaine, a wide grin plastered on her face. "Blaine! Long time no see, how are you?" Her words were a bit slurred, and she almost spilled her drink while trying to pull Blaine into a hug.
Once she finally pulled away, Blaine just made a face, not a pleasant look, "Okay. What about you?"
"Not to, like, brag or anything, but Im amazing! It sucks that youre doing so bad, how about a drink? Puck brought all kinds of stuff. Im drinking this amazing drink I think youd like! It has like-"
"No, thank you, Rachel." Blaine shakes his head, interrupting, "Not drinking tonight. Designated driver and all, seeing how Sam is pretty much already wasted and I have a feeling Mike wont be coming home tonight."
Rachel glances at the Asian couple snogging in the back of the room, and she laughs, "Just like high school again, huh? If only Kurt were here. I wonder where hes at- oh! Speak of the devil!" Her eyes were trained on the doorway behind Blaine.
Blaines eyes widen as he turns to the front of the room. His heart jumps into his throat when he sees him. He sees Kurt. He sees Kurts boyfriend. He sees Kurts boyfriend holding Kurts waist. Blaine stared hopelessly at the pair, who were both looking excitedly around the room. Kurts eyes were scanning the people, as if trying to find someone in particular.
Blaine watched as Kurt smiled when he found who he was looking for, and waved. Kurt turned to his boyfriend and said something to him before taking his hand, leading him in the opposite direction of Blaine.
"That must be Adam." Rachel broke Blaine from his trance. She was smiling at Blaine. "Adam is Kurts boyfriend. Hes a Brit. Kurt tells me that hes really good at kissing and cuddling. Oh, and dancing and singing. But those arent important, right Blaine?"
Blaine stiffens, feeling his face heat up merely at the thought of another man kissing Kurt. His Kurt. It hurt. It hurt a lot.
Noticing that Blaine was uncomfortable, Rachel decided to leave, "Im going to go greet Kurt. Nice seeing you again, Blaine Wabler." She drunkenly turns to face the way Kurt went.
"You, too, Rachel." Blaine mumbles, positive that Rachel didnt even hear him over the loud music. He was then left alone, and eyed the new couple once more, who were now talking to Artie as Rachel ran up to Kurt with open arms.
Adam was good looking, Blaine couldnt deny that. He had great hair, great fashion. A great boyfriend. He even was British! How was Blaine ever going to live up to that? No- he didnt need to. He was okay without Kurt. Not happy, but okay.
Blaine sighs loudly, he needed Sam to come over and slap him out of this. He had not spent the last six months trying to forget Kurt, and succeeding a few weeks ago, just to have it all fall apart in one night with one glance at the man. Its ridiculous.
Blaine stood up from the couch, looking around to find Sam who had mysteriously disappeared from his spot. He instantly saw Mercedes, though, and hurried her way. She noticed him coming and smiled.
"Blaine! Hey, boo, good-"
"Wheres Sam?" Blaine interrupted her, desperate.
Mercedes glared at him, "Well, then. That was the best greeting of the night." She sighed before continuing, "He got a call from his manager that he needed to answer. Hes outside. Also, hes very drunk and may get fired because hes one sassy drunk, let me tell you." She laughed.
Blaine groaned in frustration, and quickly spun on his heel to continue his search for Sam. But, he clashed right into a body. A body he knew too well.
"Kurt!" Blaine said, his voice breathless. His eyes were brought up to meet with the blue ones he once was so familiar with, "Hi."
Kurt drew in a breath, looking right back at Blaine with just as much emotion. "Hey."
They stood like that for what seemed like ages, just staring into each others eyes, unsure of what to say, or what to do. Do they hug? Shake hands? Walk away? Blaine had no clue.
"Hey, babe, my favorite song just came on. We should dance."
Kurt tore his eyes away from his ex-boyfriends as his current boyfriend bounded up behind him, wrapping his arm protectively around Kurts shoulders. Blaine looked from Kurt to Kurts boyfriend with a cold expression on his face. He felt his mouth drop into a frown.
He tried his very best to not look at the way Adams arm hung around Kurt. He tried not to focus on the fact that Kurt also wrapped his arm around Adams waist. He didnt think abut the smiles the two shared. He didnt want to notice any of it. But he did. And it hurt.
"Adam! Good timing. This is Blaine." Kurt says, using his free hand (the one not holding his boyfriend) to gesture to Blaine. "Hes my-" He paused ever so slightly, "Hes my friend."
Right. Blaines just the friend now. Not ex-boyfriend. Not previous lover. The friend. And Blaine doesnt want that to hurt him, but it does. It hurts him bad.
"Hey there, Blaine. Kurts mentioned you before. Youre the guy who kissed Rachel that one time, right?" Adam asks, smiling as he clearly can see right through Blaine. Blaine tries his best not to roll his eyes at the British accent.
Blaine pretends not to notice when Adams arm slides off of Kurts shoulders as down to his waist. "Yeah. I am." And youre the idiot dating my soulmate, right?
Blaine sucks in a breath, glancing at Kurt. Kurt was looking at the floor, but immediately looked up at the sudden silence. He shared a moment of eye contact with Blaine before turning to Adam, "Yeah, so anyways. About that dance."
Blaine watched as the two walked off to where the couples were dancing closely and sweetly. He watched as Kurt let his arms fall around Adams neck, and Adam wrapped his arms around Kurts waist. He felt like someone had punched him in the gut, kicked him multiple times, and then spit on him. Kurt was really gone. Kurt really was no longer his.
And Kurt was happy. He had moved on from Blaine. All the while, Blaine was letting his heart be torn into a thousand pieces while watching the love of his life dance with his new boyfriend. His new, British boyfriend.
"Dude, are you crying?"
Blaine jumped at the voice of a very drunken Puck beside him, looking at him with a judging glare.
"No." Blaine sniffed, standing straighter as if to get his act together. "What kind of guy cries at a party, dude. Youre too drunk." He lets out a laugh to lighten to mood and put on a smile that definitely didnt look real at all. Not that it mattered, Puck is too drunk to notice the difference.
"Youre right, dude. Im wasted." Puck laughs along, putting his hand on Blaines shoulder. "Also, bro, have you seen Hummels new boy-toy? Hes hot! And British! Hot and British!"
Blaine sighed, his eyes glancing up at the ceiling to avoid looking to the right where Kurt and Adam were still dancing, "Yes, Puck. God, when youre drunk, I swear you turn gay for the night."
Blaine starts to walk off with a laugh from Puck behind him, "I think your ass got bigger since the last time I saw you, Anderson."
He let out a sigh. Definitely turns gay for the night. Blaine passes his friends and stops only to say hello to Artie before exiting through the same door he came in. He eventually found Sam and sighed from relief when seeing he was just hanging up.
"Sam! Code Red!"
Sam almost dropped his phone in surprise. "Ah! Oh, its just you. You know you cant sneak up on me like that, especially after that movie we watched last night, dude."
"Okay, one, that movie wasnt even scary, it was totally lame. Two, Im sorry but its Kurt. Hes here, and hes so handsome, and hes with his British boyfriend, and I miss him, Sam. I miss him a lot." Blaines voice cracked near the end somewhere, and Sams eyes softened.
He sighed. "You cant let this happen again. I will not let you mope around feeling sorry for yourself any longer. Youre going to go in there, head held high, and talk to Kurt. You will not feel bad, or sad, or mad, or any other rhyme you might feel at the time. You will have a conversation with this other dude, and you will be happy that Kurts happy, okay?"
Blaines mouth fell open. Didnt Mercedes say he was drunk? "I- uh- yeah, okay. Ill try, I guess."
Sam nodded. "Good. Now, Mercedes is waiting on some more of those impressions Ive been working on. Ill see you later." He passes Blaine, giving him a good luck pat on the shoulder before heading to the front door.
"Do the Obama one. Youre getting really good at that one." Blaine calls to him, and Sam smiles, giving him a thumbs up before entering the house. Blaine lets himself slowly sit down on the grass, and his head falls into his hands. This is going to be hard for him, but he knows he has to do it.
He didnt know how long he sat out there, looking from the sky, then back to his hands, trying to muster up all the courage and strength possible. He tried forgetting all of the pain he has felt, and covered that with happiness for Kurt being happy. Because if Kurts happy, he should be happy. And he wants to be happy for Kurt.
"Hey, stranger."
Blaine doesnt look up from his hands, but stiffens at the sound of Kurts voice behind him. He hears the door close, and then footsteps near him. "Hi." He mumbles, making sure his voice didnt sound like he wanted to burst into tears at that very moment. Adam could be with him for all he knew.
He saw Kurt sit next to him silently. Blaine still didnt turn to him, though, just continued staring at his hands. Kurt didnt seem to mind, just pulled his knees up to his chest and looked up into the sky. He didnt say a word.
They sat in silence for who knows how long. Blaine knew Kurt had looked at him multiple times. One time, he had stared for what seemed like ages before looking away again. But Blaine couldnt bring himself to turn to Kurt or say anything.
"Im happy for you, you know." Blaine surprised himself by saying. Kurt was startled too, his head immediately snapping towards Blaine. Blaine was still looking down, but Kurt stared at his ex boyfriend, curiously.
Kurt took in a deep breath of air, "Yeah?" He finally asked after a few moments of silence.
Blaine nodded ever so slightly, fighting back the sob that threatened in his throat. Strength, Blaine. "Yeah." He choked out, his hands folding together in his lap. "Yeah." He repeated, "Im happy youre happy."
Kurt was silent once more, but never tore his eyes from Blaine. "Im not happy." He said, barely audible, but Blaine heard it.
Blaine then turned his head toward Kurt, eyebrow furrowed in confusion. "Youre- what? But Adam- and dancing- and British?"
Kurt couldnt help the tiny chuckle at that, but shrugged. "Adams great. And, yeah, hes British. But Im not happy."
Blaine watched Kurt as his head lowered a bit, and his eyes trained on the ground. Blaine remained quiet, not knowing what to say.
"I miss you."
Blaine felt tears form in his eyes. Kurt admitted to missing him. Kurt admitted to not being happy. Kurt knows what Blaine has been going through these past months.
"I miss you so much, Blaine, I cant even stand it. I tried feeling better. Adam tried making me feel better, but nothing worked. I asked about you with everyone. They all said you were good. I wanted to be good, too. It didnt work, Im not happy, Blaine."
Blaines breath caught in his throat as he watched Kurts face change from okay to not okay. He wasnt okay, and neither was Blaine. He nodded. "Im not happy, either, Kurt." Kurts eyes flickered up to meet his and they were glassy with tears. "I thought you were doing good. I was telling myself to be happy that you were happy, but Im not at all. And neither are you. And now-"
Kurt nodded as Blaine tried to finish his sentence, but gave up and shut his mouth just to stare at Kurt lovingly. "I miss you."
Not even a moment was wasted then, both of them leaning in together to create one of the most passionate and emotion filled kisses Blaine has ever received. He couldnt help but gasp into the kiss at the intensity of it, and Kurts hands caressed his face lovingly. One kiss ended, and another one began, then another.
Once the need for air was too much, they slowly parted, both keeping their eyes closed, wishing the moment had lasted just a few seconds longer. Now they needed to return to reality, now they had to face all of the problems and conflicts the kiss resulted in. They were no longer in the dream land of the interaction.
Kurt was the first one to open his eyes, and Blaine followed suit, both shyly looking into each others. Kurts hands fell from Blaines face slowly, and back to his side where they were suppose to be.
"That was-"
"Accidental."
"Perfect."
"Yeah."
They continued sharing eye contact before the door opened from the house, causing both of them to snap out of their trance to see who was coming. Mercedes stepped out, eyebrows raised upon seeing the scene. "Kurt, your British babe is looking for you."
Blaine looks away at the mention of Adam, wondering if that means Kurt will flee for the Brit, leaving him broken and confused.
"Ill be in soon." Kurts voice seemed a pitch higher, or maybe that was just Blaines brain playing tricks on him. Kurt only turned forward again a few seconds after Mercedes had shut the door with a nod. Blaine was looking at him.
They sat silently, neither knowing what to say.
"I miss you." Kurt said for the millionth time, and this time, Blaine knew he meant it. He felt it.
Blaine nodded, a small smile forming on his lips. "I miss you, too."
"I want to break up with Adam."
"Break up with Adam."
"I want to be with you."
"Be with me."
"I want to be happy."
"Be happy."
~~~
A few minutes after, Kurt was a free man. A week later, Kurt and Blaine went on their first date for the second time. Three days after that, they made it official. Two and a half years later, they got married in New York. A few years afterwards, they had their first daughter.
Blaine wasnt okay, he was happy.