“You just don’t get it.”

I find myself saying that more and more these days. It’s been pretty difficult since Kurt left for New York. It’s only been 3 months, but it feels like so much longer. Everyone seems to be walking on eggshells around me, too afraid to ask about how I’m handling all of this. Well, everyone except for Tina.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012 11:36AM

Artie and I are eating lunch in a comfortable silence when Tina joins us. She’s barely set down her tray before she asks, “Have you heard from him yet this week?”

I roll my eyes and let out an exasperated sigh, “No I have not, thank you very much.”

She shakes her head, “Blaine. Why do you let him do this to you?”

“Do what Tina? Let him live his life? So he needs a little space. It’s fine. I’m fine. We’re fine.”

Thankfully, Artie cuts in before Tina has a chance to retort, “So Blaine! Puck’s throwing a Halloween party tonight. Wanna come?”

I give him a grateful smile and politely decline as I sneak a glance at Tina.

She’s still fixing me with a hard stare, but she drops the subject, for now.

Thursday, November 1, 2012 01:17AM

Incoming call…

I bolt upright as the sound of my cell phone ringing wakes me from a deep sleep.

“H’lo?”

“BLAAAAAAIIIINEYYYYYY!”

‘Great. Kurt’s drunk again,’ I think to myself.

“Kurt? Kur- wha- sweetheart, it’s one in the morning.”

“I know what time it is, Blaine. I just- I needed to call you. I miss you.”

I let out a long sigh, “I miss you too. Why haven’t you called me ba-“

I’m cut off by the sound of another man shouting in the background, followed by Kurt’s melodic laugh. I can practically hear his smile through the phone. The smile that’s usually reserved for me.

“Mark! AH! Mark, stop iiiit! I’m on the phoooone! Blaine? Are you still there? I- I have to go.”

“What? Why?”

“I just- I gotta go. Bye. I love you.”

He hangs up before I can say it back. I let head flop back down to my pillow, and roll over to my side, clutching my pillow to my chest. I cry myself to sleep.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012 4:28PM

Text Message

From: Kurt

Hey you. Guess what! I’m coming home for Christmas :)

I stare down at my phone for what feels like hours with my thumbs hovering over the screen. I haven’t heard from him since the beginning of November. Not sure how to respond, I push my phone into my back pocket and continue helping my mother make dinner.

I’m just finishing mincing the mushrooms when my phone chimes again. I set down the knife and retrieve my phone when the doorbell rings.

“Honey, could you get that please?”

I nod though my mother can’t see me, and move through the kitchen towards the front door as I look down at my phone.

Text Message

From: Kurt

Sweetie? Guess what.

I let out a long sigh as I open the door and fix myself with my most polite smile. That smile is quickly wiped from my face when I see who’s standing on the other side of the door.

Kurt.

He looks different, older. The first thing I notice is how broad his shoulders have gotten, all sign of baby fat seemingly gone. I blush hard as his eyes rack up and down my own stature, and I feel myself becoming more and more insecure. I don’t look like the guys he must be beating off with a stick in New York. I couldn’t possibly compare.

My thoughts are derailed as he flings himself into my arms and envelops me in a bone crushing hug. I let out the breath I hadn’t even known I was holding and wrap my arms around his waist as I bury my face into his neck. He smells just like I remembered – like home. I feel inexplicably safe in his arms, and a sense of relief washes over me.

‘He’s still mine. He’s still my Kurt.’

After a few minutes of just standing there and breathing in each other, he pulls back and kisses me hard on the mouth. I let my jaw fall open as his tongue darts out, seeking entrance. The smooth slide of our tongues is something I hadn’t known I missed until this moment.

We both pull back at the same time. Both a little breathless. Both fixed with the same goofy grin.

“Blaine, dear? Who was at the door?”

My mom. I had forgotten she was home.

Without breaking eye contact with Kurt, I yell over my shoulder, “Kurt’s home. I’ll be back late. Love you.”

I push Kurt out the front door, slamming it behind us, as we stumble towards my car. It’s then that I notice he has a suitcase with him.

“You haven’t been home yet?”

He shakes his head, “No. I came straight here from the airport.”

As we get into the car, my mind is racing. He’s here. He’s actually here. I look over to him in the passenger seat, a perfectly contented smile on his face. I reach out to take his hand, a smile spreading wide across my face when he doesn’t pull away.

His first night back, we make love. It’s like I can’t get enough of him. Everything is too much, and not enough all at once. I need him closer, deeper, harder. The weight of his body is the only thing keeping me grounded as I come harder than I ever have, and I can feel him filling me as he falls off the edge with me. For the first time since our first time, we come together, and it’s a beautiful moment.

“Gorgeous. God, Blaine. You’re so perfect.”

He pulls out with a hiss and gently cleans us both up. I roll over to my side as I feel my eyelids starting to droop. The bed dips behind me as he slides an arm around my waist and pulls my back against his chest. He kisses the top of my head and tightens his hold on my waist before falling asleep.

Over the next two weeks, it’s easy to feel like nothing has changed. We fall back into an easy pattern of just being together. We spend every night tangled up in each other’s limbs. We wake every day to each other’s sleep tousled hair and morning breath.

I wake up the morning he’s due to leave to Kurt watching me.

“You’re staring.”

“I’m gazing.”

“It’s creepy.”

He giggles as I toss my pillow at him.

“I love you.”

It’s the first time he’s said it since he’s been home, and it’s enough to bring tears to my eyes. I stare deeply into his eyes, searching. Searching for what, I’m not sure. He cups my cheek, using his thumb to wipe away a tear that’s escaped and kisses me.

He presses our foreheads together, and holds my gaze, “I love you, Blaine.”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, “I love you, too.”

Wednesday, January 2, 2013 10:57AM

I don’t go with Burt and Carole to take Kurt to the airport. Watching him go the first time was hard enough. I don’t think I’d be strong enough to let him go a second time.

We stand hugging in the Hudmel driveway for a good 10 minutes before I detach myself from the strong hold he has around my waist.

I give him a chaste kiss, and check my watch.

“You’d better get going. Don’t wanna miss your flight.”

He nods silently, tears forming in his eyes. I pull him in for another kiss, this one more passionate than the last, and we get lost in each other.

He’s the first to pull away this time, “I’ll never say goodbye to you.”

I can’t help the tears that begin to fall as I hug him again.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too, Blaine.”

“Call me when you land.”

“I will.”

He won’t.

Monday, January 7, 2013 7:42AM

I’m pulling my books for first period out of my locker when Tina strolls up.

“Hey, Blainers. How was your winter break?”

“Kurt came home.”

A look of worry flashes behind her eyes, but I fix her with a reassuring smile.

“What did you guys do?”

“We mostly just spent time curled up with each other. It was nice.”

She bits her lip, “When did he fly back?”

“Last Wednesday.”

She rolls her eyes and scoffs a little, “I’m guessing you haven’t heard from him since then either?”

I just shrug my shoulders as I close my locker and loop my arm through hers while we walk.

“Honestly, Blaine. I don’t know why you let him do this to you.”

As we walk into our English class, my phone vibrates in my pocket.

Text Message

From: Kurt

I love you.

I turn to her and smile, “You just don’t get it.”

-FIN-