The room is quiet when he wakes up from a dreamless sleep. A hand emerges from the covers to grope around the side table. Blaine squints at the brightness of the phone but manages make out the time, 6:30AM.

His day doesn’t start until he actually gets out of bed, right? Readjusting his sheets, he curls up against a pillow. Pressing his nose against the pillow, he takes a deep breath of stale air, perhaps one day his pillows would smell like Kurt.

There’s a clenching feeling in his chest and the tension has already returned to his shoulders. It’s going to be one of those days. He can just feel it.

His brain drifts off and he pretends that his pillow is his. He idly wonders if Kurt is a cuddler in his sleep.

The beeping from his alarm shocks his brain into false alertness for a second time. If he presses the snooze button, he’s going to be late for sure. Bracing himself for the cold shock, he exits the warm cocoon and pads towards his tiny bathroom. He stares at himself in the mirror, at the messy bedhead and rumpled clothing staring back at him. Continuing his morning ritual, he pops the pill and swallows it dry before reaching for his toothbrush.

Sometimes, he likes to imagine that the pills are made from the essence of rainbows that magically gives him energy to battle against his own mind. Maybe they had unicorns that prance around a large bucket to juice the rainbows or special gnomes that could organically grow rainbows.

He closes his eyes and waits for the transformation to take place.

ooOOoo

They’re heading towards the dining hall when Kurt casually asks, “Are you okay?”

Blaine puts on his most charming smile. “I’m just a bit tired. I was up late studying for that quiz next week.”

It’s an excuse that works on everyone.

Kurt nods and eyes him with a slight disbelief before the smell of lunch greets their senses. The other Warblers wave them over to their table and Blaine hopes that it’s the end of that conversation.

ooOOoo

Everything just hurts.

There’s this massive weight on his chest that crushing him. His head’s pounding from the crying. There’s snot on his sleeves and his face is all red. The pills have spilled all over the countertop. He can’t remember if he’s had his dose today. It’s just so hard to think at all.

Blaine knows he’s missing Warbler practice right now, but he just can’t find the energy get up. Wes is going to kill him. Revive him with his magical gavel and then kill him again. He’s a failure as the soloist. They should find someone better to replace him, someone like Kurt.

His phone pings with a new message.

Where are you? You’re missing practice! :(

Tears well up in his eyes. He could see the disappointment on everyone’s face. Blaine begins to type a reply, “Will you come fix me?” In the end, he deletes his reply and just lets the void consume him whole.

ooOOoo

Blaine can’t remember how he ended up on his bed. His phone is flashing with multiple messages from Kurt. He smiles at the last few messages informing him about the flammability of hair products when it suddenly starts belting out his ringtone.

“I can hear your phone ringing inside, Blaine Anderson. I know you’re in there! You never go anywhere without that thing! Open up!” exclaims Kurt as he bangs on the door.

Blaine rolls away from the door hoping Kurt would just give up. The pounding doesn’t cease and Kurt’s hand must be hurting by now. He hesitantly drags himself to the door and opens it to find Kurt flushed like he’d be running. “Um, hi.”

“Hi?” Kurt’s eyes widen in disbelief, “I had almost convinced myself that you’d be kidnaped by the competition and tortured for information!”

“Sorry, I’m not feeling well today.” He sees the wheels turning inside of Kurt trying to catalogue any signs of sickness, but seeing none.

“I have your homework and assignments. Can I come inside?” Kurt inquires.

He agrees before his brain’s really thought about it. Blaine opens the door wider to let Kurt inside. Kurt takes three steps after the door closes before he stops abruptly. “Blaine.”

His gaze follows Kurt’s towards the bathroom “Oh shit,” the pills. He still hadn’t cleaned up the mess in the bathroom. This isn’t how Kurt’s supposed to find out about his illness. The panic sets in and suddenly Blaine’s wheezing for air.

“Oh god, Blaine! Do you need a bag or something?” Kurt’s over by his side rubbing a hand down his back while he continues to babble, “I swear, it’s okay if you’re a drug addict! There’s rehabs and as long as you’re not dealing to other students…”

Blaine leans against the wall and closes his eyes as the tunnel vision sets in. Shaking his head, he replies, “I guess you could call me a drug addict. Would you ever visit me if they put me in jail?” He’s taking deep breathes in an attempt to even out his breathing.

Kurt has a deer-in-headlights look on his face, but quickly whispers, “Of course, but you’d look terrible in orange.”

“Come here.” Blaine is looking at Kurt. “Please.” His arms are trembling, but Kurt positions himself into a hug. Blaine fills his senses with Kurt knowing that it might possibly be the last time he gets to be this close to the other boy.  “I love you so much, but I’d understand if you change your mind about us after all of this. It’s my burden, not yours.”

Pulling away from their embrace, Blaine places his hand on Kurt’s cheek as he continues, “Those pills? They’re anti-depressants. I have depression. It’s something that can take over my life at times and I’d understand if that’s a problem that you don’t want to deal with.”

Kurt clasps their hands together. “Oh Blaine. Love is about embracing the other person no matter what. You are still the person I love; only now I get to discover this other side of you. We have to fight enough against the world out there. You don’t have to fight against me too.”

“Thank you” whispers Blaine against Kurt’s lips before pressing them together.